Panicked Today

I don't know what happened or where this came from, but yesterday, I panicked a little. It was a very quiet, private nervous breakdown that didn't last more than about 15 minutes, but I think it's worth mentioning for my own future reference.

This just a few days after a euphoric "I love my life" spell that lasted for more than a week. I feel very bi-polar right now.

What caused my panic attack? Homeschooling. For some reason, my confidence was rocked.

I had a sudden tidal wave of fear that included self-doubt questions like, "What am I doing? What makes me think that I can educate my kids? What are they supposed to be learning right now and are we even on track for their ages??? Are they seriously going to be home with me ALL of the time until they move out? What am I THINKING?!?!?" Some of the same questions many of you ask me.

Maybe it's because we've had a delightfully lazy two week break from school, then jumped back in with both feet yesterday.

Maybe it's because I've spent two hours of every morning of our break at the gym and am realizing that won't fly with our school routine.

Maybe it's because now that all of the other kids are back in school, my childless friends have tons of free time.

I have no idea what spurred this breakdown, but it passed quickly. Once we jumped back into our routine and everyone found their rhythm again, all was well with the world. Just in time for me to go out of town with Mike for four days this weekend and screw it all up again!