Do you ever learn lessons in odd places? Like the checkout line at Super Wal Mart?
This gal in line behind me today had a 5 year old boy who stood with her, silent. The checkout lady was verrrrry slooooow, so I let my kids play with the toy phone display next to the candy section to keep them occupied. Her son just stood there patiently with her. It actually caught my attention, he was that well behaved.
After a few long minutes, he asked, "Where are we going after this?"
Mom: "I told you before...the nail salon."
Boy: "Why are you getting your finger nails painted?"
Mom: (sigh) "I'm NOT getting my nails painted. I never go there to get my nails painted. I'm getting a pedicure."
Boy: "Why do you get your toenails painted?"
Mom: "We've already had this discussion. I'm not answering your questions anymore. Just please stand here and be quiet."
Mom: (sigh) "I'm NOT getting my nails painted. I never go there to get my nails painted. I'm getting a pedicure."
Boy: "Why do you get your toenails painted?"
Mom: "We've already had this discussion. I'm not answering your questions anymore. Just please stand here and be quiet."
I looked back at her and said (under my breath, so Ryan wouldn't be embarrassed), "I feel like I'm constantly telling my son, 'Please don't ask the same questions over and over.' I think they just get bored and need to talk sometimes. Or they're already typical men and just don't listen to our answers the first time!" She rolled her eyes and said (in a full voice with her poor son at her feet), "I just picked him up from his dad's and I'm already wishing I could bring him back. All he does is talk all day. His older brother is the quiet one...the GOOD one. This one just talks, talks, talks. Drives me nuts."
Now I know I've complained about my kids being talkers. Because THEY ARE. And it can be maddening, believe me. But this boy was not a talker. Sure, he did speak: 3 questions in the course of 10 minutes of standing in line. But does she expect her kid to be a mute? Not to mention that she was also dragging him to a nail salon, probably expecting him to sit still and be quiet, while she got herself a pedicure.
The more I think about it, it makes me so sad that this other mom was trashing her child within his earshot. AND even comparing him to his brother! Two big no-no's in my book. I can understand that getting her kids back after living alone while they're at their dads would take some adjustment, but her attitude (and the fact that she voiced it in front of the poor boy) just made me cringe.
The whole situation made me feel bad about the times I've complained about listening to my kids jabber on and on all day. It gave me some perspective and a bit more patience with them today. And reminded me to never, EVER speak about my kids that way, let alone in front of them!
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11 comments:
Just an observation here...but weren't you just as guilty of bashing when you called your son a "typical man" and inferring that men don't listen?
Don't compare kids, and don't compare yourself to others either. It is as if you are saying your behavior is better than hers. You haven't walked in her shoes. (I agree with you that she should not have done/said what she did...but still.)
Maybe next time praise the child...saying, "Wow, I'm so impressed with how patient you have been waiting in this long line!"
Or just don't say anything at all. You baited the woman...fueled her fire with your comments. Inviting her to be more annoyed with her own child.
Just an observation...I am posting this anonymously because I want you to hear it and appreciate the message without taking into account the person behind it and how close the relationship or not...etc.
This brings tears to my eyes.
I just want to say Katie, that I think you were just trying to relate with the mom and maybe give her a better perspective. I would have felt the same way as you. It doesn't mean we are perfect moms, it means we are observing and LEARNING so that we can be better moms. I see your heart here.
Anonymous, you are attacking Katie. Perhaps you have your own lies about yourself as a parent and you are taking your guilt out on Katie. I think if Katie would have done what you suggested, that would have fueled a fire much greater. As for the "typical man" comment, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say, but she was just trying to lighten the situation. My guess is that Katie won't appreciate the message, she will probably cry or feel guilty, or what not...you are hiding.
The impression I got from reading Katie's story was that she saw another mom who was stressed out. She said something funny to make her feel like she wasn't alone. Sometimes when someone you don't know says something to you, no matter how small, it can really brighten your day.
Based on the mom's response she saw something that taught her a lesson in parenting her own kids. What's wrong with that?
Katie I know that I would have probably said and felt the same things you wrote. I often make jokes to other moms while waiting in line, not to bait them, but to try and empathize. Like you, I also try and take lessons from everywhere - not a comparrison, like Anon said, but seeing something I want to work on or take note of, because none of us are perfect. Thanks for sharing :)
Wow.
I tend to complain a lot to my husband about our toddler son (almost 3), and use the phrase "drive me nuts" quite a bit.
Not anymore, after reading this post and an article on toddler self-esteem, I am going to keep my trap shut, and answer my little man's questions. :)
Denise, your comment made this post worth my while! Your response is exactly why I wanted to share this story. As moms, we tend to forget that our little ones are listening to everything we don't want them to hear and our negative words so easily affect our attitudes.
Anonymous, I had NO idea this post would strike such a nerve! I joked about the "typical man" to lighten the mood a little, but I can see how it could be taken wrong. I was trying to empathize with her frustration while defending her son a little bit, but ended up drawing out much more information than I intended. (as in: "his brother is the good one" and "he drives me nuts.") You're right, I don't know her situation, but her sour attitude toward her son just broke my heart.
I hoped that by sharing the story, other moms who may unintentionally say or do similar things around their kids might be made aware of the negative affects, it wasn't to all bond together as shocked moms and judge this woman.
Thanks to Sarah Mae, Ashley and Em for your supportive words. I appreciate everyone's feedback, I really do!
Katie,
Whether I have ever said anything hurtful to you or not, whether or not I agree with the topics you blog about or not, and whether I am inspired by you or feel inferior to you: I am amazed here. What grace you have shown when someone with ruffled feathers who appeared on the offensive spoke to you like anonymous did.
I don't know that I have any further comments but I am glad to see your attitude. That kind of comment on my blog would have sent me to the wine coolers, chocolate, and kleenex. You just wanted to learn from it all. :)
I'm proud of you.
And I hope you don't think that was condescending of me. It truly wasn't meant that way! ;)
Kind of ironic, though. I am in the middle of writing a post on my blog about judgement and caring about what other people think. ;) (April got me thinking with her last post and I hadn't finished my thoughts yet. Now I have more to think about just from your comments section.) :)
You are a wealth of information. LOL
I love you girl. You may be funny, fallible, forward, frugal, and flipping crazy, but you are ever faithful.
God Bless,
Becky, The Maid
PS - Funny...I just mentioned running to wine coolers and my word verification was "gallo." As in Ernest and Julio! LOL
I have been working w/ children for the past 12 year in the public schools and private preschools. I see parents like this all too often and it breaks my heart. I used to try to help them, but these people have underlying issues in their lives and just don't want the help or aren't ready for it yet. As christians all we can do is pray for them and use their behavior as an example of "what not to do." I just pray that I never act or feel this way about my child.
This makes me so sad to hear. Even if she does feel that way about her son at the moment (and we ALL have those moments as stressed out moms) it breaks my heart to hear that she actually would voice those frustrations in front of her son.
Definitely makes me stop and think about how I ultimately want to treat my children.
See Katie, you've just fallen victim to your own success and popularity. You have sooooo many followers of this blog, you never know where they may be lurking. In this case, Wal-Mart.
That's right, Anonymous is really The Pedicure Mom! Small world, eh? :-)
xoxoxoxoxo
LOL at DutchMac's comment... I don't think I could add anything better than that!
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