How NOT to go into labor

Friday night, I was timing contractions until after 10:00. I went to bed with the full assumption that I would be in the hospital cuddling my bouncing baby boy come Saturday. But no. Saturday morning I woke up without a single cramp. I still felt like garbage because of my cold, but it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. (*sigh*)
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So what do I do? Complain on Facebook. The first comment was from my friend Julie telling me that I wasn't allowed to go into labor because we had a double date that night. (that has been planned for weeks, so I wasn't looking forward to missing that) A few comments later was from a friend who read the date comment and suggested that we go to PF Chang's for some calamari, saying that it's been known to send women into labor. (her husband is the General Manager at the PF Chang's near our house) Ironically, before our movie, we WERE planning to go to PF Chang's for dinner. Maybe this was a sign from God?!?!
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I hate calamari, but I ordered it anyway. (it was actually quite good, BTW...not fishy or slimy or squid-like at all...I highly recommend it) And I proceeded to crush Mike's hand through contractions every 10 minutes or so during our movie. I got my hopes up again, came home, went to bed, and woke up feeling...are you ready??? Nothing. Not a twinge, cramp or pain of any kind. (*sigh*...again)
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The good thing that came from my Friday night contractions was a kick in the pants. The "honey do" list for the weekend became quite long, including minor little details like: set up crib, find nursing bras (I still can't find them anywhere!), wash infant carrier, set up car seat in the van, clean the garage (that's been on the list for weeks and it's finally cool enough outside to handle being in the garage for more than 5 minutes)...stuff like that. In addition to the fact that this was our normal house-cleaning weekend, there was laundry to do, regular weekend stuff.
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Mind you, I was still sick. I felt achy and my sinuses were on the verge of exploding. Not to mention that I'm 9 months pregnant and don't get around too quickly anymore, needing to "sit down and take a break" after the most menial, everyday tasks.
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But the list got done. All but 1 or 2 minor things. My house is spotless and sparkling. You could eat dinner off my garage floor. The crib anxiously awaits a baby to snuggle. Now would be a really good time to go into labor...everything's done!!!
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(Do you hear that, God? Just in case you care about my thoughts on the matter, the timing is perfect to have this baby tomorrow. Just sayin'...)
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It's not going to happen, though. I'm only 37 weeks. Who am I kidding? This is all wishful thinking. And the good news is that next weekend will be a slacker weekend because I was so bent on getting everything done THIS weekend.
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Is anyone else sick of me whining talking about this pregnancy? Because I sure am!