Integrity: Doing What's Right Even When No One is Watching

We're pretty big on integrity around our house. Mike and I each (separately and together) have no tolerance for lying, cheating, or stealing. We have drilled into our kids' heads the phrase: "Do what's right even when others don't and even when no one's watching," hoping they will someday choose to live a life of integrity, too. 

But isn't it okay to tell little white lies? Sneak just a tiny bit? Bend the rules that seem ridiculous? 

I didn't used to think so, but apparently I don't live the straight-and-narrow lifestyle that I thought I did. Let me explain…

Most places allow you to bring your own food to save money, right? Museums have lunch areas, airports have food venues between security and the gate, even Disneyland lets you pack some snacks and water bottles. They hope you will buy their over-priced food, but they don't expect you to.

An annoying exception to this is our local water park. You can bring water bottles, but absolutely no food is allowed. They check your bag upon entering and will send you back to your vehicle if they catch you with anything at all. When their concession stand only offers burgers, fries, and pizza, it's hard to stay all day with no decent, gluten-free, healthy-ish options for lunch or snacks. 

For this reason, I completely justify bringing dried fruit, bags of trail mix and other heat-proof snacks in my bag. I am absolutely sneaking them in, don't get me wrong: I fold them into my beach towels so they will not be found upon entry. But I don't feel guilty because I feel like the gluten-filled grease trap of a snack bar doesn't give me any choice.

Last summer, while at the water park, the kids began complaining that they were hungry. I handed them some almonds and raisins to munch on before heading back out to wait in the long lines for the slides. Then I noticed that Kaylin was staring at me, refusing to eat. 

Kaylin: "I thought that we weren't allowed to bring food here?"

Me: "Well, you're not, technically, but they don't have any healthy options for us to buy at the snack bar, so I bring a few things that we can eat until we go home for lunch."

Kaylin: "I'm not breaking the rules. You always tell me to, 'do what's right, even when others don't.' Does that mean even when YOU don't do what's right?"

(*GULP*) Keep in mind, she was SIX YEARS OLD at the time.

Me: "Um, I, well...yes it does."

Kaylin: "Can we leave early so I can have a snack, too? Or can we just go out to the parking lot and eat in the van?"

Me: (dumbfounded)

This has surely come back to bite me in the butt, now hasn't it? But she's right. We were sneaking food in and intentionally breaking the rules. What kind of an example was I setting for my kids? 

So recently, I've been packing snacks with ice packs and leaving them in our 170 degree vehicle when we go to the water park. It's not convenient to pack everything up and head to the van to eat sliced apples and cheese sticks, but I'm willing to do it to appease my honest daughter. And in hopes of re-setting a better example for my boys. 

Thank you, sweet Kaylin, for being so honest. Even if it is pretty annoying and inconvenient! Maybe I AM doing something right after all?

The Polar Express is coming. To our house. Tonight.

During dinner tonight, Ryan made a very exciting announcement:

Ryan: "When we were playing outside this afternoon, we heard a train horn.  And Morgan said it was probably The Polar Express. So when it stops at our house tonight...can we get on it?"
Mike: "Sure."
Me: "Absolutely!  If The Polar Express comes to our house tonight, you may absoLUTEly get on it."

(Ryan was so relieved that we agreed...then the excitement set in.  The horn, by the way, is the car horn of a man in the neighborhood who loves honking it as he drives around.  It sounds exactly like a train. We had no idea what it was until he drove by our house one day.)

Ryan: "So I need to stay up really late to wait for The Polar Express. Is that fine?"
Me: "Actually, if you remember from the movie, the boy was asleep when it pulled up to his house."
Ryan: "Oh YEAH.  And his whole room shook and that's what woke him up."
Me: "Exactly."
Mike: "In fact, if you're awake, it won't come. You HAVE TO go to sleep."
Kaylin: "Then we should leave out our robe and slippers. So they're easier to grab before we go out the front door."
Me: "Good thinking!"

(at this point, the kids were so excited that they could hardly sit still in their seats, let alone eat their dinner)

Kaylin: "Can Jason come?"
Me: "No, he's too young.  Plus, he probably wouldn't listen and obey the conductor, so we'll keep him at home with us."
Kaylin: "Okay. I wonder if they'll have cocoa...?"
Ryan: "Of course they'll have cocoa!  Remember the 'Hot! Hot!' song from the movie?  We'll get cocoa...and probably cookies...and we'll take the train all the way up to the North Pole to meet the REAL Santa Claus."
Kaylin: "Yay!"
Ryan: "And I bet I'LL get the first gift of Christmas."
Kaylin: "I'll get the second gift."

(while getting ready for bed, I overheard Ryan in his room)

Ryan: "Jason...now you have to be a very good boy for Mommy and Daddy.  Ryan is going on The Polar Express tonight and you need to be very, very good while I'm gone.  Okay?"
Jason: "Okay, Ry-yun."
Kaylin: "OH NO!  I don't have any slippers!!!  Will they let me on the train?!!?"
Ryan: "Yes, but you have to wear something.  It can't be flip flops, though.  Those aren't allowed."
Kaylin: "Let's leave everything out in the hallway."
Ryan: "MOM!?  Can we do a practice run?  Here.  You be the train. Make a train sound and we'll run out of our bedrooms and see if we can get our robe and slippers on in 5 seconds."

(Dry run ensued...turns out 5 seconds was too short.  We decided 20 seconds was plenty of time.)

Ryan: "Oh GREAT, Mom.  I just cleaned up my room and," (tears filled his eyes...I kid you not) "...when the whole house shakes, it's going to mess it all up!"
Me: "Don't worry, buddy.  I'll help you clean it up again."
Kaylin: "I'm kind of scared."
Mike: "You don't have to go if you don't want to, honey."
Me: "Remember the little boy, Billy, who almost didn't get on The Polar Express?  The conductor was fine with it...he wasn't mad at all."
Ryan: "But I'll be there, Kaylin, so you'll be fine."
Kaylin: "Okay.  I'll just decide when it gets here."
Ryan: "Mom, will the ticket just appear in my pocket?"
Me: "I have no idea...you'll have to tell me in the morning."

(Teeth brushed, robe and slippers moved around a few more times...taken OFF of the rail knob so the pocket won't rip, like in the movie.)

Me: "Ryan, can I talk to you for a second?"
Ryan: "Sure."
Me: "I want you to be prepared for the fact that The Polar Express may or may not come tonight.  Are you prepared if it DOES come?"
Ryan: "Yeah...we have all of our stuff ready to go."
Me: "Great. But what if it doesn't come? Will you be mad tomorrow?"
Ryan: (looking down) "No."
Me: "Will you be disappointed?"
Ryan: "Yeah."
Me: "I just want you to be prepared both situations.  The train may come.  Or it may not.  Are you okay either way?"
Ryan: "Yeah, I guess."
Me: "Alright, buddy.  If you do go tonight, remember to be safe and have fun. Be a good example to the other kids and make lots of memories, okay?"
Ryan: (blushing) "Okay."

(same conversation with Kaylin)

Mike: "Time for bed, guys."
Kaylin: "Daddy, will you come with us?"
Mike: "No, honey.  Remember in the movie?  The parents slept through the whole thing."
Kaylin: "Oh. Okay.  G'night."

I couldn't make this up if I tried. 

We have never had a conversation like this in our house before.  Mike and I generally aren't  the parents who go along with the fairy tale.  But tonight?  Both of us were in the mood to roll with it.

My kids love the magic behind Christmas.  And to think that I considered telling Ryan about Santa this year...?  I would have crushed him to the core.  He's already frustrated that I don't do The Elf on the Shelf.  Oh yes, I told him he's not real.  Don't worry...he knows to keep the secret.  But his friends are so convinced that he actually asked me if I'd move our elf around into fun, new places every morning, "...just like Jake and Joe and Lexi's moms do..." (For a reminder about why we chose not to do The Elf, see this post from last year...I still laugh every time I think about it.)

He's so not ready for the truth.  If Jack Nicholson were here, he'd tell me that Ryan can't handle the truth.  This kid is going to believe long after it's normal and healthy for a child to believe.

Just like his mama did.

Busy, Busy, BUSY

Well, hello there! Yes, I am still alive and YES I realize it's very unlike me to go more than a week without posting.  I've had time to write, just nothing really to write about. Nothing worthy of its own post, anyway.  SO here are snippets of what's been happening around here...

Much to my surprise, I'm actually enjoying our back-to-school schedule. With Kaylin being at Kindergarten from the moment Jason goes down for his nap until the moment he wakes up...well, let's just say that I have a lot more quiet time than I'm used to!  I've been catching up on absolutely everything. And Jason sleeps so much more soundly with the big kids out of the house!

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Ryan asked me to make waffles at 7:15 yesterday morning and I reluctantly agreed.  Unfortunately, the first batch wasn't done until he was supposed to be walking out the door for the bus stop, so he ate a granola bar as he rushed out the door instead of the waffles that HE was craving. 

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When I told Kaylin that she had her five year check up on Monday, she looked at me quite seriously and asked, "So they need to check to make sure I'm five?"  She didn't understand why Mike and I almost peed our pants laughing.

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Yesterday, the phone rang as Ryan got home from school.  I was upstairs and could faintly hear the front door close as I answered the phone.  "Hello, this is the Transportation Department.  Your son left Kaylin, on the bus and we don't allow Kindergarteners to walk home unescorted."  I looked down at Ryan, taking his shoes off at the bottom of the stairs and casually said, "So, um...where's your sister?"  Ryan looked around (like she was supposed to be hanging out somewhere) and freaked out as the man on the phone said, "If he runs to the next bus stop, we'll let her off there." And out the door he sprinted.  Kaylin seemed unphased and, when asked why she didn't get off the bus, simply explained, "I was looking out the window and didn't realize we'd come to our stop," while Ryan said that he thought he was still in first grade and walked home alone.  KIDS.

On Monday, some girlfriends took me to a belated birthday lunch at a great local restaurant (3rd Place Grill) that has free childcare.  Please don't judge me, but I guilt-less-ly brought Kaylin to school late that day.  When filling out the sign in sheet, I left the "reason for tardy" section totally blank.  What was I supposed to write? "...because I was selfish and had a magnificent 90 minute lunch with my girlfriends."  Hardly.  It's just Kindergarten, right...?

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This weekend, Mike's parents bought me a new lens for my camera for my birthday.  It's the same lens the photographer used for our recent baking photo shoot. (50mm f1.8) It is my new favorite toy!!!  I can get great bokeh at close range...

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I'm officially 35.  Too old to be young and too young to be old.  I don't feel 35.  But Kaylin announced last night that she FINALLY feels five.  Thank goodness...it only took eight days for her to feel five years old! 

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Speaking of birthdays, Kaylin's favorite gift was a pink digital kid camera.  This morning, I found said camera in my tub, speckled with water dropletts.  Upon picking it up, I realized that a certain toddler (I won't name names) ran water on my daughter's prized birthday present.  And it is now dead as a doornail.  I think I was as crushed as Kaylin was.  I don't like flushing money down the drain! Destructo-boy strikes again.

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My $500+ mouthguard is missing. (*sigh*) Jason tends to misplace items from my nightstand and I recently found the empty case on the floor.  We've all searched the whole house, including the trash cans, and can't find my stupid mouthguard anywhere, so I've been grinding my teeth again which is causing me morning headaches.  And I'm too cheap to buy another mouthguard. Curses!

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My dad's dad passed away yesterday.  We had lost touch and were never really tight to begin with, so I'm not broken up about it, but it's the closest I've been to death since 1987.  The really sad part is that he was a proud Atheist for the last few decades of his life.  What a hopeless way to die. 

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Yesterday, it was too hot outside for my kids to play at recess.  The weather has simply been unbearable here!  But I chose to let Kaylin ride the bus to school for the first time, despite the record-breaking heat index.  And when I returned home from the bus stop, I totally needed a shower.  These temperatures are really sabotaging my desire to cross #18 off my 101 in 1001 list, which requires hiking a steep mountain. 

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I need to get on the ball and potty train Jason.  He is so ready, but it's just so much easier to change a diaper a few times a day than it is to race him to the potty seat during meals, at the grocery store or while driving across town.  Ugh.  I just need to bear down and do it.  Soon.

(This was Jason after I caught him hiding in my curtains...he emerged smelling like a port-a-potty)

I think that's it.  A bunch of nothing, but my days are full and I find myself laughing at my kids a LOT lately.  With them, at them, same difference.  We all laugh together...does that sound less cruel???  I'm working on getting caught up on my Picture of the Day blog, so for those who follow that, check back in a day or two.  If you've missed my Meal Plans, you can also look forward to seeing those again soon.  I can't handle the thrown-together meals we've been having lately.  I'm over it.  And I have some fun new recipes to try.  Can't wait!

Fear of the Elf

Have you heard of the book, "The Elf on the Shelf"?  It's a cute story that comes with a very retro looking elf.  The premise is that the elf sneaks off to the North Pole every night to tell Santa how the kids in the house have behaved. When the kids wake up every day, the elf is in a new place in the house (because Mom or Dad moved him). 

Well.  We don't have this book, nor have I ever told the kids the story.  But we have an elf.  He was handed down to us from my mom...she had many around the house when I was growing up and somehow, I ended up with one.  Just one.

As we decorated the house this weekend, Ryan found the elf and explained the story to Kaylin.  His friend Jake had explained it to him the day before, obviously having heard the story or read the book mentioned above.

Ryan told the story with passion and excitement.  His gaze turned to me for validation of his story, longing for me to verify that his facts were correct.

I responded passively, knowing that Mike wouldn't go for this charade throughout the rest of the month.  "Wow, that sounds interesting.  Wouldn't that be cool if it were true...?"

"It IS true, Mom.  Kaylin, I'm telling you the truth.  This is REAL.  He comes alive after we are asleep and he takes off his hat...only he can take off his hat...and he goes to the North Pole to report in to Santa.  Every house has an elf and this is ours."

Kaylin, listening cautiously to the tale, was suddenly scared out of her mind.  "Ifhecomestolife, whatifhecrawlsupthestairsandcomesintomyroom...and...

and GETS me?!?!?  Whatifhe...whatifhe...triestoHURTme?!?!?"

Me: "I promise, Kaylin, that if anything in our house ever tried to hurt you, we'd get rid of it.  Even an animal.  If we got a dog and it bit you, we'd give it away to keep you safe."

Kaylin: "How would you get rid of it?  The elf, I mean."

Me: "I'd throw it away in the trash can outside."

Kaylin: "But he could crawl out of the trash can." (making a crawling motion with two fingers, like the Yellow Pages symbol) "Up the side and then he'd lift up the lid with his little hands..."

Me: "This toy will not hurt you, honey.  I promise."

Kaylin: "Because he's a good elf?"

Me: "Um...yes. Sure.  That's it."

Fast forward to the next day.  Ryan noticed that the elf was on a different branch of the tree than he left him on.  Gravity moved that elf, because Mike and I did NOT.

(notice the elf on the right)

This completely freaked Kaylin out.  I comforted her again, reassuring her that she is safe in our home and that no one and noTHING will hurt her.

She wasn't convinced.

The next morning, she came downstairs DELIGHTED to find that the elf hadn't moved.  Then she admitted her secret plan: she took his shorts off so he would be too embarrassed to leave when he came to life.

This girl means business!

I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants.

The next day, just to be sure this whole "elf" story was a hoax, she tried to take his hat off.  Because, according to Ryan's rendition of the story, only he can do that when he comes to life.

The poor elf didn't see it coming.  And surely he can't leave the house without his head screwed on...right?

Kaylin felt horrible for pulling his head off, but Mike was able to wiggle it back into place.  There has been no mention of the elf since the accidental decapitation. Hopefully, we can all just put this whole "elf" issue behind us for a while!!!

Kaylin's Butterfly Birthday Party

We celebrated Kaylin's 4th birthday with some of her friends this morning. Months ago, she told me she wanted a butterfly party, so I kept my eyes open for fun ideas.

I had to begin the party at 9am to get everyone out of here in time to take Ryan to his last basketball game at 11:30. As the kids arrived, they painted butterfly, flower and dragonfly suncatchers. (PS - the stain is called that for a reason. My white shirt escaped unharmed, but my kitchen counter did not. What was I thinking?!?!)

Then the kids played "pass the present," where the kid holding the present when the music stopped got to unwrap a layer of tissue. The prize was butterfly sunglasses, of course!

For snacks, we had butterflies made out of apple slices and pretzel rods (with peanut butter as "glue" - you can use cream cheese if there are allergy issues), butterflies made out of celery stalks and mini pretzels with raisin heads, and veggie straw "worms," too. I saw a fun idea to put grapes in a snack sized Ziplock and tie the middle with pipe cleaners, but I ran out of time, so I threw all the grapes in a big bowl. Everything can't be butterfly themed, right???




After snacks, the kids colored on white coffee filters with markers. We sprayed them with water, let them dry, and wrapped pipe cleaners around the middle to make more butterflies. I had magnet tape to adhere to the back, but just realized that I completely forgot about it. Oops...




Before everyone left, we loaded them up with sugar. (I hated giving them cake at 10:30am, but it was unavoidable!) The butterfly cake was a hit, but the drippy red frosting on the ladybugs was yet another huge mess. This was the messiest party I've ever been to and I was the one who created all of the drama!


Party favors consisted of pink butterfly headbands and wands for the girls and bug catchers for the boys. (This was one benefit of knowing the theme early...I found these back in June and haven't seen anything nearly as appropriate since then.)


The most important detail was the Kaylin had a ball. Last night at dinner, she prayed, "Dear Jesus...thank you for my birthday party tomorrow and that it's going to be all about me. I can't wait. Amen."