Back to Being Intentional

I've gotten into some bad patterns over the last few months. I have no idea when it happened; it's probably been a gradual transition, but I need to retrain myself. My expectations have gotten too high. I've stopped praising Mike and the kids for doing what I've decided in my head is "their job." I'm too quick to criticize if something isn't done to a certain standard. I've had trouble biting my tongue and letting things go. I can't imagine I've been much fun to be around!
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Lately, I've had some great chats with girlfriends who have older kids. I am so thankful for their advice, experience and wisdom. After talking through some of my recent struggles, I realized that somewhere along the line, I started slacking off. My standards for Ryan and Kaylin have become a minimum expectation with no praise or reward for success, but plenty of correction and consequences for failure. I have not been the grace-based parent that I'd like to be. I have been subconsciously steering them toward good performance instead of shepherding their hearts. I'm sick of barking orders and getting little results. I'm sick of feeling stressed and having a household that is tense, not one filled with joy and peace. I'm sick of being the mom that's difficult to please.
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Today, that changed.
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Two years ago, I discovered the Accountable Kids program and fell in love. Ryan transformed into a compliant, confident, responsible three year old who needed little prodding or reminding. We stuck with it for quite a while, even got Kaylin into it when she turned two, but sometime last year, we fell out of the habit of following the program and today it was reintroduced.

The kids are SO excited to earn rewards for doing their regular chores, finding ways to serve others and obeying the rules. I am excited that I won't need to nag them to pick up their toys, make their beds or brush their teeth. They are accountable to their chore boards and will be praised for accomplishing the tasks instead of always hearing what they forgot to do. I'm so glad we're back on track here!
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This system is great on so many levels. Not only will it keep them on task with chores, but it has incentives for certain habits we're working on (for Ryan: waking up dry and for Kaylin: staying in her room after lights out), incentives for doing extra chores (helping cook dinner, clean dishes and other tasks that aren't their "typical" daily chores), and incentives for listening and obeying the first time they are asked to do something. The incentives are things they that value, including watching the banished tv, getting gum or having a special date with me or Mike.
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Things are already so much calmer in our house. There's consistency between Mike and I with consequences and the kids know their expectations and boundaries. Love. It.
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A random issue that we've had problems with recently is dinner. We've tried to teach the kids to stay seated unless they ask to be excused, not to interrupt while someone else is talking and to have some other simple, basic table manners. But lately, dinner has been a joke. The kids have been extremely hyper, Mike's still coming down from his day at work, I'm spent after a long day of mommy duty and now we get the added thrill of Jason being fussy during that strange 5-7pm "witching hour."
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This week, my friend Melissa gave me the greatest suggestion: it starts with three M&Ms in front of each person at the dinner table. When someone interrupts another person talking, they give that person an M&M. If one of the kids gets up without asking to be excused, they give Mike or I an M&M. If someone is ungrateful or rude ("...this smells gross!"), they give us an M&M.

We tried this last night and it was AWESOME. The kids really got into it and even Mike had to give each of them an M&M for interrupted them at one point. Ryan actually raised his hand every time he wanted to talk instead of impulsively blurting out whatever was on his mind. It was the most pleasant family dinner we've had in weeks.
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The last thing I've decided to be intentional about is curing Kaylin of her newest habit of putting her fingers in her mouth during the day. Not sucking them, just a lingering fingertip around her lips somewhere or a nail between her teeth. With all of the germs going around and how often she's in and out of the backyard where everything is filthy, I want her hands out of her mouth.
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I've tried gently reminding her, but it's an unconscious habit now, so I needed to take it to a new level. Gloves were suggested to me and she doesn't mind wearing them at all. I'm hoping this nuance will vanish as quickly as it appeared.

(can anyone say, "jazz hands"?)