30 Day "No Complaining" Challenge

I overheard a DJ on the radio this morning talking about a 30 day "No Mumbling, No Grumbling" challenge that they're doing. (I obviously listen to Christian radio - can you imagine a secular station doing that? HA!)

I turned to Mike and said, "We should totally do that. OOOH! And we can start tomorrow! Do you think we should? Try to go the whole month of June with NO complaining?"

That's kind of an unfair question for my dear husband. As in most relationships, we have opposite personality types. One of us is "glass half full" and the other has a tendency to be "glass half empty." If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you can easily guess who is the natural optimist...

But I think he agreed. He avoided answering at the time, but I say, "I think," because several times today, I said to him, "Is that complaining...?" and he quickly responded, "It's not June 1st yet! I'm getting it all out of my system!!!"

With that said, I've decided to get all of the complaining out of my system before June 1st. (I have about an hour left...) Here we go.

- I have 300 new blog posts to read in my blog reader. Three. Hundred. I am so out of the habit of checking it anymore. I check when I want to create my grocery lists and check for coupons, or when I want to see if any friends have posted, but other than that, I'm so behind! Not to mention the 240 saved posts that I fully intend to go back and print, read, try a recipe, recreate an idea, expand my knowledge of whoknowswhat, etc.

- I also don't seem to have time to blog as much as I used to. I wish I did...my bloggers block has been lifted. I have plenty to share. But I have less and less time lately. Hopefully I'll reconvene with a new summer schedule that will give me some more blogging time.

- Mike and I went to a counselor last week and it was time and money well spent. We're not screaming and fighting 24/7 or anything, but there's been some repetitive issues popping up for a while that we needed help getting past once and for all. I guess that's not a complaint, necessarily, but it's more of the fact that I'm dying to share what we learned in our first session, but I need to get Mike's permission first. I keep forgetting to ask him. Stay tuned on that one.

- Ryan and Kaylin were a BEAR to be around once he got out of school last week. I declared last Friday, "You're Best Friends Boot Camp Day." This weekend was a little better, but I'm so over the fighting already. They'll spend the whole summer in their rooms if they don't learn to get along.

- I'm tired lately. A lot. I can't seem to get myself in bed before 10pm these days and it makes for a tired mama in the morning. And I'm not working out as much, which makes me more tired. And I'm eating sugar like a maniac, which zaps my energy even more. Maybe I'm not on the computer as much anymore because I'm always napping when the kids nap? Hmmm...light bulb moment... And NO, I'm not pregnant. (I don't think...just kidding!)

- I'm so sick of having no self control with food. I need to get serious about getting in shape. Shorts and tank tops show A LOT of skin!

- I hate drama. No details there; just going to say that I hate it. Or rather, I hate being a PART of it.

Okay, I think that's it. Nothing else to whine about just now.

So I think we're doing this. I am certainly going to try it. I'm hoping it will change the tone of our home a bit. Of course, my poor, unsuspecting children have no idea that I'm going to drag them along with me on this little journey.

What do you think - wanna join me? 30 days with NO complaining...can you do it?

Getting Closer to #64 - Homemade Household Cleaners

I am on my way to replacing all of our store-bought cleaners with natural cleaners. My all-natural, cloth diapering friend in Michigan gave me some of these links and I am getting excited to do more with lemon, baking soda, club soda and white distilled vinegar.

Simple Mom's List of Household Cleaners

Making Homemade Cleaners Work Better - Small Notebook

25 Safe, Non-toxic, Home Cleaners

Easy Recipes for Natural Cleaners - Simple Organic

66 uses for Distilled White Vinegar

60 uses for Baking Soda

75 uses for Baking Soda

Homemade Dryer Balls (no more dryer sheets!)

I've also been tempted to start using homemade laundry detergent. Here are the ingredients and descriptions for where to get the ingredients...

Glass Cleaner
2 cups of water
1/4 cup of white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon of liquid soap

Diva Detergent
1 55 oz. box Arm & Hammer Washing Soda
1/2 cup Mule Team Borax
2 Cups Oxygen Cleaner
1/2 cup Simple Green
1/2 cup Water Softening Powder

Details about ingredients:
- Washing Soda – The Arm and Hammer is the only brand I’ve ever seen. Walmart and most grocery stores carry it. Strong enough to actually change organic compounds (pee & poo) and keeps them suspended in the water so they can easily be washed away. It is a naturally occurring compound free from enzymes, dyes, and perfumes, and is the main ingredient in most powdered laundry detergents.

- Borax – Found in the grocery aisle. Whitens and brightens without phosphates and enzymes. Borax is too harsh, both to fabric and sensitive skin to be used in large amounts, and tends to not rinse out well. Less is more with Borax in laundry. (makes and excellent household cleaner, though).

- Oxygen Cleaner – I use Sun Brand…it’s the cheapest and most pure….Oxyclean brand has additives and fillers. For Oxygen Cleaner…the cheaper the better. Stain remover and whitener. Oxygen cleaners do not react well with extremely hard water and will add to scum build up. If you have extremely hard water, as noted above, add additional water softener.

- Simple Green – A concentrated liquid cleaner…most grocery stores carry it….Walmart has it in the automotive section. If you can’t find Simple Green, you can use any concentrated multi-purpose cleaner (ie: Lysol 4 in 1). Provides the necessary surfactants-to lessen the water tension and allow the detergent to become a part of the water and actually get into the clothes

- Water Softening Powder – This is a key ingredient…and if you have hard water you will want to double it. White King makes a powder, but it can’t be found in all areas. If you can’t find a water softening powder, use ½ cup of liquid. You’ll need to use a 1 lb box of baking soda for each half cup liquid added to offset the additional liquids so you don’t end up with a solid mass of detergent in a couple of days. (I can’t find powder in my area, so I use Calgon Liquid + baking soda).
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- Put all dry ingredients in a large container – (bucket, dishpan) mix with your hands to combine.

- Put gloves on before adding liquid ingredients as there is a chemical reaction that makes it get rather warm…..and could burn your skin. Drizzle the wet ingredients over the top of the dry ingredients. Mix with your hands until well combined and all liquid is mixed in and there are no clumps. If it still seems too moist, you can add a box of baking soda**. Humidity levels in different parts of the country can make a difference here, as your dry ingredients might have a higher moisture content. Store in a sealed container. I have used Rubbermaid, Tupperware, coffee cans….whatever you have on hand.

- Use 1-2 1/8 cup scoops (the kind that came with the oxygen cleaner) per load. You’ll have to experiment a bit to find what works best with your water condition and washer size.

- It seems this detergent does not work as well in FL washing machines…..those that have had success in FL’s are dissolving it in water before adding it to the detergent dispenser…..there just isn’t enough water in a FL to effectively dissolve it on its own.

- Other effectiveness issues come from those with extremely hard water. I would suggest leaving the recipe as is and adding additional water softener to the washer. You may have to experiment to find the proper amount….the water should feel silky. Water softener should be added before clothes and detergent.….and definitely use vinegar in the rinse cycle.

**When you’re buying your ingredients, buy a box or two of baking soda….the store brand will do. It’s super cheap and if your detergent seems too moist and is clumping….you’ll have it on hand to add.

The Talking Stick

Evenings at our house have become too tense, in my opinion. Unnecessarily tense. The other night, I sat back and observed the chaos and determined that there are three areas that needed to be fixed:

- The transition when Mike arrives home
- Dinnertime
- Getting the kids to bed

Working backward, we started with bedtime. My kids dawdle and play when it's time to get ready for bed, so we got creative.

It started with dessert as an incentive for racing to get their PJs on. Sure enough, we learned that the kids are physically able to get changed in under five minutes. Why it takes them 15-20 minutes without the dessert bribe is beyond me. On nights that we don't eat dessert, they also brush their teeth after PJs. The faster they do this bedtime routine, the longer they get to play with Daddy before stories.

This has been working like a charm.

The next issue was dinner. Everyone fought for their turn to talk, interrupted each other constantly (a no-no in our house), the kids often made non-sense noises just to drown out their sibling, Mike got frustrated, dinner was interrupted with time outs...it's not the pleasant family dinner experience that I want for our home.

Last week, Mike decided that we needed to use a "talking stick." Whoever has the stick, has the floor. I never put away this little gingerbread man spatula after Christmas, so we decided to use him as our talking stick.


So far, so good. It took a couple of nights to get the hang of it, but now Ryan is the talking stick monitor. He reminds us to grab it at meals, points out when people talk without it...he's our little police officer in training.

The kids raise their hands when they want a turn with the stick.


Kaylin bounces the stick man around like a puppet when she talks. I find myself using it like a microphone.


Dinnertime is not only quieter, it's so much more pleasant!

The last issue is Mike's transition home after work. I finally noticed yesterday why it's so tense. Often while I'm finishing up dinner, I'll give the kids things to do. (ex: wash your hands, set the table, put the toys away on the counters, etc) Last night, I heard Mike giving the kids instructions while they were trying to follow my directions. I think he gets home and it appears that they're wandering aimlessly around, so he goes into delegation mode. That's fine, except that the kids are getting orders barked at them from two different directions and get confused, which usually leads to them doing the task they'd rather do and getting in trouble from the other parent.

Now that this is so obvious, when I hear Mike giving orders, I stop him and we decide who is going to be "in charge" of the kids' direction at that moment. It's working out beautifully! And Mike no longer wonders why everyone melts down once he's home for the night. I never thought it was his fault, necessarily, but I didn't understand why the dynamic changed so much once he walked in the door! I'm so glad we're figuring this out.

There have been a lot less tears since we addressed these issues this weekend. I actually enjoy our family time again instead of anxiously awaiting bedtime for the kids. Shocker! I'm enjoying my kids after a long day together - who would have thought?

Frugal Birthday Party Ideas

I'm turning into "that mom." You know...the one that goes over-the-top for birthdays. Given the impression some of you have of me, that might not surprise you, but this was never my intention.

I have no problem putting a little work into my parties. Instead of paying $10 per child to go to a pizza fun place or spending $200 to have an inflatable bounce house company host our gathering, I do it all myself. Sure, it's a little more time and effort, but let's face it: I'm not an overtired working mom that has to squeeze in time to run errands or work out. If I have time to blog, I have plenty of pockets of time here and there that I can dedicate to planning and preparing.

My birthday parties probably appear ridiculous to some, but I assure you: I'm just as frugal when I throw a party as I am in every other area of my life. I plan. I shop around. I don't wait until the last minute to make purchases...I stock up throughout the year. I stalk the clearance section all year long.

I have a storage bin dedicated to all things birthday: hats, banners, confetti, games, you name it. When I see something that I can't pass up, I buy it and stick it in the bin. Then when we have a birthday approaching, I'll pull out the bin and check my inventory.

If you keep your eyes open, you can find some great stuff on sale. A while back, I found the Elmo party hats in the picture below for $.47. I couldn't leave them on the shelf! I figured: worst case scenario, we could use them for Mike's birthday as a joke.


A few months ago, I found Elmo napkins and cupcake wrappers at Party City on clearance and voila: we now have a theme for Jason's 1st birthday. To top it off, I saw a "Fun to be One" blue baseball hat for $.50 and threw that in the box for later. Add a box of cake mix and Jason's birthday party is going to cost under $5.

Let's talk party favors. After Kaylin's Princess Party last year, Michael's put all of their Princess and Pirate party themed items on clearance at 80% off. I bought as much pink-but-not-princess-y stuff as I could find, knowing that Kaylin will love pink for years to come. I now have mini nail files, mini polish, blowers, goodie bags, even a giant pink Happy Birthday banner for cents on the dollar.

There are other ways to keep birthday parties from getting out of control. For instance, you can alternate big parties with smaller gatherings every other year. If you have multiple kids, this is a great way to spread out the cost and not be overwhelmed with extra expenses year after year.

Another idea is to limit the number of friends invited to coordinate with the age they're turning - 8 year olds could invite 8 friends.

I recently heard of a mom giving her daughter the choice between a big party and small gifts or a big gift and a small party. This little girl wanted bunk beds, so she had a simple party with 6 friends at the park with pizza, cake and games. The concept behind this idea is to set a combined budget for the party and gifts and let your child choose.

Other ideas for saving money: make your own cake or cupcakes. Most people order cakes to save time and hassle, but cake mix and frosting are cheap! If you're pressed for time or concerned about baking the day-of, cakes and cupcakes freeze really well. Just thaw on the counter and frost the morning of the party - or even the night before, if you're really stressed about it. Kids don't care how much a cake costs. Sure, bakery cakes taste better, but you're not trying to win any contests here. Plates are licked clean in under 3 minutes and everyone's ready to open gifts. (PS - Safeway had a Betty Crocker sale a couple weeks ago and I bought enough cake mix and frosting to cover both Ryan and Kaylin's birthday parties for free, after sale and coupons.)

Decorations are another area I try to save. I buy things that can be reused or repurposed. Basic pink or primary colored signs and streamers, things like that. I try to avoid theme-based banners and centerpieces, unless I borrow them (which I do a lot) or buy them used. I also buy plain-colored paper products so the leftovers can be used for other occasions.

After Ryan skimmed the Oriental Trading Company catalog for his upcoming dinosaur themed birthday, something made me do a search on Craigslist and - sure enough - I found someone selling many of the items Ryan wanted! I may even try to turn around and re-sell them when I'm done. Let's keep the recycling love going, shall we? (okay, let's be honest - I just want my money back...)

The cost of balloons seems ridiculously high to me, but sometimes I'll splurge and spend the $8 to get a dozen. (seriously - ouch) But you can get just as much of an effect with good old fashioned HOT AIR. Helium balloons have their place, don't get me wrong, but at $.50-$1 per balloon...I think twice. Plus, helium balloons are on the ground the next day. Just sayin'.

My last rant is going to be about store-bought invitations. They're almost $1 each anymore. Not to mention the $.50 for a stamp! (okay, I just realized how cheap that sounded...but I'd rather spend that money on party favors)

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Evite.com. It's free, it's easy to use and it even tracks your RSVPs for you. I printed some cute dinosaurs on green paper and cut them out for Ryan's party this year. (because I didn't have email addresses for the kids in his class...I needed something to put in their backpacks) They turned out really cute and took me all of 30 minutes to make. Ryan even cut them out for me, stuffed them in envelopes and wrote the kids' names on them - he loved being involved.

What frugal birthday party ideas do you have? I'm sure I'm missing something. Leave a comment if you want to share you're tips!

Couch Time

Those of you who have read any of the Baby Wise books have an understanding of "Couch Time." The concept is to spend 10-15 minutes with your spouse, near (but separated from) the kids, to make your marriage a priority. Spending this time together in front of the kids shows them that their parents still love each other and helps them feel more secure, in addition to giving them a chance to play on their own for a little bit without mom and dad entertaining them.

A friend of mine has a different kind of couch time. Every night, she and her husband have a standing appointment to meet on the couch at 9:00. They talk, catch up, watch tv, reconnect, just spend time together as a couple.

Lately, Mike and I have been doing our own thing at night. When I watch t.v. or read, he catches up on the computer or practices his guitar. When I'm on the computer, he's watching shows on t.v. that I'm not into. (specifically 24, Flash Forward and recent playoff games) It feels like we rarely hang out together during the week anymore.

So Monday night, we adopted my friend's version of couch time. We're early birds, so we set our time for 8:00. This gives us a few minutes before meeting together to do our own thing if we want, because we're getting more disciplined about making sure the kids are done with stories and prayers and their doors are closed at 7:30.

It's going well so far. Tuesday night, I was exhausted and Mike had a headache, but I purposely went downstairs at 8:00 and he paused the Suns playoff game so we could catch up from the day. We chatted for 15 minutes or so, then I completely wasted spent about 20 minutes watching the game with him, since I know he likes that shoulder-to-shoulder bonding time.

I'm excited to get back to reconnecting at night. I think we stopped spending time together when I tried not to get into the new season of certain t.v. shows. It has resulted in him watching lots of DVRed shows all alone downstairs. (I know - how sad, right?)

There aren't many shows that we watch together. (The Office, Modern Family, Parenthood, and World's Strictest Parents, to name a few) Hopefully this 8:00 nightly appointment will benefit us as a couple. I thought I'd mention it, just in case someone else wants to give it a try!

Q&A Wednesday - Summer Fun Ideas

Dawn asked, "What plans do you have for the summer. This is your first summer with Jason so will it be more diffucult to do things you usually do. I babysit my baby cousin who will be 2 soon and she has a napping schedule and can't do everything outside yet without help and has to be constantly watched over. Any ideas or advise would be helpful."

Tomorrow is the last day of school for us. Ryan's Kindergarten year went so fast!!! Probably because I birthed a whole child since he began school...

I'm looking forward to summer, to be honest. I've quickly tired of waking Jason up to drive Kaylin to and from pre-school. And I noticed that the kids got along better during Spring Break than they normally do when Ryan is in school during the days. I'm ready to de-program him from his "school attitude" and get him back on track with how he knows he should act at home.

As far as things being more difficult now that we have baby Jason, I'm not expecting that much will change. I'll be more limited as to when we can get out of the house due to naps, but he's the third kid: he's learned to tag along!

Summer here is different than most of the rest of the country. It gets hot. As in "you-can-rarely-go-outside-for-more-than-five-minutes" hot. I liken it to winters up north...we just do a lot indoors for those few months. (and by "few months" I mean May through October)

Before it gets too hot (highs in the 115 range where it cools down to 102 during the 10pm news) we'll pull out other water toys like our Slip 'n' Slide, sprinkler, baby pool with buckets and water guns.

With a pool in our backyard, we swim daily. Sometimes twice a day toward the end of the summer. By July, if you're not wet, it's unbearable to be outdoors in Phoenix. Having a pool has major perks: I can take the big kids swimming during Jason's naps. We can also take a quick dip without committing to a whole hour in the pool. We can throw on our suits, lather on some sunscreen, and go play for 15 minutes if we want.

My daily routine in the summers usually involve going to the gym and running errands with the intent of getting home and staying home by 10:30am. I try to rotate toys every few weeks, so the kids don't get bored. We do crafts, paint, color, do puzzles, play games, bake, have puppet shows, dress up, build forts, occasionally we'll have play dates, things like that. I also try to take advantage of events around town like the free story time at Barnes & Noble and the library, playing at the play place at the mall (anything for free A/C) and "open gym" at a nearby gymnastics studio.

Last summer was right after I decided to turn off the t.v. and boycotted most media for the kids. They learned to use their imaginations and found ways to get creative. I don't think I'll ever go back to having the tv on much in our house. This will be another tv-free summer, but we'll make a big deal out of family movie night on Sundays.

Before I had Jason, I made a list of all of the activities that Kaylin could do both with and without my help. You can see my pre-school activity list here. I'm the type of mom who schedules "independent play" into our days so that my kids don't need me for every. little. thing. If I have a project to do or a phone call to make, I can look at that list and get the older kids started on an activity to buy some quiet time for me.

Both kids' birthdays are in the summer, so between those, my birthday, Father's Day, Independence Day and Christmas in July, we always make a big stink over holidays to keep things fun. Last year, I involved the kids in the planning and preparing for Ryan's Carnival Party and Kaylin's Princess Party and Mike took the kids camping with some of our other dad friends. Having a few bigger events to look forward to keeps the day-to-day from getting too boring.

To get the kids out of the house a couple times a week, I've scheduled some other activites into our summer:

Movies - The local theatres here offer a "Summer Movie Fun" program where you can see one kids movie each week at 9:45am (before the theatre gets busy) for 10 weeks for a mere $7 per person. $21 and we'll get to see 10 movies this summer! I'm planning on bringing Jason with me, but we'll have to see. I might try to find somewhere to lay him down for his nap while I take Kaylin and Ryan.

VBS - Many nearby churches offer a week-long Vacation Bible School for cheap or even free. I signed up the big kids for two different VBS programs this summer; one in June and one in July. Those will be a fun break for them.

Phoenix Children's Museum - I think I'm going to break down and buy an annual pass to our children's museum. The kids love it, it's air conditioned, and by the time Ryan's back in school, Jason will be turning one and won't be free anymore. I'm planning on getting it in July so we can utilize the passes part of this summer and part of next summer.

That's what the summer holds for my family. Anyone else have different ideas?

Family Chores

I work best under pressure. Personally, I hate this about myself, but it is what it is. So the concept of setting a timer and rushing to get things done works well for me.

I recently read about the idea of doing this for family chores. One pastor I know sets the kitchen timer from 9-10:30 every Saturday morning. All hands on deck, working quickly to get as much done as possible during that time. The kids know that if they have a sleepover, they need to be home at 9am to do chores...it's a weekly family commitment.

So I tried this on Sunday. Normally, Sunday is our no-work, all-play family day, but since Mike golfed all day Saturday, the house was a wreck, I was behind, and there were lots of little things that needed to be done. I didn't want to spend all day working on the to-do list, so I set the timer for an hour.

I wrote a list of things I wanted to get done on our dry erase board on the refrigerator. The list was long. About 20 items, things like emptying the dishwasher, putting away laundry and trimming the bushes in the backyard.

I was met with a bit of resistance, but once the momentum started, everyone was motivated. The kids were amazing. Seriously, beyond my wildest expectations. Ryan would hurry to get his task done, race back to the fridge to watch me cross it off the list, then eagerly ask, "What next???" His excitement got Kaylin excited, which motivated me even more.

With 31 minutes left on the clock, all of the items I'd listed for the kids to do were done. I sent them outside to help Mike by putting the yard trimmings into the trash. Once that was done, I let them relax in front of the t.v. while Mike and I finished up.

I know not everyone has their kids help with chores, but it never fails to surprise me how much they love to help. Especially at this age: they want to be a part of something bigger than themselves and crave the positive reinforcement they receive after each completed job.

Give it a try! Set the timer and start crossing things off the list together. As a family.

If you need ideas, here is a list of things I've taught my kids to do...

Both kids know how to:
- pick up the playroom
- pick up their bedrooms
- bring their dirty clothes to the laundry room
- put away their clean laundry
- vacuum up the crumbs under the kitchen table with the Shark cordless sweeper
- clean the sliding glass door with homemade glass cleaner (vinegar and water - no chemicals)
- pour their own cereal (Ryan is in charge of the milk)
- help me cook dinner
- set the table
- clear the table
- empty the dishwasher (Kaylin does the silverware while Ryan does everything else, putting things that belong in higher cabinets onto a clean towel on the counter - I put those away)
- dust (they still need some supervision on this one)

Ryan (at almost six years old) can:
- take out the recycle bin
- empty the trash and replace the bag
- take sheets off his bed
- wipe off the kitchen table with a sponge after meals
- pack his own lunch (including making his sandwich)

Kaylin (at three and a half) can:
- fold clean washcloths and dish towels
- use a Swiffer on the kitchen tile
- make her own PB&J sandwich
- feed the baby, with supervision (this is her new favorite task)

For their birthdays this summer, I've been thinking about the one extra responsibility I'm going to give each kid to accompany their new privilege. (I talked about that in my birthday traditions post) I think I've decided to teach Ryan how to clean the counter and mirror in his bathroom. The kids' bathroom counter is disgusting and I think it's mostly because they don't know how long it takes to scrape dried toothpaste out of nooks and crannies. I'm hoping that by teaching Ryan how to clean it, he'll be a little less messy in between cleanings. (This could be wishful thinking...I'll let you know!)

I haven't quite decided what Kaylin's new responsibility will be when she turns four, but I'm thinking it might be the dusting. (what she can reach, that is)

Does it sound like I'm raising my own Merry Maids crew? I guess I'm recently a believer in getting the kids involved. I know that there's a very small window where kids actually want to help and I want to set the expectation now instead of springing this on them when they're 10 years old and unwilling. They're much more capable at this age than I've given them credit for!

What kinds of chores do you have your kids do?

Meal Plan - 5/24/10

Monday - Sloppy Joes
Tuesday - Spaghetti Carbonara
Wednesday - Bean Stew
Thursday - Potato Tortillas
Friday - Beef Stir Fry
Saturday - Chicken Taco Stew
Sunday - {Healthy} Chicken Pot Pie

Q&A Wednesday - Finding Your Kids' Currency

Carrie asked, "What activities do you have your kids use tickets for (in the Accountable kids system)? I need some ideas!!"



I've mentioned my love for Accountable Kids, but it's been a while. AK was recommended to me when Ryan was three and a half. To summarize, it's an system that gets kids to be accountable for doing their own "chores" (for example, getting dressed, brushing teeth and eating breakfast were Ryan's morning chores in the early years) and being rewarded for their chores with tickets. The tickets mean nothing unless they are given value, so the point is to have the child "pay" you for activities with tickets.

When the child doesn't follow an instruction, talks back, fights with their sibling, has a tantrum or anything else that would cause you to get frustrated, you simply ask them for a ticket. No yelling, no drama. Things got really quiet in our house when I started taking away tickets instead of doing time out or taking away other privileges.

The ticketed activities for our family are basically anything that I want to limit or that I need to monitor: watching tv, playing the Wii, playing with neighbor kids, having a piece of gum, riding bikes in the front yard, having a sleepover in each other's rooms, playing online pre-school games on the computer, things like that. Things that I want to encourage them to do are NOT ticketed activities: playing in the backyard, doing puzzles, doing crafts, I can't think of anything in the house that's a ticketed activity.

I also don't make the kids give me a ticket to have dessert. I'm a little funny about tying rewards to food.

The Accountable Kids kit comes with dozens of chore cards and the parents choose what's appropriate for the child. Cards include things like brushing teeth, cleaning up toys, doing homework, vacuuming, feeding pets and mowing the lawn. This system works well for toddlers up through high schoolers. No need to nag, just remind them to turn over their chore cards.

Now that the kids are getting older, I'm expanding their chores. I just added a Bible ticket to their morning chores so they can remind me to do their Bible lesson. I also added the recycling ticket to Ryan's afternoon chores; it's something he often does anyway. The recycle bin gets full daily and it's a perfectly age-appropriate chore for Ryan.

If you're interested in buying the AK kit and you have a website, I recently read on their newsletter that you can get a 25% discount if you write a review of the system on your blog. (more info here)

Birthday Traditions

The kids had so much fun celebrating Jason's "halfy birthday" that I decided to start celebrating half birthdays in our house. Maybe not always with a cake, but at the very least letting that person choosing the dinner menu for their halfy birthday night and doing something to make them feel special for a day. (today is Mike's half birthday and the kids had a ball helping me surprise him with a cake)

It got me thinking about some of the other birthday traditions out there. Last year, I came across this post with one tradition I want to start for sure. I'm already planning what new responsibilities and privileges I want to give Ryan and Kaylin this summer. This is what the post explained:

A wonderful way to make your children feel grown up and help them understand what “growing up” really means is to give them two special envelopes on their birthday. One is labeled “New Privileges” and might include a later bedtime. The other is marked “New Responsibilities” and might include a new chore such as doing the dishes. The birthday child will be so proud of their new privileges that they will take on the responsibilities with greater commitment. What a great way to teach them that these two things come hand in hand. Tie these envelopes with a thin gold ribbon and prop them up against a set of candles on the dinner table.

One thing we already do for our kids on the morning of their birthday is fill their room with balloons for them to wake up to.

We also put candles in every meal all day long.

What birthday traditions did you have growing up? What do you do with your family now?

Q&A Wednesday - A Motivating Reward

Nat asked, "If you had a goal for yourself right now, what would your reward be? I'm teaching First Place at church right now, and I've made all my 'students' set goals and 'rewards' for the 12 week session. My goals are lose 10 lbs, meal plan, and track all food. I'm having the hardest time figuring out my reward...so I'm just curious what you would pick for a reward."

I am a big fan of pampering. Pedicures, massages, lunch out with a girlfriend, a day off to scrapbook, things like that.

But your reward could be (and maybe should be, to keep you motivated to continue) tied more closely with your goal. If the goal was to save $200 in a savings account for emergencies to keep out of debt, a massage might not be an appropriate reward. If your goal is to lose 10 lbs, your goal probably shouldn't be something like a huge dinner out with drinks and dessert. That might get you off the track of living a healthy lifestyle.

Given your situation, I would do something clothing related. Maybe give yourself a budget and go shopping. Get an amazing pair of jeans (my favorites are Lucky Big Star - not cheap, but they fit like a dream) or a great dress to wear on date nights. If you're going to continue on with the next 10 lbs or more, maybe your reward could be new shoes. (you don't want to spend too much money on your current size if you plan on losing even more weight) Think along those lines...something to make your feel good about your accomplishment. Tying the reward to the results of the goal might motivate you to keep that 10 lbs off!

That's what motivates me, but all of my ideas involve money. In this economy, that might not work for most people. Anyone else have a suggestion for a goal-achieving reward?

Beach/Luau/Summer Cupcakes

I saw thesecupcakes at a friend's house last weekend and replicated the idea for my Luau on Saturday. They weren't any more difficult than regular frosted cupcakes and would even be a cute treat to make the kids on the last day of school to welcome summer break. Or better yet, a "Have a great summer," end-of-the-year gift for teachers or school friends.

What you need:
- 24 baked, cooled cupcakes
- white frosting
- blue tinted frosting (2-3 drops of food coloring should be plenty) - "ocean"
- 4 whole graham crackers - "sand"
- 24 mini umbrellas - "umbrellas" (oh wait, was that obvious?)
- 24 striped candies - "beach balls"


1. Place the graham crackers in a zipper sandwich bag. Using a rolling pin, roll the crackers into crumbs. Pour the crumbs into a shallow bowl.

2. Frost 1/2 of one cupcake with white frosting and dip into the graham cracker crumbs.

3. Frost the other 1/2 with blue frosting. (mine was too thin and I was in a hurry, but if I did these again, I'd smear the blue frosting on really sloppy, to look like waves)

4. Unwrap a candy, dip it in white frosting and adhere to the crumb side of the cupcake.

5. Stick an umbrella into the crumb side, near the "beach ball." Voila!

Use Soft Words

Another Friday re-run. This was originally posted on May 28, 2009 and it was my original inspiration for writing our House Rules.

I seem to have a fascination with large families. It recently struck me that I am truly intrigued with how the household runs, how the parents interact and stay sane, how the kids interact, if the house is completely chaotic...I'm just really interested in the dynamics of it all. Because if "they" can do it with 6...8...12 kids, I can surely manage my measly crew.

Somehow, I ran across the Duggars' website today. You know them, right? The family with 18 19 kids - they have a show on TLC. I first saw a special on them when I was pregnant with Ryan called, "14 Kids and Pregnant Again." I remember being intrigued with the details of how she ran her family back then, wondering how I would incorporate ONE child into our world.

The few new shows I've watched about them really amaze me. Everyone seems so...calm. And kind. And genuinely content. I saw a link on their site to "The Duggar House Guidelines" and this is what I found:

- Always use soft words, even when you don’t feel well.
- Always display kind actions and joyful attitudes, even if you have been mistreated. Have the right response by quickly forgiving others in your heart even before they ask.
- Always be enthusiastic and look for opportunities to praise others' character.
- Always deflect praise and be grateful to God and others for the ways they have benefited your life.
- Always use manners and be respectful of others and their belongings.
- Always do what is right, even when others may not, or when no one is looking.
- Thank God for how He made you, for what He has given you and everything He allows you to go through. (Romans 8:28)
- Don’t mock or put others down. Develop compassion and pray for others.
- Never argue, complain, or blame. Quickly admit when you have done wrong and ask for forgiveness (even if you were only 10% at fault). Don't wait till you’re caught. Be sure your sins will find you out. He who covers his sin will not prosper, but he that confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy.
- Have a tough accountability/prayer partner to daily share your heart with and to keep you in line (your parents, spouse). The power of sin is in secrecy.
- Be attentive and look for ways to serve others with sincere motives and no thought of self-gain.
- Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8, Romans 13:14).
- Always give a good report of others. Don't gossip! Never tale-bear unless physical harm will come to someone. (Use Matthew 18.)
- Never raise a hand to hit.
- Never raise a foot to kick.
- Never raise an object to throw.
- Never raise a voice to yell.
- Never raise an eye to scowl.
- Use one toy/activity at a time. Share!
- Do your best to keep your surroundings neat, clean and organized.
- Never let the sun go down on your wrath. (Don’t go to bed angry or guilty)
- Amendment J.O.Y. - Put Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

The first line struck me more than anything. "Always use soft words..." And from what I've seen, they DO. It's probably the largest contributor to their house appearing to be so gentle and calm. (well, all things considered...there are a ton of louder little boys running around)

I'd love to institute this (and verbalize several of the others) in our home, but I think the soft words has to start with me. I think I've become much less reactive in the last few months, but I wish I had enough self control to not raise my voice. Ever. As unattainable as it seems, that actually is my goal.

#84 on my list of 101 Goals is to go a whole week without raising my voice to my kids. I was keeping track of my good days, but after 3 or 4 in a row, I'd lose my temper and have to start over. I stopped tracking much of anything while I had morning sickness, but what I've noticed recently is that when I DO lose my cool, I think to myself, "Wow - it's been a while since I raised my voice. I wonder if it's been a week?" And I notice that I generally raise my voice when one child has hurt the other and Mama Bear gets protective. So I AM getting better, considering I used to have hour by hour goals, not day by day!

I'm thinking this "use soft words" idea might work. It seems pretty universal and can replace my mantra of, "inside voices, please" which I say all. day. long. Plus, Kaylin's getting back into the bad habit of screaming (when she's mad, frustrated, feels mistreated) instead of using her words, so I've been actively trying to nip that in the bud.

There's always so much to work on. I feel this sense of urgency to correct certain behaviors before they become too "normal" for my kids. I let things go, don't get me wrong, but when I set my mind on retraining an issue, I give it my all.

Is it just me or does this parenting job seem constant???

Caught, Not Taught

After a message on "Parenting" at church a couple of weeks ago, Mike and I sat down and talked about our kids. It feels like there's so much to work on, with new issues arising every day, so we made a list of the top three behaviors we want to correct.

We started with Ryan. The three things we want to focus on for him are:
- lying (we caught him lying three times that week, which is new)
- arguing (there is no black and white with him - everything is up for negotiation)
- and bad attitudes (once he concedes to do what he's told, pouting and complaining often follow)

After being reminded in the sermon that with kids, "More is caught than taught," I asked Mike if he thinks we're a good example for Ryan in those areas? His answer was the same as mine: no. Except lying; Mike and I are honest to a fault. But we are guilty of arguing and displaying annoyed attitudes when asked to do something. Why would Ryan think that he should respond differently?

The biggest thing that I am guilty of is saying, "Just a minute," so I can finish what I'm doing before helping someone. Ryan does that all the time and I wonder why it drives me nuts?!?! This habit started intentionally, believe it or not. I didn't want my kids to expect me (or anyone else, for that matter) to drop everything to refill their drink or reach a toy or help them zip their dress up outfit. I hoped they would learn patience, but instead I think they learned that it's okay to put off others' needs while I finish something more important to me. (*oops*)

So Mike and I discussed spending the next week being more agreeable. With each other, with the kids, just in general. Instead of, "I'll help you tie your shoes after I'm done packing your lunch," we'd answer, "Sure!" with a cheerful attitude. The same attitude we expect from the kids. That small change would cover being an example for not arguing and serving others without complaining.

What's hilarious to me is that during the week of jumping up to help the kids on a whim, they both became fairly helpless, even demanding. "May I be excused to get a drink?" became, "Mom, will you get me some water?" And after asking them to do me a favor, there were several times I was met with, "Will you do it?"

It's the same result of our "Yes Day" on Easter. I didn't announce what I was doing, but the kids figured it out eventually and began to take advantage.

I also feel like I'm saying, "no" all the time. But the questions are often things that the kids (specifically Ryan) know the answer to. It always seems to be after school that I'm constantly saying, "no." And I figured out that it's about the same two subjects: snacks before dinner and media.

I sat Ryan down and reminded him that we don't watch tv or play the Wii during the week and that when he asks, there will be a consequence. Then I told him that once his after school snack is gone, if he is still hungry, he is welcome to eat dinner early. Otherwise, I'll have a plate of cut up vegetables in the fridge that they don't need to ask permission to eat. That has been working very well, by the way. I feel like I say, "no" half as much as I used to!

It's apparent that both extremes are harmful to kids. Too much "yes" and too much "no" doesn't work. I'm learning to balance my "Sure!" responses with my "Hold on a minute," responses and have no problem answering their requests for drinks at dinner with, "No, but you may be excused to get yourself some water."

In the meantime, new issues arose for Mike and I through this process. But that's a blog post for another day...

Q&A Wednesday - Tattling

Carrie asked, "How do you enforce your no tattling rule? Because, really, I don't care who poked who!! I would love to not feel like a mediator half the day!"

There is a difference between tattling and telling. I've explained this to my kids several times. (ahem...sometimes several times a day)

"Telling" is anything involving blood or safety. And recently, I've included privacy issues under the safety category. (as in "lingering in the bathroom to get a peek" or "that boy looked up my skirt") Anything else is tattling and is not acceptable.

When my kids tattle, I always ask, "Is this a safety issue?" Sometimes it's not, but they might think it is, so I have to explain. "Calling you a name is breaking the rules, but it's not actually a safety issue. Use your manners and politely ask him to stop. If he doesn't, either ignore him or go play somewhere else." It's sometimes maddening to have to referee, but when I respond the same way every time, they get tired of hearing the same response, so they stop tattling.

When they don't, there's a consequence. I remind them once not to tattle, then after that, I take a ticket/privilege away. If they can't work things out on their own and the arguing escalates, I give them one warning, then I send them to play alone in their own rooms. "If you can't play nice together, you can't play together at all." THAT works 100% of the time because neither of them likes playing alone. (Kaylin gets "alone-ly.")

If they tattle about something that we both know isn't a safety issue, I'll simply say, "No tattling. Work it out," and send them on their way. In your case, Carrie, the kids are poking each other, which could become a safety issue. I usually guide my kids to ask the other person to stop ("use your words and ask nicely using your manners") before coming to me. Then if it happens again in a short period of time, I'll threaten to separate them (sometimes even before they come to me) and of course I follow through and send them to their rooms if the offense is repeated again.

Even though it drives me nuts to constantly remind them how to deal with a situation unemotionally, I can see that they're getting it. If I overhear someone trying to appropriately handle something on their own, I praise them like crazy. Some day, they'll be able to work things out without me all the time! Or at least a mom can hope...

My Thoughts on "Food, Inc."

I've been anxious to watch the documentary, "Food, Inc." for several weeks. I didn't know what I was in for, but I was interested to see the movie that claims to "lift the veil" from the food industry.

I already consider myself a fairly conscious eater. We don't eat many processed foods, I prefer all natural ingredients and eat as many fresh, whole foods as possible. I rarely buy canned goods, I cook mostly from scratch and I avoid using my microwave. Some think I'm extreme, others think I'm not strict enough. But I've been very comfortable where we are and was not ready to be any more of a food Nazi than I already am.

Then I heard about Food, Inc. on the Oscars. (click on the link to watch the trailer) Then from a friend. Then another and another. Everyone began making major changes to how they purchase food immediately after watching it. One friend became a vegetarian. I was interested to see what all of the fuss was about, but to be honest, I decided to eat most of our food stash just in case I was tempted to throw away hundreds of dollars in groceries!

I wasn't sure what to expect. Was it a documentary put together by environmentalists? Vegans? Animal rights activists? Extremists who eat everything raw? Because I'm none of those things. Maybe I should be, but I'm not. I like animals, but I'm fine eating them. (that sounded weird, but you know what I mean) I like the environment, but I have no problem using my dryer or taking a long shower. (I am a little fanatical about recycling and using reusable grocery bags, so I guess I'm not completely wasteful.)

So I finally watched it. I am appauled and shocked by what I saw, but not for the reasons that I expected. I had to turn away while watching a few of the animal scenes, but what resonated with me most was one small concept from the film: When we make a food purchase, we're voting with our dollars. Organic food could be cheaper if more people purchased it. It's the basic law of supply and demand.

One of the issues that was brought up in the film actually began for me last week. Mike and I had a date night and planned to eat dinner at Chipotle. (Which, BTW, I found out is ironically owned by McDonalds. But I will continue eating there because their meat is naturally raised and it is a healthy option for eating out...not to mention delicious and cheap!) Before leaving the house, Mike ran across a buy one, get one free coupon for a local Mexican place, so we tried it. The meal was great, so Mike asked the manager if they have any other locations. "Nope - this is the only one!" God bless that poor little place in this economy. I left there feeling so glad that we gave them our business. And I was suddenly burdened to give all smaller companies my business.

Does anyone remember a few years ago when so many small towns boycotted building Walmarts because it took business away from the family owned stores? I remember thinking, "But Walmart has everything. For cheap! Why wouldn't people want that???"

Now I get it.

The executives of Walmart are rolling in dough while smaller businesses permanently close their doors day after day.

Granted, Food, Inc. was fairly "pro-Walmart," but the concepts of the big guys bullying the little guys was a huge issue in the movie. Specifically Tyson...their executives are rolling in dough while the local chicken farms that they contract with make $18,000 a year. It was so sad. Disheartening, really.

Here are my biggest takeaways from the movie: buy local, buy seasonally and buy organic. I plan to reduce the amount of meat we eat so that I can buy better quality and I'm going to check to see what's seasonal before assuming that just because the grocery store carries something, it was ripened properly and not shipped half way across the world.

And as frugal as I am, I fully intend to begin paying a little more to support smaller businesses and farmers markets. I haven't given the quality of their food much attention, until now. Yes, I will continue to shop at Walmart, but on a much more limited basis. I will make most of my food purchases from my produce co-op, Trader Joe's (it makes me happy just walking in there!) and Sprouts.

I hate that we, as consumers, are shielded from so much. We only know what the media wants us to know. And that makes me feel like an ignorant sheep.

Uninspired

Have you noticed that I've been cheating for a while? Not cheating on you and certainly not cheating on Mike, just...cheating. Short cuts, if you will. My posts have mostly been Friday re-runs, meal plans or Q&A Wednesdays. I have managed to throw in a few posts about my kids, a recipe or two and some things I'm tackling on my 101 in 1001 list. But other than that, I've been feeling pretty uninspired lately - not sure why. I actually started the "Q&A Wednesday with Kay-tay" series because I had bloggers block. Does that exist or did I just create a condition? Regardless, I think I've contracted it.

Truth be told, I've sat down at the computer a dozen times in recent weeks to write something that was on my mind, but would get distracted or lose interest before I even thought of a title. I've been trying to spend less time on the computer, which is good, right? Mike and I have agreed to avoid all media (tv and computer) while the kids are awake. I check emails before the kids wake up, sit down and play around during Kaylin's nap (if I'm not sleeping, too) and I'll get caught up again after everyone's in bed at night.

That doesn't sound limited, but it's probably reduced my computer time to about half. I still need time to print coupons, make grocery lists, respond to emails and play with my pictures, plus post on my POD blog. Not to mention the dozens of blogs I follow - I'm mostly skimming their posts these days with a whopping 214 "I need to go back and read this/make this recipe/try this idea" posts saved in my blog reader. Oy.

But I do have some fun stuff up my sleeve. I'm quickly approaching my 1000th post and to celebrate, I'm going to have a ton of giveaways. Day after day after day of fun giveaways for YOU to win fun stuff from some generous companies that I've found. That's all going to happen next month, so stay tuned and check back daily for new giveaways.

I also want to share what I've been learning and applying in some books I've read, plus my thoughts on Food, Inc. Because I watched it. And I have thoughts.

So don't give up on me yet, dear readers and loyal fans. I'll come back around. Stella got her groove back and so can I.

I'm going to go play outside with my family now. I think today is the last decent weather Phoenix is going to have until November. Must go enjoy...

#81 - Wash my car by hand

I had an Accord when I made my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list, so with no intention of getting a step stool and cleaning my new-to-me minivan, washing Mike's car is going to have to count for this one.

Meal Plan - 5/3/10

Monday - Chicken Pesto Pizza and salad
Tuesday - Bean Stew with Whole Wheat Bread
Wednesday - Garlic Chicken Farfalle
Thursday - Bean and Cheese Quesadillas with chips and salsa
Friday - Sloppy Joes with green beans and salad
Saturday - Luau Dinner Party!
Sunday - Mother's Day

#56 - Purchase overstuffed chairs and a large ottoman for our living room

Moving right along through my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list, I've crossed off half of #56. Well, 2/3 of it, technically.

I've had these amazing, overstuffed chairs picked out in my mind for over two years. They're $1000 each, not to mention the huge $800 ottoman that will complete the room. With the economy the way it is (and has been), my dream chairs have not been on our radar.

Then a few weeks ago, it occurred to me that my mom might be willing to sell me her big chairs. She's downsizing and I figured I could surely talk her out of them! Turns out she had them posted on Craigslist for sale. I don't mean to sound like a spoiled only child, but MINE, MINE, MINE! They weren't exactly what I wanted, but they are pretty darn close and are perfectly functional for what I pictured: a comfy place to read, relax or talk on the phone.

And so it was. Now I have the remaining $1900 to use toward the ottoman. HA! I actually have in my mind that I want one that has storage inside to keep toys hidden away. But for now, that will have to wait. Two items outta three for #56 ain't bad. And the room is no longer bare. Yippee!

Link up your 101 in 1001 List

For some reason, the link widget disappeared on the bottom of my 101 Goals in 1001 Days post a while ago. But, as suddenly as it vanished, now it's back.

I know some of you have created your own 101 in 1001 list on your blogs in the last few months, so if it's not already listed under mine, take a minute to create a link so others can be inspired by your goals.

How are you doing on your list? I have exactly 50 of my 101 crossed off with a few more in progress and about 513 days left. I feel like I've been actively attacking the items on my list, yet it turns out that I'm right on track: half way done with about half of the time left.

If you don't have as many items crossed off as you'd hoped, pick a few and set your mind to completing them in the next few weeks. Be intentional about it. Making progress through such a hefty feat is extremely empowering!