Evenings at our house have become too tense, in my opinion. Unnecessarily tense. The other night, I sat back and observed the chaos and determined that there are three areas that needed to be fixed:
- The transition when Mike arrives home
- Dinnertime
- Getting the kids to bed
Working backward, we started with bedtime. My kids dawdle and play when it's time to get ready for bed, so we got creative.
It started with dessert as an incentive for racing to get their PJs on. Sure enough, we learned that the kids are physically able to get changed in under five minutes. Why it takes them 15-20 minutes without the dessert bribe is beyond me. On nights that we don't eat dessert, they also brush their teeth after PJs. The faster they do this bedtime routine, the longer they get to play with Daddy before stories.
This has been working like a charm.
The next issue was dinner. Everyone fought for their turn to talk, interrupted each other constantly (a no-no in our house), the kids often made non-sense noises just to drown out their sibling, Mike got frustrated, dinner was interrupted with time outs...it's not the pleasant family dinner experience that I want for our home.
Last week, Mike decided that we needed to use a "talking stick." Whoever has the stick, has the floor. I never put away this little gingerbread man spatula after Christmas, so we decided to use him as our talking stick.
So far, so good. It took a couple of nights to get the hang of it, but now Ryan is the talking stick monitor. He reminds us to grab it at meals, points out when people talk without it...he's our little police officer in training.
The kids raise their hands when they want a turn with the stick.
Kaylin bounces the stick man around like a puppet when she talks. I find myself using it like a microphone.
Dinnertime is not only quieter, it's so much more pleasant!
The last issue is Mike's transition home after work. I finally noticed yesterday why it's so tense. Often while I'm finishing up dinner, I'll give the kids things to do. (ex: wash your hands, set the table, put the toys away on the counters, etc) Last night, I heard Mike giving the kids instructions while they were trying to follow my directions. I think he gets home and it appears that they're wandering aimlessly around, so he goes into delegation mode. That's fine, except that the kids are getting orders barked at them from two different directions and get confused, which usually leads to them doing the task they'd rather do and getting in trouble from the other parent.
Now that this is so obvious, when I hear Mike giving orders, I stop him and we decide who is going to be "in charge" of the kids' direction at that moment. It's working out beautifully! And Mike no longer wonders why everyone melts down once he's home for the night. I never thought it was his fault, necessarily, but I didn't understand why the dynamic changed so much once he walked in the door! I'm so glad we're figuring this out.
There have been a lot less tears since we addressed these issues this weekend. I actually enjoy our family time again instead of anxiously awaiting bedtime for the kids. Shocker! I'm enjoying my kids after a long day together - who would have thought?
- The transition when Mike arrives home
- Dinnertime
- Getting the kids to bed
Working backward, we started with bedtime. My kids dawdle and play when it's time to get ready for bed, so we got creative.
It started with dessert as an incentive for racing to get their PJs on. Sure enough, we learned that the kids are physically able to get changed in under five minutes. Why it takes them 15-20 minutes without the dessert bribe is beyond me. On nights that we don't eat dessert, they also brush their teeth after PJs. The faster they do this bedtime routine, the longer they get to play with Daddy before stories.
This has been working like a charm.
The next issue was dinner. Everyone fought for their turn to talk, interrupted each other constantly (a no-no in our house), the kids often made non-sense noises just to drown out their sibling, Mike got frustrated, dinner was interrupted with time outs...it's not the pleasant family dinner experience that I want for our home.
Last week, Mike decided that we needed to use a "talking stick." Whoever has the stick, has the floor. I never put away this little gingerbread man spatula after Christmas, so we decided to use him as our talking stick.
So far, so good. It took a couple of nights to get the hang of it, but now Ryan is the talking stick monitor. He reminds us to grab it at meals, points out when people talk without it...he's our little police officer in training.
The kids raise their hands when they want a turn with the stick.
Kaylin bounces the stick man around like a puppet when she talks. I find myself using it like a microphone.
Dinnertime is not only quieter, it's so much more pleasant!
The last issue is Mike's transition home after work. I finally noticed yesterday why it's so tense. Often while I'm finishing up dinner, I'll give the kids things to do. (ex: wash your hands, set the table, put the toys away on the counters, etc) Last night, I heard Mike giving the kids instructions while they were trying to follow my directions. I think he gets home and it appears that they're wandering aimlessly around, so he goes into delegation mode. That's fine, except that the kids are getting orders barked at them from two different directions and get confused, which usually leads to them doing the task they'd rather do and getting in trouble from the other parent.
Now that this is so obvious, when I hear Mike giving orders, I stop him and we decide who is going to be "in charge" of the kids' direction at that moment. It's working out beautifully! And Mike no longer wonders why everyone melts down once he's home for the night. I never thought it was his fault, necessarily, but I didn't understand why the dynamic changed so much once he walked in the door! I'm so glad we're figuring this out.
There have been a lot less tears since we addressed these issues this weekend. I actually enjoy our family time again instead of anxiously awaiting bedtime for the kids. Shocker! I'm enjoying my kids after a long day together - who would have thought?
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