Getting Settled Back Into our Same Ol' House

To say that we got a lot done this weekend is a massive understatement. We had virtually nothing planned for the 3-day holiday weekend and I was thrilled. Equally relieved to have a little downtime and excited to tackle some projects around the house.

Over the past few months, as our potential cross-country move lingered in the air, the to-do list grew and grew. After Christmas, I spent so much time decluttering to prepare the house to be on the market, all other tasks fell by the wayside. It just seemed silly to organize anything, when I knew I would just be packing it up and moving as soon as the house sold, so closets and cabinets slowly turned into one disaster after another.

The garage was so crammed with empty boxes (and some that I'd already started packing) that Mike has had to park outside for months. It became our dumping ground for keeping the house realtor-ready and it was a nightmare! 

Since taking the house off the market, the empty boxes are gone, but I still hadn't unpacked anything. Until this weekend, that is. I suddenly had to make space for things that I've been doing without…beach towels, 3 large boxes of personal pictures, board games, etc.

I started this weekend with a very long list of things in my head. Tasks that seemed daunting, but I wanted them done. I figured that if we had gone through with the move to Dallas, we would have had pictures to hang, curtains to put up, furniture to arrange, closets to organize, and plenty of boxes to unpack. 

We are no longer moving, so finishing up the loose-ends around the house seemed doable. We needed to settle back into our home again. 

Saturday morning, I went to breakfast with some friends while Mike played baseball at the park with the kids. We relaxed when I came home, then I started asking favors. "Let's move Jason's bed into his new room" and "I wonder how long it would take to fix Ryan's dresser drawer?" Before long, Ryan and Mike were working upstairs while I tackled tasks downstairs. 

After church on Sunday, we went to Lowe's with a list. Jason awoke at 5:30am with the rising sun in his new yellow room. He desperately needed shades on his windows!  And while we were there, I wanted to gram rods to hang my bathroom curtains…and the laundry room lightbulb was out…as were lights in other parts of the house…and Kaylin wants to paint her room…we were there for more than an hour. When we got home, we had plenty to keep us busy! Then the projects continued today. 

Here are a few before and after pictures of work we did…

Before: The old playroom (new schoolroom) closet

After: The new schoolroom closet

Before: The shoe/utility/outdoor closet 

After: Some shoes still on the door (moved the rest to their bedrooms) and games/hobbies/crafts

Before: The upstairs schoolroom

Afte: Jason's new room (the lighting in both pictures is horrible!)

Before: The old schoolroom closet (it had become a hiding space for junk when people were coming to see the house)

After: Jason's new closet

We got so much done this weekend! The garage is cleaner than it's ever been. We brought donations to Good Will, I made appointments for a guy to come fix my windshield next week and for someone else to give us a quote on new garage cabinets, Mike fixed a cabinet door that Jason's been using as a step stool, all of the boxed I had packed are now empty and given away. I still have many pictures yet to hang, but I'm considering completely changing how I have displayed pictures in the past…so that might take another couple of weeks.

Our weekend wasn't all work and no play. We went to the movies, went to lunch after church on Sunday, Mike played baseball and basketball with the kids, we played Go Fish and Memory and baked cookies, we had sleepovers with the kids complete with pillow fights. Kaylin even painted a canvas for her new room.

It was a full weekend…tons accomplished mixed with plenty of fun activities. We will finish up school this week and take the month of June off before jumping into our new school year after the 4th of July weekend. 

During our short break from school, I think we're going to repaint Kaylin's room and give her a bigger girl theme. I'll finish decorating Jason's new room, maybe hang some pictures in Ryan's room. I'll have plenty to keep me busy!

Comfortable in My Skin

This morning, I saw this video on Facebook. It had such an impact on me that it's been resonating with me all day. 

Do yourself a favor - please follow the link and watch it.  You will be so glad you did! It's an Australian woman who had the "perfect body" and realized that it still wasn't good enough. Nothing changed about how she felt about her body, even after working so hard to "get a taste" of what it felt like to have an amazing, toned, perfectly in-shape, magazine-cover-worthy body.

To me, the strongest words in her video were, "How am I going to teach my beautiful daughter to love her body if her mom can't do the same?" Knife. in. the. heart.

I have never been comfortable in my own skin. As a young child, I was always the tallest in my class and a little thicker than all of my flat-tummied little friends. My single mom found the funds to put me in dance, tennis, and swim team. I was clearly an active kid, yet I always knew I was "bigger" than other kids. Looking at this picture below from my 6th birthday, my negative self-image seems ridiculous.

In 4th grade, my PE teacher did an annual fitness test. We did sit ups, push ups, ran, and we were measured. I remember exactly where I was standing in the gymnasium when my friends were discussing their weight. "I'm 64 lbs," "I'm 61 - less than you!" I looked down at my paper and saw that I weighed 85 lbs. I felt huge.

Today, Ryan is the same age and weighs about the same as I did. He is a fit, active boy, and he is solid as a rock. Yet he is perfect. Definitely not chunky, definitely not thin, just perfect. Thinking back, I'll bet I was, too. 

When puberty hit, I developed quickly and boys stopped looking me in the eyes during conversations…their gaze wandered down to my chest and never moved. I had a different reason to feel uncomfortable in my skin. Thankfully, baggy, oversized shirts were the "grunge" style in the early 90s. 

In high school, when eating disorders were rampant, I compared my flaws to others' strengths, never knowing what they were doing to stay so thin. I always felt like the biggest girl in the room. I refused to cut my hair too short for fear that it would make my face look chunky. 

In college, I went overboard, gaining the freshman 15 in a matter of months, then packing on a few extra pounds for good measure. I ate Golden Grahams for lunch and Pasta Roni for dinner. It was a carb-feasting phenomenon. I can't imagine what I would have weighed if I drank my way through college, like most of my friends!

By the time I graduated, I was a healthier weight and worked out consistently, but still felt disgusted by the image looking back at me in the mirror. I was so deceived!

It seems that the pictures I look back on with envy are those around the time each of my kids was about a year old. Could it be because I was carrying around a not-yet-walking 20-30 lb baby blob all the time? I remember finally feeling fit enough to run a 5K and thinking, "That picture of me crossing the finish line must have been a really good angle - because my butt and legs look great!" Or maybe…just maybe…my legs actually DID look great? At the time, I didn't think so. 

Here I am, after four pregnancies and three beautiful children, still criticizing myself in the mirror every single day as I get dressed.

Lately, even before watching the video above, I've asked myself, "When is it going to be good enough?" And the answer is most definitely, "NEVER." I am never going to be happy with the way I look unless I consciously decide to be.

My metabolism isn't what it was in my 20s. My hips aren't what they were before I gave birth. And even if I were at my ideal size and weight, my legs are getting veiny and gravity is starting to set in. It's very possible that I look better today than I will ever look again in my life. Very soon, I will look back on the pictures from May, 2014 and long to look like I do today. Right at this moment.

I'm done. I'm done with the self-loathing. I'm done critiquing the parts of myself that are imperfect. I'm done shaming myself for giving in to a sweet treat after lunch or eating one too many cookies at a pot luck. 

I am officially, publicly, accepting my near-40 year old body. This is me and I need to deal with it. Pouchy belly, back fat and all. I will continue to exercise and continue to make healthy eating choices, but I am DONE with the negative self image. 

I resolve to become comfortable in my own skin in 2014 and stay that way. Yee Haw! I feel more free already.

Ryan's Cooking Class Binder

Phase one of Ryan's Life Skills Binder is complete! I compiled a binder that has everything I need to teach him the chemistry of baking and how to follow a recipe. Each recipe will be prepared three times: he'll watch once while I make it, then he'll make it while I watch, finally he'll make the item on his own.

Then, just like in the original idea, when he completes our "classes", he gets to invite over some friends for a party where he'll prepare 6-8 of the recipes himself and celebrate with his guests. How fun does that sound??? 

Here are the recipes I included in the baking section. After his baking party, we'll move on to learning breakfast and dinner recipes/techniques because those are a little less concrete. (I already chose our "syllabus" for those classes and included them below. The dinner items are all easy enough to teach the basics, which hopefully will translate over into most other recipes.)

Baking
Granola (minus the wheat germ)
Granola Bars (also minus the wheat germ)
Gluten-Free Banana Bread
Chocolate Cake
Homemade Frosting
Alton Brown's Chocolate Chip Cookies
No-Bake Paleo Cookies
Gluten-Free Brownies
Monkey Munch
Homemade Bread (either Olive Oil Bread or Whole Wheat Bread)
Gluten-Free, Grain-Free Muffins
Apple Pie
Whipped Cream

Breakfast
Eggs - fried
Eggs - scrambled
Eggs - omelets
Eggs - Dad's concoction
Oatmeal
Pancakes
French Toast
Smoothies

Dinner
Chili
White Chicken Chili in the crock pot
Chicken Noodle Soup
Vegetable Soup
Tacos (with homemade, clean eating taco seasoning)
Chicken Enchilada Crustless Quiche
Chicken Fried Rice
Meatloaf/Meatballs
Mashed Potatoes
Rice
Hummus (not dinner, but I want to teach him anyway)

I can't wait to get started!!! My responsibilities are clearly dwindling as the kids grow up. I can see it now: "Ryan, could you please go get dinner started? The defrosted chicken is in the fridge." Soon my role in this family will be all but obsolete. (Mwahaha...)

No More Yelling

Happy Ash Wednesday!  Last night, Mike and I were talking about what we could give up for Lent (no, we're not Catholic and yes, we still do Lent) and Mike couldn't think of anything for himself. I asked him if there are any bad habits that he'd like to stop. If it takes 30 days to make a habit, certainly he could get out of a habit during the 40 days of Lent!

He suggested that he'd like to stop yelling at the kids.  And by "yelling," he really means "raising his voice."  Mike hardly ever actually yells, but speaking impatiently to the kids and raising his voice to get his point across is more frequent now, with the daily stresses of his new job.

I liked the idea so much that I decided that we'd do this together as a family. This morning, we laid out the plans for the kids...when Mike or I raise our voices or argue, we will pay $1 to the person who X's us.  When the kids raise their voice, argue or make a request (our new focus of contentment), they will give $.25 to the person who notices it.  This includes the big kids catching each other.

As the morning wore on and quarters were traded, I thought of a positive spin on our 40 day challenge: when the kids do chores without being asked and I catch them, they get $.25. And when they obey the first time, doing something diligently, they get $.25.  That has been another issue we've been struggling with: with our new loose homeschooling schedule, there's been a lack of a sense of urgency around here.  It's been nice to have a more relaxed environment, with the exception of the fact that when the kids are asked to do something, they turn into Pokey Little Puppies.

It's only lunchtime and I already have $5.25...and I'm a little shocked/proud that I haven't given up any money yet. I figured I'd be giving back their money little by little, but apparently not. I did kind of shout for Jason who was in the playroom when I thought he was upstairs, but I immediately stopped myself. (even though Jason isn't involved, I still pay $1 for raising my voice at him) This accountability thing is working!

I'm really hoping this new little game of ours helps change the tone of our home again.  There has been so much going on in the past five months: Mike's layoff, his new job, starting to homeschool, the holidays, tons of travel...we all need to get back on track.  And I, for one, am so ready.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Ready to Pay It Forward

I am glad to be back after my four-day, media-free Tastefully Simple Leadership Conference in San Antonio, TX.  It was the longest I've been away from my whole family in...well, since I started a family!

I left on Thursday with the painful realization that I would not know a single soul. My roommate was a stranger, no one on my team was attending, I was really only going because I'd earned the trip for free. This all occurred to me as I packed last week.  What was I thinking...going to a conference with 500 strangers?!?!

My sweet mom prayed with me on the way to the airport, but butterflies still crept into the pit of my stomach. 

As I boarded the plane, God reminded me of the power of prayer.  I passed several center seats, choosing to sit in between two ladies. (Less likelihood that they would smell stinky or attempt to flirt with me - can you tell I've had fun experiences when flying solo?) I sat down, got situated, and pulled out the book that our founder and CEO wrote.  The gal on the aisle immediately asked my name.

"Katie Roose," I said, searching her face to see if she looked familiar. Her face lit up as she said, "I know exactly who you are!  I'm Melody - you're on Jen's team, right?"  

There were a total of three Phoenix-based consultants flying in to attend this 500++ attendee conference. And I sat by the ONE rep on my flight?  Seriously God?  You are hilariously ironic.

After two hours of chatting, Melody and I swapped cell numbers and she seemed willing to let me follow her around like a puppy. I was thankful (so thankful!) to know someone...a familiar face in a sea of people who had most likely attended these events in the past.  

I didn't realize how thankful I was until I turned around at some point, later that afternoon, and Melody had vanished. She went back to get her water bottle in the room we'd just left and I found myself feeling awkward and alone. When she appeared again, I made sure she knew just how glad I was that we met on the plane!

We didn't hang out every moment of every day of the trip, but being able to text her to say, "Heading down to breakfast," was such a comforting feeling for my (suddenly) insecure personality. Especially since most of the people at the conference knew someone...or a dozen...or 50...

I left on Sunday afternoon promising myself that I'd make a conscious effort to look for people who might be traveling alone in the future.  This conference pumped me up and I plan to attend many others, hoping to bring girls from my team with me, but I'm excited at the possibility of being someone's Melody next time.  In fact, I plan to pray that God would lead me to just the right person (or people) who might be feeling lonely and insecure.

We get so caught up in ourselves and in our own comfort level, being around certain friends or getting to know certain people in social situations that too often the quiet ones get lost in the crowd.

Are you willing to step out and help bridge the gap for someone in your next social situation? Whether at school, church, work or at a neighborhood pot luck...keep your eyes (and heart) open for opportunities to make a new friend.

My lifelong friend, Michelle, drove out from Houston to visit me on Saturday.  We ran into "George Jefferson" on the Riverwalk outside of the Hard Rock Cafe.  Most of you, dear readers, are probably too young to even know his character from the 70s! But we were excited to have a momentary brush with fame...

One Single Goal for 2012

photo credit

I have one goal for this year. Sure, I'd like to lose some weight, workout more consistently, get up earlier in the morning, master my homeschooling schedule, start meal planning again, finish some projects around the house, all of that fun stuff. But none of those achievements describe my New Year's resolution.

This weekend, I had a light bulb moment as we were putting away Christmas decorations. An epiphany. Hmmm, that sounds too pretty...it felt like a slap-in-the-face kind of an awakening, really.

To sum it up, I don't like the way I speak to my family.  Not all of the time; mostly when I'm overwhelmed. I'm too short with my tone, too loud with my requests, too snappy with my words, too annoyed at poor decisions (ahem...Jason sneaking lollipops).

I caught myself in the act on Saturday and immediately felt horrible. 

The kicker was that no one called me on it.  Sure, maybe they were being gracious (specifically Mike), but I'm wondering if they're just used to Mommy barking when things aren't done when/how/where I want them to be...?  I felt so ugly in that moment and I'm so glad I feel this conviction.

So that's it. I will purpose, every day, several times throughout the day, to focus my attention on my words, my tone, my motives and my heart attitude. I am committing this goal to prayer and I am fully prepared to have my patience tested. (the mere thought of that is painful)

I hope that this time next year...next MONTH...I am consistently speaking to my husband and kids like they are the most important people on Earth. 

Because they are.

My Word for 2011 is GRACE

For the past couple of years, I've heard and read about people picking one word to focus on for the upcoming new year.  Not a list of goals or resolutions: just. one. word.

They discussed this on the radio last week on my way to the gym and my mind got stuck on the concept as I worked out.

What would my ONE WORD be for 2011?  What ONE WORD would sum up all of the things I want to focus on...encompassing adjustments I want to make to my personality, habits and  lifestyle?  What ONE WORD would last for a whole year?


Self-control popped into my head.  Maybe that's two words, but it's where my thoughts landed.  I want more self control with food, with my tongue when reacting to my husband and kids, with my impulsiveness to do this or that right now.

But that didn't seem accurate enough. 

Balance?  Maybe it was balance.  If my life were more balanced, maybe I wouldn't stress eat or lose my temper or feel overwhelmed by tasks on my to-do list.

That wasn't it either.

Then it hit me: GRACE.  That is really what I need to focus on this year.  Not being more graceful physically, Grace is cutting people slack, whether they deserve it or not.  Grace is letting the little things slide.  Grace is giving others the benefit of the doubt.  Grace is releasing your expectations and allowing those around you to do things in their own way, in their timing, making mistakes without judgment.

We all need grace, but even more, we need to practice extending grace to others. So that's my word for 2011: GRACE. 

What's your one word???

The Secret to Joy is Perspective

Just a little reminder that the next couple of days might be a little stressful/overwhelming/exhausting, depending on where you're dragging your family or who is coming to your home.  The kids will have too much sugar, get too little sleep...they might be ungrateful for a hand-knit sweater from Great Aunt Edna...or have a meltdown in the middle of the Christmas Eve service at church...relatives will undermine your authority...expect it all.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Prepare to have some (or all) of your expectations for "the perfect Christmas" to be unmet.

Then decide to choose JOY.

You can absolutely choose to be filled with joy instead of any other negative emotion that creeps in.  Set the tone for your home as one that is relaxed and peaceful.

And let the fun begin.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Planning for Tomorrow, Today

I've been feeling so behind on so many things recently.  And when I get overwhelmed, I tend to go to one of two extremes: crazy "get it all done NOW" girl or unproductive, procrastinator girl.

Lately, I've chosen to avoid responsibility. Certain items on my to-do list have been rolled over day to day, week to week...it was getting out of hand. But I'm done now.  My to-do list will not go away if I ignore it.  In fact, it will continue to grow like a weed.  Or a rash.  Or the unwanted hair in that odd place that you won't tell anyone about.

Every day, I have a list of things that I want to get done.  The list is new each day, crossed off items stay on yesterday's list, incomplete items are rolled over to today. The list could have 4 things or 14 things, but anything that I hope to accomplish goes on the list.

From that main list, I chose 2-3 "most important tasks," or MITs.  Those are my top priority.  Some days it's bigger stuff like getting the oil changed, other days the items are simple, like putting away laundry or clipping the kids' fingernails or taking a shower.

For some reason, I have gotten myself into the horrible habit of procrastinating this regular habit of personal hygiene. It should not be this difficult to fit in a daily shower!  I have a confession to make: I just showered for the first time since Monday.  Today is Thursday.  How did this happen?  Yesterday, showering stayed at the bottom of the list as everything else got done ahead of it.  Why?  Probably because I knew I wasn't leaving the house and there was so much other stuff to do.

I could write a whole post about showering, but the purpose of this post is to encourage you to plan your day tomorrow before going to bed tonight.

Every time I take a few minutes at night to plan for the following day, I end up checking most everything off my list. I pull coupons for errands I need to run, grab receipts for returns, look up contact information and account numbers for calls I need to make, I do as much the night before as I can, so I have no excuses to put anything off.

I feel prepared.  Maybe even mentally psyched up for chores that I normally dread. (ahem...cleaning the bathrooms) There are also times when, instead of adding something to tomorrow's list, I think, "I can just send this email really quick...that way there will be one less thing to do tomorrow." 

But when I plan the day-of, my chances of productivity decrease substantially.  Maybe it's just me...?  This week, I've finally gotten my act together and pre-planned each day the night before.  My to do list has been shrinking at lightening speed. I feel like I can breathe again.

So give it a try tonight.  It shouldn't take you more than 5 minutes to write out 3-5 things that you'd like to do tomorrow.  I hope it works for you as well as it's worked for me this week!!!

Teaching Godly Character

I recently stumbled upon this blog post, which lead me to the most amazing list of Godly Character Trait printables.

Each page has the definition of the trait, a picture to help your child associate that word, plus a scripture verse about the character quality. The traits include: orderly, attentive, teachable, obedient, respectful, honest, forgiving, peacemaker, courageous, discerning, content, servant-hearted, thankful, self control, loving, humble, prayerful, modest, joyful, generous, responsible, compassionate, kind, patient, diligent and faithful.

Every day at breakfast, we've been reviewing one of the character traits and discussing ways to practice it.  I also try to challenge Mike and the kids (and myself) to focus on that quality throughout the day. 

For example, the day we learned about being "attentive," we talked about looking for opportunities to help others without being asked.  Such as picking up trash on the ground at the park, wiping up spills in the kitchen and replacing the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom.

I'm actually taking this a step further by praying for my kids to develop these character traits.  I took a spiral index card notebook and wrote one character trait per page.  I keep it in the bathroom and pray for the kids when I brush my teeth.  Every couple of days, I turn the page to pray for a new item. 

I love a nice, organized, simple way to teach my family Godly values and these printables have been fun and easy to review every day.  I hope they're helpful for you, too!

What Makes You Thankful?

In our house, Mike and I recently began challenging ourselves to express gratitude to each other and the kids at least twice a day (for each person). Your brain chemistry changes when you break the cycle of complaining and begin expressing appreciation to those around you.

A while back, I found a package of 30 paper acorns at the Dollar Tree.  They were in the teacher's section, but I figured I could use them for something.

Last week, I found the PERFECT use for them!

I created a "thankful wall" on our pantry door.  Every day, each of us (including the kids) write something that we're thankful for on a acorn and tape it on the door.

It's a great exercise in appreciating the little things.  I may even keep the acorns to read next year or when the kids are older...we'll see.  I just love that everyone is focusing on gratitude as we enter the Christmas season!

Family Day Challenge

I've been getting a lot of questions about our "Family Day" since posting about it last week.  I'm getting the feeling everyone thinks I'm nuts, but it's not that hard.  Really, it's not.  If I can commit to having a weekly Family Day, so can you.

We started honoring Sunday as our Family Day about a year and a half ago.  I think it started as a month-long challenge to see if we could avoid making plans on Sundays and just hang out at home all day without getting bored.  Since then, it's become our favorite day of the week. 


Here's what we try to do:

...avoid making plans or agreeing to outside commitments

...avoid the t.v. and computer (though lately the Cardinals game is usually on for a few hours, which is fine because Ryan and Kaylin end up watching it with Mike, instead of Mike zoning out while I care for the kids)

...find a few things that we can do throughout the day as a family (ex: go to the park, wander around Costco eating the samples, have a picnic, go swimming)

...find a few things that we can do a couple at a time (ex: Mike and Ryan taking a bike ride, Kaylin and me baking together, Mike taking the big kids to Home Depot)

...pull out forgotten toys and games (ex: Slip 'n' Slide, tea party sets, puppets)

...make unplanned trips to the store for ice cream or decide to go out to dinner on a whim (very unlike us...we're planners)

...immediately stop productive activities to polish Kaylin's toe nails and play Wii boxing with Ryan
 

...stifle our Type-A personalities and let the little things go

...have fun and laugh with each other...a lot


Here's what we don't do:

WE DON'T...have rules or guidelines about the day (our house rules still apply)

WE DON'T...have expectations of any kind, other than relaxing and enjoying the day together

WE DON'T...plan a bunch of things to do all day (ex: 10:15 paint, 11:05 go on a walk, 11:38 sing Kum-By-Ya)

WE DON'T...spend every minute of every hour together as a family


Most of the people I've spoken to about this have given me a dozen reasons why it won't work for them. 

"There's only so much I can do with the kids before going stir-crazy."

"My husband will never go for it."

"I just have too much to do."

"I won't be able to stay off the computer for the whole day."

"Sunday is sacred NFL time for my husband...he watches games all day and I'd be alone with the kids."

"We have too much going on in our schedule to stop everything for a whole day."


So I decided to pose a challenge to you. 

Pick a day on the calendar and decide to try your own version of Family Day.  If your husband is too into football to engage with the family on a Sunday, choose a Saturday.  Or if your kids aren't in school yet and your husband gets days off during the week, pick a Tuesday or Friday.  It really doesn't matter when it is.

Don't make any plans that day.  Nothing.  That doesn't mean you can't leave the house, just don't agree to be anywhere at any certain time...even if it's to meet other family members.  Make this day about just your little family unit: you, your husband and your kids.  And your dogs if you want.  But that's IT.

Vow to be media-free all day.  The t.v. and computer can allow people to get in a self-focused zone, but remember that your cell phone can be just as big of a distraction. Anything that takes your attention away from your family, specifically your kids, should not be allowed on Family Day. Video games might also be a no-no for most people, but we play the Wii as a family, so we do allow limited (about an hour of) video game time. (plus, in our family, no one gets angry or irritable if they don't win, so it's positive time together)

Sundays work best for us because we can go to church on Saturday night, but also because Mike's really, really, really kind of into college football, which is an all-day Saturday affair. 

Also, we purposely set aside time on Saturday to clean the house and run errands so that most everything is done on Sunday. (this summer, I posted about our Family Chores power-hour each weekend)  We don't have looming projects hanging over our heads by Sunday...we're able to truly relax.

The other question I've gotten a lot is: What do you DO all day??? 

Our typical Sunday looks like this:

- Either Mike or I sleep in...we take turns.  The other gets the baby up and fed at 7am.  The big kids get up and play in their PJs.

- If I get up first, I usually make something fun for breakfast like Waffles, Crepes, Apple Fritters or Cinnamon Rolls. A while back, we went through a "let's go get donuts" phase, but that's over for now.  If Mike gets up first, he usually makes pancakes or eggs.

- Mike and the kids make coffee, then Mike goes outside to sit on the back patio and drink his little cup coffee.  If it's nice out, the kids will play outside while I clean up the kitchen.  Otherwise, they stay inside and play.  But this is a huge relaxation thing for Mike.  Sometimes that transitions into yard work, sometimes not.

- While Mike's outside, I'm usually cleaning up breakfast, folding laundry or doing something else productive.  Because I can't relax until the kitchen is clean and a few things are off my to-do list.  That's just me.

- Around 10ish, Jason naps and the kids start getting bored, so we usually all play something together.  A board game, the Wii, rolling a ball down the hall to each other...it just sort of naturally happens.  Someone comes up with something and we all join in.  Or some of us play while others watch.

- 11:30ish, Jason gets up and we all eat lunch.

- 12-1ish, we'll usually go somewhere or run errands.  Or swim.  Or play catch in the backyard. Or go to the park.  This week, we went to the Pumpkin Patch.

- From 2-3, the kids usually have a quiet time in their room while Mike watches football and I catch up on stuff: meal planning, cutting coupons, recently scrapbooking, whatever.  Jason's quiet time is always a nap, the big kids tend to fall asleep most days, too.

- 3-5pm - Anything goes.  If it's hot out, we'll swim or do something around the house.  If the weather is nice, we'll usually do something outside.

- 5:00ish - Dinner.  We usually grill on Sundays...Mike offers, I don't argue!  Sometimes we go out to eat, sometimes we do something simple like smoothies and popcorn.

- 6:00ish - Lately, we've been doing movie night.  Last night, I was crazy and decided we all needed to bake pumpkin-shaped sugar cookies.  It made quite the mess and hyped everyone up right before bed, but the kids enjoyed it.

- 7:00 - Bedtime, as usual.

Family Day usually feels very long, but isn't that how it should be on the weekend?  Most of us are busy, busy, busy all week and Family Day is the perfect excuse to stop and rejuvenate ourselves before we turn around and do it all again on Monday.

Even God took a day of rest...don't you think He might have been setting a precedent??

I know some people who honor the Sabbath so strictly that they'll prepare meals ahead of time in disposable containers so no one has to cook or clean.  You decide what works best for you.  But seriously, talk to your spouse and kids about giving this a try.  Pick a date, block it off on the calendar and vow to relax and enjoy your family.  I promise (I wish I could give you a money-back guarantee) ... you will not regret it. 

The Importance of Traditions

I truly believe kids need traditions in their lives.  They find comfort in predictability in a world where they have very little control and traditions create predictability.  Personally, we have established daily, weekly, monthly and yearly traditions for our family. 

Our daily tradition is as simple as praying before bedtime.  We also eat together as a family every night. Weekly, we have Family Day on Sundays, where we don't make any outside plans and try to stay home to spend time together, specifically focused on the kids.  Monthly, Mike takes the kids on "special dates" to Home Depot or Lowe's to build things together.  And I'm sure many of you share annual birthday and Christmas traditions that are similar to ours.

As the holidays approach, I begin thinking about traditions.  Most of my (positive) memories as a kid revolve around our family traditions.  If you think back, yours probably do, too.

I've heard it said that if you don't have a lot of childhood memories, your life probably wasn't very eventful. Things were probably pretty routine for your family with few "out of the ordinary" events to stick out in your head. But anymore, it seems that nice, normal, simple childhoods are rare.

For me, I hardly remember eating meals as a kid.  Though I know I ate three square meals a day, I couldn't tell you what we typically had for breakfast, lunch or dinner...even through high school.  It's all a big blur. Yet every Sunday as a teenager we went to the movies.  I remember the tradition well, even though I don't remember the movie titles.

Knowing that the mundane details of life fade away in our minds, I try to intentionally create memories for my kids. Last year, "Simple Mom" wrote a post titled Family Traditions: 10 Ideas to Get You Started that has some other fun ideas, if you're interested. 


Some traditions I've incorporated into our family include:

- Saturday morning cartoons (since the kids rarely watch t.v., this is a treat)

- Sunday is Family Day (we decline invitations to BBQs, birthday parties and play dates)

{squirt bottle + batter = letter pancakes}

- Breakfast in bed on Mother's Day and Father's Day

- Half-birthday celebrations (consisting of the dinner menu of the half-birthday person's choice, plus cupcakes with candles for dessert) and many other birthday traditions.

- Annual Easter Egg Hunts

- Christmas in July (I'm going to start allowing the kids to invite friends next year)

- First and Last Day of School Traditions (also, there are other great school tradition ideas in the comment section of this post)

{the full fondue spread}

- Fondue on Valentine's Day

- Annual Family Pie Night (to get my whole, extended family together between Thanksgiving and Christmas with no competing family commitments)

- And you know we have our Christmas Traditions, like decorating the tree the day after Thanksgiving, daily advent calendars and 25 Days of Christmas activities. (there are more great Christmas tradition ideas in the comment section of this post)

I love traditions. What traditions do you have?

Ready to Unplug?

Yesterday, I received a text from a friend that said, " Friends and Family: As of today, we are kicking off new boundaries. After 3pm, I will not be reachable unless you call the house. I won't check my {cell/mobile} phone until after the kids are in bed. Please call me if it's urgent...I don't want to be unavailable to you. I hope you understand our attempt at being less distracted parents. XOXO"

How inspirational is that? I am so on board with unplugging from 3-7pm every night. For me, I'd also like to commit to staying away from the computer, since "quickly checking the dinner recipe" often turns into 35 minutes worth of detours through my email and all over the Internet. Between homework followed by "the witching hour" followed by preparing, eating and cleaning up dinner, then baths and bedtime, who needs additional distractions?

I'm starting to realize that the phone is no longer my friend. In the past year, I've gotten to the point where I roll my eyes and even groan when the phone rings. After the 2nd call of the day, I'm sick of hearing it ring.

Don't get me wrong, I love talking to my friends and family on the phone, but that's part of the problem. I get lost in the phone calls and before I know it, 30 minutes have passed, the kids have been ignored or have gotten into trouble for interrupting, and I'm behind on the 10 tasks I was doing before answering the phone.

How often does your phone ring? How often do you hear the text indicator on your cell phone? Do you feel obligated to answer the ring and check the text? Or chat with the caller and respond to the text? Or worse, do you have the ability to get email, Facebook or Twitter on your phone??? I can't imagine how often my phone would beep if I had Internet access on my cell!

Before cell phones, I tend to assume we weren't as busy. For those of you in your 30s and beyond, think back to the 80s for a minute...are you picturing feathered hair, heavy make up and double socks of different colors? Good. You're there.

No one had cell phones; if we were out and needed to talk so someone, we waited until we got home or if it was really important, we found a payphone.

Call waiting was new; sometimes we'd dial a number only to hear a busy signal and we had to try again later.

If the phone rang during dinner, our parents wouldn't let us answer it and we didn't even have Caller ID to see who had called. (*gasp!*)

As a teenager, we had to wait our turn to call our friends because there was one line in the house for everyone to share.

If our parent's boss called the house after 5pm, it was urgent, like informing them that the office had burned down. Now employers can text after hours to ask one more quick question about a project. No one seems to have any patience anymore. Nothing can wait until later.

I completely agree that cell phones are convenient and save tons of time. Almost every week, I receive texts from neighbors asking if I need anything from Costco, Super Walmart or Sprouts...today it was Home Depot. And I send the same texts to them. I'll often respond with something like, "Yes, toilet paper and 1% milk - thanks!" and I'm able to hold off going to the store for a few days. Seriously convenient.

But at what point is enough enough? When we feel the need to chat with friends or text throughout the day and it interferes with the attention we give our kids, what message are we sending???

One friend of mine (who works full time outside the home) turns off her phone as soon as she pulls into the garage and it stays off until morning. She has a baby girl that she doesn't get to see all day and she refuses to allow others to intrude upon those precious few hours with her husband and daughter.

Along these same lines, I know another family who has a house rule that at 8pm, all cell phones are turned off and plugged into their chargers. The teens aren't allowed to talk and text throughout the night and the parents are more engaged in helping with homework and kissing everyone good-night. I love that rule.

Your boundaries are going to be different than my boundaries, but my hope is that you will read this post and realize that you have to set some limits. Don't allow the convenience of technology to compromise your priorities. Learn to say, "no," more often in order to put your family first. For a short time each day, vow to ignore the ringing phone and turn off the cell so you're not tempted to peek at the texts.

Are you will to challenge yourself? What limits are you going to set?

The Definition of Obedience

I often talk about things that I'm working on with the kids...habits we're trying to break, new habits we're helping them get into, rules we want them to follow, character traits we want to see them develop...my list is always growing. But it was brought to my attention this weekend that I need to stop every area of focus until we get one issue under control.

OBEDIENCE.

I recently read an excellent, very basic definition of obedience from the writers at Biblical Parenting. It was simply stated, "doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded."

First time obedience is very important to me and Mike, yet all of our efforts to get consistent results from our kids seem to eventually fail.

I want to raise children who respect authority (parents, friends' parents, babysitters, teachers, future employers) and as it is now, they pick and choose when they respond to adults in obedience.

And I believe this is 100% our fault.
(Disclaimer: If your children don't listen to your instructions the first time, don't read into this post as me blaming you for their behavior. I am strictly talking about me and my household. I'm not judging others and how they raise their children, I'm just ready to fix my own family.)
My kids are not naturally compliant. Ryan likes to have an element of control in his life and that often involves negotiating the how, what, when or why of what he is told to do. And Kaylin is quickly learning this art of disagreeing and negotiating.

I just remembered a post I wrote this time last year about encouraging disobedience. Hmmm...this topic is coming up annually at the beginning of each school year, isn't it? Likely because their teacher is a new authority figure and I want my kids to listen and obey in school without arguing or bad attitudes.

I digress. So what am I going to do about it?

I've developed a zero-tolerance policy regarding disobedience.
Several times in the last few days, I have reminded the kids of this new definition of obedience. (FYI: I added "with a happy heart") I have them repeat each section of the definition after me, "Obedience is...doing what you're told...right away...with a happy heart...without being reminded."

I am thrilled (and, quite honestly, shocked) to report that my kids have been completely transformed.

The expectation is that when I ask them to do something, they do it immediately without arguing or negotiating. Period.
First time obedience has been on the forefront of my mind every time I make a request this week. There are a few reasons that I think this is suddenly working for us.

1. I remind the kids of this new definition every morning and a few times during the day.

2. When I make a request, I expect them to drop whatever they are doing and comply.

3. If they don't respond immediately, they get a warning (I calmly repeat the definition of obedience, making every effort to stay unemotional), then if they still don't comply, there is a consistent consequence (again, unemotionally and confidently, they are sent to their room for 6 minutes {Ryan} or 4 minutes {Kaylin} and I increase the time by one minute each time they refuse, whine, pout or throw a fit), then after the consequence, they are still expected to do what I originally told them to do. If they don't, I repeat this step until they do what they're told.

4. When they complete the task, I give them lots of kudos. (I think in the past, I was so relieved they did what they were told without arguing that I overlooked this part)

5. When they cheerfully obey, right away, without arguing or needing to be reminded, they are rewarded. (sometimes tangibly, but more often I simply make a big deal about it in front of others, telling them how proud I am, hugs, praise, etc.)

I truly believe that the key factor in Ryan and Kaylin doing what their told is me. Kids will always try to push the boundaries, but when adults consistently hold their ground, compliance is inevitable. It's the bottom line in reality parenting shows like Super Nanny and World's Strictest Parents. Not to mention institutions that require immediate obedience like the military. If Ryan ever enlists in the military, this obedience training will save him tons of reprimands and hundreds of push ups!

Now if I could just keep this up for the long term, my kids will be angels. (I think I can...I think I can...)

Serving Others with a Happy Heart

Now that my kids are getting older (and more capable), we've started requiring that they help more around the house. At 6 and almost 4 years old, they're still in the stage where they usually love to help, but playing is always more fun that working, so we definitely get resistance now and then.

I recently wrote about our family chores and how I set the timer for an hour every Saturday morning to cross as much off the to-do list as possible, expecting everyone to participate. That is still going VERY well, by the way. I love the momentum of everyone scurrying around doing their tasks and Mike loves that after an hour, we're done. Sometimes we finish up for 30 minutes on Sunday, but it's short and sweet, then it's over and we can all relax and play.

One of our house rules is to "look for ways to serve others with a happy heart." This rule is not only to do things for others with a happy heart, but to LOOK for ways to serve others. For now, I'm going to write about the last half of the statement.

I use the term "happy heart" a lot in our house. If the kids have a bad attitude, they are asked to go to their room and not come out until they have a happy heart. They've come to understand what that means.

Sometimes they emerge pouting or with a scowl on their face, but I make them go back to their rooms if they can't SHOW me their happy heart. All they have to do is smile, but a fake smile usually turns into a blushing smile which often turns into giggling, which results in...you guessed it! A happy heart. As long as that goal is achieved, I don't care how they get there.

I'm assuming that Mike and I will experience the joy of bad attitudes as a result of hormones in the years to come, but while I still have an element of control over these kids, I'm determined to teach them that there are times when you need to bite your tongue and have a good attitude.

We're currently focusing on doing things that are asked of them (chores and other small tasks) with a good attitude and a happy heart. Sound impossible? It's not. Here are some things that set them up for success:

- As parents, we need to have a good attitude when we are asked to do something for someone else.

- As parents, we need to be aware of our body language when we're asked to do something. If I sigh or roll my eyes or make excuses why I can't do a task, that's what my kids do. They're constantly watching.

- As parents, we need to be good examples in the way we respond verbally. Personally, I try to say, "Sure!" or some other cheerful response instead of, "I guess," or "I'll get to it later." If you're not a naturally chipper person, fake it. "Fake it 'til you make it," I always say.

- Set the expectation early. If you want to set a new tone for chores in your house, sit the kids down and explain that "no" and "I don't want to" will not be acceptable answers anymore. Whenever there's a rule change in the family, everyone deserves to know what's going on; even the little ones.

- Decide on consequences and rewards ahead of time. Explain that there will be a consequence if they are rude or disrespectful and a reward if they respond positively. The rewards don't need to continue forever, but while everyone's getting used to the change, give lots of praise and positive reinforcement. Spontaneously reward them for doing things the right way, even pointing out their good example to other family members. (without rubbing it in others' faces)

- Be patient when they cop an attitude - because they will. Understand that it takes time to change bad habits and that everything won't be different overnight. It takes 30 days to make a new habit, so stick with it for the long haul.

- Start slow. Keep the end goal in mind, but accept small progresses along the way. At first, accept that the chore is getting done with a bad attitude, as long as it's getting done when you ask. Then get the kids in the habit of doing what you ask of them agreeably, focusing on their heart attitude toward your request.

- When they mess up, respond unemotionally, but immediately. By "emotionally" I mean avoid getting angry or personally offended that they're being disrespectful. For example, "Please unload the dishwasher" might be met with, "...but I'm playing right now." My response tends to be (with an "I don't think so" tone), "Try again," giving the kids a reminder to answer me differently. If they don't respond positively with a good attitude, they go to their room until they have a happy heart and a willingness (even if it's forced, at first) to help.

- Be consistent. Don't allow yourself to get distracted (or lazy about it) and let bad attitudes slide. If you want them to have a good attitude most of the time, expect it all of the time. We all have our bad days, but our homes would be so much more pleasant if we each sucked it up and put on a happy face for the people we love most.

- Serve others outside your home. Volunteer your time as a family. There are ways to get involved at church, in your local schools, in your neighborhood and in your community. It feels good to help others and it gets the focus off of ourselves. Plus, when your kids have spent time cleaning up a local park, wiping down the kitchen table after dinner will seem like a piece of cake!

- Point out how good it feels to help. In addition to telling your kids that they did a good job, direct them to the positive sensation they're feeling inside. Say, "Aren't you proud of yourself for doing that? It was a big job...how does that make you feel?" It won't take long for them to realize that serving others without expecting anything in return has it's own rewards.

By the age of two, I believe all kids should be helping around the house. It's not the 1950s anymore. The wife is no longer expected to float around the house "doing it all" in a skirt, apron and pearls while the kids are clueless about what it takes to run a household.

I whole-heartedly believe that when everyone in the house {cheerfully} contributes, children become more productive, less self-absorbed adults. As a parent, you're not doing anyone any favors by doing it all yourself. Be conscious of the fact that you might be creating little diva daughters or sons who won't lift a finger to help their future wives.

Even if your spouse isn't on board with the idea of "serving others with a happy heart," the change can start with you. It will take longer if you're doing it alone, but it is entirely possible to transform your kids from selfish into selfless.

I'm obviously just a mom, not an expert, but these are the things that work for our family. Does anyone have any additional tips?