An Unexpected Bonus

Mike spends a lot of quality time with the kids these days.  My free time is occupied with Tastefully Simple parties 3-4 times per week, during pre-determined time slots on my calendar, and when I'm away, he is officially on duty. 

I have work-a-holic tendency, so I check in with him periodically to make sure he doesn't feel dumped on or abandoned, and every time, he assures me that I should "ride the wave" just in case the initial excitement  of these Tastefully Simple parties eventually fade.

When Mike and I decided that I would start this little business of mine, I was insistent that I would only stick with it as long as he supported me 100%.  I've jumped into things before (not direct sales companies, but volunteering and working part time for my mom, to name a couple) that each, slowly, became a strain on our marriage once Mike was no longer on board.

But this time seems to be different. Mike works in the construction industry, which is still fairly unstable in this part of the country, so he's not all that secure about his employment.  When I agreed to bring a little relief to his financial anxiety, I think the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders a bit.  I realize I'm only a couple months into my new venture, but so far, so good.  I'm having fun, he's excited that we're making extra money, all's well with the world.

In the meantime, as I mentioned, he's spending even more time with the kids than usual.  Each party that I hold seems to yield another 2-4 parties for other guests, so my calendar is packed with no end in sight.  I "work" (it sounds so funny to say that, because I basically get paid to party and feed people) 1-2 nights a week and often back-to-back all day on Saturday.

At first, I'd leave the house with a short list of to-dos and reminders, meals prepared in the fridge and my fingers crossed that I wouldn't have a pigsty to clean up when I returned home.  But last week, I realized something has begun to shift.  Mike is not only taking the initiative while I'm away, he's stepping up more when I'm home.  Spending so much time on his own with the kids has given him a new confidence in his role in our family. 

It's hard to explain, but it was even more apparent to me this weekend.  I came home last night, after doing two parties in a row and being away for six hours.  The kitchen was clean, most of the toys were put away, the house was quiet and everyone was asleep.  The house was in order...I loved it. 

Then after breakfast today, I realized that Mike and the kids had their own rhythm that I wasn't a part of.  They finished up a movie that they started last night, the kids were going to their dad with questions instead of asking me, Mike packed up the big kids to go to church (while I stayed home with non-contagious, but scary-looking Jason) without complaint or concern...I could have felt excluded and sad, but it really made me smile inside. 

They say "distance makes the heart grow fonder," and I agree...I'm enjoying my family even more on Family Day Sundays than before, because I've had a chance to miss them.  But what's cool is that Mike is no longer exasperated when I return home.  He's this new, confident dad who kisses boo boos, wipes noses and creates fun activities, all while cooking and cleaning meals and keeping the house in working order.

I find that many moms love feeling needed, but for me, I love feeling that I'm NOT needed all the time.  I love that I can step out of my life and things function smoothly in my absence.  Years ago, I had the "welcome to my world" mentality, wanting Mike to experience the chaos of my normal day, but anymore, I want him to enjoy his time with the kids while I'm away.  Because if things DON'T fall apart, he'll encourage me to leave more often instead of being unsure about how he'll cope without me running the ship.

And THAT is a very freeing feeling!