My mom brought me the notes from her church service this weekend and they're currently posted on my fridge. The message was titled, "The Mature Apology."
The Mature Apology teaches children to take responsibility for their actions, connects their actions to Biblical values and helps them plan to make a better choice next time.
When your child needs to seek forgiveness for something they have done wrong, teach them the Mature Apology by having them say:
- What they did wrong
- Why it was wrong (this is where you connect the mistake to a Biblical character value like respect, kindness, love, honesty, etc.)
- What they are going to do differently next time
- "Will you forgive me?"
I've been working on this for a few days now and am amazed that my kids get completely stuck on #2. As a rule, it appears that they genuinely don't know why what they did was wrong.
Last week, Kaylin lost her shoe on the sidewalk while we were walking to the parking lot. Ryan made the loving choice to start kicking the shoe as he walked away from Kaylin. I told him to stop and asked him to apologize. Then I went through the above steps.
Me: "Ryan, do you know what you did wrong?"
Ryan: "Yeah, I kicked Kaylin's shoe."
Me: "Do you know WHY it was wrong?"
Ryan: "Because she couldn't put it back on while I was kicking it."
Me: "Yes, and it was disrespectful to play keep-away like that. What will you do differently next time?"
Ryan: "Not kick the shoe." (um, duh)
Me: "I'd actually like you to take it a step further: The considerate thing to do would be to pick up the shoe up and give it back to your sister."
Kaylin: "Actually, next time I want him to leave it on the ground because it's easier for me to put it back on that way."
Leave it to Kaylin to ruin my teachable moment with logic.
By the way, this works for adults, too! Tonight, Mike snapped at me about something, apologizing later. He loved when I treated him like one of the kids and asked, "Do you know what you did wrong? And do you know why it was wrong? What do you plan to do differently next time?" I thought I was pretty hilarious. Mike tried hiding his smile and rolled his eyes at me.
Give this a try with your kids and start apologizing to others using this format. It makes so much sense!
Last week, Kaylin lost her shoe on the sidewalk while we were walking to the parking lot. Ryan made the loving choice to start kicking the shoe as he walked away from Kaylin. I told him to stop and asked him to apologize. Then I went through the above steps.
Me: "Ryan, do you know what you did wrong?"
Ryan: "Yeah, I kicked Kaylin's shoe."
Me: "Do you know WHY it was wrong?"
Ryan: "Because she couldn't put it back on while I was kicking it."
Me: "Yes, and it was disrespectful to play keep-away like that. What will you do differently next time?"
Ryan: "Not kick the shoe." (um, duh)
Me: "I'd actually like you to take it a step further: The considerate thing to do would be to pick up the shoe up and give it back to your sister."
Kaylin: "Actually, next time I want him to leave it on the ground because it's easier for me to put it back on that way."
Leave it to Kaylin to ruin my teachable moment with logic.
By the way, this works for adults, too! Tonight, Mike snapped at me about something, apologizing later. He loved when I treated him like one of the kids and asked, "Do you know what you did wrong? And do you know why it was wrong? What do you plan to do differently next time?" I thought I was pretty hilarious. Mike tried hiding his smile and rolled his eyes at me.
Give this a try with your kids and start apologizing to others using this format. It makes so much sense!
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