He's Just Not That Into You

*Disclaimer: If you planned on seeing this movie, I'm about to ruin it for you, so you may not want to read my review. Consider yourself warned.

Mike and I had a last minute date night last night and saw the first movie playing when we arrived at the theatre: He's Just Not That Into You. It's packed with A-listers (Jennifer Anistan, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck and Scarlette Johansson, to name a few) so I figured it would be a good romantic comedy about the perils of dating.

At the very beginning of the movie, the only married male character was tempted by a beautiful blonde. I looked at Mike and said, "This better not end up in an affair." I was pleasantly surprised when the married character was noble enough to shut off communication with the blonde, more than once. To his credit, he tried. But he was weak and called back and that's when it happened: he let her in just a little. He justified taking the blonde's yoga class by saying, "Why can't I have a hot friend? We can be friends even though I'm married!" I was beyond frustrated with this dude. Why even GO there?

Now, maybe I am a pregnant, over-emotional basket-case right now, but when they finally hooked up, I was devastated. I fought back tears through the whole next scene and was truly disgusted that Hollywood couldn't resist the temptation to have them sleep together.

Amazingly, when the wife found out about the affair, she realized the reasons he fell into another woman's arms and chose to fight for her man. She forgave him and immediately began making changes to bring the spark back into their marriage. It was quite refreshing.

The whole storyline is a perfect example of why I have very old fashioned opinions when it comes to the types of relationships married people should have to keep themselves out of trouble. I have male friends, don't get me wrong, but I never hang out with them alone. It's always as couples or with groups of friends. My marriage means too much to me to allow any suspicions to creep in. Period.

I remember the first time I heard the term "above reproach." A married male friend wouldn't drive home from a church retreat with my single girlfriend because they'd be in the car alone together. I think I was 20 years old when this happened and the fact that several other people had to adjust their travel times to accommodate this situation was ridiculous to me. Then I got married and it all became clear.

By living "above reproach," you make intentional choices that won't leave room for misinterpretation. For instance, when Mike worked for our church, they had a staff rule that employees can't be behind closed doors (or in a car or out to lunch or on a business trip) with someone of the opposite gender if either of them were married. Our pastor won't be alone with another woman unless it's his wife or one of his daughters. While on staff, Mike had a conference he was going to out of state with his male boss and a female employee. The boss had something come up and couldn't go, so the female employee's trip was canceled and Mike went alone.

If this sounds extreme to you, think about it for a minute: when you see married people alone with someone of the opposite gender, isn't there room for suspect? Couldn't someone misinterpret their friendship as something more? People's imaginations get away from them, even if everything is harmless. And opinions form. And gossip begins. All of this can be avoided!

What if things aren't harmless? If one person is attracted to the other or if flirting starts, it's impossible to have an affair if the two are never alone together privately. It's a conscious choice that people have to make. I know this concept may sound old fashioned, but do you realize how many marriages might still be together right now if everyone chose to live above reproach?

If you think I'm out of my gourd for what I'm saying, please take a minute to pray about using this concept in your own life. I'm sure there are a million excuses you could come up with for reasons you'd need to go to lunch with your male boss or ask your neighbor to come over when you're home alone to fix a leaky faucet, but if you're intentional about it, following through with this principle is not tough. Mike and I have been successful doing it for over nine years.

The movie ended with a couple of pathetic story lines turning for the better, which had me in tears for the fluffy romantic reasons, but I still wouldn't recommend this movie. Maybe single women could get something out of it, but I can sum up the premise of the whole film in one line from the script: "If a guy is interested in you, he'll do what it takes to be with you." All of the excuses women tell themselves about why he's not calling are garbage. Men aren't that deep. If he doesn't call, he's just not that into you, so get over it and move on.

Oh, and can I just say how GLAD I am that I'm not in the dating scene anymore? I don't miss those days at all. Not even a little.

Okay. I'm done ranting now. I know some of you out there have opinions, so bring 'em on. Leave me a comment with your thoughts - I'm curious as to where you stand on this issue. Bring on a little healthy debate!