Humility, Encouragement and Self Control

As much as I've enjoyed teaching our kids a variety of Godly character traits each morning, I finally realized that we need to concentrate on a few specific characteristics before moving on to the others. 

Last week, I was at my breaking point with two fighting, over-emotional kids and didn't know how to fix it.  After a day or two of analyzing what the underlying issues were, I decided to start each day reminding the kids to focus on humility, encouragement and controlling their emotions.

I'm done with the whining, complaining and arguing. 

I'm done with my kids correcting each other to feel better about themselves (or potentially make the other feel stupid).

I'm done asking, "Who's in charge?" when the kids try to be bossy or tell each other what to do and how to do it. (by the way, they always answer that question by saying me or Mike, NOT them)

I'm done with the fact that my kids think the world should revolve around them. 

I'm done seeing my kids desperately struggling with, "ME ME ME...what about MEEEEEE!??!" Their actions scream, "Don't forget about ME and what I WANT and what I NEED to do or say RIGHT NOW or I might explode!!!"

I'm done rearranging the dinner table to reduce disagreements about "you sat by Daddy last night so it's my turn." 

I'm done.

(This picture was taken before I realized that Ryan was waiting patiently for Jason to start going on his quad so he could cause a "traffic accident" with the Cozy Coupe.  Why are boys so rough!!!)

When the kids whine, complain or argue, I'm in the habit of stopping everything to help them focus on controlling their emotions in that moment.  I either take a few deep breaths with them, help them to use their words or send them to the playroom to cool down for a minute.  If necessary, I send both kids to their rooms, reminding them that "if they can't play nicely together, they can't play together at all."  That usually nips it in the bud for the rest of the day.

When the kids correct each other or attempt to boss each other around, I ask if what they are saying is encouraging or discouraging to their sibling.  They're finally beginning to understand the difference, and if they can't distinguish at the time, I make a suggestion of something they can say instead.

When I begin to sense the "what about me?" attitude, I explain the concept of humility. Philippians 2:3 was one of our memory verses this summer: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

And we are reinstituting the loss of a privilege if the kids can't live with, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Last week, Ryan had a meltdown that he had to sit in the way back of the van because he was at school, "...and Kaylin probably sat in the front whenever she wanted all day."  So instead of letting them switch seats on the way home (that's how I usually solve that issue), he had to sit in the back for the rest of the day.  Tantrums don't bring positive results!

It's helpful to have certain areas to spend my time and energy instead of picking every battle in a panic that I'm going to somehow completely screw up my kids forever by not dealing with this one issue right...this...minute.  I'm already seeing huge improvements in their attitudes and in the tension level in the house.  Praying it continues until these situations are but a distant memory... (HA!  That actually made me laugh out loud.)