Reality Check - Christmas Letter '08

I got a Christmas letter via email the other day from a faraway friend whose oldest is Ryan's age and who is expecting baby #4 this summer. She is the all-natural, earthy version of Super Mom and I look up to her in so many ways.

As I read through the letter, seeing updates on each member of the family and positive-infused details about their life, I slowly sank in my seat. Here she is, pregnant plus has a whole extra kid more than me, and she's seemingly floating through life. The only line in the letter that seemed less-than-wonderful was, "Things are well with us...wild, but well."

I immediately responded with an email, pouring my heart out. I have been really struggling the past two weeks. Not only is Mike feeling low and having trouble enjoying his "time off" with our family during the holidays, but my kids are beginning to obsorb the tension and they are quickly becoming a HUGE handful. So in addition to the financial stress, there is additional marital stress and (woo hoo - come join the party!) now parenting stress. I've been pushed past my limit and after reading about how someone with more kids (and an exhausting pregnancy!) than I have is handling life with grace and optimism, I wanted to cry.

My sweet friend responded with "the unedited Christmas letter," which was much more raw and laugh-out-loud hilarious. I guess the before and after emails helped me realize that no one wants the ugly truth in an annual Christmas letter. For some recipients, this is the only time all year that they hear from us. I doubt they want to hear all of our daily struggles and frustrations. Kind of like the passers by who say, "How are you?" If you answered anything but, "Fine," (or at the worst, "Hangin' in there," if you're not fine), everyone would be so shocked that they'd slowly back away from you the crazy person having verbal diarrhea all over them because, really, they were just asking to try to be polite. I mean, come on. It's Christmas. Everything is sugar-coated at Christmas.

So...without further adieu, I present to you MY unedited Christmas letter...

Wow - it's been a horrible past few weeks an interesting year! We had a major change for our family in October when we received the financially and emotionally devestating news that our church was downsizing its staff and that Mike was being laid off. As naive as it seems, even considering the downward financial spiral our country has gotten itself into We were completely shocked by the announcement, but after bouts of tears, fears, doubt, anxiety and even anger we trust that God is in control of every aspect of our lives and know that He has a great, new job that will require him to work longer hours and sit in rush hour traffic while the kids and I eat dinner alone around the corner for Mike.

The kids are completely out of control doing well and are growing up so fast. Although if they don't start shaping up, they may not make it to their birthdays next summer. Ryan is in his second year of pre-school but will be pulled out if Mike doesn't find employment soon and absolutely loves it. It's the only time of the week that he will sit still and actually follow instructions from anyone. Kaylin is completely potty trained at the young age of two except when she decides to pee all over the place, out of the blue, usually out in public, when I'm unprepared and don't have a change of clothes and she even sleeps in underwear at night which she decided to do the day after I purchased and opened a mega-pack of 120 diapers!

I love that our kids are best friends which gives them twice the power when they decide to misbehave or gang up on me in an attempt to send me over the edge and that they're such great play mates unless one tries to steal the others' toy and, in that case, it's ON...they will antagonize each other to the point of screaming and/or causing bodily harm...until I can't handle it anymore and freak out, shouting at the top my lungs and putting them both in time out...where they continue to antagonize each other. I am so grateful to be their mother but doubt my abilities daily and that I am able to stay home with them full time which may be ripped away from me if we start running out of money and I need to go back to work.

I hope this letter finds you well if I can gather enough change to purchase stamps to mail it and pray that your family is enjoying this holiday season. We would appreciate your prayers specifically that I can manage to get through the next few days without shedding any more tears during this unwelcome unhappy unstable rough patch in our lives.

Merry freakin' Christmas, from our home which is freezing because someone won't let me turn on the heater to yours.