"The Voice" is Back

For most of the last 9 months, I have had free reign on food. At first I was a little careful with what I ate, but it didn't take long for me to let go of the food guilt. Thankfully, my sweet tooth wasn't out of control and I didn't crave french fries or milk shakes or anything calorie-laden like that. I ate junk, just in moderation.
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I didn't notice this until a couple of months ago. For the first time since childhood, I had no food conscience. I mean literally...at all. Because I got full so quickly (and we're talking post-Thanksgiving-dinner full after almost every meal, complete with heartburn and acid reflux) I didn't overeat at meals. I ate desserts almost every day and never thought twice about grabbing a second cookie or cupcake. If I wanted it, I ate it. If I was satisfied, an unnecessary second serving never "called" to me like it has my whole life. There was virtually no temptation because I didn't banish anything from my diet. I still ate healthy (oatmeal for breakfast, salads for lunch, lots of balance and nutrition) but for the first time in my life, I ate whatever I wanted with no guilty conscience.
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I baked constantly and would have a bite or two of my creation, then either give the rest to friends and neighbors or have to wrap it up and put it in the freezer so it wouldn't get stale on the counter.
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But now, it's back. I call it, "The Voice." I practically hear it audibly when I reach for a piece of candy out of the kids' Halloween buckets. "Put it down...you don't need that. You don't even really want it. This pregnancy weight will hang around forever if you continue to make choices like this..." My mom's homemade apple pie calls to me. The sugary granola bars (that were on super sale and purchased for special treats only) - they also call to me. Healthy snacks like apples or almonds or yogurt no longer satisfy me. As soon as I gave birth, things switched back to reality.
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And it stinks. I'm already anxious to have my body back, yet I know that it will take months for that to happen. Lots of people have made comments that I look great for just having a baby, but it's all a facade. Creative camouflage, if you will. I'm still wearing stretchy maternity pants and am resisting going back to a button/zipper combo with every fiber of my being. But I'm very ready to get back into shape. I'm ready for energy again. I'm ready to feel good about myself. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, which I did when I was pregnant (lumps, curves and all) but now all that skin is so...loose. Stretched out. Soft. Jiggly. Blech - it grosses me out even thinking about it...
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I feel hungry almost all of the time. Likely because I'm nursing, yes, but it's a very undignified feeling to be in the fridge and pantry all day long. Nibbling. Looking. Snacking. Sneaking a handful of this or that so my kids won't see what I'm eating 30 minutes before dinner, when they aren't allowed to eat.
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I realize it's been 2 weeks since I had Jason...I do give myself some slack. "Nine months to gain it, nine months to lose it" as they say. Whoever "they" are. But The Voice is getting on my nerves. I want to shove a sock in The Voice's mouth. Can I please enjoy another piece of pizza without you piping up, conscience o' mine??? That second Tootsie Roll isn't going to hurt anyone. But The Voice just won't. shut. up.
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Maybe I need to put several intentional snacks into my daily routine. I used to eat whenever I felt like it, but I find myself hungry an hour before dinner, eating a mini-meal, then a whole meal at 5:00, complete with dessert, whether I'm full or not. And The Voice always shakes it's head in disgust at me. "Tsk, tsk, tsk...such a lack of self control. Again!"
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I wish The Voice would give me a break for a few weeks. I'm not allowed to work out yet, I surely shouldn't be allowed to diet yet. I wish it would keep it's thoughts and opinions to itself!!!