Friday, February 12, 2010

3652 Days

I have been married for 3652 days. 10 years today - I can hardly believe our wedding was so long ago! I remember it so vividly. I didn't want to get married on Valentine's weekend, but I also didn't want to wait until May, so our church's limited availability set the date. That's what happens when you give yourself three months to plan a wedding with 250 people.

Tonight we went to dinner and a movie while my mom watched the kids. Nothing huge, since we just went on our big cruise to celebrate, but it was a nice little evening out. (And I got to have a fancy schmancy Cosmopolitan - yum!)

I've found myself reflecting back this week. Now I'm no expert or anything, but I think I've learned a thing or two in the last 10 years. I'd guess that 99% of my readers are already married, but I'm still going to throw some of this out there, just in case I can save someone the pain of learning from their own mistakes.

Things I've learned over the last 10 years:
- The first year of marriage isn't always the "honeymoon period" - it's often the hardest year of your relationship. (My mom gifted us with 6 free counseling sessions for our first anniversary. No joke!)
- Pick your battles. There's no reason to constantly put in your two's just not worth it.
- Only take advice from couples who have relationships that you respect and admire.
- Having babies is a lot of work and will put unnecessary tension on an already strained marriage. Work through some of the kinks before deciding to bring children into your home.
- Divide the household tasks. If everyone knows what's expected of them, there's less chance for miscommunication and feelings of resentment. (I cook, you clean and vice versa...I'll do car maintenance, you do the bills...I'll tend the garden, you do the lawn...etc.)
- Never stop dating...each other, obviously. Laugh. Be spontaneous. Take vacations. Make memories.
- Create family traditions. Not only for Christmas, but other occasions, too. Eat chocolate fondue every Valentine's Day, make shamrock-shaped pancakes each St. Patrick's Day, bring each other breakfast in bed on your birthdays.

Wedding advice I wish I would have received 10 years ago:
- Don't register for fine china and crystal stemware. (it wasn't my thing then and it still isn' looks lovely lined up in my downstairs closet, though) Find dishes that are pretty, but practical. $25 wine crystal glasses are not practical.
- Spend money on a good photographer, but remind your guests to email pictures from their cameras. The candid shots are just as memorable.
- Where tennis shoes under your wedding dress. No one will see and you'll be much more comfortable.
- Eat a whole piece of your cake, not just the first bite used for pictures. Because someone might forget to grab the leftovers and they might get eaten by the kitchen staff. Even the top that you're supposed to save for your first anniversary.

- Pick a few things that are non-negotiables and let the rest go. Enjoy a day in your will be the last time you have this big of a party with all of your loved ones. (until your funeral, that is)
- Wait a few days to go on your honeymoon. Enjoy the company who flew in for your wedding for a day or two, get unpacked into your new house and THEN go on vacation. It will be much more relaxing.

...I wonder what gems of wisdom I'll learn in the next 10 years?

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Julie said...

Congratulations! Such a fun post to read. Some great advice.

Just so you know, even the tastiest cake in the world, generally doesn't taste that good once it's been in a freezer for a year! ;) I speak from experience.

Alison @ Hospitality Haven said...

Wise words, and very encouraging! Happy Anniversary!!

SnoWhite said...


thanks for sharing your advice -- I second your advice about waiting to go on your honeymoon for a couple days! that's what we did too.

blessings on many more years together!

Monique said...

Happy Anniversary!!

Lisa said...

great wedding pics! you guys look the same- great!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the first tip. I'm in my first year of marriage, and have never cried so much as I have in the past eight months. It's nice to know that perhaps it might get easier.

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