Who's in charge?

I'm still trying to get used to the different dynamic of Ryan being gone all day. When he gets home from school, he and Kaylin take a while to get back into their groove and it takes a LOT of patient reminders for them to be normal to each other. She has a weird, "I'm the queen of this castle" mentality and gets all bossy on him and he has an, "I'm older/mature/cooler than you because I'm in Kindergarten" attitude and I have to gently knock them both off of their high horses to get everyone to get along and be respectful. I wonder if my irritation shows through my forced-patient comments? Because it feels like I'm speaking through gritted teeth. It's hard keeping up my non-yelling-mom self promise when they're so nasty to each other!
.
My newest mantra is, "Who is in charge?" I'm done with their over-controlling comments to each other. It's like they're trying to establish rank or pecking order or something. "Stop singing"..."Don't talk to me"..."You can't have more pretzels until your sandwich is gone"..."You didn't ask to be excused from the table"..."That's mine...don't touch it"..."I wanted to put the forks on the table...that's my job!" It's ridiculous.
.
And it seems never-ending. "You're not the adult - she can sing if she wants to"..."It's rude not to answer someone when they speak to you - please answer his question"..."It's not your job to tell her when she can have more pretzels"..."Who's in charge? It's my job to remind him to ask to be excused"..."We share our toys in our family"..."You put the forks on the table yesterday - how about getting everyone a plate tonight?"
.
The "who's in charge?" question seems to be working. They can't argue with the fact that I'm the adult and they're the kids. I don't want them monitoring each other to make sure they're following the rules. That's definitely my job and I've had to revert back to reminding them that they aren't allowed to tattle on each other unless it's a safety issue.
.
Ryan came home from school yesterday announcing that there's a phone in his class that only calls Mrs. Bindergarden. If the kids need to tattle, they call Mrs. Bindergarden "because she cares." (I laughed out loud when I heard that, remembering, "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares," from a few years ago.) They've been instructed to whisper their complaint into the phone, "but she never answers...she just listens." Ryan's Kindergarten teacher is a genius. (hey - I just realized that Bindergarden rhymes with Kindergarten...cute!)
.
Ryan only had a half day of school today and lunchtime was rough. Then suddenly, out of no where, the kids started getting along and playing like usual. I don't exactly know what happened or who lost their bad attitude first, I'm just glad it happened. Otherwise it would have been a loooooooong afternoon.
.
Now everyone's in their rooms, resting, and all is peaceful again. Ryan was just too crabby to argue that he didn't need some down time. And with that, I am going to go relax myself. My brain needs a break - I don't have much mental energy these days!