The one piece of advice that I hear again and again from moms is to take my kids on regularly scheduled, individual "special dates."
But what I'm coming to realize is that anything can be considered a "special date." It doesn't always have to be ice cream or a big deal event. If I am alone with one of my kids doing anything outside of the house, I've started labeling it our "special date."
For instance, this week Ryan came home from school complaining that kids were making fun of him because his backpack was of a "baby show." I've recently figured out that "baby shows" are those that are blatantly educational in any way. Elmo, Dora, most programs on Playhouse Disney...it seems that all of the shows my kids are allowed to watch (and still enjoy, by the way) are being labeled "baby shows" by Ryan's peers who have older siblings.
So how is the Disney movie Cars a baby show? What major life lesson does Lightning McQueen teach??? That's what I'd like to know from these six year old theologians.
Regardless, I'm reading in Grace Based Parenting that kids need "the freedom to be vulnerable" in a family, so instead of arguing about what is or isn't a baby show, I agreed to buy Ryan a new backpack. The fourth week of school. When this one is in perfect condition. (Thank goodness I can save it for Jason, right?)
Back to my point: special dates. I took Ryan to Target to search for whatever backpacks are left on the shelves. God rewarded my Super Mom efforts with a giant 30% off sign on the backpack aisle. That gave me the chance to get Ryan a Spiderman backpack for this year and a no-one-should-be-able-to-find-a-reason-to-make-fun-of-this plain blue backpack for next year.
I also noticed clearance tags on some other staples Ryan needs like PJs, t-shirts and even gym pants for football practice. So it felt like around every corner, I was asking Ryan, "Would you like Star Wars or Iron Man underwear?" and "Do you like black or blue shorts better?"
Our 30% off backpack shopping trip ended up being more than $76.
BUT my boy was smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Not because I spent $76 on him, but because I kept saying throughout our shopping trip, "Are you having fun on our special date, buddy?" Which was always met with a giant smile and a hug on my leg, sometimes even a kiss.
Give it a try. Label grocery trips with just one child as a "special date" and see the results for yourself. Sometimes it's how the package is wrapped and presented that makes what's inside extra special!
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5 comments:
Few things top doing "right things right". Go Katie - and Ryan!!!
Kids can be such weenies. Ryan loved-loved-loved his backpack when we bought it just 2 weeks ago. Such a shame you couldn't return it with what, less than 5 uses under it's straps? Maybe you could donate it?
In an effort to make things a little more 'deliberate' and get back to some structure after a chaotic few months of birthdays, baby sisters, and international travelling, we've set up weekly Game Night and Movie Night (one each on Fri and Sat). Mr T is allowed to decide which night is which, what games we'll play / movie we'll watch, and what 'special treat' he gets to have for each (a lollipop, cupcake, etc)
He. Loves. It. Talks about them all week long ('....and on Game Night we'll do ____ and then for Movie Night I want to eat ____ hey, is it Game Night yet?.....') All in the comfort of our own home, very little money spent (less than $5 total for all of us with our 'treats'), just one-on-one time with Mom and Dad, no drooling baby sisters around.
AMEN to Special Dates that require very little in the way of 'stuff'! So glad you and Ryan had a fantastic time together.
xoxoxoxo
Yes, younger kids learn things quickly from older siblings, sometimes not so good things. Kiddo is an only, so he has been through a few similar experiences as Ryan.
You did good, Mom! : ) I need to set aside some time with Kiddo for just Mom and Kiddo...heavy on the Kiddo. A night when I get to say "yes" much more than I say "no."
Hi Katie,
I've had this happen to me but it was a lunchbox and my daugter was getting teased so the second week of school I bought her another one. What a shame that this happens with the kids. Good for you and Ryan having a fun date out.
In your post below about your vacation I wanted to tell you that we got those dry erase boards at the dollar tree also and they were the kids favorite thing to do. I would pick a theme like school and in 2minutes you had to write as many things as you could think of for that theme. We did it over and over driving 21 hours to Miami Florida. But yes they ignored the new movies and the new books I secretly bought them.
I think you had a post awhile back ago about on your kids birthdays you give them new privlages and what their new chores will be for that age. I'm pretty sure it was on your blog? Does this sound familiar if so could you repost it for me. I want to start doing that for my kids. Thanks again for all help and I always look forward to reading your blog.
Even though I was surprised, I was a bit relieved when Elliot told me she thought the tinkerbell backpack was too babyish this year. She picked out a non-descript Jansport that should last her through high school. Considering her high school musical backpack from kindergarten had big holes in it by spring, it will be a lesson in quality I suppose.
But it does make me miss the days where she could be unabashedly childlike without worrying about appearing too childish.
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