Dinnertime in our house has become a nightmare and I am done. I'm over it. No more, I say! No more begging and pleading, no more negotiating, no more nagging, no more bribing. Now that dinner is the first time we sit down together as a family each day, it WILL be a pleasant time, if it kills me!
I realize most of you will read this and think I'm a Nazi, but I know you have areas where you're fed up, well, dinner is an area where I am fed up. (Um, that sounded funny. No pun intended...)
I figured out a few months ago that if I give the kids an afternoon snack (no matter how light) they don't eat dinner. Easy solution: no more snacks. If they get hungry before Daddy gets home, I will feed them dinner early, but no more popcorn for dinner. Or raisins. Or granola bars. Or apples. And they've finally stopped asking, so that rule is working out well.
Also, I'm not one to cater my cooking to be kid friendly. Lunches more so, but never dinners. I don't make brussel sprouts and liver...I make good food and sneak in many pureed veggies that probably wouldn't get eaten, so I DO try to cook things that everyone likes, but I make one meal...that's it. And it's not chicken fingers with mac 'n' cheese. It may sound harsh, but the kids eat what we eat or they don't eat.
I expect some grumbling with my mommy-attitude, but I've finally created some new dinner rules (mostly for Mommy and Daddy) that should make the dinner hour nicer for everyone.
1. I will serve a little bit of everything to everyone. No more, "You can have a roll after you eat 5 bites of your chicken/green beans/something else healthy." I'll give the kids a roll with their meal and give them the choice of eating whatever they want to eat first on their plate, just like Mike and I do.
2. No seconds until everything on the plate is gone. Kaylin will eat a hundred carrots for lunch some days before touching her sandwich, so this rule goes for lunch, too. I'm glad she likes healthy food, but there needs to be a balance...carrots aren't filling enough to hold her over until dinner.
3. If the kids choose to eat the best part of the meal but are suddenly "full" before they eat anything healthy, I'm fine with that. BUT they will finish their dinner at lunchtime the next day. Wednesday I made soup and cornbread muffins for dinner and gave them the muffin with the soup for the first time. Of course, they ate the muffin and begged for more. I told them they could have another muffin when their soup was gone. But the soup had lentils and they refused to touch it. I'm sick of "you can get up after _ more bites." I've talked Mike into not forcing them to eat their dinner. But I did serve the leftover soup yesterday for lunch. They refused to eat it then, too, so that's what they ate when they woke up starving from their naps. Guess what? When they're hungry enough, they'll eat! Yes, I know this sounds stubborn of me, but my kids are both becoming ridiculously picky and ungrateful. I think about kids in large families or the kids starving in other countries. They eat what they're served or they don't eat. I think as Americans we spoil our kids and allow them to get away with way too much, just to avoid the battle. (and I don't judge you if you don't choose this battle, but I'm not making your kid a different meal if they come over to my house and I don't expect you to do that, either)
4. Everyone stays seated until dinner is over. The kids are asked to do this, so Mike and I have to, too. The reason I started this rule a while back was to train the kids to stay seated for longer periods of time, even when they're done eating. It has come in very handy when eating at restaurants; they know that they can't hop up and run around the place just because they don't want any more food. But when Mike gets bored waiting for the slow-pokes to finish eating and hops up to start the dishes, they get antsy and want to be done, too.
5. Dinner is 30 minutes. No more, no less, unless everyone is done eating. Somewhere along the way, dinner began lingering into an hour or more. With Mike getting home later, we've been going from dinner straight to bed with no time for Mike to spend with the kids. They play with their food, play with each other, have to go potty, get in trouble for gargling milk and go in time out...I'm done. If you're not done eating in 30 minutes, you can eat your dinner for lunch tomorrow. Again, sounds harsh, but this rule has seemed to correct the hour-long dinner problem. If they're not hungry, that's fine, but if they ARE hungry, then they need to eat and get it over with so we can move on with our evening and go play. When everyone's really hungry, dinner is over in 15 minutes, so I think 30 minutes is plenty of time. If not, I'll make it a little longer, but I have a feeling it will be fine.
6. No more force-feeding. I want the kids to trust their bodies and to be done eating when their tummies are full. No more, "3 more bites and you can get up" or bribing dessert for them to eat more food. If they're not hungry, they won't get pressure from us to eat.
We've already started some of these rules and they're working like a charm. Dinner last night was SO nice. We ate, we talked, there was no nagging, bribing or threatening...it was lovely. I sure hope that picking this "battle" won't backfire on me! My kids certainly aren't malnourished or starving, so I think they'll adjust pretty well to the new rules over the next few days. Wish me luck!
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This is totally a battle worthy of being picked. I'm not going to say our dinners are perfect around here, but a lot of the things you talk about are the things we have in force here already, and mealtimes are generally pretty pleasant. Sure, there are times Little Cub goes to be with only a handful of grapes for dinner, but until he no longer has the energy to bounce around like a normal 3-year-old, I'm not going to worry that he's not getting enough nutrition.
There ARE minor adjustments to plates sometimes, though. I can't stand cucumbers and Big Chief hates mushrooms. So LC gets cucumbers AND mushrooms on his plate...ending up with a greater variety than either one of us! And we don't do the 'X number more bites' either. I hate that. I guess it somewhat takes other forms, though, in the 'if you want 2nds of something you have to finish the food already on your plate' OR if it's a new food, he has to try one bite. He's still a teensy bit young to fully embrace this idea, but we've told him a few times now that in the near future, Mommy and Daddy with implement the 'you must TRY everything' rule. If you don't like it, fair enough. We adults don't like everything either. But you must TRY it. Give it another 6 months to a year, though, and we'll really get strict on that.
Otherwise, we're totally with you guys on this. Everyone stays sitting at the table until everyone else is done (no matter how much it kills the parents), there's virtually no discussion about the food in any way shape or form, and for good measure, everyone clears their own plates. LC has to ask each person individually if they're finished (regardless of the number of people at the table), and when everyone says yes, we all get up and clear our own things. We certainly don't have a child who's willing to eat everything, and I won't claim we never have struggles, but I can honestly say our mealtimes more closely resemble Leave it to Beaver than they do The Simpsons.
Good luck in your new and very worthy endeavor. I'm with you in spirit every step of the way!
xoxoxoxox
I know some would disagree, but I think your rules sound GREAT! :) Good job.
Great Job Kaite. We have some of the same rules and they have been in place sinc my oldest was little...he is now going to be 17 in a few months. I think with the times that we live in and trying to save money by planning our meals out in advance give the kids enough warning to what they will be eating. I am going to put into place some of your rules that we don't have. Thanks for all that you do.
Right On! I can totally relate
I don't have kids, but I helped raise a sister. We made one dinner. We ate one dinner. We weren't picky eaters - my parents did serve liver and onions and we had brussel sprouts. I don't like brussel sprouts and I never ever ate them. My dad loved them, so they were a treat for him. Finally the sprouts weren't put on my plate.
I see parents doing all these things to get their kids to eat - and it just bugs me to no end. as you said - kids will eat when they are hungry. Kids who get three meals a day (even if they don't eat them each day) are usually not malnourished. They eat.
Like I said, I don't have children, so I feel like I shouldn't comment - but I applaud you!! Bravo!
I LOVE your attitude with this topic! Can you come over to my house and implement these rules?! =)
I don't serve separate meals either. Unless we run out of something at a meal...someone really likes x and wants more and another kid would rather give their x to sibling and have a bowl of cereal...we totally would do that.
My philosophy is you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.
That said, we still get fits. Some of my kids just choose to go to bed without dinner sometimes if they don't like the meal.
Do we make them eat it the next day? Nope. Usualy don't have leftovers of stuff anyway...if we do, dad takes it to work for lunch.
We don't allow kids to get up if everyone is not done. But we don't put a time minimum or maximum on our mealtimes either. Usually we have enough going on that no one wants to "linger" and it is not practical for us to set a minimum time frame. (But like you, dinner usually works out to about 30 minutes.)
We believe that when we all come together at the table, it should be enjoyable. (Not that it always is) But it is our desire to make our kids try things, but not force them to eat them. There are 10 of us, so even though we won't make separate meals for people...I might make taco salad or tostada out of our Mexican food, when the kids might make tacos or cheese crisps.
We do want our kids to enjoy what they are eating. (And yep...we might do Kraft Mac and Cheese from time to time or breakfast for dinner or even have grub night where everyone gets to pick what they want...leftovers/sandwiches/frozen pizza...whatever.)
I realize we are not eating to your standards, but it is what works and what makes our mealtimes pleasant...without turning me into a short order cook!
:0) My mom always told me to bend or I might break...so that is what we do!
B
I think this is great! I've been told by several family and friends that I'm too strict in this dept. In the beg. of my "training"), there were many times where my daughter had to eat fish or lentil burgers for breakfast. In fact, she's so used to non-traditional breakfasts that she'll often ask for broccoli and peas for breakfast. LOL Oh-well, I guess it's better than Coco Puffs. You're a great mom, Katie! :)
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