Gentlemen readers beware: This post is for ladies only!
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After so many "would you just relax and enjoy your baby?!?!" type comments the other day (on the post where I mentioned already starting Jason on a schedule) I had the perfect opportunity yesterday to practice flying by the seat of my pants and going with the flow.
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I took Jason to his first pediatric appointment and he got (*gulp*) circumcised. He slept A LOT all day long, barely ate and when he was awake, he was screaming crying. He was not a happy camper.
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Part of the problem was that they didn't get us in to see the doctor until 8:30, which is when he's been taking his first nap. Every time he nodded off, someone needed me to strip him, they weighed and measured him, the doctor poked and prodded him, then they finally took blood and circumcised the poor boy, which I was not around for. (I excused myself to the waiting room...just couldn't handle it.) By the time we left, it was 9:45, he was exhausted and beside himself and I had to listen to him scream most of the 20 minute drive home. A lovely way to start the day.
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He should have eaten again when we got home at 10:00, but he was out cold and refused to nurse. This teaser caused the first of many painful engorgement issues all day. He slept. He was finally quiet. He needed to rest, so I went with it.
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He woke up (screaming) with a dirty diaper somewhere around 11ish and ate a little bit before passing out again. Unfortunately, he didn't eat enough to reduce my pain, plus I swear my body produced even more milk for the additional feeding. Oh, ouch.
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The next time he woke up was with another dirty diaper, he pretended to eat again, screamed for a while, took his pacifier and finally fell back to sleep. That was a fun stint in the early afternoon.
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Before long, his pacifier fell out and he woke up starving - mama got some relief. He was full, but not happy. I'm sure he was exhausted and probably in pain, but there was nothing I could do about it. I truly had no idea how to meet his needs. He cried and cried inconsolably.
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Around dinnertime, a friend stopped by and told me to try feeding him again, suggesting he may need to cluster feed for a day or two. But he just ate his first full meal an hour ago, I protested...he can't be hungry again! I gave in, tried feeding him and he ate for 15 minutes. Talk about Mommy guilt! He nodded off again with his pacifier afterward, then woke up screaming. Again.
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Just to re-cap, he had a day full of mini-meals/snacks, catnaps and screaming fits. Every time I thought he was awake and ready to actually eat a whole meal, my milk would let down only to find out that he wanted to suck, but not eat. Hence, his bliss over the pacifier to help calm him or lull him to sleep. By 9pm, both of us were confused and exhausted. And I was petrified that Jason would be wide awake all night after sleeping so much during the day.
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Let's just say that this whole system didn't work for me. I can't say I had much choice yesterday, given the doctor/circumcision issue, but seriously - I was a mess, he was a wreck, it was a joke. And I tried to just relax, snuggle, bond and respond, honestly I did!
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When my kids are on a schedule, even at a week old, I am much more able to anticipate their needs. I know when to feed them and when they're tired and if they're crying outside of those two time frames, I know to check their comfort level in terms of diaper needs, surroundings, temperature discomfort, etc.
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So even though it sounds like it would be more relaxing to let go and throw any sense of routine out the window these first few weeks or months, I just can't do it. I'm already exhausted and easily overwhelmed. It drives me crazy not knowing what to try next to console my baby. And I know they're happier on a schedule because they don't cry all the time, begging me to figure out what they need.
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Disclaimer: Please don't think I'm getting defensive here and pu-lease don't feel badly if you made a "relax and enjoy" type comment. I welcome all comments and am very difficult to offend. But seeing just how many of you told me to "lighten up," (especially friends that I know personally) well, I started thinking that maybe I was being too rigid on myself and on Jason. Interesting how God chose to show me the very next day that my seemingly anal, overly neurotic, type-A way of doing things might be the very reason I stay sane in the early stages of my kids' lives. Because, for some reason, it seems to work for me! 
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tried it, hated it, won't do it again
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16 comments:
Circumcision days are HARD! I pray today is much easier. And everyone seems to work better on schedules! Whether it is rigid or lax, we all want to know what to expect next. Whatever works for you is what you have to do!
I agree that you have to do what works for you.
And truly, the day you chose to "try" relaxing and not following a rigid schedule was circumcision day? Awful day to begin with.
Of course babies that are poked, prodded, and have outpatient surgery (cuz that is what it is in my book)...are going to have it rough.
I'm not offended that "relaxing" didn't work for you...but wonder if you truly missed our points about relaxing. :)
What I was saying was...don't try to schedule activities for you and your kids constantly and around some rigid schedule...did I say throw all sense of order out the window? Not necessarily. There are definitely those days where you need to have a plan...and there are those days where you skip the blogging, the cleaning, the scheduling, and just soak in being a mom to a newborn!
Sorry your day stunk...hope your week gets better! ;)
I totally agree...I am such a "schedule" type of mom and hate when my kids are not predictable. With that said, here I am with a almost 5 year old and we are still trying to get on a schedule with her. She is a terrible napper and at is still not sleeping through the night. It kills me everyday to not know what is going to happen and when! I have somewhat gotten used to it, but often find myself getting mad...even at her.
I hope that you find a schedule soon and don't have to endure months and months like I have! We are getting there! Good luck!
You need to do what works for you and your family. Don't worry about what anyone else says. I really hope today is going better for you.
I am a schedule type of Mom too! My kids (10, 6 and 2.5) have been on schedules from the get go and it has worked just fine for us. And I think by your third, you know what works for you and your family despite the best intended advice. Congratulations! Love your blog.
Totally agree with the other "Jennifer." I totally scheduled our first. Our second was small (under 5 lbs.), and I thought I'd go with the flow with her. I didn't want any more kids! Just didn't work for me! Our third was more scheduled..."routined" really. Then, I could relax and I enjoyed her so much! She also cried so much less, and it was easy to tell when she needed something different. She needed to "cluster-feed" at growth spurts, but I could tell because our "routine" flowed so well that I could "read" her better. Everyone is different...glad God has given you the wisdom to know what works for you!
Why the heck didn't they circumsize him in the hospital?
Better question- why did you circumcise him at all?
Paul clearly states in the New Testament that circumcision is of the Old Testament and is meaningless to Christians.
I"m not trying to make you feel bad for something that's already done, but I do hope you will rethink this decision in the future.
There is NO benefit to circumcision.
Katie- i totally agree with you on this i seriuosly schedule my babies in the hospital. i like to get them on as much of a "normal" schedule as soon as possible so this mommy can sleep ASAP...
I agree with you on getting your kids on a schedule right away!! Mom's are so quick to give their opinion on how to raise your children that I think they for get you have to do what works best for you and your family (even if it seems like you are too scheduled! !) Good Luck getting into your routine.
No matter what your plan is Katie...I am so impressed!! I am just impressed with your scheduling and organization...I always have wished I could be more like that...but I'm not! Good job doing what works for you...keep it up!
I bet your son wishes he could have excused himself to the waiting room too.
I don't think you should hold yourself responsible for what happened, but I do think in the future, you should reconsider whether you want to have this done to your future boys.
Its non-theraputic, and not recommended on medical grounds (regardless of what a friend of a friend's uncle's mom says).
Katie, I'm sure you didn't take the circumcision decision lightly. It's a tough call but I'm sure you made it with diligence and a lot of prayer and consideration. I say this because I don't want you to be frustrated or upset by some of the comments made here. Make INFORMED choices and do what YOU believe is best for your children. Period.
I used to work in a medical office where we would see patients of all ages that suffered the ill-effects of NOT being circumcised. Try telling a 5 year old boy the ins and outs of keeping his schmeckel clean and safe from infection...because it happens often...and then try telling that same 5 year old boy that the treatment for the infection is no big deal. (Antibiotics, often injections, and sometimes circumcision at a later age...which is A LOT more painful!)
Some of the commenters seem to be just more unsolicited advice gone awry on this blog, eh?
Thanks for sharing the details of your life so openly and here is hoping the blog world learns to let you be who and what God wants you to be for your family without guilt and condemnation!
anonymous,
considering the vast majority of the world still has a foreskin, and is getting by just fine. The fact that in countries that know how to care for the foreskin, the circumcision rate is less than half of a half of a percent (at any age).. I would say you're suggestion that many men need to be circumcised at some point in their lives is grossly inaccurate.
My intention, in my first post, was not to condemn or inspire guilt, but rather to suggest that maybe a reconsideration in the future might be the best option. That is not the same thing as condemnation! I am well aware that circumcision is highly promoted by most friends and family in our culture, and its easy to make the choice without really understanding the situation beforehand.
For example, I doubt many people understand that the foreskin has thousands upon thousands of fine-touch nerve endings, similar to those found in the fingertips and lips - or the fact that the foreskin protects not only the head of the penis, but also the urinary opening (1 in 10 circumcised men develop a scarring of the urethral opening during their lives, while this scarring is unheard of in men with a protective foreskin).
My point is, its actually GOOD news that you don't have to go through another painful day like this with future sons! And, I am sure your circumcised son will grow up and be totally content with his body, so theres no reason to fret about what has already happened. But, looking to the future, there is really no need to do it again!
Schedules are a must for me with a baby. I'm a babywise mom and couldn't imagine not having a schedule. I'm looking forward to the new schedule in a few months when baby boy # 2 arrives. I'm also all for circumcision.
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