A Blogging Evolution

Hello, readers!  I can't believe it's been more than 2 months since I last wrote a blog post. Honestly, there's been plenty to write about, but over the past year, I've started wondering if anyone still reads my ramblings? 

Then I got a sweet, concerned email from a long-time follower (thanks DeeAnna!) wondering if I'm doing ok. YES! I'm still alive and well. I've just been reflecting a little. 

My blog began in 2007 as a one-stop-shop for my family and friends to get caught up on pictures of my growing kids and to see a glimpse of our daily life. Back then, I was known as Three Blondes and a Redhead...Kaylin was an infant and Ryan was only 2 years old. Within a year, I had dozens of followers. As an overwhelmed stay-at-home-mom, I didn't realize I needed to be heard...to have a voice. I appreciated that others understood my exhaustion. I loved sharing recipe ideas and organization tips with strangers all over the globe. Friendships developed with people I would never meet in parts of the world I may never visit.

A few months before Jason was born, I evolved into Intentionally Katie, my page got a facelift, and things got big-time. Dozens of readers became hundreds of readers. I actually met people around town who recognized me from my blog...it was a trip!

Then when I began homeschooling in 2011, I lost some people. I've always written about our daily life, which was soon consumed with all things homeschooling, and many couldn't relate. I had less time to compose and publish blogs posts (oh, but I started so many...!) and people got sick of checking in, only to find nothing new.

Looking back over 2015, my single-digit, monthly post numbers are truly pathetic. If nothing else, I love journaling about our life! And I hardly have anything to look back upon.

Blogs don't seem to be nearly as widespread as they were when I began writing nearly 9 years ago. Sure, there are certainly plenty of blogs to read, but with other social media outlets to stay connected and get ideas, I have noticed my followers have dwindled, comments are scarce, and I tend to wonder if anyone has the desire to read about my relatively mundane world...?

I also wonder how safe it is to post pictures of my kids. I don't want to sound paranoid, but this world is going downhill at warp speed and there are some crazies out there! I've strongly considered making this blog private, since it's turned into less "struggling moms, you're not alone" and more about a personal memoir of my kids and our family moments. 

But those decisions are for another day. What have we been up to these past few months? 

In October, just as my body was finally recovering from a miscarriage, Mike and I headed to Los Cabos, Mexico for an all-expenses-paid FREE vacation. This trip was earned by the top 19 people at Tastefully Simple and I was one of them!!! It was fantastic. We snorkeled, went horseback riding on the beach, relaxed, relaxed and relaxed some more. We needed this getaway! Badly. We came home and I got back to work, trying to earn the top trip to Italy next year!

In November, Ryan finished up his first season of tackle football and Jason ended his 2nd soccer season. Weekly practices for both boys, tumbling for Kaylin and games all weekend long kept us very. busy. After 12 years unmedicated, I decided to go to the doctor and get back on my ADD medicine. It was a decision I'd wrestled with and finally just threw in the towel and did it. Things are so much clearer in my head! Later in the month, our house was invaded by workers as we got the house and cabinets painted and finishing Kaylin's "tween" room. November is a blur.

In December, it was all about Christmas: Baking, Christmas movies, holiday parties, the whole sha-bang. We had a more mellow holiday season this year...I wrapped our gifts just days before Christmas and we didn't even visit Santa until Christmas Eve! But it was stress-free. The month/year ended with the sad news that my favorite grandmother passed away. She was sick for a very long time, but it was still a sad time for my family.

In January, we celebrated the New Year up north and went sledding, had our family pictures taken professionally (FINALLY...it's been years!), I went to Atlanta for a leadership conference, and Kaylin got braces. Mike and I also jumped into our 2nd complete round of Whole30. And I've been working out like crazy to get my pre-pregnancy, pre-Dallas-move-stress-eating body back. Yoga, lifting weights, kickboxing, cycle, I take about 6-8 classes each week and I'm finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again.

That brings us to February. Earlier this month, I contemplated ending our homeschool journey. I was burned out, the kids were sick of it, and I was sick of THEM (just being real). I felt trapped in a life that I'd chosen. After reading about others with this same experience, I made the drastic decision to pull the plug on academics. We go to the library 1-2 times a week, pull 30-40 books about any and all topics of interest, and we read. A lot. We read together, we read alone, we talk about what we read, the kids do presentations for the rest of the family about what they've learned each day, it is very different and giving us all the break we need. The kids still do math every day, plus a creative journal I bought them each for Christmas, but learning and school is finally becoming fun again. For all of us. 

In other news...after many years of wondering, we went through the process to see if Ryan has ADHD like his mama. He asked a lot of questions after I went back on my meds and when I described my symptoms, he said, "It sounds like you're explaining what's in my head." 

He was officially diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and we're seeing huge improvements with his new medication. More than anything, his confidence is skyrocketing. He no longer wonders why he struggles with simple tasks, makes silly mistakes in his schoolwork, forgets basic instructions, and a million other things. I have tried battling this issue with homeschooling, nutritional changes, everything I could think of...I wanted medicine to be the last resort, but it was officially time to nip this issue in the bud.

I think that's it!  You're finally caught up on everything within our walls. If you've made it this far, feel free to leave a comment if you'd like me to keep my blog public. Don't be shy! An anonymous comment will do, as long as you're not a psycho stalker. You can be a normal stalker, just not a psycho stalker, because no one has time for that kind of drama. Especially me!

Sleeping In. Daily.

I don't know how the other kids do it!  Practicing sports so late, then waking up at the crack of dawn and being expected to function at school all day long.

Ryan is starting his first season of tackle football. He has practice late, two nights each week. He gets home around 9:30, eats a second dinner, spews  details about plays and hits and passes he caught that night, showers, then finally gets to bed around 10:30.

He has never been a kid who sleeps in, no matter how late he goes to bed, but when he turned 11, puberty started kicking in and he final…FINALLY…was able to fall back to sleep after waking up early in the morning.

Now, he stays up a little later, reading (I finally found him some lists of books that he has been enjoying!) and almost always sleeps past 7:00. On the mornings after football practice, he doesn't wake up until 8:30-9:00. 

Every time he wanders down the stairs that late with bed-head, I wonder how tired his teammates must be. They get up at 6am, take the bus to school and have already been bombarded with information from their first class long before Ryan's eyes open for the day. 

Just another reason that I'm grateful we are homeschooling. My kid can participate in sports AND get the amount of sleep his body needs!  Sometimes, it's the little things.

Turning 10 is a Pretty Big Deal

Double digits. The big 1-0. One zero. One oh. I remember turning 10. For some reason, entering the double digits was a big deal for me. Maybe because the next big birthday wasn't until 16? Who knows.

I am a sucker for making a huge stink over ALL of my kids' birthdays, so making this particular day over-the-top for Ryan took some creativity. I saw an idea to put sparklers on his cake, but decided to throw them on his breakfast instead. I highly recommend sparklers instead of candles. Probably a horrible fire hazard to do indoors, but it felt more special than plain old candles.

We began his 10th birthday on Friday morning with a BALLOON AVALANCHE. It was so easy and such a fun way for him to wake up and feel like there was a party in his room, even if his mom was sound asleep!

Then we celebrated his birthday breakfast with a 10 - a Twinkie and a gluten free donut. The GF donut was kind of pointless once I decided that the zero needed a one in front of it and Twinkies were the only quick thing I could think of! So Ryan had his first Twinkie on his birthday. It was the Little Debbie brand and I do not recommend them…drier than I remember, just overall a disgusting waste of calories. But it looked great on the plate!

While I cleaned up from breakfast, Ryan went down to the park to practice hitting golf balls. I sent him out the front door because I wanted to see his response to the paint I put on the van the night before. 

It was all fun and games until the first person honked. I was all excited and waved - everyone in the car waved back - it was a fun mom moment. Until Ryan got completely embarrassed and begged me to go to the car wash. Um, I don't think so! No kid of mine is going to get out of being honked at all day long. Especially knowing we would be in the car for at least 2 hours driving up north for the weekend. I wanted people to honk over and over to remind him that it was his birthday!!! After the first several {apparently humiliating} honks, Ryan started appreciating the acknowledgement. I'll break this kid of being overly sensitive to embarrassment if it kills me!

For dinner, he asked for In-n-Out with a coveted hamburger bun. I was shocked when he got to the counter and ordered a Double Double! A Double Double for my Double Digit boy. He even got mustard on it because, "now that he's older, he needs to start trying new things on his burgers." But not tomatoes. He's not quite ready to go THAT far, yet.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Ryan. I cannot believe you're already 10 years old. I remember holding you for the first time like it was yesterday. (*sniff*)

Is he officially a pre-teen now? Or a tween? I don't know. He just seems so…BIG all of a sudden. Enjoy this year, buddy!

#26 - Teach Ryan to read a recipe and make it without help

(Dear Future Daughter in Law…you are welcome!)

Ryan has been my little kitchen helper since he was two, but lately, cooking is really clicking for him. Last week, I gave him a new Flourless Chocolate Chip Brownies recipe to make on his own and he nailed it!

Then this morning, he made us all pancakes without any assistance. I'd say #26 on my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list is DONE! I need to get this kid to start making us all dinner once a week so I can work myself out of a job!!! 

Ryan's 8th Birthday - A Star Wars Sleepover Party

This year, for the first time, we attempted a sleepover party for Ryan's birthday.  I usually expect that half of the invited guests will show up, but (for the second year in a row) all of the kids were able to make it. 

Six boys. All night.

We started out with seven, but one wasn't able to spend the whole night and left after cupcakes. Some observations from our evening together...

- Boys are naturally wild.

- Many boys together are intensely wild.

- Many boys together after eating cupcakes and ice cream create the perfect storm.

- When boys get together to have light saber fights, someone is going to get hurt. In our case, it was within 60 seconds.

- Some boys are in the habit of putting the toilet seat down. Those same boys are not in the habit of flushing.

- When it smells like the heat is on and it's 110 degrees outside, check the fireplace. Because it's probably turned on.

- Attempting to get six excited boys to go to bed is harder than herding cats.
- Attempting to get six excited boys to be quiet in a dark room at bedtime is nearly impossible. (one says something, someone else shushes them, then someone burps and everyone giggles, then someone says, "Seriously, guys, I'm tired!" Then someone else says something just to annoy them...this went on for almost an hour.)

- After reminding six excited boys to not say a SINGLE WORD after 10:00 at night, someone, inevitably, will need to go up to go to the bathroom. Then another will need a drink. Then another will want a different pillow. And another needs a sheet because his blanket is too hot. Then another will decide to move his sleeping bag across the room and trip over someone in the dark. (*sigh*)
- Boys. Talk. Constantly. I thought it was only my boys, but ALL of the boys at this party talked and talked and talked. They talked to each other, they talked to me and if no one would listen a couple even talked to themselves. All the time talking!
- And a man's competitive instincts begin young: these boys were one-upping each other constantly.
- The joy that a sleepover party brings to the birthday boy is worth all of the humorous drama.

I wish I wrote down some of the conversations that I overheard, including hilarious attempts as telling jokes, but here are a couple...

Conversation #1:
(J was complaining about his little brother)
Z: "At least you have a brother. I have three sisters and I'm the only boy."
C: "Your little brother is awesome, J! You should consider yourself blessed." (awwww...but just when I was convinced that he was sticking up for family unity he added, "I have two sisters and they are SO ANNOYING!!!"
K: "My sister's annoying, too."
Another J: "Mine's too young to be annoying, but I'm sure she will be when she's bigger."

Conversation #2:
Z: "My dad has a Kindle."
J: "My dad has a Kindle Fire."
C: "We have the same t.v. as you, Ryan. It's the same size screen and even has the same remote!"
K: "My dad's iPad cost more than your t.v."
(I was waiting to hear "My dad can beat up your dad...")

Conversation #3:
Boy 1: "There once was a guy with a hairy pickle..."
(everyone giggles)
Boy 2: "That's gross!"
Ryan: (I love how naive he is) "I love pickles! I've never reached in the jar and pulled out a hairy one, though."
Boy 3: "I don't like pickles. Ew."
Boy 1: "So back to the joke.  There was a guy with a hairy pickle..."
Boy 2: "I think this joke is going to be inappropriate, we shouldn't talk about this anymore."
Boy 1: "Okay. So there once were these four toddlers..."

I looked high and low for fun Star Wars party ideas. There are TONS of amazing food options out there with fun names that you can type up on cool looking place cards. For the first time ever, I decided not to get into all of the little details that I found. I have a lot going on and I'm pretty sure these 7-9 year old kids wouldn't care.

But I saw these light saber pretzel rods and couldn't NOT make them.  The kids all had fun helping me and they disappeared quickly.

I also figured out how to make no-sew Jedi robes for the party favors and they were a big hit!

I bought 80 inches of brown fabric for each party guest.

I cut a bit off at the corner for the neck (cut a lot less than you think you'll need - you can always cut more, but I cut WAY too much on Jason's and it fell off his shoulders)

the boys tried out their Jedi moves the night before the party

I folded them up with their rope belts and put them in these clearance boxes from Party City.

Mike accidentally ripped one of the boxes, so we cut it up and used the characters for decoration.  Ryan decided Yoda needed to fight himself.

In fact, Ryan had a blast decorating for his own party. He put stickers everywhere and drew pictures to hang up. He cracked me up. 

I also went quick and easy on the cupcakes and used those pre-made candy toppers. Again, just as big of a hit as if I would have gone all out. With less work.

After sugaring the kids up, they got some of their energy out in the pool.

Once in their PJs, the Jedis fought each other until we forced (hahaha) them to go to bed.

In the morning, I made scrambled eggs and apple fritters, then the boys played Lego Star Wars and Mario Brothers on the Wii until their parents picked them up.

According to Ryan, this was the best birthday ever. He couldn't even pick out a favorite moment because "the whole party was his favorite." That's what I like to hear! 

For me, this was extremely relaxed. Even though there were boys everywhere, there wasn't a rushed party agenda or anything that needed to happen in a certain order. At one point, the kids were so entertained that I found myself folding laundry because I had nothing to do. I've never done laundry during a party in my life! Talk about efficiency...I guess that's what happens when it's a drop off party, there are no parents to entertain and the kids just want to be independent!

More Privileges = More Responsibilities

Last year, we began a new birthday tradition: On the morning of their birthday, the birthday kid is presented with an envelope, which contains 1 new privilege and 1 new responsibility.

When Ryan turned six, we began giving him $1/week allowance.  His new responsibility was to tidy the bathroom each night and clean the mirror and sink thoroughly on Saturdays.  He gladly took on the new chore since it was accompanied by a new allowance!

This year, Mike didn't feel that it was appropriate to give him more allowance, since he hardly spends what he has as it is now.  He suggested pushing his bedtime back by 30 minutes. 

Ryan was thrilled.  THRILLED.  Especially since he's had the same bedtime as his baby sister his whole life.  (granted, she still naps every other day or so, but still)  This was a bit of a bitter pill for Kaylin to swallow, but she is only four years old, after all.  I settled on the fact that on the days that she actually sleeps during her quiet time, she can go to bed at the same time as Ryan, but if she doesn't nap, she goes to bed at her normal bedtime.  This will keep her from coming out of her room a dozen times on the days she sleeps.  Yay for a win:win!

The new responsibility we gave Ryan this year was to load the dishwasher.  He's been unloading it for some time now, so he knows where things go to make this "puzzle" of a task fit the most dishes possible.  Plus, he's finally tall enough to reach inside the sink without a step stool. 

When he saw his new chore, he blushed as he said, "Oh, alright...!"  I could tell that he wanted to seem annoyed, but was excited.  This kid loves responsibilities.  So, from now on, he'll load the breakfast and lunch dishes and Mike will continue to do dinner. I think I'll give Kaylin the new responsibility of unloading the whole dishwasher (not just the silverware) on her upcoming 5th birthday.  That will give Ryan a bit of a break from constant dishes.

Hmmm...I might be on to something: At this rate, by the time the kids are in high school, I won't have to lift a finger around here!  HA!

#85 - Teach Ryan to make a full dinner all by himself

It seems that I've taken an unintentional break from my 101 Goals in 1001 Days list.  I have 27 items left to attempt and only 134 days left to complete them.  I need to get moving!

The other night, while I was planning dinner, Ryan asked to help.  I haven't quite figured out a hot meal that he could prepare without my assistance at the stove or with the oven, so I just guided him through the process of what I was making. 

We made your basic spaghetti and meatballs.  Simple and perfect for my almost 7 year old.

We read instructions together, discussed when boiling water is ready, I taught him how and why to add salt and a little olive oil to the water before adding the pasta, it was great. 

(Because I know I'll get asked these questions: adding salt to the boiling water adds flavor to the pasta and olive oil keeps it from getting slimy and keeps the water from boiling over the edges of the pot.  I learned that a few years ago from an Italian friend!  You'd think my Italian grandmother would have clued me in to that one, but NO.)

Ryan was so proud of himself.  SO PROUD, beyond words.  I have the kids help in the kitchen a lot, but something about reading the instructions and stirring the pots pushed him over the edge to bliss.

I might have to do this more often.  Note to self: the more recipes I teach my kids, the less I'll have to cook later...!!!

No More Night-time Accidents!!!

We have struggled with Ryan staying dry at night for...well, forever. We never made a big deal about it because he had two friends that are a year older than him that had the same issue.  I was a little annoyed, but not concerned.

He was in Pull Ups until he turned five, then my Psychologist aunt recommended that I stop buying Pull Ups, put him in underwear at bedtime and take him to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  I was pregnant at the time and getting up 3-4 times to pee myself, so this worked well for a while.  I continued waking him after Jason came along, since I was waking up to nurse anyway.

Eventually, we got to the point where we only woke Ryan up to go to the bathroom as we were going to bed each night.  He'd have been in his room for 2-3 hours by that point, and, although he was very hard to wake, he was usually able to stay dry the rest of the night after a 10pm bathroom break.

Then last summer, he began having accidents again at night.  He became impossible to wake at 10pm and consistently wet his bed on days when we swam or nights that he had basketball practice.  It was truly an issue of being too exhausted to wake up when he had the urge to go.  That and he likely took in a lot more water than usual on those days.

In August, his six-year well-check appointment was with a new doctor.  The old doctor told me not to worry about it and said that bed-wetting usually goes away between 6-8  years old.  But this pediatrician gave me some tips that stopped the accidents for good.  She told me that these steps would stop the issue within 2-3 months, and, if they didn't work, I needed to call her to figure out if the problem was more physical in nature. 

Here were her suggestions:

1. No more Pull Ups, even on days that we swam or had lots of physical activity.   No more.  None.
   
2. Make sure Ryan gets most of his liquids in the early part of the day.  We'd tried doing the "no drinks after 5pm" rule, but he would always cry because he was so thirsty at dinner and just before bed.  The doctor suggested that Ryan drink a full glass of water with breakfast and another full glass of water as soon as he came home from school.  This stopped the nightly begging for "one more drink" battle immediately.  She said kids need a certain amount of water per day and that they usually don't drink until they're thirsty, which means they're already dehydrated. (that's the same for us, by the way) The point of this tip is to stay ahead of him getting thirsty, hydrating him at the beginning part of the day.
   
3. Have Ryan go to the bathroom at the beginning of the nighttime routine (before baths, PJs, teeth and stories), then again after prayers as the very last thing before closing his eyes.  Stories, get in bed, lights out, prayers, get out of bed to go to the bathroom, then get right back into bed. This has been HUGE.  Every time we forgot to have him go to the bathroom twice at bedtime, he would wet his bed.

The combination of doing all of these steps, every day for a month, stopped night-time accidents once and for all.  I can't even remember the last time he had an accident.  I think he had one a few weeks ago, but the one before that was at least a month prior.

After dealing with extra laundry and changing sheets in the middle of the night for so long, I can't believe we're finally past this.  A friend suggested that I share our victory in hopes that the ideas might help someone else. 

If one of your kids is struggling with night-time accidents, give these tips a try.  They worked for us!

Bed-Wetting Issues

In a comment from the post about protein in Ryan's urine, someone anonymously asked, "How's Ryan doing? He has been in my prayers since you posted this, and I'd love an update."

First of all, THANK YOU for praying for him. That was so encouraging to hear and put a huge smile on my face. Bless you, Ms. Anonymous!

After that post, we went back to the doctor the next day with a urine sample (that Ryan did NOT dump back into the toilet) and all was clear. No protein. Weird, huh? They said that's why they wanted to re-test it with the first pee of the day. It was just a fluke and we are completely relieved.

This whole thing started when I mentioned at Ryan's 6 year well check that he's started having night time accidents again. I think it was only once or twice a week, but couldn't be sure because Ryan had found a package of Pull Ups and had started wearing them again so he wouldn't wake up in wet sheets at midnight.

Ryan has had (seemingly) random issues with bed-wetting forever. It never really concerned me because he has not one, but two friends who are almost a year older than him who still wear Pull Ups at night. I used them as my gauge. When he was four and they were five, even though Kaylin was two and 100% potty trained, it was helpful to know the friends were still peeing at night, just like Ryan. Then he was five and they were six, now he is six and they are seven.

Last summer, my psychologist aunt in KC suggested that I take Ryan out of Pull Ups at night and wake him up to go to the bathroom when I got up (I was pregnant and getting up multiple times). It worked for months, and I continued waking him at night after Jason was born because I was awake nursing him, anyway.

We eventually got to the point where we could wake Ryan just before we went to bed around 10pm and he would stay dry until morning. Most of those nights, we were dragging a sleep-walking five year old into the bathroom and trying to convince him to stand by the toilet and relax. Sometimes, he would lay down next to the toilet and fall back to sleep, other times he would go to the bathroom easily, but occasionally, he'd stand there and cry hysterically, half-asleep and completely disoriented. And on those nights, I'd put him back to bed without fighting him to go to the bathroom.

I can't remember when I stopped the 10pm bathroom break. Sometime in the spring, maybe? I think he had huge tantrums 2-3 nights in a row and I threw in the towel, only to find him dry the following mornings.

But this summer, the accidents started up again. It took me a few weeks to see a pattern, but I realized that the nights he had accidents were nights he had basketball practice or after we'd swam all day. (I figured out he was so tired and slept so hard that he didn't get up to take himself to the bathroom.)

So when I mentioned all of this to our new pediatrician (before she tested his urine and found protein in it that first time), she made a few suggestions.

First, she recommended that I get rid of the Pull Ups. I have to admit that if I were wearing a diaper and had to pee at 2am, I might just let loose and fall back to sleep, too!

Second, she said to make him drink a full glass of water with breakfast, making sure he's hydrated early in the day instead of needing lots of liquids at the end of the day. Also, she suggested sending him to school with a water bottle to keep at his desk to hydrate throughout the day, which we already do because in Arizona, you need a water bottle with you at all times. Because "it's a dry heat." (If you've never been to Phoenix, you might not get that...)

Third, she gave the standard suggestion of cutting off liquids after X o'clock. For us, since Ryan goes to bed at 7:00, she said he could have a small, four ounce cup of water at dinner, then nothing else to drink for the rest of the night. This has been very difficult in the past, but I think following rule #2 and hydrating him first thing every day would help.

Last, she told me to do a "double void" at nighttime. (Apparently a "void" is when you empty your bladder.) She said to have him go potty before stories and prayers, then again as the VERY last thing before he gets in bed. I guess most kids rush through going potty the first time, too excited for stories, and they don't completely empty their bladder. She said to ideally space the two "voids" 15 minutes apart.

If those tricks didn't work after a month or two, she wanted me to call her.

Sure enough, he hasn't had a nighttime accident since the appointment and that was over two weeks ago. I've even heard him get up to go to the bathroom every day during the 5am hour, which is a bummer because I don't think he ever falls back to sleep after that, but at least he's waking up to pee!

I know this is an issue that lots of mom deal with, but not many moms talk about, so I wanted to share what we've tried and what's been suggested to us. An update on our two 7 year old friends who were wearing Pull Ups: one has gone two weeks without an accident and attributes it to being in 2nd grade, the other one still fills his Pull Up every night to capacity, sometimes even soaking the sheets, too. He gets cut off from liquids at 4:00 and still has trouble all night long.

One thing that seems consistent with all three of our boys is that when they have to go, they have to go NOW. They don't give much warning and if the car isn't pulled over ASAP, there's an accident. One mom even noticed that when her son pees, it's only a tiny bit, so she's going to check with the doctor regarding the possibility of an unusually small bladder.

I don't claim to have all of the answers, just some possibilities for you to try if your child is having nighttime accidents. I seem to be past the daily sheet/comforter laundry marathons, but I don't know that I'm out of the woods forever. Yet. Everyone says that kids outgrow this, so we'll see how long it takes my kid!

Does anyone else have tips or tricks for concerned and frustrated moms out there?

Caught, Not Taught

After a message on "Parenting" at church a couple of weeks ago, Mike and I sat down and talked about our kids. It feels like there's so much to work on, with new issues arising every day, so we made a list of the top three behaviors we want to correct.

We started with Ryan. The three things we want to focus on for him are:
- lying (we caught him lying three times that week, which is new)
- arguing (there is no black and white with him - everything is up for negotiation)
- and bad attitudes (once he concedes to do what he's told, pouting and complaining often follow)

After being reminded in the sermon that with kids, "More is caught than taught," I asked Mike if he thinks we're a good example for Ryan in those areas? His answer was the same as mine: no. Except lying; Mike and I are honest to a fault. But we are guilty of arguing and displaying annoyed attitudes when asked to do something. Why would Ryan think that he should respond differently?

The biggest thing that I am guilty of is saying, "Just a minute," so I can finish what I'm doing before helping someone. Ryan does that all the time and I wonder why it drives me nuts?!?! This habit started intentionally, believe it or not. I didn't want my kids to expect me (or anyone else, for that matter) to drop everything to refill their drink or reach a toy or help them zip their dress up outfit. I hoped they would learn patience, but instead I think they learned that it's okay to put off others' needs while I finish something more important to me. (*oops*)

So Mike and I discussed spending the next week being more agreeable. With each other, with the kids, just in general. Instead of, "I'll help you tie your shoes after I'm done packing your lunch," we'd answer, "Sure!" with a cheerful attitude. The same attitude we expect from the kids. That small change would cover being an example for not arguing and serving others without complaining.

What's hilarious to me is that during the week of jumping up to help the kids on a whim, they both became fairly helpless, even demanding. "May I be excused to get a drink?" became, "Mom, will you get me some water?" And after asking them to do me a favor, there were several times I was met with, "Will you do it?"

It's the same result of our "Yes Day" on Easter. I didn't announce what I was doing, but the kids figured it out eventually and began to take advantage.

I also feel like I'm saying, "no" all the time. But the questions are often things that the kids (specifically Ryan) know the answer to. It always seems to be after school that I'm constantly saying, "no." And I figured out that it's about the same two subjects: snacks before dinner and media.

I sat Ryan down and reminded him that we don't watch tv or play the Wii during the week and that when he asks, there will be a consequence. Then I told him that once his after school snack is gone, if he is still hungry, he is welcome to eat dinner early. Otherwise, I'll have a plate of cut up vegetables in the fridge that they don't need to ask permission to eat. That has been working very well, by the way. I feel like I say, "no" half as much as I used to!

It's apparent that both extremes are harmful to kids. Too much "yes" and too much "no" doesn't work. I'm learning to balance my "Sure!" responses with my "Hold on a minute," responses and have no problem answering their requests for drinks at dinner with, "No, but you may be excused to get yourself some water."

In the meantime, new issues arose for Mike and I through this process. But that's a blog post for another day...

No More Pull Ups

I've blogged a few times about my frustration that Ryan doesn't yet wake up dry. I didn't plan on blogging about this, but every time I post something that seems like a personal struggle, I end up with comments and emails of people thanking me because they are dealing with the same issue and got ideas or encouragement from my post.
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Most potty training parents wait until their child wakes up with dry Pull Ups or diapers for a week before transitioning to underwear at night. Ryan has only ever made it 2-3 nights in a row dry, and that's with huge incentives and help from us by waking him up in the middle of the night.
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None of this has been particularly concerning to me since we have two different friends with boys a year old than Ryan and both still wear Pull Ups at night. Last year, they were 5 and Ryan was 4, so I wasn't worried. Now this year, both are still in Pull Ups, just like Ryan - I was in the clear. They were sort of my gage for when to concentrate on eliminating the Pull Ups. Even when Kaylin was able to wake up dry just a few weeks after becoming day-time potty trained, I wasn't concerned about Ryan. We've all heard that "boys are slower" with these things, plus, we have the two friends who are a year older. No biggie.
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Then a few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my aunt who is a Psychologist. She mentioned that the Pull Ups people are in the business of making and selling Pull Ups. They don't want my child to wake up dry...they want to keep him as comfortable as possible so we continue to buy Pull Ups. Yes, some kids have accidents into their elementary years, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
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Yeah, so? What do I do with that information? Ryan is still waking up with a soaked Pull Up, sometimes to the point of it overflowing onto his sheets. He is a very hard sleeper and is definitely not able to hold it all night. I tried putting him in underwear, often per his request, only to end up doing extra loads of laundry full of soaked sheets, PJs and underwear. Now that I'm moving along in my pregnancy, changing sheets isn't only frustrating, it's exhausting.
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She suggested that this is the perfect season of my life to put him in underwear. I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night myself, so I can go in and wake him up to go potty, too. Even if I need to continue to wake him through the night after the baby is born, I'll be getting up to nurse anyway. I decided to do it.
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Sure enough, Ryan has woken up dry an average of 6 nights/week. And I'm noticing that the nights he doesn't make it are after long days of swimming, where he's likely swallowed a few extra gallons of pool water.
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I've gone from waking him 3 times a night to once just before we go to bed (around 10:00) and once when I wake up in the middle of the night. There have been nights that I don't get up until 5am to go to the bathroom, and even though I'm nervous as I enter his room, he's been dry so far.
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The poor boy is so tired when I wake him up that he's often delirious and confused. I have to guide him to the bathroom and often remind him to make sure he gets it IN the toilet. Once he just stood there with his pants around his ankles and peed on the floor in his sleep and another time he curled up on the floor at the base of the toilet and fell back to sleep.
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Last night, I stopped to pick up a toy off the floor before following Ryan to the bathroom. When I got in there, the room was empty. I looked all over the upstairs before hearing a huge *THUD* which I thought might be him falling down the stairs. Mike was watching t.v. in our room and apparently Ryan wandered in there, stopped in front of our mirrored closet door, stared at himself for a minute, then walked directly into it at full speed. THAT woke him up!
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So we've been pretty successful with this process over the last 3 weeks, and I was very skeptical. And in the meantime, I think we've discovered that Ryan might be a sleep walker, just like me. I don't do it much anymore, but I remember waking up in weird places as a kid. Now I just need to figure out what to do with the mega-pack of Pull Ups in his closet!

300th post and learning that Ryan needs responsibility

First, this is my 300th post. Woo hoo! I realize my 200th post was just in May, so yeah, I've been a blogging fool lately. And what's crazy is that I had 10,000 hits less than a month ago and I'm just a few hundred away from already being at 15,000!!! It took me 7 months to get to 10,000 and only ONE month to get another 5,000. I must be posting something interesting...someone out there is reading what I have to say!

Moving on...I'm feeling a little nostaglic. I had "my girls" over for a play date today. Three of these five girls were among my very first friends in Phoenix and we figured out today that we've known each other almost 10 years! We started a Bible study and all of us were single (Mike and I were "just friends" at the time) and there was only one child between us, Kelsey, who was 4. She's now a freshman in high school and there are a slew of kids in the group. Over the years, a few girls came and left the Bible study, but this is our new core. Unfortunately, we live all over town and are busy with life, so now we hardly see each other. But I'll always love my girls! (This is the group, minus 4 kids who were in school):

And Sunday, you got to see me at 20, now you can see me at 2. How cute was I???

Last, a picture from this morning. We had a big storm last night, which brought in unusually cool weather, so the kids wanted to play on the swingset after breakfast. I was taking too long doing the dishes, so Ryan decided to help Kaylin put her shoes on. Notice Kaylin lounging back, watching him wait on her hand and foot. (pun intended!)

I've realized something in the last couple of days: Ryan desperately needs responsibility. When I don't give it to him, he takes on certain tasks by himself, often getting in trouble. I noticed that this morning...I was still in bed and heard Kaylin emerge from her room before 7:00. (a big no-no...she knows to wait until I come in to get her) I heard Ryan's door open, Ryan gasped, told her to go back to bed and attempted to usher her back to her room, Kaylin refused, Ryan tried picking her up and carrying her, Kaylin screamed...it was not what I wanted to wake up to. But I started seeing that, all day yesterday, Ryan was trying to "help." I'm constantly telling him that this or that is "not your job...it's Mommy and Daddy's job..." yet I've encouraged him to work things out with his sister on his own to avoid tattling.

Have I set this poor kid up for failure? "Try to work it out on your own, but if Kaylin gets mad at how you handle it and screams bloody murder, everyone gets in trouble." I hear him negotiating with her all the time, desperate to get her to comply so he gets his way, whether it's for her benefit or not.

So all day today, I asked him to help me. With everything. And I think it really worked...he felt like he was able to do big-kid things, I felt like I de-throned him from trying to be the third parent in the house to Kaylin, he felt important, Kaylin didn't get annoyed that he was doing things for her that she wants to do herself (because she is simultaneously becoming SUPER independent all of a sudden) - it was a good day.

Accountable Kids

I am completely hooked on this new program. It's called Accountable Kids and Ryan is a completely different kid since we started it a few weeks ago. A friend recommended it when I sent out that plea for "what do I do" to get Ryan on the right track at school. I read the book and we ended up buying the whole reward chart system. I originally wanted to recreate it on my own, but decided to get their system...it's done, it's easy, it works.

The idea is that you decide what "chores" your child will have to complete in the morning, afternoon, and nighttime. For Ryan's age, his chores include brushing his teeth, making his bed, taking his vitamins, things like that. Things we were having him do anyway. BUT with this chart, he is responsible for doing them himself. We don't nag him about "have you brushed your teeth yet?" and he is held accountable for doing his chores all on his own. When each set of chores are complete, he gets a ticket, which he turns in for things like watching tv, getting a piece of gum or playing his video game. Again, things he was already doing, but now he earns the right to do those things. Also, if he does something above and beyond, he gets extra tickets or if he does something he shouldn't, tickets are taken away.

Can I just say that our house is SO MUCH calmer now!!! I don't get nearly as emotional when he steals a toy from Kaylin or gets an attitude when I ask him to do something. I just say, "Go get me a ticket." And because the tickets hold value to him, he is very careful about behaving because he doesn't want his tickets taken away. He only gets a handful each day and he works really hard for them, so he truly understands.

There are also incentive cards to encourage a positive behavior (one of the things we're working on is having Ryan ask to be excused from the table and clear his place without being prompted) that help get desired behaviors parents want. It also reminds Mike and I to give praise for good behavior instead of falling into the "well it's about time...that's how he should act anyway" type of rut. So Ryan's not only working toward getting tickets and cards, but he's also hoping to get our praise. Eventually, you take away the reward and the behavior becomes a habit. And something new becomes the desired behavior that is rewarded.

I was putting all of my eggs in this basket because nothing else seemed to be getting us desired results. And this is actually working!!! We no longer spank or swat Ryan, no more time outs or toys or privileges taken away, we just take tickets. And it seems to sting even more. When he wants to watch tv and doesn't have any tickets, he has a little stack of extra chore cards that can earn him tickets. So he's asking me to vacuum the crumbs under the kitchen table or help set the table for dinner or put away his laundry.

If you have kids 3-14, you have to check this out. There are dozens of chore cards for kids of all ages, it's such a great system. I'm sold!

Christmas Ryan-isms

As usual, Ryan provided many entertaining one-liners today. I wish I would have written them all down, but here are a few that I can remember. It was a really big day for him and I'm shocked we made it through without a single tantrum. We came close, but were able to talk him down off the ceiling prior to a full eruption.

- Last night at my mom's house, we all went around and said a quick prayer before dinner (all 20 something of us!) and most of us thanked God for family, health, stuff like that. But when it came to Ryan's turn, this was his prayer, "Dear Jesus, I just love you and I pray that you would help me not to pee pee in my diaper [at night]. In Jesus' name. Amen."

- We opened presents fairly sporadically throughout the morning today. Part of this was by design, but it was also partly because Ryan would become so excited about a new toy (or that everyone he loves most was in the same house) that he would need to stop and play for a bit. I've noticed over the years that he tends to get overwhelmed when there are lots of people or too much activity going on. After playing with a remote control helicopter for almost an hour, the battery went dead and we suggested he start opening the gifts from Mike's parents. He was completely disinterested. I ended up asking him to sit on my lap and that seemed to ground him for a little while and calm him down enough to open the rest of his presents. Initially, I had to explain that we look for his name on the tag, then he had to actually see what it was before tossing it aside. (there were some puzzles, Dr. Suess books and other non-battery operated gifts that may not seem interesting at first, but that I know he'll come to love!)

- With all of the great new toys the kids have, I'm going to officially start instituting time for them to play alone. I haven't done this since I had Kaylin and they don't play by themselves for very long anymore. But man, with all of the new-ness today, I hardly saw them! I read my new scrapbooking book in the family room for 45 minutes straight tonight while they played in the play room, together and separately. So every day, they'll get a new toy or two and we'll work up to a good amount of daily time that they play together without Mommy while I make dinner or do chores around the house. I had Ryan content for almost an hour alone when we first moved into the house. He got some much-needed down time and was able to play independently like a big boy. Then I ruined it by potty training him and following him around the house to make sure he wasn't having an accident!

My first BLOG

I would have never thought I'd start a blog, but I'm so busy lately that I hardly ever journal anymore. SO - instead of sending tons of random update emails and attempting to track the kids' accomplishments and priceless moments in my journal, I'll blog. This may be the easiest way to go!

My kids are amazing. Kaylin is growing and changing so fast. Last month, she went from being a cute little lump to rolling over, sitting up, waving, giving kisses, holding her bottle, shaking her head "no," clicking her tongue and she got her first two teeth. In the last week, she started feeding herself Cheerios, which is both a snack and entertainment for her. She also started signing, "more" the first time we introduced it to her. Looks like we slacked off a little on kid #2 with the teachable moments!

Ryan is getting so mature all of a sudden, too. I look at him sometimes wondering where the time has gone. His most recent inquiry is, "Mommy, are you happy?" He asks that when I'm obviously frustrated or in a hurry. It's quite humbling.

Things are good in our house, just busy. I'm helping my mom with her business, which is booming right now. I committed to 10 hours a week (working during naps and on Saturdays, if needed) and I'm currently clocking 25-30 hours a week. That's in addition to being a wife, stay at home mom and church volunteer. So I basically work every minute the kids are asleep. I need to slow down or I'm going to look around and realize that Kaylin started 1st grade.