What I've Learned at 40

I recently turned 40 years old. FORTY. I was in college when my mom turned 40 and she seemed so. old. How am I already 40???

My mom and Mike threw me a surprise party, complete with fly-ins from 3 of my bridesmaids (from Houston, northern California and Wichita) and another friend from KC. It was such a great way to celebrate this milestone!

I can honestly say that I am able to look back over the past 40 years with no regrets. I love my husband, my kids, our home, our traditions, and the life we have created. 

I have discovered that it will never be perfect, whatever "it" is. I have learned to be content in...my marriage, my body, my patience level, my relationships, my communication, homeschooling, my drive to achieve...I will never arrive. I am forever a work in progress. 

At 40, there's no need for a facade. I am a positive, optimistic person, but I will be the first to admit when things get tough. What you see is what you get...I don't have the energy for manipulation, games or drama.

I am comfortable in my own skin. I've come to realize that this may be as good as I'm ever going to look! It's incredibly freeing. 

I appreciate the personality God has given me. I have discovered my strengths and I accept my weaknesses. 

At 40, I don't feel the need to "fix" myself. I stay up too late, I wait too long to leave the house for appointments, I don't take hints well, and I care too much about screwing up my children. I make mistakes, I forget to return phone calls, I respond to texts in my head, but most people who know me know my heart and that my intention is never to hurt or offend anyone.

I have learned to be more flexible and less rigid. Yet I understand that I work better with structure, deadlines, and goals. I have dozens of alarms on my phone so I don't forget what needs to be done. I like to feel a sense of accomplishment before I can fully relax, so I've learned to "eat the frog" early in the day.

At 40, I have learned the value of creating space in my life. That taking time to recharge is not selfish. That asking for help is not weakness. 

I know my priorities and boundaries. I no longer feel guilty telling people "no" because it often allows me to say "yes" to something more important. 

I strive to give others grace, assuming they are just doing the best they can with what they've been given. I hope others will assume the same of me.

At 40, nothing is more important than honesty and integrity. My values are unshakable. My faith is my foundation.

I feel older, but wiser. My body is aging, but I am healthy. I'm not as exciting as I once was, but definitely still crack myself up! I have immeasurably more than I need or deserve...I pray that I don't ever take these things for granted.

I am so very grateful for all I have. For who I am. For all that is ahead for me. 

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Our house has been on the market for almost 7 weeks. And here we sit…patiently waiting. Sometimes not so patiently.

It's tough for several reasons:

1. Ripping the Band-Aid off something painful, like a huge cross-country move, would be much easier if it was quick and easy. Dragging out this process of relocating is making it that much harder for everyone, in my opinion. 

2. We begin to doubt our decisions. Is the house not selling because we made the wrong choice? Should we pull it off the market and rent it instead? Should we drop the price and take a huge hit financially? Is there something wrong with our house that is turning people off? We love our house - why don't others love it, too!?!

3. Should we start packing or just wait? Because, as it is, our third stall garage is filled to the hilt with empty boxes. If we attempt to being FILLING those boxes, we won't be able to fit either car in the garage. Then what happens if the house doesn't sell and Mike's company says, "Too bad, so sad"??? I certainly wouldn't want to UNpack everything we own!

4. Every conversation revolves around our move. With anyone and everyone. Friends, neighbors, acquaintances, people we run into at the gym and the grocery store the mailbox and church and Target. "So…how are things going with the move…?" It's an easy conversation starter for others and we are constantly reminded that there has been no movement in our situation.

5. We're on pins and needles knowing that the house has to be ready to show at a moment's notice. I've been in the middle of making dinner and a realtor called asking if he could come by with clients within the hour. In a split second, we need to decide whether to we rush through dinner or stop everything and go out to eat.

6. Speaking of "ready to show," the house has to look like a model home all. the. time. As you can imagine, this is fairly stressful with small kids, even more because we homeschool and are home all day long. We do a LOT of life within these walls from 6am-10pm, yet it's supposed to look un-lived-in all the time? It's an interesting balance.

It took a few weeks to get everyone in the habit of picking up anything and everything as it is used throughout the day. We aren't perfect, but we've gotten it down to being able to tidy up in about 30 minutes and get out the door if people want to walk through. 

The funny thing is that I have traditionally blamed the mess and chaos on my appropriately nicknamed Destructo-boy, Jason. Turns out, he's only one of three males in the house that don't pick up after themselves. As it turns out, Ryan and Mike also leave a trail wherever they go! Sometimes they do put things away, but it turns out that my 10 year old was even worse than my 5 year old. How had I not noticed this before???

But it's better now. And, as much as I hate to admit it, being on the edge of our seats and ready to show our house all day, every day has even resulted in me having better habits. Instead of leaving the last few dishes in the sink until tomorrow, I spend 5 minutes washing them. Instead of blowing off the most recent load of laundry, I hurry to fold the clothes and put them away. I'm more diligent about reminding the kids to put away their toys and activities before meals and bedtime and especially before leaving the house, instead of letting it pile up, little by little, until it's an hour-long project and everyone is angry and resentful. Paper piles don't exist. We no longer have a junk counter. Counters and floor are clear. It's…actually quite fantastic!

Tonight, as I was putting away stray shoes and finding homes for coupons and random paperwork, I came to the realization that it brings me peace to have my home neurotically picked up all of the time. It's not so bad having the excuse that "it needs to be ready to show at a moment's notice" to get everyone on board with picking up after themselves. Including me! 

Life has given us the "lemon" of being in limbo with our relocation, but I'm choosing to see the bright side. We've developed some good habits and my house looks amazing most of the time! And I no longer procrastinate housework. Or organizing. Or anything else seemingly minor that needs to be done. 

I wonder if I can keep this up in our new house in Dallas…???

Being a Sheep

In most situations, I'm pretty on top of things. I know what's going on, where we're going, what I need to bring with me, etc. There are very few instances where I blindly follow someone else in charge.

As a homemaker, I'm constantly aware of the next meal that needs to be prepared, which groceries we need, which chores should be completed next.

As a homeschool mom, there always seems to be checklist in my head of the items we've accomplished and topics that still need to be discussed.

In my Tastefully Simple business, no one is going to do my job for me, so if I don't bring my A-game, my parties are unsuccessful and my income suffers.

Get the idea? Is it the same in your world? 

I'll never forget overhearing a former co-worker asking her husband to grab milk on his way home from work. He called back from the dairy aisle asking which kind of milk he should buy, because there were so many options. My co-worker replied, "You seriously don't know which kind of milk we buy? You open the refrigerator every day, pour yourself a glass out of the carton, and you can honestly tell me you don't know if we drink 2%, 1% or skim!?!?!?" She was appalled.

Personally, I remember feeling like she was pretty harsh on him. But now, 11 years later, I can officially understand how that happened. 

I went on two trips this summer where I made virtually no decisions and was "along for the ride", so to speak. I felt like a sheep…responsible for nothing, all I needed to do was comply with already-made plans.

First, I went to Kansas City for my high school reunion. The reunion events were all planned out, and friends had coordinated times where we could get together before or after to catch up in a more intimate setting. All weekend long, I was literally told where to go and what time to be there, and I just showed up. It was incredibly freeing to not have to be in charge of anything for four days. 

Then in August, I went to Baltimore for our Tastefully Simple annual conference. I traveled with a couple of girls from my team, one of which is very organized, like me. But I let her be in charge of details like transportation to and from the airport, our hotel reservations, things like that. Her authority continued after we arrived. I was so clueless that, at one point, I walked in the complete opposite direction from our hotel to the convention center. It was the first time I had to be there earlier than the other girls and I should have walked left, but instead walked right. 

With no one to guide me, I was a lost sheep in downtown Baltimore. 

Toward the end of the trip, when I realized how little I was using my brain all weekend, I drew the parallel between me in that moment and my former co-worker's husband. Or many spouses of go-getter significant others, for that matter. When one partner takes the bull by the horns, I can see how the other would think, "Why bother? She/He's got it figured out."

I am that go-getter. Not to say that Mike is a sheep, by any means. But now I understand why he asks seemingly "silly" questions now and then. He's just along for the ride, in many cases. He's become comfortable there.

It was kind of fun to be in that position a couple of different times this summer! Contrary to popular belief, I do not need to be in the driver's seat all of the time. I am very comfortable being told what to do, as long as someone else takes control.

Vacations when I'm not in charge are definitely my new favorite. 

Mike's Hollywood Twin

Since I can't post my status updates on Facebook...

...I will post them here. Because, some days, I just have to tell the world the ridiculous things that are in my head. This is the only way I will be able to stay off Facebook the entire month of March! (it's my 2012 goal of the month)

3/6/12 - I have become reacquainted with Food Network recently, since discovering Pioneer Woman's new show.  It's like welcoming home an old friend! The kids love watching with me...especially Jason.

3/7/12 - Did you know that Paula Dean has a commercial-looking fry station in her kitchen island?  She made fried sweet potatoes on her show today and they looked AMAZING.

3/8/12 - I'm officially down to one of each earring. One (or both) of each pair seems to disappear when Jason's in my room.  I'm fairly confident that if I emptied the vacuum, I'd find the lost earrings. But that's just gross.

3/9/12 - Um, when did I get so out of shape???

3/9/12 - Looking forward to a date night with my honey tonight. We haven't been out since our anniversary nearly a month ago and that's a LONG time for us!

3/11/12 - So when my rule-following 5 year old says, "don't look" ... Apparently I should not assume that she is planning a family game or surprise (as she has in the past). Instead, I should ask if she's sneaking red and green food coloring up to her room and staining her tablecloth and carpet with her colored water creation. (*sigh*)

3/12/12 - Ryan is suddenly VERY interested in talking on the phone. He asks to answer the phone (kids answering the phone is a pet peeve of mine, so the answer is "no" unless it's Dad or Grandma) and call people every day. He's getting so old!

3/13/12 - Why do the Bubble Guppies have the ability to fly in airplanes...underwater?  The show is so realistic, other than that small fact. (insert sarcasm here) The horses and cows have two front legs, but a fish tail instead of back legs.  It seriously kinda freak me out.

3/14/12 - Why are the cords for my Apple products so short? It's maddening.

3/15/12 - "Operation: Get My Body Back" is in full swing. I have worked out five days IN A ROW, which hasn't happened in months. I am so terribly out of shape!

3/17/12 - I just watched Friends on Nick at Nite.  I'm officially old. It was the episode when Phoebe got married and I swear everyone's voices sounded like they were on helium.  Must have been a problem with the station.

3/19/12 - My kids run everywhere, all the time. Especially Kaylin.  If I ran everywhere, do you have any idea how SKINNY I'd be?!?!?

3/21/12 - I was asked to leave the gym today because Jason bit Kaylin.  They have a zero-tolerance policy on biting, but because he bit his sister, they decided to give me a warning instead of suspending him from the child care for three months.  Just when I started working out consistently again...

3/27/12 - The weather is incredible today! I can't bring myself to force the kids inside to homeschool. They're having so much fun playing outside...I'm calling this a recess day.

3/30/31 - Instead of going to the gym, I just took the boys on a long bike ride ending in a picnic lunch. It snowed this week on the east coast and we're basking in 80* weather out here in Phoenix...THIS is why I live here!

Clothes, Movies, Goals and One Night Stands

Did my title get your attention? This post is a hodge podge of what's swimming around in my head tonight, and I'm writing it so I can procrastinate doing something that I really need to do but need another excuse to avoid.  Plus, I haven't had a good brain dump in a while, so here goes...

First and foremost, I'm preparing for my first business trip with Tastefully Simple this week. It's a $1000+ leadership conference that I earned for free, plus some extra money to cover my airfare. The whole trip will cost me $12 AND I get to see one of my BFFs during our free afternoon on Saturday. Yay!

I haven't been on a business trip in over a decade.  Well, unless you count doing vendor events with my mom's company. I digress...I scoured my closet tonight to see what I'll pack to wear and oy. It was slim pickin's! My wardrobe really is meek. And pathetic. I will say that (for some reason) I still have the dress that I wore to my wedding rehearsal nearly 12 years ago and I tried it on tonight and it looked great. Gotta love those classic Ann Taylor pieces! Of course, I have no shoes to match, but I'll remedy that later this week. I will also be purchasing some Spanx to help hold in my bits and pieces for another outfit I picked out.  And some new jeans, since my trusty pair of Lucky Big Stars are fraying terribly at the bottom.

Hmmm, this trip is costing more than I thought...

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Speaking of clothes, Victoria's Secret stopped carrying my bra. My "find the perfect bra" goal on my 101 in 1001 list?  Yeah, THAT BRA. I am so frustrated with them. The good news is that I bought three over the course of more than a year, so hopefully those will last me a while. Because seriously...I searched for that dumb bra for years.  Grrrr.

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Don't you wish they'd sell the t.v. version of movies? I recorded and watched the ABC Family version of Love Actually over the holidays and it was delightful. They completely cut out the porn stand-in couple, if you were wondering. The whole thing was lovely and hilarious and refreshing. Except for the British guy who flew to the states and allowed the movie's Director to portray American girls as complete bimbos. But whatever.

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Speaking of movies, Mike and I rented Crazy, Stupid Love this weekend and I loved it! I mean, all things considered. One-night stands and all, there's just something about a bad boy going soft and getting whipped by a cute little red head.  And WOW, Ryan Gossling sure got himself into shape for that one, didn't he?  I'm guessing he had 9% body fat, if that. Yowza.

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Speaking of one night stands, Mike and I saw an ad on a bus the other day that said, "Wanted: One Night Stand." Our naive little eyes were appalled, of course, until we got closer and realized it was an ad for a local consignment store. Instead of THAT kind of one night stand, it was "Wanted...1 nightstand."  Clever, huh?  Got our attention, that's for sure.

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I got a Mac and I'm so excited. It's a MacBook Pro and I love it. Love. Except that I'm not completely converted over from my PC because I'm not as fast on Pages or Numbers as I am in Word and Excel. And lets be honest...I don't have a ton of spare time to tinker around these days. Maybe I'll play around with it during my business trip. Considering the fact that I won't know a single soul there.

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Speaking of love: I am loving homeschooling. This afternoon, Ryan picked Kaylin up from the bus stop and the kids played at the nearby park for a while with some friends. Instead of barking at them to come home so we could trudge through homework, they got to play for more than two hours without a care in the world. Kaylin didn't have any homework, but even if she had, we could have done it in the morning while Ryan was schooling. I am love-love-LOVING this freedom in the afternoons.

Over the past 5 weeks, we've been primarily focusing on reading, writing and arithmetic, but last week, we incorporated in some ancient history and the kids are really into it.  They do a related coloring page while I read aloud, then we do the review questions together, look at a map of the area we're discussing, then do an additional project from the activity book if there's time. We're all learning so much: Nomads, Egyptians and hyroglyphs, oh my!

Then last night, I began reading them Little House in the Big Woods from the Little House on the Prairie series. Ryan is so into it already that he begs me not to stop reading. I put Jason in his crib and the big kids lay on Ryan's bunks while I read before bedtime. It's a great setup and they're a captive audience. Even Jason's already learning not to be disruptive. So far, so good!

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Last week, a friend and I took our kids to the Pirate Exhibit at the Arizona Science Center. I was a little underwhelmed by the exhibit, personally, especially for the cost. Hmmm...I take that back. I guess I actually enjoyed it, but the fact that it was lots of reading and little that they could touch meant that the little ones weren't as captivated. Glad we went, wouldn't go again.

The kids were even all pirated out for the day. We split two costumes and three bandannas between five kids. Not bad, huh? How cute are these scurvy dogs?

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Mike and I tried to hike Camelback Mountain yesterday, despite the fact that my 1001 days ended 105 days ago. The conditions were nearly perfect.  Most importantly, we had childcare: the kids had a sleepover with my mom. The weather wasn't too hot and wasn't too cold. I'm not pregnant. (that took up a large chunk of my 1001 days!) I've been to the gym at least three times in the last month. (not in the best shape, but I figured I wouldn't die)

Well. We couldn't find a parking space for ANYTHING. Since when do cars wait in line to get a parking space to exercise?!?!? We even drove slowly behind people, hoping they were done hiking and on their way to their cars. So disappointing. With our tails between our legs, we then drove over to another popular mountain, Squaw Peak, and found one lonely parking space just sitting there, waiting for us.

We huffed and puffed up the mountain, even passing some hikers. (ahem...most were very old or very young, like FIVE years old, but it made me feel better that I wasn't the slowest one on the mountain) I forgot how steep this dumb thing is! It was like climbing stairs for 45 minutes. My legs were Jell-O when we got to the top and I was concerned that I was too shaky to make it down safely.  Thank goodness for gravity, because I ended up bending my leg and practically falling down the rock-formed stairs, somehow avoiding stumbling to my death. But seriously, I won't be hiking Squaw Peak for a while. And to think...Mike and his boss used to jog that twice a week in our days before kids! He didn't remember ever being in that good of shape.

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Last thought: during our date night Saturday, I talked Mike into committing to his own version of the 12 Goals for 2012. He's not a goals person, so this was HUGE. Things that made his list are: no coffee for a month, arrive early to work every day for a month, grill every weekend (YAY for me not having to cook  Saturday or Sunday - this was actually his idea), plus lots of fitness goals and wake up early/go to bed early goals. I'm so proud of him! I might have to rearrange a few of my months to be in line with his months, but that's okay. He's even on board with July's "no t.v. except 2 hours/week" goal. Can't wait for that one...we waste so much time on pointless entertainment. I blame the t.v. for why I don't read. Flipping on the t.v. and demanding that it entertain me with no effort on my part...hopefully I'll pick up a book or two during the month of July.

Thanks for hanging with me during my rambles. I hope you're having a great week!

Come One, Come ALL!

Have you ever over-invited people to an event? Say...your wedding? I remember getting to the point with our RSVPs for our wedding where I was SO relieved to get a "no" response. How horrible is that?!?!? The biggest issue was that I assumed the 2/3 rule (that 1/3 of the people wouldn't come) and we were almost over capacity at the reception hall. I think we ended up with only three under fire code!

I was always told that about 1/2 of the people you invite to a party (birthday or otherwise) will come. But for Ryan's Carnival party next weekend, I'm ready to max this place out. Every time someone RSVP's "no," I'm SO bummed. This time, I genuinely want everyone there. Because I bought some great prizes for the games and am going to mass-produce the coolest cupcakes I've ever seen. For Ryan's sake, I want this to be a blowout.

And after 2 months of bargain shopping, planning and preparing, I can't believe the party is next weekend. Ryan is beside himself with excitement and bounces around like a pogo stick every time he tears off a ring from his birthday countdown chain. He asked again today if his most recent pre-school teacher is coming. I'm thinking I should call her and at least give her the opportunity to say, "no" instead of just assuming she'd prefer to stay home and not get a migrane at our crazy party!

I WON!!!

I just found out that I won 4 tickets to the Ringling Brothers circus!!!!!!!! I was so excited I screamed, "No WAY!" when I saw my name. I have butterflies! (*happy dance...happy dance*)

Oh my gosh, and I have my great new camera to take awesome pictures. WOO HOO!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Good Deal Gal!

A theory about calm kids

I've mentioned that I'm an avid watcher of Jon & Kate Plus 8, right? Well, there's a NEW show starting soon, called Table for 12. This couple has 2 sets of (older) twins and 4 year old sextuplets. CRAZY.

So there was an intro-type show about this family that I watched in my sick-and-tired pregnancy boredom the other day. While I (somewhat shamefully) often identify with Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8, I was intrigued by this new couple with the even larger family. And I formed a theory.

They were relaxed. Busy, yet very laid back parents. Sometimes the kids on Jon & Kate are a little high strung (just like their amazingly organized, yet typically over-controlling mother can be). But I noticed that the kids on Table for 12 were fairly well behaved, pretty calm and still...happy. Now granted, this was an hour show about them; much of the "reality" may have been edited out. But the 4 year old sextuplets weren't in trouble all the time or running around crazy. The poor mom goes non-stop from 6am to midnight each day, doing 8 loads of laundry and making daily grocery trips to keep up with the family's appetite. Yet she's still pleasant and patient in her dealings with the kids.

I just couldn't get past how well everyone got along and how relaxed the parents were. On Jon & Kate, their life appears to be controlled chaos. Much like I feel my life can be, but with only 2 kids.

This got me thinking about all of the "calm" parents I know. There aren't many, but the ones who are pretty laid back about life - the handful I know - have pretty well behaved kids. Not perfect, but overall good kids. The parents are pretty unemotional about crises and they don't sweat the small stuff. They use spilled milk and Sharpie markers on the kitchen counter (that happened on Table for 12) as teachable moments. As parents, they consistently put their needs on the back burner for their kids, while still (seemingly) keeping a bit of a balance.

I want a more relaxed house. I want less meltdowns and more smiles. Maybe that's too much to ask when you have a suddenly-independent and highly-emotional two-year-old, but a girl can dream, right?

So I've tested this theory. Partially out of necessity (I was in bed most of the day Friday and Saturday fighting off a cold/the flu - oh, and I wasn't allowed to take any meds - in addition to feeling nauseous) but I've been pretty intentional about it. I've said, "yes" more and "no" less (within reason). I've let the kids dirty cups and bowls for the sake of putting leaves in water so they won't die. We put rollie pollies in a bucket with rocks and twigs and brought them in the house to watch a movie with us. I allowed Kaylin to go out to dinner wearing her bunny ears and a bright blue wristband that looked ridiculous with her pink and brown outfit. By request, I made the kids tuna sandwiches at 9:15am. Being so sick, I've put Ryan "in charge" more and allowed him to "take care of" his little sister while I laid on the couch, immobile and dozing off. On Friday, they watched an insane amount of t.v. and their brains actually didn't start oozing out of their ears - quite intriguing.

And they've been content. And sweet to each other. And well behaved. Not perfect, but good enough.

Mike wasn't completely on board with this whole concept, so the kids still got time outs from Dad. But I noticed a huge change in their behavior, personally. I saw that Mike was a little stressed and a bit over-controlling about non-issues. I watched as the kids reacted negatively and saw how things could be different if handled with my new mentality.

I'm sick of having expectations that are too high. I'm ready to relax and let my kids be kids. With this pregnancy, I don't have the energy to care as much about the little issues, and I'm sure it will only get worse once the baby arrives. I'm very curious to see if my attitude will affect their behavior in the long run. Only time will tell, I guess.

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy

This video clip from Conan O'Brian is right on. As a generation, we have become so spoiled and discontented. My friend, Jessica, just posted about some great steps to work toward contentment here. It's a short read, but about a 5 minute video. It wouldn't let me embed the video into the post or I would have...it's funny. Go watch it then read Jessica's post.

Random Thoughts and Updates

Sorry for my unannounced hiatus. I think I blogged too much this weekend and needed a break. And I've been working for my mom a bunch this week. In the meantime, I've stored up lots of random thoughts that are floating around my head. I think it's been a while since I've done a good brain dump...so here goes.

* Let's see how far I can get without having to re-boot. My computer has been terrible lately! I have no idea what's going on, but the issue is either with Explorer or my PC memory. I get kicked out of the Internet at least twice a day. Incredibly frustrating. Any suggestions???

* Can I quickly say how much more difficult it is to be a kinder, gentler wife and mother when I'm PMSing??? I keep hoping my period would just start already so the zits will fade (I have one in my arm pit - what's that about???), I'll be less hormonal and my crazy attitude will disappear. I seriously had thoughts this morning such as, "Why do my kids talk so much? Why can't people just stop talking? What's with the stupid questions about the cartoon? If I hear, 'Mommy? Hey Mommy?' one more time, I swear..." then 20 minutes later I was tossing Kaylin around and loving life. Psych. O.

* Last night, Kaylin and Ryan were putting together little wooden board puzzles in his room and he took off down the stairs for a bit. Mike realized that Kaylin hadn't followed him (as she has a tendency to do) and peeked into the room to see her quietly sitting with the puzzles around her, a little confused and not sure what to do next, but trying to complete the puzzles on her own. She was in there for quite a while before coming out and asking Daddy to play with her. I love that she's already getting to be an independent player!

* I haven't documented the thing that I love hearing almost more than "I love you" from Kaylin: "I so sited!" She says that with raised eyebrows and a huge smile and sometimes wiggles her shoulders. Today I took her to a pottery painting place to paint a piggy bank and she told me how "sited" she was several times. Of course, she was also "sited" to go to Target afterward...she's a low-maintenance kid. She loved the 5-pack of bracelets that I bought her from the $1 bins at Target even more than the piggy bank.

* Speaking of, I'M so "sited" that The Office is back on t.v. tonight! I am completely addicted to that dumb show. Love it. Laugh out loud, jaw-dropping funny. Anyone with me?

* An update to my recent photo printing post: Money Saving Mom just posted about a deal with Shutterfly that if you sign up with them, you get 50 free 4x6 prints, plus free shipping, plus a free photo collage. And she mentioned another new site that's offering 50 free 4x6 prints when you sign up. It's called PhotoMama. You have to pay shipping, but their regular priced prints are 8 cents, so it's worth checking out.

* One other update: for now, I think I figured out my cleaning dilemma. My new-ish neighbor friend suggested that we utilize each other to trade babysitting favors on a weekly basis. BTW, she's the same neighbor who cooks for me every other Thursday and on opposite Thursdays, I double the recipe I'm cooking and bring it to her family at 5:30, hot and ready to eat. It's a sweet deal! Anyway, every other Monday, she will start bringing her kids to my house for 2 hours in the morning and opposite weeks I bring my kids over to her house. This week was my week. I have to say that I work well against the clock, so as soon as I came home, I started cleaning like a madwoman. You'd have thought the Queen was coming for tea. I was a scrubbing, wiping, cleaning machine...I think I'll reserve this time once a month for a deep clean of the house and the opposite weeks do something relaxing that I can't (or won't) do with the kids around. Like scrapbook. I'm getting used to this swapping concept!

* Where did September go? I think our short vacation made this month seem short. The weather is getting a bit cooler in the mornings and Mike's parents gifted us with a security door that's getting installed Monday. (For everyone outside of AZ...it's the same as a screen door. But metal. Yeah, I don't get it either, I just enjoy the cross-breeze in my house in the fall!) I'm busting out the fall decorations this afternoon. I think the kids will get a kick out of helping with that.

On that note, I hear the pitter patter of little feet, so I should log off now. I only had to re-boot once. Woo hoo! A semi-successful Internet experience! (how pathetic...)

Musings from the mall

This has been a LONG week for me. In the spring, I signed Ryan up at a nearby church for two VBS weeks (Vacation Bible School) and a morning camp. I spaced them out from each other with the intention of giving him something fun to look forward to since school is on break. I probably won't do this again next summer. I thought I'd have more to DO during his time away, but alas, I do not.

During his first VBS, I spent every day at the gym, then running errands to waste wisely utilize the time with just one child in tow. By the end of the week, I didn't have a single errand or chore left on my to-do list. It wasn't worth the time going all the way home, then out again to pick him up, plus with the cost of gas, I tried to stay in and around the area of the church.

This week it's been the same. I woke up pretty sore from my workout yesterday, but went back to the gym this morning because I couldn't think of anything else better to do! Isn't that sad? I'm out of errands to run again. But afterward, I went to the mall. I've been cut off from spending by Mike because one of our rental houses is currently vacant and we're a hairline fracture away from paying 2 mortgages until we find a decent renter. And since I've hardly been working for my mom recently, that money will come out of our savings. Ouch. We'd love to sell the house and get rid of this mess once and for all, but in this market, we would lose $50-75K of the house's true value because of all of the short-sales on the market right now. (*sigh*) We're feeling pretty stuck.

Wait...I was talking about the mall. Sorry. So I wanted to buy a long white skirt and I had a gift card to buy a new pair of jeans. First, the jeans: I got the gift card for Christmas with the intention of buying a 2nd pair of my favorite $100 jeans, but have gotten away with just wearing my one pair again and again. And again. I want them permanently adhered to my body, I love those things. During our photo shoot last month, I bent down too quickly to pick up one of the kids and tore a hole in one of the very-worn knees. Devastation! Although that hasn't stopped me from wearing them, it was time to get that 2nd pair, for sure.

After sweating profusely at the gym (HELLO humidity today!!! I loved the monsoon last night, but whoa mama...HUMID.) I took my smelly self and Kaylin to the mall. First, I got the jeans (I was considering titling this post, "An ode to Buckle jeans") and am on cloud 9. I love, love, love my jeans. I watched a show on Oprah about jeans once and the What Not to Wear girl said you might have to try on 25-30 pair of jeans to find ones that fit, but once you do, you'll never have to go through that pain again. And she insisted that you should spend the money to get the right fit. Of course, it took me 2 months to tell Mike how much these cost when I found them last fall, but still. After he inhaled all of the air in the room, he admitted how amazing they look and dropped it. (yeah, I know - MY husband!)

No more $30 pair of these-never-fit-me-right jeans from Old Navy ever again. My Buckle jeans fit the same before and after washing and they are the softest, softest denim ever. And I am complimented by complete strangers, not to mention that everyone I know tells me how skinny I look in them. SO worth the $100!!! And if you can't find a style that works perfectly with your body type, Buckle will even alter them for free. How great is that? I don't spend much money on clothes anymore, so I love that I have ONE item that makes me feel this good. Even talking about them makes me happy!!!

Have I mentioned that I love my jeans?

On to the skirt. I am what some might call "fashion challenged." Ever since I was pregnant with Ryan, I discovered just how FEW clothes I need. When I worked, I had work clothes, casual clothes, business casual clothes, fun dresses and dress up clothes for parties and showers and church...but when I had to spend money on 2 seasons of maternity clothes, I found myself with 7 shirts and 2 pair of shorts and I was fine. I had my Monday outfit, my Tuesday outfit...you get the idea. And no one knew but me. Mike didn't even catch on.

Even now I find that I have, again, 2 pair of shorts that I alternate between (one cute and one comfy) and my jeans. I won't go on about the jeans again, I promise. But I am starting to notice the other SAHM that pick their kids up from VBS and camp are cute and sassy. They're wearing a tank and flip flops just like me...but instead of shorts, they're in fun little peasant skirts. Hmmm...I decided I wanted a fun peasant skirt.

The first store I went into had a good selection...until I tried them on. When there's too much poofy-ness, a peasant skirt can quickly turn into a hoe-down, square dancing skirt. Not my style. Store #2 (where I also had some money leftover on a store credit from Christmas '06!) had a 75% off rack with a cute little white skirt. Once I tried it on, I looked like I was trying to be 12 (I didn't realize I was in the Juniors section) but I bought it anyway, because it was $6 - or free with my credit.

Once I bought my jeans and had found a white skirt, I still had 45 minutes to kill until it was time to pick up Ryan. So Kaylin and I strolled the mall together. I got her feet measured at Stride Rite (she jumped from a size 4 a few months ago to a 5.5W on one foot and almost a 6W on the other), we went on the elevator a couple of times, she decided to walk and we practiced having her hold one side of the stroller so she didn't wander off, we gazed longingly at the gumball machines, typical time-wasters.

There were a few things I observed today at the mall:

- Even later in the morning, there are an unusual number of mall-speed-walkers.
- And lots of families shopping together...don't these people have jobs?
- Everyone is having a "huge" sale. Maybe because the economy is bad, maybe they're getting ready to get the new season's stuff in, who knows. But if you need clothes or shoes, now's the time. Seriously, go now...everything's on clearance.
- There are already long sleeved shirts on display. I realize in some northern parts of the world, it might start getting chilly in a month or two, but in Phoenix, we will be holding strong to our 100+ degree temps well into October. How 'bout they keep out some summer clothes for us a little while longer?
- And is it 1977 or are we just coming full circle with the retro prints again? Cute styles, bad patterns people. I don't care how fashion challenged I am, I know ugly when I see it.
- The poor people at Russell Stovers and See's must be bored. Not many frivolous chocolate purchases going on in this economy. I watched as a 1989-banged gal's face lit up when a customer walked up to the counter. Like she hadn't had anything to do ALL day. That poor store.
- Do people really purchase stuff from Spencer's anymore? Have they always been so obsessed with skulls?
- Babies getting their ears pierced at the center kiosk can be heard screaming many, many stores away. Kaylin - "Mommy...baby sad. Baby sad, Mommy!" Again and again.

I can't believe how much I used to love the mall. Maybe because I spend so little on myself these days and most of what's there are wants, not needs. Except my jeans. I love my jeans...

Blogging Relationships

I forget that I have more than a handful of readers sometimes. I know my mom and Mike's mom read my blog, but other than a few friends who comment all the time, I tend to forget that anyone else is out there! (no offense...)

So when I'm writing my posts, sometimes I keep the above "audience" in mind. The light bulb moments that I have in parenting are meant to be shared with 2 or 3 select friends who have my same parenting style and experience the same struggles I deal with. Stories that I would likely share through email or call them to tell them about. The pictures of the kids and the antics they're up to are mostly for my own memories and for the grandparents to see. (I will admit that sometimes they're to amuse the rest of you, too) But the rest of the time, I just have something to say and need an outlet. Other than poor Mike, who has gotten the brundt of my chattiness over the years. (I wonder if he thinks I talk less since starting to blog...doubt it.)

I was discussing this with my hair stylist yesterday and she asked, "Since you post most of your thoughts, do you still have things to talk about when you see people?" Honestly, I do a lot more listening nowadays! I saw a friend a few months ago and when I asked how she was doing, her response was, "I'm so sick!" to which I replied, "Oh man, my family has been really sick, too. It's been horrible!" She said, "I read your blog...it sounds like a mess!" (I didn't even realize she read my blog) At that point, I didn't need to go through the drama we'd been dealing with. She knew it all. So I asked more about what was going on with her family, since I didn't have any more to contribute about the germs spreading around during that time. It could have been awkward that what I was about to say was stopped dead in it's tracks, but it was actually quite refreshing to feel that she knew what was going on with me and I could give her the floor to talk. (you know...since I have a habit of stealing it for myself...the "floor," I mean)

I've also been getting a lot of people commenting lately that they feel like they talk to me all the time because they read my blog. Now that, I can totally understand. There are a few people out there in blogland that I will never meet, yet from reading their posts, I know so much about their kids' personalities, their thoughts and opinions and their lives in general. I find so many stay at home, Christian mom bloggers out there and love getting ideas and inspiration from them. And reading the blogs of friends who I don't get to see often makes me feel closer to them, too. In fact, I'm thrilled beyond words that my matron of honor is starting a blog! She has more kids than anyone I know (5 of her own and 5 by marriage) and we just don't talk as much as I'd like. Come to find out, she's been reading my blog and knows all about what's going on with me, but I have no insight into her world at all. So I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear about the daily happenings with her. (and wondering when she will have time to sit down and type up a post!!!)

I brought a new mom a meal last week and when I was introduced to her husband, he looked very familiar to me because I'd seen pictures of their family on her blog. Yet he didn't know me at all. And yesterday when we had a family photo shoot (more on that soon) my friend Shelly mentioned that she felt like she knows my kids really well from my posts, yet she'd never met them. What other forum would make that possible? I think it's the same sort of familiarity that we get with actors or reality tv participants.

I even went to Bunco last week and was a little caught off guard when several (like 6 or 8) people approached me one after another, saying, "I love your front room!" Again, because none of them comment (no guilt, girls) I tend to forget that they're readers. And another friend said the same thing about my front room when I ran into to her at the gym yesterday. It's so fun for me to have people know what's going on with me without me telling them directly. Is that weird?

I'm a pretty transparent person. I do have a mental policy not to say anything that would embarrass my husband or kids on my posts, but other than that, I lay it all out there. I'm also intentional about not giving out too, too much identifiable information (to a degree) so stalkers couldn't find us. Not that I expect to have blog-stalkers, but you never know in this world! I mean sure, someone could go through and read every single post and find out that we live in Phoenix and that my husband works close to our home, things like that, but Phoenix is huge. And I'm careful not to specify which area we live in, what church we attend, where Ryan goes to school, things like that. I'm cautious, but choose not to be a completely anonymous blogger.

Something else I'm aware of (though you wouldn't know it sometimes) is writing super-long posts and posting too often. I get a little self-conscious when I see that I've done one of those things. I'll try to skip a few days of posting to give everyone a break. But what's funny, is that people will mention that they wish I would blog daily or razz me for not breaking up a "brain dump" into several posts. So I guess I would rather post a longer post (ahem...Tuesday!) instead of many shorter posts on the same day. I also like writing only one post a day for some reason. There's a sense of order to it in my head. I also like breaking up all of the word-i-ness with pictures, if possible. (sorry, no pictures this time)

What's my point? I don't know. These are just things that come up when discussing my blog with others and I guess I find them interesting. I know someone who's very proud that she hasn't "followed the crowd" by starting a blog, but to me, it's not about doing the "in" thing...it's really about having someplace to put my thoughts and to journal about my life. That's why I scrapbook. Yet, if my house were to burn down, my scrapbooks would be dust (the thought of all of that wasted time makes me shudder), but I will always have this little website to safely store my memories.

So THANK YOU for being a part of my blog and reading what's in my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself, so feel free to comment anytime. I look forward to comments.

Popcorn Predicament

I feel deceived. And it's not Orville's fault, it's my own. If I make a poor snack choice and know that I'm doing it, I may feel guilt, but certainly not anger. Ignorance sometimes results in anger for me. Petty? Maybe. But true, nonetheless.

When I found the new Orville Redenbacher "Natural" popcorn at the grocery store recently, I was pretty upset. They've been putting garbage in a plain bag of popcorn?!?! It should be popcorn kernels and oil, right? Apparently not so. I bought the natural popcorn which IS popcorn and oil and went on my way.

Around this time, I saw some information comparing a handful of pretzels and 6 cups of popcorn, saying they were roughly the same calories and fat, yet the popcorn is obviously more food and more filling, making it a better snack. We've been eating popcorn about 3-4 days a week as our afternoon snack. I was glad my kids were getting a natural snack.

So yesterday, I grabbed a new box from the store and noticed the "Smart Pop" box next to it, boasting of 94% less fat and 100% whole grain popcorn and all the other good stuff that was supposed to impress me. Hmmm...I looked at the ingredients of the natural stuff, but didn't think to look at the calories and fat. So I did a side-by-side comparison. Sure enough, the popcorn we've been eating every day had 11 grams of fat and the Smart Pop had...two. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Then I compared the ingredients. The Smart Pop had popcorn and oil and less than 2% of this, that and the other thing. I don't need artificial colors and flavors in my food, but if it's less than 2%, should I really care that much? Let me think, um, no 2% isn't worth losing sleep over.

I'm so frustrated that for the last couple of months, I've been eating a seemingly "healthy" snack and consuming 550% more fat than necessary. See? Deceived.

As I've been typing this on our laptop, Kaylin and Ryan have been eating spilled popcorn off the kitchen floor. It's a good thing I mopped this morning. Actually, it's not...they just spilled all over my clean floor. *sigh* I supposed I should be glad the popcorn on the floor has to be relatively clean. (whatever makes me feel better, right?)

To continue their amusement, Ryan spent 20 minutes vacuuming up the unpopped kernels everywhere. When Kaylin decided to crawl under her highchair to "hide like the turtle" [he hides under bushes], Ryan abandoned the vacuum and joined her. The next picture is them "sleeping like the turtle." Whenever the kids find Roger under a bush in the yard, Kaylin always says, "Thththththththth (with her finger over her mouth) - tootoo seepin."

Oh, and YIPPEE for me! When I pulled up my blog to post this, I was the 3000th visitor. If you missed the 2000 hits blog, you won't know how much that delights me.

Open windows invite the world in

We had a little cold(ish) front blow in the last few days and it's been nice enough to have our windows open again, all day and all night. It's so funny to hear the world around us. Funny "ha ha" and funny "could someone please close the windows?!?!?"

I believe our neighbors behind us have moved, because last fall, all I heard all day was, "Keifer! GET! OUT! SIDE!" Little Keifer and his brother would run around in their diapers with no clothes on, outside for hours. (yes, I got nosey and peeked from my upstairs windows once) Their mother was horribly mean to them. It broke my heart and I felt led to pray for them often. Sending kids out to play for a little bit is one thing, but when I heard her scream at them to "get back outside!" over and over again at various times all day, well, it really ate at me. When she wasn't yelling at them to stay outside, it was "what are you doing!??!?! NOOOOOOO!" What did she expect from toddlers trapped outside? They're unsupervised!!!

All sorts of things are allowed into my house when I open my windows. Smoke, for instance. Someone nearby goes out in their backyard to smoke every night and in a matter of moments, our entire kitchen smells like a sports bar.

Then there are the neighbors directly next to us with 4 kids and one on the way. The oldest is a teenager and she screams...a lot. When they started swimming last Spring, the screaming...OH the screaming! It was obnoxious. When she got splashed, when her younger siblings annoyed her, when she was delighted, very loud screaming for hours.

A few weeks ago, another neighbor bought their dog a new squeeky toy. The dog gnawed on it. All...night...long. I wonder if someone said something, because I haven't heard it in a while. Or maybe they brought the dog in the house at night. Either way, I'm glad that's over!

Then last night, a pack of coyotes must have found some food in the preserve near our house because there was quite a howling celebration. As it began, I actually thought it was Kaylin crying faintly, until I realized it was a choir of cries. (ironically, she did start crying about an hour later...still not sure why...do kids get nightmares this early?)

But I'm saddened that we're going to have to close up the house soon. Before long, we'll be begging the kids to close the sliding door behind them "because the A/C is on" and there won't be a gentle breeze drifting through the house. Of course, I won't have to dust nearly as often and the bottoms of my socks won't be black at the end of the day. The daily vacuuming, dusting and sweeping I can live without. Fine...every other day, but still. The cool breeze will be replaced with the scent of sunscreen as we spend our days in the pool and run all of our errands before 11am to avoid melting in the parked car. I guess we can still have picnic lunches outside, as long as everyone has wet bathing suits on to keep them cool. Okay, I'm mentally ready for summer now that I've worked it out in my head! Bring it on!