Jason's First Plane Ride

The kids have been ecstatic about flying to Hawaii for weeks. If they didn’t have Christmas to look forward to in the meantime, I might have gone crazy with the anticipation in our household. Jason had never been on a plane and Ryan hasn't flown since he was a year old.

I spent the early part of last week thinking of every last thing to pack. I tend to dread packing and my mom finally told me that it was because I always forgot something when I packed myself for summer camp every. single. year. And now I have anxiety about forgetting something obvious.

But not this trip! I had a backpack full of electronics (iPad, iPods, iPhones, my laptop for movies), DVDs, healthy snacks, unhealthy treats, baby wipes, and napkins. I even packed an empty grocery sack for trash on the plane...I seriously thought of everything! I had another backpack full of books, games, workbooks and Rainbow Loom materials for the big kids. I had a third backpack full of gift-wrapped trinkety toys and activities to keep Jason occupied. (my international world traveler friend swears by wrapping one Dollar Store item per hour of travel to keep kids entertained and to eliminate drama when something is dropped and rolls to the back of the plane or is left behind at the terminal.)

Yes, I totally used up my "Wedding Wishes" wrapping paper for our airplane gifts!

We were up and loading the car at 4:15am and standing in line to check our bags within the hour. I got up to the counter to be told that our 6:45am connection flight through L.A. has been cancelled. No. NOOOO!!!! We got in another long line (along with the gazillion other passengers who wanted to get to L.A. or Hawaii that morning) and somehow got on a direct flight that would only get us in 3 hours later than originally expected. The problem was that there were only three seats together and two of us would have to sit randomly in other parts of the plane. 

We decided to deal with that later, grabbed breakfast and settled in to our gate with just four hours to spare before our new flight departed.

At 10:45am, the attendants finally arrived at our gate. Mind you, we arrived at the airport 5.5 hours earlier...keeping the excited kids occupied while Mike and I were walking zombies was a joke. I explained to the staff person that we were told they could shuffle some single passengers since children can’t sit alone on a 6-7 hour flight. The man seemed uninterested in helping me, but somehow, by the grace of God, after I'd given up completely, it all worked out. Originally, he reassigned Mike and Ryan so they were sitting together only a few rows away from the rest of us, but when I shouted a “Thank you!” as I boarded the plane, he grabbed Mike and Ryan out of line and placed them in the row directly across from us. It pays to NOT be the squeaky wheel sometimes!

None of this has to do with my story except for the fact that Jason was asking every 15 minutes all morning, “Mo-om, can we get on the plane now?” I put him in the window seat. 

Jason: “Are we in the air yet?”

Me: "Do you see the sky below us?”

Jason: “No.”

Me: “Then no.”

(1 minute later...)

Jason: “Are we in the air yet?”

Me: Do you see the sky below us?”

Jason: “No.”

Me: “Then no.”

(imagine this conversation repeating 3-4 times...)

Jason: “When are we going to fly in the air?”

Me: “In about 8 minutes.”

(1 minute later...)

Jason: “Has it been 8 minutes yet?” 

Me: “No. It’s been 1 minute.”

Jason: “So there’s 7 minutes left?”

Me: (sigh) “Yup.”

(imagine this conversation repeating every minute for the next 7 minutes...)

Jason: “Why aren’t we in the air, Mom?”

Me: (veins are officially pulsing at my temples) “We’re probably in line with some other planes, waiting. Please be patient and stop asking.”

Jason: "Mom?"

Me: "Please. Stop. Asking. For real."

At some point in the next 10 minutes, we finally take off.

Jason: “Mom, I have to go potty.” 

Me: “You can't go potty, buddy. The seat belt light is still on and it’s pretty bumpy. I put you in a Pull Up just in case this happened...just pee in the Pull Up. I have another one for you to put on.”

(I’m not kidding when I say, I feel like I thought of everything!!!)

Jason: “No...I have to go POO.”

Me: “Oh.” (grabbing a nearby flight attendant) “Miss? When will the fasten seat belt light be turning off? My son has to go to the bathroom.”

Her: “Probably soon.”

Me: “Can we sneak in there real quick?”

Her: “Nope. You really must stay seated.”

Jason: (tearing up) “Mo-om! I really need to go NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, honey. You’re going to have to hold it.”

Jason: (screaming now...at least it felt like it) “MOM!!! I have to go. NOW!!!”

Me: “You’re wearing a Pull Up, so if you need to go in your pants, we’ll just clean it up. It’s fine...just go.”

Jason: (sobbing now) “I CAN’T!!!”

After 5 minutes of him wailing, I grab a different flight attendant. 

Me: “Excuse me? My son is freaking out. He has to go to the bathroom immediately.” 

Her: (looking past me, at Jason, who is suddenly perfectly calm and playing on the iPad) “Sure - that’s fine,” like it’s not a big deal at all and a little suspicious of the drama I’m creating.

Mike jumps in at this point: “I need to go, too. I’ll take him.”

A few minutes later, I peek toward the restrooms and see Mike flagging me over.

Me: “What’s going on?” 

Mike: “He’s crying in the bathroom, asking for you. He won’t let me help him.”

I go into the bathroom to find Jason stark naked from the waste down. The toilet has poop both in and ON it, but it’s also down his leg and on the floor.

Jason: (sobbing) “Mommy! I pooped on my LEGS!”

Me: (somehow, still perfectly calm...probably because Jason is freaking out enough for the both of us) “It’s fine, sweetie! Let’s get you cleaned up.”

300 tissues, 225 paper towels and 3 flushes later, I peeked out of the bathroom and asked Mike to get me the package of baby wipes from one of the backpacks.

While he searched through every zipper pocket of every backpack, I bent over to see if the Pull Up was able to be saved. Not only was there poo on the edge of the Pull Up, there was poo all over the inside of Jason’s right pant leg. 

(It was at this point that I realized I had NOT thought of everything. Extra pants would have come in pretty handy about now.)

I used AT LEAST half of the brand new package of baby wipes trying to get the pants clean enough to put back on him. At this point, they’re soaked, but we have no other option.

When we get back to our seats, Jason asked if he could sit by Daddy. 

I thought that was a lovely idea! 

The Prodigal Turtle

All weekend, I've been meaning to post that Roger the turtle ran away from home on Thursday. Mike and the kids have checked morning, noon and night under every bush and hiding place in the backyard for 3 days and we finally decided yesterday that he flew the coup. I was a little concerned that we'd pull back the pool cover this weekend to find him at the bottom of the pool, but thankfully, no turtle. (actually, he's a desert tortoise and tortoises don't swim, so he would sink to the bottom for sure!)

Then tonight, out of no where, he returned! Mike and his dad were grilling when they saw Roger toddling across the rocks near our gate. I gave him some squash and a couple of strawberries and he scarfed them down. The poor guy was starving! It was quite a reunion. The kids were thrilled. I have to admit, that party pooper Mommy was a little disappointed that we're now back to cleaning up turtle poo. And wow, do they GO! A friend pointed it out in the yard last Monday and that little guy sure lays it out there...in piles half the size of his body. Ew.

But welcome home, dear Roger. The family has missed you (honestly, Mike even more than the rest of us...) and we hope you stay. The grass wasn't greener on the other side of the gate, huh? It doesn't matter. We welcome you home with open arms. I can't say I'm going to adorn him with a colorful robe or rings for his...claws. And I don't have a fattened calf. Just squash and strawberries. I'm sure it's better than what he ate in the desert.

Make yourself at home, Roger

I'm not sure if Roger will be staying with us, but let me introduce him. He is the little turtle that was crossing the road near our mailbox on our way home from Ryan's school today. Well, I couldn't just leave him there - he could have been run over. And "wild turtles" aren't common around these parts, so I'm sure he's someone's pet who likely dug under their block wall and escaped.

This is one of the most exciting things that's happened around here in a while. The kids were absolutely enamored with Roger. (BTW, I suggested cute T-name choices like Trevor, Timmy and Tucker, but Ryan chose Roger, so Roger it is)

As Roger explored our house, the kids followed him around, giggling and imitating his crawl. He's actually fairly fast...maybe he's used to running away from toddlers?

Because we're out of lettuce and I'm ignorant about turtles, I googled their diet and took out some spaghetti squash from the freezer. He went to town on that, but ignored the tortilla chip that Kaylin offered him from her high chair. I like him already - he's such a good example for healthy eating!!!

When Mike went back to work after lunch, Ryan asked him to give Roger kisses. I thought he'd fake it, but he actually kissed his head which surprised the poor creature to death!

We let him roam around outside with supervision and he eventually settled into a teeny, shady spot under Kaylin's swing for a nap. How cute is that? I need to remember to check on him in a few minutes and transfer him to a safe box so he doesn't sneak past the fence and find our pool.

With signs posted on the mailbox, I'm certain Roger's family will call to claim him once they discover that he's missing. I've known Phoenix turtle owners before and when their turtle disappears, they've always assumed it was a hawk who swiped it from the backyard. I'm hoping that rescuing him from the street was the right answer. If no one claims him, we might have ourselves our first pet!

A Refreshed and Rejuvenated Mom

I am a new woman! This weekend, we went up north to a cabin with two other couples and NO KIDS. It was our first time leaving Kaylin and my mom's first time having both kids for more than a few hours. Everyone did well, Ryan didn't even seem to miss us (He just confidently said, "Mommy and Daddy will be home on Sunday after my nap," in a "So what's the big deal?" tone.) and I don't think Kaylin knew we were gone until we returned home. She was so excited to see us; you could see the little lightbulb go off like, "There you are!!! I knew something was missing around here!"

So here's the crazy thing: I had looked forward to this weekend for months and I spent hours planning and packing what I would bring with me to scrapbook. For me, scrapbooking is therapeutic and that's how I wanted to relax on my weekend off. Then, the week before the trip, my allergies started acting up. That turned into a sinus infection, which lead to a sore throat, which resulted in 3 days of laryngitis. Thursday was day 1 and Friday we left for our trip.

Not being able to speak was torture! We carpooled with our friends for 2 hours to get to the cabin and the pressure from the supressed laughter made me tear up the whole time. My lack of voice didn't stop everyone from cracking jokes and having a good time. In fact, Mike suddenly came out of his shell and had everyone roaring. I went through a dozen tissues or more because I was silently laughing so hard, I was crying. It was like my body had to get the energy out SOMEhow. I just sat in the back of the van, whispering to my interpretter - a mute.

The weekend was perfect - we went on long walks in the woods every day, napped whenever we felt like it, read magazines, played games, watched movies and scrapbooked for hours on end. The guys played basketball, played some strategy games and watched 6-8 manly movies like Braveheart, Tombstone and We Were Soldiers. It was the most relaxed I've been in years. I feel so refreshed...I'm a new woman and a better mom than when I left last week!