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This weekend, I had a light bulb moment as we were putting away Christmas decorations. An epiphany. Hmmm, that sounds too pretty...it felt like a slap-in-the-face kind of an awakening, really.
To sum it up, I don't like the way I speak to my family. Not all of the time; mostly when I'm overwhelmed. I'm too short with my tone, too loud with my requests, too snappy with my words, too annoyed at poor decisions (ahem...Jason sneaking lollipops).
I caught myself in the act on Saturday and immediately felt horrible.
The kicker was that no one called me on it. Sure, maybe they were being gracious (specifically Mike), but I'm wondering if they're just used to Mommy barking when things aren't done when/how/where I want them to be...? I felt so ugly in that moment and I'm so glad I feel this conviction.
So that's it. I will purpose, every day, several times throughout the day, to focus my attention on my words, my tone, my motives and my heart attitude. I am committing this goal to prayer and I am fully prepared to have my patience tested. (the mere thought of that is painful)
I hope that this time next year...next MONTH...I am consistently speaking to my husband and kids like they are the most important people on Earth.
Because they are.
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5 comments:
Katie,
I haven't been by for ages, but I HAD to comment on your decision to homeschool. I was one of the commenters in your 2009 post you re:linked, and I went back a ways to read your progression up to your decision.
CONGRATS to you! Like I said then, it isn't all roses, but it is SO worthwhile. Math U See is what we use for our Wiggly Willies too, and when we switched over from another approach, it was one of the best decisions we made. You can read my review of it here: http://joyandcontentment.wordpress.com/2011/05/15/curriculum-review-math-u-see/
My limited time has me stopping in on homeschooling blogs more than any other, which is why I haven't been by as much these days. But I will be sure to follow you and offer encouragement when I can. It's an incredible journey! Soak it up!
All the best,
Trina
I could have said the same things, Katie. There are times when I say things and just cringe on the inside as soon as they are out...just did it a few minutes ago. I feel like a lot of Kiddo's disrespect comes from me not respecting him. At 12, I certainly need to get a handle on it now, before it becomes a real issue at 16!
I hate I haven't been by enough to know you've decided to homeschool. Welcome to the dark side! :D Praying for you and the family!
Wanted to offer encouragement from a long time reader- I stumbled across your blog years ago and kept reading because, even though our lives are technically pretty different (I'm just married, no kids), you write very well about a lot of things I think about or deal with too.
I think your new year's resolution is fabulous! I'm a special ed teacher and my favorite mantra is "Patience is a learned behavior." It helps me understand and teach my students when they have trouble being patient, but it really helps me manage my own self-control when I'm feeling frustrated or grouchy. Just reminding myself that patience is something I have to work at triggers me to start taking deep breaths and refocusing so I can gain perspective.
You have a fabulous goal- you can definitely do it! Happy New Year!
-Ellie
Gentle words--what a great and challenging thing to work on this year. Homeschooling is about so much more than the academics--it's about the relationship with your family. I have homeschooled our all their lives--graduated one, two are currently high school age and we adopted a 7 yr this year. Looking back--and looking ahead with the young one-- I can't even tell you what curriculum we used each year, etc. but I have no regrets about our time spent together, learning, reading, growing.... so if you have struggles with your schedule or your classroom, keep in mind what you are offering their precious hearts and minds each day just by being with them.
ahhh....a daily struggle for me that many times I fail at. To my credit, I have gotten SO MUCH BETTER, but of course we are are not perfect so there are times when I am guilty of the short, sarcastic, evil tone. It helps to remind myself that if I heard someone else talking to my kids/husband the way I did in that second how would it make me feel? I have found that it does get easier to have a loving, calm response the longer you are consciously making the effort. Good luck...through prayer you can do anything!
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