After 5 Years, Ryan GETS IT

This summer, we took about 5 weeks off of school. Kaylin and Ryan went to camp, we went to San Diego as a family, we had Ryan's birthday party, I spent some time regrouping for the new year at the Arizona Homeschool Convention, the kids enjoyed the break.

Even though most of the local school districts don't start school until next week, we began a couple of weeks ago. Which is tough when the rest of the kids are still playing video games all day long! But I muddled through the groaning and we are well on our way to getting back into our daily school routine.

The first week back was rough...really rough. Last week was a little better, then I heard a comment last night that I would have never expected in a million years. But first, some background...

We began homeschooling almost 5 years ago. Ryan (now 12) remembers school well and Kaylin (turning 10) went to Kindergarten so, of course, she remembers school very fondly. (recess, crafts and play time - YAY!!!)

Sporadically over the past 5 years, one kid or another will start grumbling about going back to school. I explain that we are homeschooling because it's what I feel God has called our family to do, they continue to make random comments, then the negativity fizzles for a time. Then another kid starts. It has seemed never ending!!!

This peaked last year when I had a very surprise pregnancy, followed by an even more surprising miscarriage. When I announced my pregnancy, my kids secretly decided that I would be stretched too thin with the new baby and that I'd probably send them to school. (I just learned about this misconception last month) So after healing from the miscarriage, my kids started in with major waves of discontentment with HSing. Again. It was maddening!

All this to say that last night, out of the blue, Ryan (who has given me the most grief about going back to school) told me that he thinks that if he went to middle school, he'd be miserable and want to return to homeschooling. I dug a little deeper and he explained that he is starting to realize how flexible our schedule is because of homeschooling, that he can do several lessons early in the day/week to have more free time later, that our schoolwork only takes a few hours each day vs. his friends who spend 6-7 hours in a physical school building then come home with homework. He is finally, FINALLY grateful that we homeschool.

I almost cried. I was not expecting to ever hear these words from this kid! Especially at this age when hormones are raging and his thoughts are so...opinionated. 

This conversation is going to linger with me for a very long time. Homeschooling can be so emotionally draining, then to realize that no one even appreciates the hard work makes it even more tough! THIS IS SO WORTH IT! And I truly believe this is right where God wants us to be. 

Today, I am on Cloud 9.

Finally...something clicked!

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that I am hoping to create an independent learner out of Ryan. Since then, I've been a little frustrated that my ideas weren't "taking." Ryan would do what he's told, but it seemed that he wasn't grasping onto the fact that when he's done with one subject/task/activity, there's usually another one waiting for him.  He had a list of his independent subjects and how much to do of each, yet he seemed to lack the initiative to move from one task to the next. (Yes, I realize he's 7 and yes, I realize we've only been doing this homeschooling thing for a few months, but I have still been a little discouraged.)

I decided to step up my game a little bit...by completely handing the reigns over to him.  I think I was sending mixed messages; asking him to do what I want when I want then switching gears and expecting him to be self-directed on my terms.

Every morning, I run the show. I teach the lessons that are intended for both kids (primarily History and Grammar) then during Jason's nap, I let Ryan do whatever he wants. While Kaylin was on Spring Break, he often chose to play with her. She was sick for a couple of days last week and had half-days the rest of the week, so all I saw was playing, playing, playing. It was like pulling teeth to get him to complete his daily assignments.

But yesterday while I was resting after lunch (this has become a rejuvenating, yet annoying, new habit of mine) Ryan took it upon himself to do all of his schoolwork. ALL of it. Generally, he gets distracted or bored and I have to encourage him to stay on task over and over and over.  This time, he had done some of it in the car to and from the gym that morning, but whatever wasn't completed (including his 30 minutes of reading that he tends to avoid), he did it all on his own.  I was so proud of him!  We watched Pioneer Woman then put together some puzzles before it was time to get Kaylin from the bus stop. No nagging and lots of togetherness-fun...it was the perfect afternoon!

I chalked it up to a good day.

Then this morning, I noticed that after we all piled into the car to head to the grocery store, both Ryan and Kaylin didn't make a sound. I looked back in the rearview mirror and watched as they busily read the instructions and completed their Spelling workbooks.

This afternoon was the same: I took a little nap (after an exhausing morning with Jason pushing every boundary he could find) and woke up to Ryan, beeming with pride that he had finished his schoolwork. I checked his assignments, he corrected his mistakes, then we spent the last 30 minutes before Kaylin's bus arrived making homemade granola bars.

I'm so ready to be at a point where I don't have to beg remind the kids to be diligent with their work.  I'm so ready to be at a point where they don't complain and shut down when the concepts in the lesson get difficult.  I'm so ready for our typical school day to look less like a classroom and have it shaped more to meet the specific needs of my 7-year old.

Because that is the freedom that comes with homeschooling and I think we both have our brains conditioned to the picture we've seen of a typical school-day in a typical school.

I asked Ryan today, "What have you done with my son?" (he smiled) "Are you a secret robot that has taken over his body?!?!" He blushed and said, "No, I just wanted to get my work done so we can spend time together." 

He's getting it!!!

This week has given me such hope. I think we're making some real progress...I just hope it sticks when Kaylin's home with us full time in a couple of months.  I'm hoping Ryan will get into some good habits and we'll have this homeschooling thing down by then! But time will tell.  This could just be a random, good week.  But I sure hope not!!!

"Special Dates" Can Be Simple

The one piece of advice that I hear again and again from moms is to take my kids on regularly scheduled, individual "special dates."

But what I'm coming to realize is that anything can be considered a "special date." It doesn't always have to be ice cream or a big deal event. If I am alone with one of my kids doing anything outside of the house, I've started labeling it our "special date."

For instance, this week Ryan came home from school complaining that kids were making fun of him because his backpack was of a "baby show." I've recently figured out that "baby shows" are those that are blatantly educational in any way. Elmo, Dora, most programs on Playhouse Disney...it seems that all of the shows my kids are allowed to watch (and still enjoy, by the way) are being labeled "baby shows" by Ryan's peers who have older siblings.

So how is the Disney movie Cars a baby show? What major life lesson does Lightning McQueen teach??? That's what I'd like to know from these six year old theologians.


Regardless, I'm reading in Grace Based Parenting that kids need "the freedom to be vulnerable" in a family, so instead of arguing about what is or isn't a baby show, I agreed to buy Ryan a new backpack. The fourth week of school. When this one is in perfect condition. (Thank goodness I can save it for Jason, right?)

Back to my point: special dates. I took Ryan to Target to search for whatever backpacks are left on the shelves. God rewarded my Super Mom efforts with a giant 30% off sign on the backpack aisle. That gave me the chance to get Ryan a Spiderman backpack for this year and a no-one-should-be-able-to-find-a-reason-to-make-fun-of-this plain blue backpack for next year.

I also noticed clearance tags on some other staples Ryan needs like PJs, t-shirts and even gym pants for football practice. So it felt like around every corner, I was asking Ryan, "Would you like Star Wars or Iron Man underwear?" and "Do you like black or blue shorts better?"

Our 30% off backpack shopping trip ended up being more than $76.

BUT my boy was smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Not because I spent $76 on him, but because I kept saying throughout our shopping trip, "Are you having fun on our special date, buddy?" Which was always met with a giant smile and a hug on my leg, sometimes even a kiss.

Give it a try. Label grocery trips with just one child as a "special date" and see the results for yourself. Sometimes it's how the package is wrapped and presented that makes what's inside extra special!

Q&A Wednesday - Kindergarten Mom Concerns

Yesterday, Carrie asked, "Does Ryan ride the bus to/from school? Or do you take him? My Evan started Kindergarten and insisted he wanted to ride the bus each day. So, we let him. He seems fine, but I notice he occasionally seems sad if he doesn't get to sit by a certain friend. I don't know why I'm having panic attacks about this! But I'm worried about it. I don't want anything to crush his little spirit! He's a shy kid anyway and a young 5. Do you think it's a first time Kindergarten mom thing? I've tried talking to him about it...sometimes you'll get to sit with who you want, sometimes you won't. I guess I'm concerned that academically he's ready for all of this, but I'm super sensitive with the social aspect of it. Okay...tell me I'm over dramatizing this!"



First, I have to share with you that I was always young for my grade (my August 19th birthday barely allowed me to turn six before 1st grade) and I was not socially traumatized. I do remember having many friends who were in the grade below me, especially in elementary school. I naturally gravitated toward neighbors who were a year younger in school and even remember being friends with a few of my classmate's younger siblings. Evan may not have that same tendency, but I just thought it was worth mentioning.

As for Ryan, yes, he does ride the bus. He begged me on the first day of Kindergarten to begin riding home the next day, which surprised me. We lucked out last year because our school requires that Kindergartners sit in the first two rows of the bus and have the same assigned seats every day. So there was never "who will I sit by" drama. He's already riding the bus three days into this school year and knows so many of the kids from last year that he doesn't care where he sits.

To answer your last question bluntly, YES - I do think this is a first time Kindergarten mom thing. Kicking your baby out of the nest and hoping they fly is not easy! If you work on building up his confidence at home, especially if he's naturally shy, and give him social guidance for when he's away from you ("If no one asks you to play at recess, try asking another boy if he wants to play kickball,") I'm sure things will mellow out soon enough. For both of you!

Personally, I think you're doing just fine. Spend lots of time talking to him about the high and low points of his day and offer suggestions about how to handle the tough situations. He'll learn soon enough that he can't always get his way. Teachers and kids at school don't accommodate personal preferences like we do at home!

It took a few months for Ryan's class to work out it's social kinks last year, but by the holidays, everyone knew everyone and Ryan found new kids to sit by and play with when his moody "best friend" decided to have a mean day.

It's hard for us, especially moms, to watch our kids struggle. But the thing that I've realized lately is this: if I step in too often or too quickly, I may rob Ryan and Kaylin of an opportunity to strengthen their character. If you think about it, most of the obstacles we faced as children probably shaped us into the people we are today.

Just breathe. And pray. Pray for wisdom and guidance in how to parent your little Kindergartener, then make every attempt to let go of things that are completely beyond your control.

Anyone else have any advice for Carrie???

Kindergarten Peer Pressure

I'm a little shocked that Ryan is already dealing with peer pressure in Kindergarten. For the last few months, he's come home with situations that frustrated him at school and we've tried coaching him through what to do and say in the future.

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One particular friend seems to be quite manipulative. One minute, he's refusing to sit next to him at storytime and the next minute he wants to be BFF. On the first day of school, this boy told Ryan that they were best friends and, ever since, their little leader/follower relationship has blossomed. It's so confusing for Ryan, but what's worse is that Ryan's getting used to being treated this way. We've tried to teach him to walk away when this kid isn't being nice to him and to play with someone else, but the problem is that Ryan really wants to be this boy's friend. It breaks my heart hearing the things he says to him. Things like "If you don't give me the red scissors, I'm not going to be your friend anymore" and "Eat your dessert before your pretzels or I won't play with you at recess." Honestly, I'm not trying to guide Ryan away from this friendship, but instead I'm taking every possible opportunity to teach him how to respond with confidence and not be a pushover. The times that Ryan has followed through with our advice, sure enough, this boy did a complete 180 degree attitude adjustment and wanted to be BFF again.
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Even though I've seen some of the bad behaviors while aiding in Ryan's class, I decided to actually invite this boy over for Ryan's first little classmate play date. I picked the boys up today and within minutes of being home, I saw the kinds of things Ryan deals with in school every day. By the time his mom came to pick him up, I had a pool full of yard toys, I watched as Kaylin fell on her tailbone when this boy slammed her down on the teeter totter, I battled him about not going upstairs while the baby was sleeping at least a dozen times and I laid down the law about being mean to Kaylin, even stopping the friend from spanking her. There was a short stint in the middle of the play date when they were using their imaginations and destroying the backyard building a fort and again when they played hide and seek for a while.
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After dinner, there was so much to explain to Ryan that I didn't know where to start. I condensed the whole lecture into one of our house rules: Do what's right, even when others don't and even when no one is looking. I'm kind of glad he's battling this issue now so he'll have lots of practice doing what's right before he becomes a teenager. But seriously...Kindergarten? Doesn't that seem a bit early for peer pressure???

School Paper OVERLOAD!

I have spent the last two afternoons completely stressed out and overwhelmed with school papers.
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It started Monday afternoon when Ryan came home with his new homework binder. The problem is that Ryan's class started getting daily homework assignments last week, when we were on vacation. There were a few things that happened to make the paperwork unmanageable. There were past homework assignment and detailed instructions from last week that we needed to catch up on. Plus, Ryan had shoved in-class projects that were in his cubby from last week randomly into the binder; these had no instructions since they were done in class. AND we still had assignments and work to do for Monday and the rest of the month of September. The homework binder combined with keep-at-home reference forms for writing practice, in-class assignments with at-home follow up work, the monthly school newsletter, the weekly class newsletter, forms for class t-shirts and yearbooks, forms that needed to be completed and returned to the teacher the next day and a packet of information about the PTSA was all enough to send me over the edge.
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I needed to feel structure. I needed to find a way to organize all of this paperwork. What I really needed was a system for all incoming paperwork, moving forward.
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Here's what I came up with:
- "Reading materials" will go in a designated area on our junk counter with the intention of reading them while Ryan does independent assignments at the kitchen table. Once they're read, they'll either go directly into the recycle bin or into another area if an action is needed. (if a check needs to be written or something needs to be signed and returned, etc.)
- "Action needed items" will go on top of Ryan's closed backpack and will be dealt with after dinner, when I make lunches for the next day.
- "Completed assignments" and artwork will go on the fridge, then will either get passed on to grandparents or hidden at the bottom of the recycle bin. I'll keep some choice pieces and take pictures of others to scrapbook at the end of the school year.
- "At-home follow up work" will stay in the inside pocket of his homework binder to be done after his homework is completed IF we have time. If the homework takes too long, I'm not going to feel guilty about tossing it in the recycle bin. It's unlikely we'll get to it later and I don't need the clutter.
- "Keepsakes" will go into a 3-ring binder that I have designated for Kindergarten. I mentioned before how I plan to have one binder for each child for each year of school. I'll only keep enough to fit in the binder. Period. As it is, 15 binders (counting pre-school) when they graduate high school will be A LOT of keepsakes!
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This post titled What To Do With Kids' Artwork by Simple Mom compiles all of the ideas I've heard of, used and tried over the years for ALL of the arts and crafts our kids create. It's worth reading if you have little ones.
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One other thing I'm doing to capture Ryan each month of the year is this idea from Becky Higgins. She's providing the template pages to customize for yourself and it's very low maintenance, but I know will be priceless to look back on later.
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Here are links to the cover page and August's 2-page spread to start the 8.5x11 project. (click here if you're a Mac user) I had Ryan and Kaylin each write their name and do a self portrait last night (because I clearly wasn't stressed enough...) and they turned out so sweet. I put them in the front cover pocket of their 3-ring binders for their keepsakes for the year. I'm changing the August pages a bit to include the pictures I took of Ryan at the beginning of the year. (I don't have a class picture or a picture of the backpacks, but I do have a picture of him at his desk and of him with his teacher.)

All of the pink circles at the bottom of Kaylin's picture (above) are her toes and the blue circles on either side of her head are ears and hands. I have no idea what the rest of the black markings are all over the page. As far as I was concerned, the picture was complete before the black marks took over, but it's not my picture so what do I know? Here's Ryan's:

Ice Cream Cone Christmas Tree Craft

Check out what the kids created at Ryan's school today! We should have colored the frosting green for the true effect, but here's the idea: take a sugar ice cream cone, dip the wide end in frosting and stick it to a bowl or plate. We gave the kids frosting to spread on the cone to make it into "Christmas tree" and candy decorations to add as ornaments and lights. Similar to a gingerbread house but 10 times simpler.

Before...


After...


I aided at the pre-school Christmas party today and Mike was able to join us for the sing-along and (of course) the pizza party. Kaylin sat with the big kids and even decorated her own "tree." She always feels like such a big girl in Ryan's class...


Before the chaos began, Mrs. B took the monthly class picture. She always uses props and was wrapping Christmas lights around the kids when one of the, um, rowdier kids yelled, "Oh PLEASE don't tie me up!" Mrs. B quickly said, "...and that is exactly how rumors get started."


In the first hour of class, we crammed in Christmas Bingo (with M&Ms), the kids made reindeer feed (oats and glitter to sprinkle on the yard so the reindeer can see their houses better) and wrapped their gifts to the parents, decorating the wrapping paper, writing the tag and adding tons and tons of bows.

Last year, I was SO surprised by Ryan's gift. His teacher got the best, smiling picture of Ryan that I'd seen in months (he went through a long phase of never sitting still or smiling for pictures) and turned it into a Christmas ornament that Ryan decorated. She gave the class strict instructions to put the gift under the tree and not allow Mom or Dad to peek until Christmas morning. They got the same instructions this year, but unfortunately for me (I enjoy surprises sometimes!) I've seen the gift. And I almost cried!!! I'll say it again: I LOVE this teacher. I don't want to spoil it for Mike (who I doubt is reading this), but I'm excited we'll get to appreciate this gift all year long.