I'm an only child, so this bickering between my kids is very foreign to me. Here are conversations that have happened in the last couple of days:
Kaylin - "Why aren't you wearing a shirt, Ryan?"
Ryan - "Because it got sweaty during my nap."
Kaylin - "I'll go get a new shirt for you..."
Ryan - "NO...don't! I don't want a new shirt."
Kaylin - "Don't worry 'bout it, Ryan. I'll get you a new shirt."
Ryan - "Kay-LIN! I don't WANT a new shirt!"
Kaylin - "Oh, don't worry 'bout it. I'll get your shirt..."
(and the fighting begins...he grabs her arm to keep her from
going upstairs, she tries to squirm away and screams, he grabs on with both hands, I intercede...)
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Kaylin - "Why aren't you wearing a shirt, Ryan?"
Ryan - "Because it got sweaty during my nap."
Kaylin - "I'll go get a new shirt for you..."
Ryan - "NO...don't! I don't want a new shirt."
Kaylin - "Don't worry 'bout it, Ryan. I'll get you a new shirt."
Ryan - "Kay-LIN! I don't WANT a new shirt!"
Kaylin - "Oh, don't worry 'bout it. I'll get your shirt..."
(and the fighting begins...he grabs her arm to keep her from
going upstairs, she tries to squirm away and screams, he grabs on with both hands, I intercede...)------------------------------
(in the car)
Kaylin - "Ryan? Ryan??? Ry-YANNNNNNN?"
Ryan - "Can I have some space, please?" (a phrase I've taught them)
Kaylin - "Ryan - hey Ryan?"
Ryan - "Can I have some space, puh-lease?!?!?!"
Kaylin - "But I wanta tell you somethin'."
Ryan - "I don't want to talk right now."
Kaylin - "But I wanta tell you someTHIN'...right NOW."
Ryan - "Okay fine."
Kaylin - "I love chickens." (Seriously, that came out of her mouth...as an only child, I think, "WHY? Why did she have to say that? Just leave the boy alone!")
------------------------------
(again, in the car, where most of the antagonizing occurs...)
Kaylin - "Stop it!"
(silence)
Kaylin - "Ryan, STOP IT!"
(I look back in the rear view mirror and see nothing)
Kaylin - (screams with a whiney undertone) "Mom-mEEEEEEE! Ryan is looking at me!"
(I look back in the rear view mirror and see Ryan staring at her)
Me - "He's not doing anything wrong, Kaylin."
Kaylin - "Ryan, would you PLEASE stop looking at me?"
Me - "Ryan, even though you're not doing anything wrong, she asked you really nicely to stop looking at her. Could you please be a good example and stop looking at her?"
Ryan - "Sure."
Kaylin - "STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me - "Now what?"
Kaylin - "Ryan's looking out my window! Please stop it - please stop it PLEASE!!!!!!! Please, I said PLEASE!"
Me - "Kaylin, stop being picky. He's not doing anything wrong and he already stopped looking at you. Ryan, any chance you can look out your own window so Kaylin will stop screaming?"
Ryan - "No. I like what I see out her window better."
Kaylin - "Please stop!"
Me - "Everyone's in time out. No talking till we get home."
Then there are the moments where everyone is agreeable. Like the picture below...I was looking up a recipe online and Kaylin wanted to work on "her" computer. Then Ryan tried to steal it, which didn't go over well, until he remembered that we had yet another computer given to us by a neighbor. This was the scene on Sunday...everyone happy. Everyone peaceful. Everyone QUIET...everyone working on their laptops.
Kaylin - "Ryan? Ryan??? Ry-YANNNNNNN?"
Ryan - "Can I have some space, please?" (a phrase I've taught them)
Kaylin - "Ryan - hey Ryan?"
Ryan - "Can I have some space, puh-lease?!?!?!"
Kaylin - "But I wanta tell you somethin'."
Ryan - "I don't want to talk right now."
Kaylin - "But I wanta tell you someTHIN'...right NOW."
Ryan - "Okay fine."
Kaylin - "I love chickens." (Seriously, that came out of her mouth...as an only child, I think, "WHY? Why did she have to say that? Just leave the boy alone!")
------------------------------
(again, in the car, where most of the antagonizing occurs...)
Kaylin - "Stop it!"
(silence)
Kaylin - "Ryan, STOP IT!"
(I look back in the rear view mirror and see nothing)
Kaylin - (screams with a whiney undertone) "Mom-mEEEEEEE! Ryan is looking at me!"
(I look back in the rear view mirror and see Ryan staring at her)
Me - "He's not doing anything wrong, Kaylin."
Kaylin - "Ryan, would you PLEASE stop looking at me?"
Me - "Ryan, even though you're not doing anything wrong, she asked you really nicely to stop looking at her. Could you please be a good example and stop looking at her?"
Ryan - "Sure."
Kaylin - "STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me - "Now what?"
Kaylin - "Ryan's looking out my window! Please stop it - please stop it PLEASE!!!!!!! Please, I said PLEASE!"
Me - "Kaylin, stop being picky. He's not doing anything wrong and he already stopped looking at you. Ryan, any chance you can look out your own window so Kaylin will stop screaming?"
Ryan - "No. I like what I see out her window better."
Kaylin - "Please stop!"
Me - "Everyone's in time out. No talking till we get home."
Then there are the moments where everyone is agreeable. Like the picture below...I was looking up a recipe online and Kaylin wanted to work on "her" computer. Then Ryan tried to steal it, which didn't go over well, until he remembered that we had yet another computer given to us by a neighbor. This was the scene on Sunday...everyone happy. Everyone peaceful. Everyone QUIET...everyone working on their laptops.
So I could use some advice from moms with multiple kids. HOW on earth do I get them to stop fighting? Kaylin is doing as much of the antagonizing these days as Ryan and I need to stop the insanity. It's getting out of control and I won't be able to type very well with a straight jacket on, so if you like my blog and want me to continue posting...HELP. Ideas. Words of encouragement, even. (as in, "Oh, don't worry, that will stop on March 1st because that's the day all kids will begin behaving this year.")
Anyone?
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4 comments:
Being another only child, it may seem strange getting advice from me. But as far as I can tell, the answer is simple. You CAN'T stop them from fighting. It's what siblings do. It's normal. It's part of human development, learning how to interact with others. We did it as only kids, too, it was just with other children at school, in the neighborhood, etc.
Yes, you can keep boundaries, such as 'no physical involvement', 'no foul language', and 'no stealing', but the arguing is going to happen. It's normal and healthy, so dont create stress in the mix by freaking out about it. Teach them how to argue healthily (hey, most of us ADULTS could use lessons on that!) and enjoy the sweet moments when they're there.
xoxoxoxoxo
Don't stop the fighting...it is preparing them for marriage.
:)
I know, I'm a great source of wisdom.
The Maid
PS - Even the whacking each other on the head for no reason...it is normal. Haven't you ever wanted to hit your hubby and you didn't even know why? LOL
I used to love forcing my kids to hold hands look into each other's eyes and say, "i love you, you're my best friend." Each would have to say it into the face of their beloved sibling and be responded to with the same heartfelt sentiment. It usually ended up with them laughing and trying to say it as fast as they could to quickly end the torment. It did reinforce the fact that they will never be able to escape the special sibling relationship they share. If they sounded snide or insincere they would do it again. Sometimes the offender would have to do all the talking while the offendee held hands and smirked sincerely in the others face. It is rich, beautiful, meaningful parenting! Give it a try! :)
I'm so excited for March 1! I didn't know that kids were going to start behaving then!
I keep trying to explain to my kids that in our family, I will always take their dad's side, so if they want to have an ally, they need to depend on each other. They have more of a fighting chance if they unify instead of bickering and ratting each other out, but they haven't caught on yet...
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