Comfortable in My Skin

This morning, I saw this video on Facebook. It had such an impact on me that it's been resonating with me all day. 

Do yourself a favor - please follow the link and watch it.  You will be so glad you did! It's an Australian woman who had the "perfect body" and realized that it still wasn't good enough. Nothing changed about how she felt about her body, even after working so hard to "get a taste" of what it felt like to have an amazing, toned, perfectly in-shape, magazine-cover-worthy body.

To me, the strongest words in her video were, "How am I going to teach my beautiful daughter to love her body if her mom can't do the same?" Knife. in. the. heart.

I have never been comfortable in my own skin. As a young child, I was always the tallest in my class and a little thicker than all of my flat-tummied little friends. My single mom found the funds to put me in dance, tennis, and swim team. I was clearly an active kid, yet I always knew I was "bigger" than other kids. Looking at this picture below from my 6th birthday, my negative self-image seems ridiculous.

In 4th grade, my PE teacher did an annual fitness test. We did sit ups, push ups, ran, and we were measured. I remember exactly where I was standing in the gymnasium when my friends were discussing their weight. "I'm 64 lbs," "I'm 61 - less than you!" I looked down at my paper and saw that I weighed 85 lbs. I felt huge.

Today, Ryan is the same age and weighs about the same as I did. He is a fit, active boy, and he is solid as a rock. Yet he is perfect. Definitely not chunky, definitely not thin, just perfect. Thinking back, I'll bet I was, too. 

When puberty hit, I developed quickly and boys stopped looking me in the eyes during conversations…their gaze wandered down to my chest and never moved. I had a different reason to feel uncomfortable in my skin. Thankfully, baggy, oversized shirts were the "grunge" style in the early 90s. 

In high school, when eating disorders were rampant, I compared my flaws to others' strengths, never knowing what they were doing to stay so thin. I always felt like the biggest girl in the room. I refused to cut my hair too short for fear that it would make my face look chunky. 

In college, I went overboard, gaining the freshman 15 in a matter of months, then packing on a few extra pounds for good measure. I ate Golden Grahams for lunch and Pasta Roni for dinner. It was a carb-feasting phenomenon. I can't imagine what I would have weighed if I drank my way through college, like most of my friends!

By the time I graduated, I was a healthier weight and worked out consistently, but still felt disgusted by the image looking back at me in the mirror. I was so deceived!

It seems that the pictures I look back on with envy are those around the time each of my kids was about a year old. Could it be because I was carrying around a not-yet-walking 20-30 lb baby blob all the time? I remember finally feeling fit enough to run a 5K and thinking, "That picture of me crossing the finish line must have been a really good angle - because my butt and legs look great!" Or maybe…just maybe…my legs actually DID look great? At the time, I didn't think so. 

Here I am, after four pregnancies and three beautiful children, still criticizing myself in the mirror every single day as I get dressed.

Lately, even before watching the video above, I've asked myself, "When is it going to be good enough?" And the answer is most definitely, "NEVER." I am never going to be happy with the way I look unless I consciously decide to be.

My metabolism isn't what it was in my 20s. My hips aren't what they were before I gave birth. And even if I were at my ideal size and weight, my legs are getting veiny and gravity is starting to set in. It's very possible that I look better today than I will ever look again in my life. Very soon, I will look back on the pictures from May, 2014 and long to look like I do today. Right at this moment.

I'm done. I'm done with the self-loathing. I'm done critiquing the parts of myself that are imperfect. I'm done shaming myself for giving in to a sweet treat after lunch or eating one too many cookies at a pot luck. 

I am officially, publicly, accepting my near-40 year old body. This is me and I need to deal with it. Pouchy belly, back fat and all. I will continue to exercise and continue to make healthy eating choices, but I am DONE with the negative self image. 

I resolve to become comfortable in my own skin in 2014 and stay that way. Yee Haw! I feel more free already.

Poor Time Management

If I do say so myself, I have naturally awesome time management skills. Well, maybe not naturally...maybe I've learned to have great time management over the years, but regardless, I rock in this area.

Except not lately. Like at ALL. These last few weeks have left me overwhelmed and unfocused many hours of most days. And when I do have some free time, I find myself wanted to collapse into a pile of mental exhaustion from the day's activities, lacking any motivation or desire to cross anything off my to do list. 

This is all very unlike me. Very. What happened to my incredible ability to spin plates and wear different hats?

For some reason, I am feeling a lot of pressure lately. Pressure to get back into a good routine with our homeschooling. Pressure to declutter my house (seeing unnecessary crap...er, I mean, STUFF, in every corner is suddenly driving me insane). Pressure to stick to my recent commitment to eating right and doing the Bikini Body Mommy 90 day challenge. Pressure to keep my kids from destroying everything that I just tidied up five minutes ago. 

We've also had a lot of larger time-suckers taking over the schedule (eye doctor appointments, the allergist, hair cuts, not to mention preparing and packing for, then unpacking and doing laundry from, several trips and weekend getaways) - plus we've suddenly added football practice and Cub Scout meetings back into our weekly rotation. Is it horrible that I'm so grateful that no one signed up for our new weekly Bible study this semester? Having one more night filled with people just sounds...exhausting.

I'm probably going to be shunned from the mommy community for admitting this, but the worst part is (...brace yourself...) I have not been enjoying my kids lately. For some reason, their singing is driving me crazy. Their banter is driving me crazy. Asking simple questions, even legitimate ones about schoolwork, is driving me crazy. The whining and constant talking and "Mommy, Mom, HEY MOMMY..." is driving. me. crazy.

Yet it's funny how God has been dropping snippets of hope and encouragement into my life.

This past weekend, I found a blog post in my email about being a Mental Neat Freak. After reading it, I realized that I need to do a brain dump to "sort" all of the stuff floating around in my head. I am hoping to find the time to blog more often. 

On Monday, my daily devotional had this to say, "You will not find My Peace by engaging in excessive planning; attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. Just when you think you have prepared for all of the possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion." (don't I know it)

On Tuesday, this was in my in-box, "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Galatians 6:9" (Promise?!?!?)

Then this morning, in a futile attempt to escape all that I should be doing, I cleared out my email in-box and found a blog post titled, "What about ME: On taking care of yourself as a homeschool mom." 

I almost cried while reading it. THIS is what I have been needing! ME TIME. I have felt selfishly guilty for escaping for some much needed daily mental and physical rest. My kids are around me all. day. long. Sometimes it feels like my day is one big run-on sentence. I speak and am spoken to constantly. Constantly. 

Jason is such a bundle of energy that I can barely see how quickly he is maturing. He's growing out of the...let's call it a...tough phase, that he's been in for more than two years. He no longer thrives on making waves or causing trouble. He can still be a challenge, but he is getting so much better. And I wish I was more appreciative.

Kaylin wants so desperately for her brothers to love and accept her, but generally gets caught in a wrestling match which ends in tears. It seems that she's drawn to me during my quiet moments when all I want is to be alone. Please, for the love of all that is good...I just want some space. Even as I type this, she's curled up on the bed next to me, forfeiting stories with Daddy to just lay near me before bedtime. And all I want to do is escape.

Then there's Ryan...my clone. He is so responsible and I feel that I've taken advantage of that recently. Soliciting him to help with extra chores or occupy Jason with a game of Duck, Duck, Goose because I just don't have it in me. 

I feel consistently torn between doing what I want to do and doing what I know I should be doing. I haven't felt this way since before Jason was born...back when Ryan was the one who was the handful. I'm just feeling so...smothered all of a sudden. On Monday, it was literally giving me anxiety. Mike came home from work early (which never happens) because he had a dentist appointment and I was giddy. I asked if I could go run errands alone then head to the gym. When he asked if I'd be willing to take one of the kids with me, I nearly cried. 

This is SO unlike me!!!

What's worse is that the more I want to be alone, the more the kids are attracted to me. It's a vicious cycle...like they can sense it. 

I need to get my time management under control. Letting all of this out has been helpful, but the practical side of me realizes that I need to sit down and block out chunks of time for school, work,  exercise, Mike, of course, and I can't forget ME TIME. Because I'm drowning without it. 

Whew! I feel a little better already. Time to snuggle with my girl.

Feeling...Blah

This week has been a very blah week for me. I've been feeling overwhelmed with unpacking from our California trip, doing mountains of laundry, Cub Scouts and football starting up again, Bible studies starting up again, taking Kaylin to tumbling, taking Jason to the doctor for a cough which turned into a referral to an allergist (another appointment?!?!), dentist appointments for me and Ryan, and not to mention that I'd like to workout, shower and sleep and...oh yeah! I'm supposed to fit in educating three children. 

Before all of this began on Tuesday, I committed to a 90 Day Challenge from Bikini Body Mommy. Believe me, friends...I need it! After a calorie-laden vacation and an exercise-free summer because of my stupid cast, I'm more than ready to get my body back. Unfortunately, "my body" has never been a bikini body, but I want MY body back none-the-less.

The first steps to begin the challenge were to weigh and measure myself, then (*gulp*) take "before" pictures in a bikini. 

Folks, I haven't squeezed into a bikini in nearly a decade. Why would I? The only person who sees my belly is Mike and he doesn't care if it's tan or not! But I did it. Reluctantly, and mostly because this BBM chick Brianna was very bossy and told me (er, um, everyone) "don't skip this step!" So I did it. 

And I was instantly depressed. Not depressed, just...disheartened. Well-designed clothes cover up all of the imperfections that a bikini puts on display. Even though I see myself naked every day after showers and while getting dressed, the reality finally hit me. It looked like someone dressed me up in a fat suit. 

As the week progressed with doctor appointments, putting our house back together after our trip, shuttling kids to meetings, practices and birthday parties...I have felt quite overwhelmed. I gave myself a break by calling in helpers to clean my house yesterday, so at least we're not living in filth, but this week has still taken a lot out of me. 

All the while, I've been feeling really down on myself. With every decision of what to eat throughout the day, I'm reminded of how uncomfortable I am in my own skin. So I turn around and remind Mike so he can join in on the emotional battering of my spirit. 

But he hasn't taken the bait. In fact, for some strange reason, he has been wearing these rose-colored "I think you look great, honey, you need to stop being so hard on yourself," glasses for months and months and months. His unconditional love and encouragement has been the only thing keeping me sane.

I'm going to stick to this Bikini Body Mommy's workouts (since mine clearly haven't been doing a darn thing all month) to see if I can regain some of my muscle tone and shape again. My body responds really well to exercise and rebels when I become lazy. And I have become lazy.

If things go as planned over the next 90 days, I will show you the horrendous "before" bikini pictures (because I know the human nature in you is dying to see my imperfections in gory detail) with the smokin' hot "after" bikini picture right next to it.

So I've officially put it out there...I'm doing this. I'm reducing my portion sizes, I'm increasing my weight training, and I have every intention of adding jogging into my cardio routine. No more pity parties! It's time to attack this issue head-on.

Let's do this thing!

(BTW...if you want to follow along with the BBM's 90 Day Challenge, "like" her page on Facebook to see her daily workouts and encouraging tips along the way. And no, I'm not getting a kickback for endorsing this girl. She has nearly 56K followers...I'm quite sure she doesn't care about my referrals!)

Annoying One-Handed Activities

Kaylin picked me out a green cast...it matches absolutely nothing in my closet!

I have never been quite so jealous of people with two working hands than since I broke my wrist.  Now that I have a harder cast, you'd think my free fingers would be more helpful, but they're still very sore with limited mobility. I can't use my thumb at all because the nerves are directly connected to the area I injured. It's awesome. Basically, the tiny sausages fingers on my cast-hand are utterly useless.

Below is just a short list of tasks that are much more difficult (not impossible, but definitely more challenging) to do without the assistance of a non-dominant hand.

It is no longer easy for me to...

- Type

- Zip zippers or fasten buttons 

- Put on deodorant

- Properly wash my hands

- Blow my nose

- Ring out a wash cloth 

- Clasp a bra 

- Pull my hair back 

- Hang a shirt back on the hanger when I change my mind about what I'm wearing 

- Take out the contact in my right eye because my nose is in the way 

- Put the cap back on the toothpaste

- Clap when my oldest son gets baptized 

- Tie my youngest son's shoes 

- Curl my daughters hair
- Braid my daughters hair
- Pull my daughters hair into a pony tail

- Hold a book to read (ironically, now that I have time) 

- Turn sharp corners quickly in my vehicle
- Make a 20 point turn when people park too close to me in a parallel spot

- Wash dishes by hand
- Fold towels
- Fold PJs
- Fold laundry of any kind

- Chop vegetables for my salad

- Cut up meat for my kids

- Lift a large package of anything into my cart at Costco 

- Fill produce bags without the contents rolling out 

- Put a twist tie on said produce bag 

- Shave my good-arm armpit 

- Pop a zit (I haven't had to do that yet but that thought occurred to me today)
- Put on a Band Aid

- Change my sons sheet after he wets the bed 

- Open jars, bottles, or things without a flip-cap top
- Open packages of any kind

- Close storage bags and containers

- Change the toilet paper roll

- Gather dinner ingredients in my arms in one trip like Rachel Ray 

I'm considering becoming a hippie. Bra-less, no-frills hair, no shaving my pits, lack of deodorant, skirts and dresses all the time...now if I could just learn how to play the acoustic guitar one-handed, I'd lead us all in a few 60s tunes.

Don't get me wrong - I am grateful my right wrist wasn't affected. I can write, drive, flip pancakes, and wipe my own bum without assistance. I'm trying to find positives in the little things!

I'll begin writing more uplifting posts soon, but for now, I'm enjoying wallowing in self-pity. Feel free to laugh at my inabilities...someday, I'm sure I'll join you.

 

I had plans...

This week, all three of my kids are at vacation Bible school from 9am to noon. I haven't had this much pre-planned alone-time in...a very long time. I made a hair appointment, had a list of things I wanted to do around the house, shopping to do, returns to make, and piles of scrapbooking to catch up on. I even planned to cross several things off my 101 in 1001 list. (#8, #24, #37, #57, #65, #66, #68, #86, #87, and #96, to be exact)

But all of these things are difficult to do with one hand. Possible, yes, but much more difficult and much more time consuming then I was expecting. The hair appointment was well-timed, since it took me two hours to shower, wash my hair, blow dry my hair with Kaylin's help, and get dressed for church on Sunday. Getting my hair cut, colored, and styled yesterday should last me at least 3-4 days of not having to think about what my hair looks like. (don't judge) Because you know it's gonna be a hot mess without two hands to hold both the round brush and the blow dryer. 

I'm trying to take the hint that God wants me to slow down a little bit this week, but short of sitting around and watching t.v., it's been tough. I'm already bored out of my mind and growing increasingly antsy. I'm severely frustrated that all of my plans will not get accomplished. I suppose I could organize some of the nooks and crannies that were on my list, it will just take a very long time.

This little accident of mine is really cramping my style. Don't expect too many fun, excited, happy Katie posts until this stupid cast is off. Because it's making me cranky.

(*sigh*)

I Forget About the "Mean Girls"

Today is our first official, planned day off from homeschooling. I was feeling a little burned out and made the executive decision to take the month of June off. It's still cool enough in the afternoons for the kids to play out front with their neighbor friends, we have things like VBS and church camp scheduled, and the novelty of "summer vacation" is definitely in the air with everyone we know. And this is the perfect time for me to get all of my stuff done. Car stuff, hair stuff, doctor appointments, scrapbooking...you know, the important stuff! 

Yesterday after the gym, I took Jason and Kaylin to the car wash and to get the oil changed. During the 1+ hour adventure, I noticed was another mom and a young girl who arrived at the same time as us and had the same services done on their vehicle. The girl befriended Kaylin. 

We learned that her name was Sara and that she just finished 5th grade. She. was. talkative. She talked to Kaylin, she talked to me, she talked to the man sitting near us, she talked and talked and talked. And her mom was silent the entire time. She watched Jason and smiled at his Jason-ness a few times, but she didn't say a word. After an hour of chatting and playing, Sara asked where Kaylin goes to school. 

Kaylin: "We homeschool. I'm getting ready to start 2nd grade and my big brother is starting 4th grade."

Sara: "Oh! You homeschool! I go to (named her school). That's where I make most of my friends. Except I don't have many friends. Most of the kids in my school are pretty mean to me."

Heart. Breaking.

Being in our little homeschooling bubble, I tend to forget about the "mean girls." And the cliques. And the teasing. And the bullying. It's like this cultural stigma that we can't get out from under as a society. There are anti-bullying campaigns and no-tolerance policies and yet there are hundreds of thousands of kids, just like Sara, who are affected by their peers in a negative way.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Sara. That poor girl could very well continue to grow up feeling less and less worthy. Or maybe she'll get to high school and "find" herself, make some friends who treat her well and use her past pain to write awesome ballads that will earn her a Grammy?

I'm hoping for the latter.

Annoyed

This is me lately. I can't think of how long it's been going on, but this weekend, I just felt this overwhelming sense of being annoyed. With everyone in my house. All the time. 

I lacked joy. I lacked peace. I lacked grace.

I don't know what my problem was and I was so frustrated with myself earlier today that I was almost in tears over it. I've had a quick trigger, have been easily pissy and have taken an insane amount of time to calm down about the stupidest little things.

Can we just clear up something real quick? No, I'm not on my period and NO, I'm not pregnant. Those would be easy answers, but the timing is way off. 

But it does feel very hormonal in the fact that I feel completely helpless to these intensely negative feelings. 

I was over-evaluating myself today and trying to figure out why I'm craving control over everything. Maybe because I feel so OUT of control about certain things, that I'm desperately grasping for false control over others...?  This could be why I've been ripping apart my house room by room and reorganizing. Or why my expectations of Mike and the kids have been so specific and unrealistic. Or why I've been so manic about fixing my issue with my body image.

On Saturday night, Mike and I discussed the kids a bit on our date night. It seems like they're arguing their way out of everything these days, or at least trying to, and I needed it to stop. Immediately. We came up with a plan. (shocker, right?)

We decided to tie first-time obedience for all three kids to their screen time. All of the kids have become quite addicted to playing on my iPhone or iPad in the past couple of months, so figuring out their "currency" was easy. We're hoping to break them of their habit of arguing before doing things that they're asked and we also added that they'd lose screen time if they are bossy to their siblings. (this is more Kaylin's issue than the arguing, but Ryan and Jason struggle with it, too.)

I'm hoping this will lessen some of the squabbles that happen throughout the day, minimizing the gentle boil of my temper that seems ready to explode without notice. But in the meantime, I have GOT TO work on my attitude. Because seriously, this is not cool and I'm over it.

Maybe I should take up heavy drinking to take the edge off? :) 

Okay, rant over. I'm going to bed where I can't say or do anything negative to anybody. I'm hoping to wake up on the RIGHT side of the bed tomorrow. For once. (*sigh*) 

I'm done yelling. Seriously.

Jason: "Hey Mommy - take a picture of me with my angry face" (notice his bed head that looks like devil horns)

I mentioned that I'm reading through the book "Unglued" with some friends, right? Yesterday's chapter discussed the idea of having an action plan for the moments of crisis that are inevitable to pop up in life.

The author gave the example of an angry passenger on an airplane. The flight crew is trained to deal with these and many other types of situations. They don't take rants personally, they don't become emotional, they stay calm, voices low and firm, giving a warning so everyone knows what to expect if things continue to escalate.

So why don't I do that??? Back when I used to volunteer in the kids classrooms (particularly pre-school), I was a master at handling crazy kids with composure. But admittedly, I'm out of the habit. I decided this morning that I need to start treating my children the way I would treat your children if they were in my home without you. I would outline the rules, explain the consequences of breaking those rules, give appropriate warnings, then follow through without being emotional about it.

Today I challenged myself to do that exact sequence. Hour by hour, I vowed not to raise my voice. I don't care that my hormones are raging, so what if rainy weather makes kids a little crazy, it doesn't matter whether everyone behaves like robots or not...I would never stand for anyone else speaking to my kids the way I have this week! It's unacceptable for others and it is absolutely unacceptable for me. I'm ashamed and embarrassed.

I shared this challenge with my best friend this morning and she offered some additional insight: when we (as parents) don't stay on top of issues of obedience, there's no grace left for the genuine accidents that all {clumsy} kids have.  If I follow through with making sure Jason goes upstairs the first time I ask and I'm not forced to restrain my frustration by attempting to calmly repeat myself 3-4 times, by the time he accidentally knocks into the water cup full of paint brushes and it spills on the table, I'm much more likely to respond with love and grace. If I'm already maxed out, any small incident could be "the final straw." (which is too often the case) 

I overheard Kaylin say to Ryan yesterday, "I spilled a little paint on my skirt," to which I just closed my eyes and shook my head (it was the 3rd paint accident in a very short time) but Ryan quietly responded, "Don't mention it to Mom right now or she might freak out again." He totally had my number! That is not how I want my kids to be talking about me behind my back, that's for sure.

Other things play a vital role, too...like whether I've gotten enough sleep and have been eating well.  Same goes for the kids; if they're tired or hungry, coming down off a sugar high or if they haven't had one-on-one time with me, they have their own short fuses to deal with. I can usually take that into consideration, but not when I have my own issues that cloud my judgement. 

My new plan of attack is this: First and foremost, start each day with prayer, asking God to help me control my emotions hour by hour, if needed. Next, speak to the kids with the same kindness and respect that I would someone else's children. Especially when we homeschool...I need to get back to the mental image of taking off my mom hat and putting on my teacher hat every day. Patience, patience, patience. Last, I need to draw a firm line in the sand about first time obedience. When I'm overtired or distracted or rushing out the door, I'm not good about following through to make sure the kids do what I ask of them. The big kids see this inconsistency and know when they can slack off. No more! Because later, when I realize they didn't hang up their coat when I told them to (or whatever), I'm more likely to raise my voice in shock and disbelief...WAY overreacting and WAY after the instruction was ignored.

I'm no longer going to get louder in order to feel heard in my house. My new goal is to stay calm and unemotional, following through with consequences immediately instead of half-heartedly throwing out requests for the kids to do this or that.

We need a major boot camp up in here. I started a little today and got quite a bit of resistance. Wish me luck...it's going to be loooong weekend!

 

Behind the Scenes of a Theme Party: What Other Mothers Won't Tell You.

I could be quick in my description of Jason's to-be airplane birthday party in the morning, but the story of the process is much more entertaining.  Got a minute?  Okay, let's go.

On Monday night, it hit me like a ton of bricks: "OHMYGOSH! Jason's birthday party is THIS Saturday!" Weeks ago, I had pinned some Lego birthday party ideas, then we switched to an airplane theme with lots of orange and some royal blue. (his two newest obsessions are airplanes and the color orange)  Pinning ideas is great, but {most of the time} if you expect to use any of these ideas, it's best to peek at your Birthday Party Board more than 5 days in advance. 

Just sayin'.

One of the cutest ideas I saw were little airplane-shaped sandwiches tied with little bows. I had planned on looking for an airplane cookie cutter, but clearly forgot.  So, at 10pm on Monday night, I Googled.  Sure enough, I found one for only $1, but to assure it would arrive by Friday, I had to pay $8+ shipping. That was painful, but as I pictured myself driving to different craft stores all over town, hauling all three kids in and out, in and out, in and out of the car, I decided that the time value of money was worth the expense. (See, Jess?  I actually listen when you speak!!!)

Glad that something was checked off my to do list, I posted a status on Facebook: "Today I had a moment of, 'Um, I think Jason's birthday party is this weekend,' realizing that pinning ideas on Pinterest doesn't count for *actual work* the week of a birthday party.  I totally just paid $8 to expedite shipping of a $1 airplane cookie cutter. I'm a little appalled at myself right now." Within minutes, I had comments from people saying, "I have an airplane cookie cutter you could have borrowed!" Curses.

I quickly emailed the company and asked them to cancel my order. I immediately halted my Etsy search for an orange shirt with an airplane on it. Because I'd learned my lesson!  I posted a plea on Facebook asking if anyone had an orange or blue shirt with an airplane.  Sure enough, I got some positive feedback.  Yay!

But not before I emailed a few Etsy ladies about their shirts. Most required an additional $20 to express ship, after racing to complete my inconsiderate rush order in a timely manner.  But there was one. ONE who insisted that she could whip up the shirt and send it, regular mail, for me to have by Friday. I didn't believe her, but I paid anyway.  

Back to the cookie cutter. The next morning, I got an email confirmation that my order had been shipped. NO! I responded asking if they'd gotten my cancellation email? They had not. Whatever, liars. They do, however, have a "very generous" 30 day money back guarantee.  "On the $8 shipping?" I asked. "No, on the cost of the product," they responded leaving out the "BAHAHAHAHAHA, I don't think so, lady." (*sigh*) 

We left the house bright and early and ventured to Target to start collecting orange and royal blue party stuff. Thank goodness Halloween is so close!  We got tons of fun, color-coordinated goodies. Later that afternoon, I printed out some cute food labels and some fun covers for the party favors that were purchased before the color theme was decided on. (Gasp! They won't match?!?!?! Oh well, I'll survive.)

Fast forward to Thursday. A friend brought over the slate blue airplane shirt she promised, which I originally wasn't too excited about because the party is more of a royal blue hue. (yes, I realize how stupid I sound) But when she arrived, she whipped out an outfit that she'd forgotten about that is PERFECT. Blue and orange plaid shorts with a great airplane matching blue shirt. Yay! Except I just paid $17 for that other custom, orange shirt. Bummer. Oh well, we're borrowing the outfit, he'll wear it at the party, then he'll wear his orange shirt on his actual birthday...and probably every other day after that because he's so obsessed with orange and it will give him variety from the ONE orange shirt that he currently has, not that it matters because we rarely leave the house anymore anyway and no one realizes he wears this particular shirt at least three times a week. (exhale)

Thursday afternoon guess what arrived in the mail? The $9+ cookie cutter AND the orange shirt. Man, those people are fast!

This morning, I pulled out everything to assembly line the airplane sandwiches for the party tomorrow. I went to cut the first one and it tore apart! No. No! NOOOOO!!!  Not my $9 cookie cutter!!!!  I played around a little and landed (no pun intended) on freezing the bread first, then filling the sandwich, then putting it all together. Which I should be doing right now instead of blogging, but I'm procrastinating that piece of the party until the morning.

This afternoon, I assembled the coolest 3-year old birthday cake EVER. I mean seriously, tell me this isn't awesome!!!!  The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if I'd spent the money to get all orange M&Ms or even enough bags to pull out just the orange and blue ones.  But I'd just spent $9 on a cookie cutter that wasn't doing it's job and $17 on a custom shirt that he's not going to wear at his party, so buying extra M&Ms just didn't sound like a good financial decision at this point.

How genius is this?  Another Pinterest find.  Two bundt cakes, cut and shaped into a 3. I bought a giant bag (2 lb? 3 lb?) of M&Ms and it was more than plenty. Kaylin sorted the colors for me and I put them in stripes. It didn't take too long doing it together, but the M&Ms are already starting to soften, so I probably should have waited until the day-of to decorate.

I was putting everything together today thinking, "Why does everything look so perfect on Pinterest?  Why am I the ONLY ONE who seems to admit when things go wrong during the party planning process?" (please refer to the cake pop fiasco from Kaylin's Hello Kitty party last year) Or am I the only one stupid enough to try to attempt these types of over-the-top ideas that other "I should have been a party planner" women are casually tossing out there like they're no work at all. Because I never wanted to be a party planner, I just like hosting fun parties with cute themed details. Is that so wrong??? 

To sum up the solutions for the things that went wrong during preparations for this party:

1. Plan ahead, but not too far ahead that you think you're on top of it then forget about it for weeks until it's too late and you end up throwing everything together at the last minute.

2. If you're going to cut sandwiches with a $1 cookie cutter that ends up costing $9, freeze. the. bread. first.

3. As you're assembling your cake, do not agree to let someone come look at clothes that you posted on Craigslist. The frosting (ahem, your GLUE) will dry and the M&Ms will fall right off.  Thankfully, you can apply more fresh frosting to help them adhere, but the better scenario is to push off the Craigslist lady until tomorrow.

4. Do not spend the evening before the party blogging. Blow up balloons, assemble food, do something productive. Then go to bed early, not at 11pm.

I'm officially over the caterpillar experiment

So I went from being the cool mom who let her kids put bugs in a jar so we can watch one of God's great miracles to now, where I want to open the lid and leave these disgusting insects on the patio to be some lucky bird's lunch.

Being that homeschool curriculum is so expensive, I jumped on the bandwagon for this FREE science experiment. But today, I was pushed past my limit. Watching these creatures is like a train wreck - I'm horrified, but I can't look away.

Then I noticed something on the bottom of the jar.  The caterpillar that I was convinced was dead yesterday suddenly had no legs. And it was smoother. And turning dark. DUH! It was transforming into a cocoon!

Except...

These aren't caterpillars that turn into butterflies. Some guy at the park said they will turn into moths.  So maybe the dark cocoon thingy that's not required to hang from the top of the jar IS right on track with a moth?

I Googled it. I did not like what I found.

If you're interested to see what we currently have growing in our home, please visit this link for a picture of the before, during and after that we get to experience. They're hideous. And no, it's not cool.  Even Ryan gasped and said in a disappointed tone, "Mom, they're so ugly!"

I refuse to post pictures of these repulsive insects on the same page as my beautiful children.

And I'm tempted...oh so tempted...to jump ship on our little experiment-in-a-jar.  Because they're bugs. And they're so gross. And they're going to emerge even...grosser. (Yes, I know that's not a word, but I'm struggling here!)

Oh - and it's NOT a cocoon when you're talking about a nasty moth. It's a pupa. Doesn't that even SOUND grosser??!!

Cocoon: cool. Pupa: nasty.

Here's a downloaded picture of the pupa. I erased the link before thinking to give the brave photographer credit. THIS is what is on the bottom of our jar.  Not just laying still...convulsing and wiggling around every once in a while. It makes me claustrophobic.

Aren't you glad you visited my blog today?

Dear Angry Movie Lady...

There's an awesome program at a local Arizona-run movie theater that allows you to buy 10 movies during the summer for $7 per person. That's less than $1 per movie, per person!!!  They show kid flicks that might be 1-2 years old, but my kids don't know the difference. Not only is it a great weekly event to look forward to, but it gets us out of the heat and allows kids to get used to going to the movies when the entire theatre is filled with other loud-talking, overly-wiggly kids. 

The program is genius, really. I began taking Ryan when he was three and we've bought tickets each summer since. Kaylin and Jason both learned to be quiet and sit still before they were a year old and now all of my kids know the unspoken movie-going rules and etiquette.

Yesterday, we took advantage of the long weekend and took the kids to a newly released, overpriced movie as a family. I wasn't thrilled with any of the animated choices, so we saw, "The Odd Life of Timothy Green." 

This was the test: could my strong-willed 2-year old sit still through a non-animated movie that did not feature talking animals? We bought our popcorn and snacks, grabbed a booster seat for Jason and settled in to our seats.  The place was packed to capacity. The lights dimmed...

As usual, the first hour was perfect. No one even knew there was a 2-year old in the room. He laughed when others laughed, quietly pointed when he wanted a refill on his popcorn, he even mouthed, "I love you, Mommy" in the glow of the screen. It was picturesque. 

Then he asked to sit on my lap. Absolutely, my perfectly-behaved boy! 

As I pulled him from his seat to mine, his clunky shoe gently knocked the back of the seat in front of me. I quickly offered a hushed apology to the lady in the seat, but she shot back a glare of disgust in return. I ignored my defensive mama bear instincts because, let's face it, I've been there.  Prior to having kids myself, I would have agreed that a movie theater was no place for a child.

(A.D.D. moment: Is it theatre or theater?  Because spell check is accepting both and now I'm questioning myself...)

Jason sat on my lap for quite a while before becoming bored and needing a change of scenery asking if I could take him to the bathroom. He hopped off my lap and, sure enough, kicked the seat in front of me again.  Another look was shot back at me from Angry Movie Lady and again, my apology fell on deaf ears. 

Fast forward a bit...we're back from the bathroom and sitting perfectly quiet and perfectly still again when the teenaged girls next to me decided they needed a bathroom break. As they climbed over my lanky legs, they both...BOTH...kicked the seat in front of me. At this point, poor Angry Movie Lady is officially pissed. And I'm quite positive that she thinks the clumsy teens belong to ME. I desperately wanted to lean forward and say, "Okay, I am NOT taking responsibility for those girls!!!" But I didn't. I bit my tongue and continued to force Jason's legs into weird positions to make sure his shoes wouldn't go within 6 inches of Angry Movie Lady's chair.

Toward the end of the movie, Jason decided to rotate to Mike's lap. I was oh-so-careful placing him on the floor and managed to avoid all contact with the seat in front of me. Whew! Jason tip-toed past his empty seat, then past Kaylin, but before reaching Mike, he tripped and grabbed onto the seat in front of Mike belonging to...who else but Angry Movie Lady's husband. Now he was ready for a throw-down. Awesome.

What seemed like six hours later, the movie was finally over. I tried to rush out of the theater with my kids, but I was unable to hide from Mr. and Mrs. Angry Movie Lady. I felt a hole being stared into my forehead.

So if you're reading this, Angry Movie Lady, I would like to apologize.  I'm sure that when you purchased $40 in tickets for your family to enjoy this Jennifer Garner flick, you had no idea there would be a two year old sitting behind you. I hope you were so annoyed that you complained at the front desk and got a refund to see a complimentary movie of your choice.

Regardless, I very much enjoyed our little afternoon family outing. And I'm proud of how well behaved my {difficult} son is for nearly two hours in a huge, people-packed, dark room. It's nothing short of a miracle that he complies!

Home Sweet Home

I returned on Sunday from my third trip in less than six weeks.  Can I just say that I am SO glad to be staying home for a while?

(Well, that is until we go away again for my hard-earned, all-inclusive trip to a Cancun resort in April, compliments of Tastefully Simple.)

I've traveled more in the last 12 months than I have in the last eight years combined. San Francisco, the Grand Canyon, Disneyland, Kansas City, San Antonio, the Mexican Riviera, then Anaheim again last weekend. Whew!  It's hard being me...!!!  ;)

The convention this weekend was a major high point. I used to think that the idea of public pats on the back or on-stage recognition was a little vain and arrogant. I now see the error of my judgmental ways! I was awarded for having the most new recruits for my region and was recognized as being #2 in sales, regionally. My head is currently the size of my bedroom! I could get used to this type of high. But don't worry...I'm quickly being reminded that I'm not a superstar in the regular world. No red carpet for me at the grocery store, no cheers and applause when I walk downstairs for breakfast in the morning. Just boring ol' me in my regular little life.  Which I love, by the way.

Another fun announcement is that I'm featured in our new catalog, which comes out March 1st. That will make for an awkward moment in my upcoming parties over the next six months!  "Oh, and look at page 11.  Who's that girl with the big blonde head?" Would you like your catalog autographed?  Because I can make that happen.

I really am enjoying this little business of mine. I've fought direct sales for so long, but having food tasting parties is more fun than work. 

And who would have thought that I was the type of person that was motivated by carrots being dangled in front of my face? Work hard and earn a free Cancun trip...okay! Continue to work hard and go to the Leadership Conference in San Antonio for free...okay!  The current incentive that I'm working toward seems significantly beyond my reach, but I'm going for it anyway. The trip is to Quebec City (Canada) and not only hinges on my personal sales and recruitment, but also developing leaders on my team. Thankfully, I only need a few new girls on my team for the recruitment quota, but I'm going to have to kick my parties into high gear to meet the sales requirement. I like that part of the incentive is dependent on my team's success. It's so fun to see them succeed and I can potentially be rewarded for helping reach their goals. Something I was doing anyway!

I've never enjoyed "working" so much in my life. I'm just so glad I agreed to join Tastefully Simple last year that I'm oozing with excitement right now. I don't know if I ever shared this on my blog, but Mike was the one who encouraged me to start this journey. This was completely the result of me submitting to my husband; I enjoyed things just as they were. But, as it turns out, Tastefully Simple filled a hole in my life that I didn't realize I had. 

A year ago, I thought I was too busy to start a business. I also thought I was too busy to homeschool. Unfortunately for you, I do spend less time blogging, but I also spend less time watching t.v., chatting on the phone to friends and wasting my day away on Facebook. It turns out that if something's a priority, you rearrange your day to make it work!

I really do love my business. I love that I have the flexibility to work how much I want, when I want. I love that I'm not stuck in the Christian mommy bubble that I've been limited to for so many years. I love that our products give people more time with their families and keep them away from the dreadful drive thru. I love the friendships I've made. I love the girls on my team. I love that people love Tastefully Simple parties. I love that the income I'm making gives us more choices in our home. I love that Mike is no longer stressed about our finances. I love that my only roles in life are no longer limited to "wife" and "mom".  I love. my. job.

This is not a sales pitch, by the way, I'm genuinely being sincere. I'm not going anywhere with this random rant, so I guess I'll stop now. :)

As if I wasn't already feeling old...

This was the conversation...

Me: "What a great necklace!"
Carol: "Thanks! I got it at (insert store name here...it started with a B and I can't remember it).  I was actually going to ask if you got your necklace there."
Me: "Huh - I've never heard of that place.  My mom gave me this necklace for my birthday last week. Where is (insert name of store)?"
24 year old daughter: "They're all over.  It's a jewelry store for old people."
Carol: "No it's NOT.  I love their jewelry!" (Carol is probably in her 40s)
Daughter: "Exactly. I've made my point."

*Awkward silence as I realized that I liked the "old people necklace" on Carol and was complimented by "old" Carol on my own necklace given to me by my "old" mom.

Apparently I like old people jewelry.  Or 35 is just simply ancient to a 24 year old...

A Cake-Pop Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful maiden who continually went overboard for her children's birthday parties.  Let's call her...oh, I don't know..."Super Mom." (I mean why not, right?  It IS my story...)

One day, Super Mom was perusing Bakerella's blog and stumbled upon a post about Hello Kitty cake pops.  They were absolutely adorable and looked relatively easy to create.  Super Mom was so excited about the cake pops that she even tried to convince her three year old daughter, Princess Kaylin, to have a Hello Kitty 4th birthday party.  But Super Mom's manipulation skills were horrible and a butterfly party was planned instead. 

Much to Super Mom's delight, Princess Kaylin decided to have a Hello Kitty birthday party for her 5th birthday.  Super Mom was going to get to make her cake pops after all!!!

So she planned...and compared prices...and saved craft store coupons...and gradually purchased all of the supplies she would need to create her tiny masterpieces.

Finally, the week of the birthday party arrived.  Super Mom was so excited and so prepared for the cake pops that she began baking the cakes four days early. (frozen cake tastes just fine later in the week, by the way)  She reviewed Bakerella's How to Make Cake Pops blog post and saw that it was recommended that a virgin cake pop maker might want to begin with cupcake pops first.  "Perfect!" thought Super Mom. "I even have the flower-shaped cookie cutter that's pictured!" 

Super Mom decided to divide the 9x13 cake in half (since one cake should make 50 cake pops) and make 1/2 of the cake into cupcake pops and the other 1/2 into Hello Kitty cake pops.

With little ones crowding around the kitchen island, Super Mom proceeded to crumble the cooled cake into a bowl, add the frosting, mix them altogether and began rolling the cake balls.  The process was smooth as silk.

Once the cake balls were chilled, Super Mom and Princess Kaylin began shaping the "cupcake liner" end of the cupcake balls with the flower cookie cutter.  Super Mom decided to make cupcake bites instead of cupcake pops, in order to save the lollipop sticks for the to-be-amazing Hello Kitty cake pops. 

She took each cupcake bite and dipped the "liner" half into dark chocolate.  As she placed them on the waxed paper lined cookie sheet, she realized that they do not, as pictured on Bakerella's blog post, stay upside down to set.  They fall.  And they roll into each other.  And the beautiful layer of chocolate gets mushed and ruined.

Suddenly, Super Mom had an idea!

She took a wooden mixing spoon and gently leaned each half-dipped cupcake bite on the handle to dry.  "Brilliant!" Super Mom thought to herself.

On to the Hello Kitty cake pops. 

Super Mom pulled out the chilled pops to begin adding the white chocolate chip "ears."  Using a toothpick as a paint brush, and white candy melts as the glue, she carefully adhered each ear to the top of the Hello Kitty heads. 

Placed in the fridge to set up, Super Mom turned her attention back to the cupcake bites.  She pulled the chilled bites out of the freezer and was ready to dip the tops (the "cupcake frosting") of each bite into the white candy coating.  As she grabbed each bite from the tray, she realized that the dark chocolate coating had dried to the wooden mixing spoon.  No matter how carefully she removed the cupcake bites, each one left a huge chunk of chocolate behind on the spoon, creating a gaping hole in the smooth coating of the "liner."  Awesome.

But never fear!  These were practice treats, after all, so Super Mom trudged on.  She dipped the tops of each cupcake bite into the white candy and placed them back onto the wax paper, quickly realizing that they were easily standing up!  They would actually dry properly!!! A ray of hope began to flicker in Super Mom's hardened heart...

One after another, the cupcake bites were dipped into the melted white candy and drizzled with colorful candy sprinkles.  They were beautiful!  Super Mom proudly placed her tray of cupcake bites into the fridge, balancing them on a stack of leftovers.

(Does anyone want to guess what happened next...?)

As Super Mom closed the refrigerator door, a heavier corner of the full tray of cupcake bites tipped to one side, sending the still-drying bites tumbling down the side of the fridge.  The not-yet-hardened sprinkley tops were mushed beyond recognition and there was melty candy coating everywhere.  As if in slow motion, Super Mom heard herself scream, "NNNNOOOOOOOOO!" (like Courtney Cox's character, Monica, from Friends)

After cleaning up the cupcake bite fiasco, Super Mom reluctantly moved on to finish the Hello Kitty cake pops. The kitchen was already destroyed, the coating was melted and anxiously waiting to be used...there was no turning back now.  It was time to dunk each pop into the white candy melts for a smooth, white cover. 

Super Mom gently dipped the first Hello Kitty head into the bowl.  As she turned to coat the opposite side of the cake pop, Hello Kitty's head fell off the lollipop stick, plunging into the candy coating.  Deeper and deeper it sank, like a tree trunk in quick sand. Sticking half of her hand into the bowl, Super Mom rescued the fallen kitty.  "Hmmm..." she thought, "This isn't nearly as easy as it looks on Bakerella's blog!" 

Getting right back up on the horse, Super Mom grabbed the next cake pop.  As she placed it into the candy coating, the lollipop stick popped through the top of Hello Kitty's head.  This kitty officially resembled a unicorn.

Take three.  Carefully, gently, slowly turning the cake pop to coat, Super Mom successfully achieved the desired smooth, white layer of Hello Kitty's face.  Success!  She poked a hole into the Styrofoam block to place the lollipop stick in so that the cake pop could dry.  Unfortunately, the Styrofoam must have been too shallow, because the top-heavy cake pop began to lean at a 45 degree angle.  Super Mom said a little prayer, hoping that her first attractive cake pop wouldn't plummet to its death.

Super Mom continued to quickly coat all of the Hello Kitty heads.  There were a few more  decapitated kitty heads and several other cake pop disasters (including running out of candy coating with six whole kitties left to dip) but she just wanted to be done.  Because this whole experience was starting to feel less like a fairy tale and more like a nightmare.

As Super Mom slowly lifted the Styrofoam piece to place it in the refrigerator, the cake pops began to sway.  Determined not to have another tragedy, Super Mom ripped the cake pops out of the block and placed them on their side.  "So what if the backs are mush!" she thought.  "At this point, these stupid things are going to be a humorous conversation piece instead of resembling anything remotely attractive."

With no intention of attempting the faces or tiny candy bows until later in the week,  Super Mom retired upstairs, vowing never to attempt cake pops again.

(unless, of course, maybe the boring round ones are easier...)

The end.

Lost Brain Cells...

It's a good thing I'm not a big drinker...my pregnancies each sucked too many precious brain cells that I never expect to see again.  How do moms drink?  I can barely get along with the limited brain cells I have left!

(This embarrassingly unflattering photo is courtesy of Kaylin-cam and her plea: "Mommy, don't smile anymore!  That's boring.  Do something funny...")

Things I have forgotten this week:

- A trunk full of groceries. (Thankfully, nothing was cold!)

- My conference with Kaylin's teacher. (Barely remembered with enough time to arrange childcare and alternative bus arrangements for Ryan.)

- A pot of boiling water. (I went downstairs to discover a 1/2 inch of water in a pot that was filled with 2 quarts of water less than an hour earlier.  That's what I get for running upstairs "real quick.")

- A plugged in flat iron. (When I happened to go into my bathroom, I realized I plugged it in then walked away 30 minutes before, again, to do something "real quick.")

- To change Jason's diaper after his nap, resulting in a wretched, near-explosion later in the day.  There was absolutely NO more room left in that diaper for...anything.  I'll leave it at that.

- After spending $75 at Trader Joe's, I left without the one thing I went there to buy.

- Seemingly endless promises of returned phone calls, appointments to schedule or cancel, delegated tasks from teachers...

I clearly have too much on my mind. Is it Friday yet...?

Friday Favorites - Top 10 Kitchen Things

It's been a while since I posted Friday Favorites!  Here are my favorite kitchen tools. (Some of my pictures are a little blue-ish because my white balance was on the wrong setting.  Oops!)

Apple Corer/Slicer - This product is in my dishwasher almost every time I run it. We eat a LOT of apples in our house and this is absolutely a favorite product of mine. (you can use it for pears, too) This and the apple corer/peeler/slicer thing that makes apple pies so easy to make. My kids love helping crank the handle when I make Apple Fritters.

Bread Machine - Because without it, we wouldn't eat homemade bread.  In this season of my life, I just don't have the energy to mix, knead, rise, punch down, rise again.  The bread machine does it all for me.  I set it on "dough cycle," 90 minutes later I dump it into a loaf pan for one final rise, 20 minutes later it bakes for 25 minutes while I cook the rest of dinner.  Done. My house smells delicious and my family thinks I walk on water.

Crock Pot - (I just realized I'm accidentally listing these in alphabetically order...I'm anal even when I don't try to be!!!)  Throw dinner together in the morning, come home to a homecooked meal in the evening.  What's not to love?

KitchenAid Mixer - Could I live without it?  Yes.  But with three little kids "helping," it's so much easier to be hands-free when mixing ingredients.

Mini spatulas - These are so perfect for getting out the first piece of cake or brownie without tearing apart the whole pan.  I really do love my little tiny spatulas.  I have three of them, believe it or not!

Pizza cutter - Not just for pizza anymore!  This is in my dishwasher almost every wash cycle, too.  I use it to quickly cut up food for the kids: eggs, pancakes, waffles, quesadillas and, of course, pizza.  It's so much easier than the old school fork and knife!

Scraper - (I *think* this is called a scraper???) Making homemade sugar cookies or anything that needs to be rolled is so easy with this tool!  I use it to pull up the cookie dough shapes and place them on the cookie sheets (so they don't tear) and I use it to scrape the counter of flour, directly into the trash can. Easy clean up with no messy, floury hands!

Cookie scoops - Again, a multi-use tool!  I no longer hand-roll meatballs anymore, plus I obviously use these for cookies and filling muffin tins or cupcakes...I love, love, love them.  (I'm seeing a theme here of tools that keep my hands clean while cooking...)

Magic Bullet - Smoothie for one, please.  When my blender broke last year, I replaced it with this little guy.  (actually, Mike's mom bought it for me for my birthday, but still)  I once ran out of tomato sauce for a recipe, so I just dumped a can of stewed tomatoes in the Magic Bullet, pulsed for a few seconds and voila. The container takes up as much room as a glass in the dishwasher.  LOVE!

Glass storage containers - I bought these at Costco and they're just wonderful.  I can reheat things without worrying about the weird "no plastic in the microwave" issues.  They nest easily in the cabinet.  They're pretty in my fridge.  I mean really, what's not to love?

So that's my list. What kitchen tool could you not live without?