Things have been a bit crazy around here lately. Not only have I turned our house upside down with the decision to homeschool Ryan, but Mike's been out of town the better part of the last two weeks training for his new job. Life has felt anything but normal!
I've been managing pretty well...sticking to a loose new school schedule, sneaking to the gym now and then, keeping the house in order, attempting to stay ahead of the endless dishes and laundry, staying on top of our 25 Days of Christmas activities (I'm a glutton for punishment)...primarily all on my own, since Mike has been working 12 hour days in Sacramento. Oh, and did I mention that my free time is practically non-existent anymore? The precious 3-hours that Jason naps used to be my time to recharge, but more than half of that is now dedicated to teaching Ryan. Not complaining, it's just a fact and it comes with the territory.
All of this to say that we've been plugging along just fine, even with all of the major changes. Except one tiny little detail that is driving me insane: the kids have not been getting along as harmoniously as I'd expected. Granted, it's not going to be completely like Christmas and summer breaks, where everyone is home and playing and they remember why they're best friends...Kaylin is still going to school and absorbing the horrific attitudes of her classmates. But I have to admit that I never thought she was the bigger part of the problem in their relationship. I was wrong. You know the phrase, "When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" Well apparently, when Kaylin ain't happy, Ryan's ain't allowed to be happy.
I'm guessing that the extra dose of sassy-ness is due to Ryan intruding on her morning routine with Mom. She was the big helper. She was the big sister. She wasn't upstaged by someone bigger and more able to do this or that. I tried to be gracious at first, but the bickering has gotten out of control.
On a homeschooling mom blog post I read recently, the writer explained that whatever they do, wherever they go, she always reminds her family: "The goal is peace and fun." How simple is that? I tucked that into my memory at the time, and decided to pull it out the other day.
The big kids weren't even out of the their PJs before the first of the bickering began. I called them together and announced that our new goal each day will be to strive for peace and to have fun. We discussed that "peace" means getting along and not fighting.
I held my breath and thought, "This had better work!"
Throughout the day when Kaylin jumped into Ryan's seat at breakfast and Ryan responded with, "Heeyyy!" or when Ryan grabbed his stolen toy from Jason's hand and Jason screamed, or when Kaylin pouted over not getting her favorite seat in the van, I said, "What is the goal?" Heads would bow and they'd mumble, "...peace and fun..." I'd ask, "Is everyone having fun?" Of course, they said, "No..." "Is there peace right now?" "No..." "Then what needs to change to make that happen? What can you be doing differently?" And they proceeded to figure it out.
The day wasn't perfect, but MAN was it a ton better than the rest of the week has been! There were a couple of times when someone was grumpy and was excused to their room until they could show me a happy heart. (basically, they need to smile sincerely) But for the most part, it was a very peaceful, FUN day!
I've decided to take a break from the homeschooling schedule and let the kids have tons more free time together in the morning. They need to re-learn how to play together, re-learn how to cooperate and teach Jason how to join in on the fun. I love the flexibility I have to make this my priority right now!
I've been managing pretty well...sticking to a loose new school schedule, sneaking to the gym now and then, keeping the house in order, attempting to stay ahead of the endless dishes and laundry, staying on top of our 25 Days of Christmas activities (I'm a glutton for punishment)...primarily all on my own, since Mike has been working 12 hour days in Sacramento. Oh, and did I mention that my free time is practically non-existent anymore? The precious 3-hours that Jason naps used to be my time to recharge, but more than half of that is now dedicated to teaching Ryan. Not complaining, it's just a fact and it comes with the territory.
All of this to say that we've been plugging along just fine, even with all of the major changes. Except one tiny little detail that is driving me insane: the kids have not been getting along as harmoniously as I'd expected. Granted, it's not going to be completely like Christmas and summer breaks, where everyone is home and playing and they remember why they're best friends...Kaylin is still going to school and absorbing the horrific attitudes of her classmates. But I have to admit that I never thought she was the bigger part of the problem in their relationship. I was wrong. You know the phrase, "When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" Well apparently, when Kaylin ain't happy, Ryan's ain't allowed to be happy.
I'm guessing that the extra dose of sassy-ness is due to Ryan intruding on her morning routine with Mom. She was the big helper. She was the big sister. She wasn't upstaged by someone bigger and more able to do this or that. I tried to be gracious at first, but the bickering has gotten out of control.
On a homeschooling mom blog post I read recently, the writer explained that whatever they do, wherever they go, she always reminds her family: "The goal is peace and fun." How simple is that? I tucked that into my memory at the time, and decided to pull it out the other day.
The big kids weren't even out of the their PJs before the first of the bickering began. I called them together and announced that our new goal each day will be to strive for peace and to have fun. We discussed that "peace" means getting along and not fighting.
I held my breath and thought, "This had better work!"
Throughout the day when Kaylin jumped into Ryan's seat at breakfast and Ryan responded with, "Heeyyy!" or when Ryan grabbed his stolen toy from Jason's hand and Jason screamed, or when Kaylin pouted over not getting her favorite seat in the van, I said, "What is the goal?" Heads would bow and they'd mumble, "...peace and fun..." I'd ask, "Is everyone having fun?" Of course, they said, "No..." "Is there peace right now?" "No..." "Then what needs to change to make that happen? What can you be doing differently?" And they proceeded to figure it out.
The day wasn't perfect, but MAN was it a ton better than the rest of the week has been! There were a couple of times when someone was grumpy and was excused to their room until they could show me a happy heart. (basically, they need to smile sincerely) But for the most part, it was a very peaceful, FUN day!
I've decided to take a break from the homeschooling schedule and let the kids have tons more free time together in the morning. They need to re-learn how to play together, re-learn how to cooperate and teach Jason how to join in on the fun. I love the flexibility I have to make this my priority right now!
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13 comments:
ugh... If I was the mother of one of your kids' classmates, I would be so offended to read how 'horrific' my child's attitude was. Maybe it is different at your school?? Of maybe it is because I've been very proactive in helping my kids pick their friends? Not sure, but I've never encountered anything but a sweet, respectful, and helpful bunch of kids when I've visited and volunteered at our school. Your words sure do come across as harsh and offensive.
That was my first thought as well. I wasn't aware that because my kids go to public school they are now considered "horrific". I don't think it's everyone else's fault that your kids aren't behaving.
I teach public school, public school children are "horrific" for the most part. However, if you don't think so, then you probably believe that your child is getting an excellent education in an Arizona public school, but if you want to find out the truth, get a job as an educator.
There are not horrific children, just horrific parents. Just like there are not bad children, just bad parents.
I was happy to read this post then came here to comment and I'm shocked by the responses.
Not sure what to say now except that Katie I've always admired what you do to change the attitudes of your kids and that you find ways to change and help your kids when needed. My kids are teens/preteen now and it would have been so nice to see this when they were younger.
You are a great mom and do great job raising them and teaching them right/wrong. I'm jealous at your strength and not being a pushover like myself.
My kids go to public schools and I did homeschool them thru some preschool and half kindergarten. My one wish was that I hadn't stopped homeschooling them. My kids pick up on attitudes and swearing, all kinds of things at school from a very young age and it saddens me each time.
My daughter Summer has suffered thru name teasing for years and hates her name now. My daughter got picked on for wearing no name brand clothes and only having one pair of shoes she wears everyday. Kids today will say anything to anyone at any time they do not care. Schools today are more about peer pressure and fitting in then it's about learning and getting an education. Even lunch has become an issue in my house, my one child has to brown bag it or get called a baby for carrying a lunch bag. Sure there are some nice kids out there and my kids are one of them but it seems more and more the bad attitude ones show themselves. My kids do their best to ignore it but some days it's easier for them to just join them and they bring it home to their little brother. So now I have to punish my son at times for the things his sisters taught him.
I'm not sure if it's bad parents or bad kids or just a struggle for both in this fast pace, techie, be the winner kinda world we live in now.
My little cousin started preschool this year and has already learned two not nice words and throws tantrums that she never did before. She watches the kids in class very closely and is trying to act like them even though we are teaching her not too. When our kids are at school for more hours then they are home this is what they grow up with.
I'm glad some of you have never dealt with these problems before and hope your school lives go along happily as they've been. Reality is that most schools/kids don't have this though.
Keep up the good work Katie, sending prayers and good sibling wishes your way.
p.s. I guess I had something to say after all. Still very surprised by this.
I agree with Chandy. I am a proud public school educator and have put my blood, sweat, years and hard earned money into my career. It is a thankless job, and I'm ok with that. I go to work every day putting my masters degree to use to teach children to read, write, and do math, but to think critically and creatively. I teach them to get along with one another and that although they may encounter people they do not get along with, it is still important to figure out a way to peacefully do so. It is a life skill to stand on your own two feet yet still cooperate with others, and children get a chance to do that daily in school. Not only that, but my role as a teacher is to protect, nurture, love and respect each of my students. Not all of them get that at home.
I could go on and on here, but my point is...just because you haven't liked what is going on at your childrens' school doesn't give you the right to lump every student into one "horrific" category, or disregard very qualified individuals who have chosen to dedicate their lives to the education field.
I agree Katie M. And I feared this is the way this blog would turn and I am probably going to be done with it. A lot (not all, but most) people I have encountered that home school think their children are somehow better because they home school. That their children have no ownership in their behavior issues and learning issues it's all the big bad public school's fault. And this is exactly how this comes across.
Thank you Katie M. for all your hard work. My kids go to a public school and while there are a few "horrid" kids most are not. And the ones that are generally have an unstable home life. I have been so thankful for their teachers that give so much to teach my children. And my kids have made a lot of great friends with some very sweet kids. And part of growing up is learning to deal with all different types of people and not sheltering them in a plastic perfect bubble. I feel like part of growing up is teaching your children how to make good choices with who they hang around.
I have to say- I pretty much almost missed what all the other comments were talking about! I think it is amusing that is what everyone else picked up on. It has been my experience that intense guilt often breeds fierce defensiveness. Perhaps there should be some examination on the part of these not-so-forgiving commentators... Cheers to you for not being petty (or deleting them!). It seems to me that you said, "horrific attitudes"- not horrific children, or teachers, but maybe it is because I wasn't looking to pick a fight!:) I think everyone should remember-this is YOUR blog, where you express YOUR opinions-and I like it!
Alright, I'll bite. I've read these types of comments from the white knights of the blog world dozens of times before, and I find them a bit silly. A few points:
1. I'm definitely not trying to pick a fight. I've been disagreeing with Katie on various topics for years now, so I know full well that she doesn't actually engage with commenters that disagree with her. I'll never hear a word from her regarding my thoughts, so if I had been looking for a fight, I would have been pretty lonely and disappointed. Just putting out my 2 cents on a post that she chose to share with whoever on the planet cared to read it.
2. It is actually completely possible for someone to disagree with someone else for reasons besides their 'intense guilt'. If I disagree with the Occupy Wallstreet movement is it because I'm feeling guilty that I'm not downtown holding a sign? If I disagree with the Obama administration's stance on border security is it because I'm feeling guilty about being a US citizen? If I disagree with abortion is it because I'm feeling guilty for not going out and getting abortions? Of course not. That is utterly ridiculous. I can simply disagree with something because it doesn't align with my own personal beliefs.
3. I don't actually disagree with homeschooling. I think it's a valid option for lots of families, and I wish Katie the best with it. My only issue was with the hurtful description she used for her kids' classmates. I believe it is impolite to say rude and hurtul things about children on a public blog that is very likely read by those children's mothers.
Call a spade a spade, if your child is horrific then you get what you get!!!!
Oh my goodness, ladies! Somehow, I have not getting email notifications when I get a comment. I JUST NOW read all of these comments from this post.
I have a thousand thoughts swimming around in my head, that might end up in their own post, but I will say this: the "horrific attitudes" I was referring to are from two children. Two. NOT a class full of 20+, just two. And they are attitudes that my daughter is absorbing and displaying at home. Horrific by my standards may be different than yours. Maybe I should have used the word, "unexceptable" - but I'm pretty shocked that this whole debate came about from my word choice in a single sentence.
Kaylin is seemingly drawn to one of these two kids and brings home stories that leave me stumped as a parent. Besides the fact that I surely don't know the entire extent of the situation! As I mentioned in the post, I was {naively} under the impression that Kaylin was my child who was born with a halo, but I have recently realized that her attitude is a huge contributor to my kids' arguments. Her attitude becomes shocking around certain kids at school and that scares me! It appears that attitude breeds attitude with this specific friend, so it could be the two of them together that's the perfect storm...?
As far as where everyone got the idea that I think the public school system is the enemy...or public school educators in particular...is beyond me! I have made it perfectly clear to all of Ryan's teachers that the common problem year to year was obviously MY SON. I loved all of his teachers and they know it.
I pulled him out to see if homeschooling/personal tutoring would help him. That's it. I have not been impressed with how he learns in our neighborhood's school and that may or may not change by him being schooled at home. I am also not impressed with our state ranking of 49th out of 50. THAT is frightening. I'm also not impressed that many, many of my teacher friends feel like their hands are tied and that they're not able to do what they love (teach) the way they prefer because of politics. That is sad and I hear their frustration.
I didn't mean for this comment to turn into it's own blog post, but I did have to say SOMETHING while it was on my mind. I'm sorry that my post about "Peace and Fun" got everyone so upset. That was so NOT the point of this post!!!
"Horrific by my standards may be different than yours"
For cryin' out loud! Do you see how this comes across? You are assuming that just because I disagree with calling out other mothers' children on the internet that my standards are low?!? No. You are not understanding what I'm trying to say. At all. Sorry, but this just pisses me off!
And the word you are looking for is "unacceptable".
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