Dear Angry Movie Lady...

There's an awesome program at a local Arizona-run movie theater that allows you to buy 10 movies during the summer for $7 per person. That's less than $1 per movie, per person!!!  They show kid flicks that might be 1-2 years old, but my kids don't know the difference. Not only is it a great weekly event to look forward to, but it gets us out of the heat and allows kids to get used to going to the movies when the entire theatre is filled with other loud-talking, overly-wiggly kids. 

The program is genius, really. I began taking Ryan when he was three and we've bought tickets each summer since. Kaylin and Jason both learned to be quiet and sit still before they were a year old and now all of my kids know the unspoken movie-going rules and etiquette.

Yesterday, we took advantage of the long weekend and took the kids to a newly released, overpriced movie as a family. I wasn't thrilled with any of the animated choices, so we saw, "The Odd Life of Timothy Green." 

This was the test: could my strong-willed 2-year old sit still through a non-animated movie that did not feature talking animals? We bought our popcorn and snacks, grabbed a booster seat for Jason and settled in to our seats.  The place was packed to capacity. The lights dimmed...

As usual, the first hour was perfect. No one even knew there was a 2-year old in the room. He laughed when others laughed, quietly pointed when he wanted a refill on his popcorn, he even mouthed, "I love you, Mommy" in the glow of the screen. It was picturesque. 

Then he asked to sit on my lap. Absolutely, my perfectly-behaved boy! 

As I pulled him from his seat to mine, his clunky shoe gently knocked the back of the seat in front of me. I quickly offered a hushed apology to the lady in the seat, but she shot back a glare of disgust in return. I ignored my defensive mama bear instincts because, let's face it, I've been there.  Prior to having kids myself, I would have agreed that a movie theater was no place for a child.

(A.D.D. moment: Is it theatre or theater?  Because spell check is accepting both and now I'm questioning myself...)

Jason sat on my lap for quite a while before becoming bored and needing a change of scenery asking if I could take him to the bathroom. He hopped off my lap and, sure enough, kicked the seat in front of me again.  Another look was shot back at me from Angry Movie Lady and again, my apology fell on deaf ears. 

Fast forward a bit...we're back from the bathroom and sitting perfectly quiet and perfectly still again when the teenaged girls next to me decided they needed a bathroom break. As they climbed over my lanky legs, they both...BOTH...kicked the seat in front of me. At this point, poor Angry Movie Lady is officially pissed. And I'm quite positive that she thinks the clumsy teens belong to ME. I desperately wanted to lean forward and say, "Okay, I am NOT taking responsibility for those girls!!!" But I didn't. I bit my tongue and continued to force Jason's legs into weird positions to make sure his shoes wouldn't go within 6 inches of Angry Movie Lady's chair.

Toward the end of the movie, Jason decided to rotate to Mike's lap. I was oh-so-careful placing him on the floor and managed to avoid all contact with the seat in front of me. Whew! Jason tip-toed past his empty seat, then past Kaylin, but before reaching Mike, he tripped and grabbed onto the seat in front of Mike belonging to...who else but Angry Movie Lady's husband. Now he was ready for a throw-down. Awesome.

What seemed like six hours later, the movie was finally over. I tried to rush out of the theater with my kids, but I was unable to hide from Mr. and Mrs. Angry Movie Lady. I felt a hole being stared into my forehead.

So if you're reading this, Angry Movie Lady, I would like to apologize.  I'm sure that when you purchased $40 in tickets for your family to enjoy this Jennifer Garner flick, you had no idea there would be a two year old sitting behind you. I hope you were so annoyed that you complained at the front desk and got a refund to see a complimentary movie of your choice.

Regardless, I very much enjoyed our little afternoon family outing. And I'm proud of how well behaved my {difficult} son is for nearly two hours in a huge, people-packed, dark room. It's nothing short of a miracle that he complies!