Cracking the Code of my Strong-Willed Kid

Jason's new "stink face" - it's hard to take him seriously when he's trying to be mad!

Call me slow, but I'm finally starting to figure out my stronger-willed, youngest child. Jason will be three years old next month, so maybe he's coming out of his "terrible twos", but I'd prefer to think that I'm beginning to uncover some of his complex, little layers.

The weather in the afternoons is starting to dip down to a more comfortable level, so the big kids have been spending more time playing in our shady front yard before dinnertime. This has quickly become my favorite time of the day. My little buddy and I spend time together reading and baking and setting the table. Jason's my helper in the kitchen and has an amazing disposition and attitude when it's just the two of us. On football practice days, Mike will take the big kids and I'll keep Jason at home or run a few errands with him. His behavior is consistently stellar.

However, when Ryan and Kaylin burst through the door, talking at full speed and taking my attention off of Jason, a switch is flipped. He becomes competitive, LOUD, grabby, bossy, unjustifiably controlling, he refuses to take direction from me and certainly not from THEM...it saddens me to see these differences and I don't know how to appropriately respond. Jason would clearly make an amazing only child. It's almost disappointing to realize that he's a different kid when he's alone with me, considering the fact that he has siblings and that's not going to change!

This week, I've taken the route of working with the older kids. I've encouraged Kaylin (who is also secretly pretty competitive) to give Jason the opportunity to do the things that his little two year old body and mind are able to do. I've asked Ryan to step up and include Jason in his big-kid stuff, teaching his little brother how to respect his things instead of destroying them for attention, as Jason is currently in the habit of doing.

Consciously, I know that spending individual time with each of my kids makes a difference in their attitude and behavior.  I'm not sure if they act out to get attention or if (like most of us) they are simply more comforted by the fact that their emotional love tank is full when they get personal attention. Regardless, spending time with my kids individually each morning changes the way our whole day goes.

I forget this little gem of wisdom too often. If I could get into the habit of rotating one-on-one time with each child, especially Jason, at the beginning of each day, how would that change the dynamic of our home? I go through phases of doing this in our homeschool day, but sometimes the fighting and gnawing for attention starts way before that. I can't fit it all in before breakfast, people! We are thrust into our daily routine with no down time each day...I'm not sure exactly how I could manipulate this one-on-one time to benefit everyone before they begin interacting with each other. Because seriously, if Jason's mood is off, the battles begin immediately. It's exhausting.

I'm not looking for perfect harmony all of the time, but I'm ready for less sibling conflicts. Less whining, less bickering, less "STOP IIIIIIIIIT", less tattling, less odd-man-out, more smiles, more agreeable attitudes, more unity, more cooperation.

Hmmmm...cooperation. Maybe that's where I could start? Intentionally teach them how to work together at their own levels...? I'm not quite sure what that would look like. Have I rambled enough to get your mind going yet? Do you have ideas for me? I'm open to suggestions...anyone?

Homemade Caramel Popcorn {with optional nuts and M&Ms}

Despite the lingering 100 degree temps here in Phoenix, the calendar argues that it is nearly autumn.  Autumn to me means apple creations, pumpkin treats and caramely stuff.

So I went on the hunt for the perfect caramel popcorn last week.  

I made a few versions before finding this gem. I made it with M&Ms, like it suggested, but also threw in peanuts, almonds and cashews, as other recipes suggested. 

Honestly, the chocolate was too much for me.  Next time, we'll stick with just the popcorn.  It was plenty sweet on it's own!

Ingredients

4-6 quarts popped popcorn (use more popcorn for a lighter coating, use less for heavier coating)
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup honey or agave nectar
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 Tbsp vanilla
1 cup M&Ms chocolate candies (optional)
1 cup mixed nuts (optional)

Directions

1. In small saucepan, combine brown sugar, butter, honey/agave and salt. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Boil for five minutes. Remove from heat.

2. Stir in vanilla and baking soda. Line a large roasting pan with parchment paper or a Silpat. Combine popcorn, optional nuts and sauce mixture. Toss until completely coated.

3. Place in a 200 degree F preheated oven for 20 minutes.  After removing from the oven, sprinkle warm mixture with optional M&Ms before it sets. Allow to cool for 10 minutes, then stir gently and break up clumps.

College Football Widow

Hi, my name's Katie and I'm officially a college football widow.  Why does this bother me? Why am I surprised by this EVERY fall???  

When Mike and I got married, we had the perfect Saturday arrangement. He'd get up at 9am (noon on the east coast) and begin watching his weekly 12 hours of college football while I made a mess of the kitchen with my scrapbook supplies.  

After Ryan came along, I began throwing out the idea of reducing the college football marathon to a couple of key games each week. Ryan was only a few months old, so it wasn't a big deal at first. But the next year he was crawling/walking and requiring more attention. Then the next year Kaylin joined our family. And the year after that SHE was crawling/walking and required more attention.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

A few years ago, we came up with an agreement.  Or rather, I put my foot down and explained that the kids and I were sick of being ignored for half of his weekend off while he parked himself in a chair all day.  My compromise to not watching tv at all was that he could watch 6 hours of college football on Saturdays. At first, Mike practically trembled with instant withdrawal.  Until I gave him a suggestion: it could be two live games or he could maximize his time by DVRing the games and fast forwarding through the commercials. If it were me, I'd choose the DVR route.  But something about watching live t.v. and flipping between games gives Mike a certain sense of control in the outcome of the games. (maybe if he yells loud enough, the refs can hear him and adjust their call accordingly...???)

What's worse is that college football isn't only on Saturdays anymore. It's often Fridays, sometimes Thursdays and occasionally, when we're lucky, a Wednesday and Sunday game or two will be thrown in for good measure.

So here we are...a few weeks into college football season and I'm already feeling lonely and sad and neglected. It doesn't help that I'm totally on my period and I had three parties this week and I'm getting over being sick so taking care of the kids on my own for a whole 'nother day just isn't as fun for me.

(*sigh*) 

I guess I should be grateful he hasn't yet discovered College Fantasy Football. Or that he's home instead of watching the games at Hooters with girls flaunting their ta-tas in his face. 

I just needed to vent. Am I the only heartless wife out there? It wouldn't be so bad if the kids were able to entertain themselves and I could go back to scrapbooking, but such is not the case.  Jason won't sit still for 5 minutes while I try to scrapbook or, heaven forbid, if I tried to sit and actually watch a game WITH Mike. (I actually DO like football...just not 9 hours of it) He's just too busy. Someday he'll sit and want to watch with Daddy and I can use my Saturdays to catch up on hobbies of my own again. 

Someday...

I'm officially over the caterpillar experiment

So I went from being the cool mom who let her kids put bugs in a jar so we can watch one of God's great miracles to now, where I want to open the lid and leave these disgusting insects on the patio to be some lucky bird's lunch.

Being that homeschool curriculum is so expensive, I jumped on the bandwagon for this FREE science experiment. But today, I was pushed past my limit. Watching these creatures is like a train wreck - I'm horrified, but I can't look away.

Then I noticed something on the bottom of the jar.  The caterpillar that I was convinced was dead yesterday suddenly had no legs. And it was smoother. And turning dark. DUH! It was transforming into a cocoon!

Except...

These aren't caterpillars that turn into butterflies. Some guy at the park said they will turn into moths.  So maybe the dark cocoon thingy that's not required to hang from the top of the jar IS right on track with a moth?

I Googled it. I did not like what I found.

If you're interested to see what we currently have growing in our home, please visit this link for a picture of the before, during and after that we get to experience. They're hideous. And no, it's not cool.  Even Ryan gasped and said in a disappointed tone, "Mom, they're so ugly!"

I refuse to post pictures of these repulsive insects on the same page as my beautiful children.

And I'm tempted...oh so tempted...to jump ship on our little experiment-in-a-jar.  Because they're bugs. And they're so gross. And they're going to emerge even...grosser. (Yes, I know that's not a word, but I'm struggling here!)

Oh - and it's NOT a cocoon when you're talking about a nasty moth. It's a pupa. Doesn't that even SOUND grosser??!!

Cocoon: cool. Pupa: nasty.

Here's a downloaded picture of the pupa. I erased the link before thinking to give the brave photographer credit. THIS is what is on the bottom of our jar.  Not just laying still...convulsing and wiggling around every once in a while. It makes me claustrophobic.

Aren't you glad you visited my blog today?

Caterpillars!

It's a sad day when you realize your kids don't have access to NORMAL bugs like caterpillars.  Something weird is in the air (or Phoenix has a plague) because there are thousands of caterpillars descending from mountains all over. After an early morning text from a friend, we ditched our school books and went to a nearby park, which is at the base of a mountain, to find the grass, concrete and dirt swarming with these adorable, fast-moving creatures.

I came prepared with bowls and Press-n-Seal for the kids to collect their new pets.

Ryan had no problem picking them up and putting them in trees, on bushes and on signs.

"Go climb this tree, little caterpillar!"

"EW! It pooped on me!"

"I'll just wipe it on my jeans."

Other than my local readers, I betcha don't have signs like this at your public park!  Rattlesnakes don't scare me as much as coyotes, which we see periodically at night around here. They just walk around like they own the neighborhood. Like we built our homes in their natural habitat or something. The nerve! Desert wildlife freaks me out. Oh, who am I kidding - ALL wildlife freaks me out.

Ryan finally manipulated convinced Kaylin to pick up a creepy crawly. He may or may not have bribed her with sleeping in his top bunk to get her to do the deed.

I snapped this picture a split second before Jason wildly waved his arms to be free of the creature inching up his arm.

The kids have been captivated by their new pets for hours today. I'm going to borrow a butterfly-home-net-thingy from a friend and we're going to feed them in hopes that they transform before our eyes. From what I hear, these types of caterpillars turn into moths, not butterflies, but we'll have to see for ourselves. If they survive, that is!

Dear Angry Movie Lady...

There's an awesome program at a local Arizona-run movie theater that allows you to buy 10 movies during the summer for $7 per person. That's less than $1 per movie, per person!!!  They show kid flicks that might be 1-2 years old, but my kids don't know the difference. Not only is it a great weekly event to look forward to, but it gets us out of the heat and allows kids to get used to going to the movies when the entire theatre is filled with other loud-talking, overly-wiggly kids. 

The program is genius, really. I began taking Ryan when he was three and we've bought tickets each summer since. Kaylin and Jason both learned to be quiet and sit still before they were a year old and now all of my kids know the unspoken movie-going rules and etiquette.

Yesterday, we took advantage of the long weekend and took the kids to a newly released, overpriced movie as a family. I wasn't thrilled with any of the animated choices, so we saw, "The Odd Life of Timothy Green." 

This was the test: could my strong-willed 2-year old sit still through a non-animated movie that did not feature talking animals? We bought our popcorn and snacks, grabbed a booster seat for Jason and settled in to our seats.  The place was packed to capacity. The lights dimmed...

As usual, the first hour was perfect. No one even knew there was a 2-year old in the room. He laughed when others laughed, quietly pointed when he wanted a refill on his popcorn, he even mouthed, "I love you, Mommy" in the glow of the screen. It was picturesque. 

Then he asked to sit on my lap. Absolutely, my perfectly-behaved boy! 

As I pulled him from his seat to mine, his clunky shoe gently knocked the back of the seat in front of me. I quickly offered a hushed apology to the lady in the seat, but she shot back a glare of disgust in return. I ignored my defensive mama bear instincts because, let's face it, I've been there.  Prior to having kids myself, I would have agreed that a movie theater was no place for a child.

(A.D.D. moment: Is it theatre or theater?  Because spell check is accepting both and now I'm questioning myself...)

Jason sat on my lap for quite a while before becoming bored and needing a change of scenery asking if I could take him to the bathroom. He hopped off my lap and, sure enough, kicked the seat in front of me again.  Another look was shot back at me from Angry Movie Lady and again, my apology fell on deaf ears. 

Fast forward a bit...we're back from the bathroom and sitting perfectly quiet and perfectly still again when the teenaged girls next to me decided they needed a bathroom break. As they climbed over my lanky legs, they both...BOTH...kicked the seat in front of me. At this point, poor Angry Movie Lady is officially pissed. And I'm quite positive that she thinks the clumsy teens belong to ME. I desperately wanted to lean forward and say, "Okay, I am NOT taking responsibility for those girls!!!" But I didn't. I bit my tongue and continued to force Jason's legs into weird positions to make sure his shoes wouldn't go within 6 inches of Angry Movie Lady's chair.

Toward the end of the movie, Jason decided to rotate to Mike's lap. I was oh-so-careful placing him on the floor and managed to avoid all contact with the seat in front of me. Whew! Jason tip-toed past his empty seat, then past Kaylin, but before reaching Mike, he tripped and grabbed onto the seat in front of Mike belonging to...who else but Angry Movie Lady's husband. Now he was ready for a throw-down. Awesome.

What seemed like six hours later, the movie was finally over. I tried to rush out of the theater with my kids, but I was unable to hide from Mr. and Mrs. Angry Movie Lady. I felt a hole being stared into my forehead.

So if you're reading this, Angry Movie Lady, I would like to apologize.  I'm sure that when you purchased $40 in tickets for your family to enjoy this Jennifer Garner flick, you had no idea there would be a two year old sitting behind you. I hope you were so annoyed that you complained at the front desk and got a refund to see a complimentary movie of your choice.

Regardless, I very much enjoyed our little afternoon family outing. And I'm proud of how well behaved my {difficult} son is for nearly two hours in a huge, people-packed, dark room. It's nothing short of a miracle that he complies!