Annoyed

This is me lately. I can't think of how long it's been going on, but this weekend, I just felt this overwhelming sense of being annoyed. With everyone in my house. All the time. 

I lacked joy. I lacked peace. I lacked grace.

I don't know what my problem was and I was so frustrated with myself earlier today that I was almost in tears over it. I've had a quick trigger, have been easily pissy and have taken an insane amount of time to calm down about the stupidest little things.

Can we just clear up something real quick? No, I'm not on my period and NO, I'm not pregnant. Those would be easy answers, but the timing is way off. 

But it does feel very hormonal in the fact that I feel completely helpless to these intensely negative feelings. 

I was over-evaluating myself today and trying to figure out why I'm craving control over everything. Maybe because I feel so OUT of control about certain things, that I'm desperately grasping for false control over others...?  This could be why I've been ripping apart my house room by room and reorganizing. Or why my expectations of Mike and the kids have been so specific and unrealistic. Or why I've been so manic about fixing my issue with my body image.

On Saturday night, Mike and I discussed the kids a bit on our date night. It seems like they're arguing their way out of everything these days, or at least trying to, and I needed it to stop. Immediately. We came up with a plan. (shocker, right?)

We decided to tie first-time obedience for all three kids to their screen time. All of the kids have become quite addicted to playing on my iPhone or iPad in the past couple of months, so figuring out their "currency" was easy. We're hoping to break them of their habit of arguing before doing things that they're asked and we also added that they'd lose screen time if they are bossy to their siblings. (this is more Kaylin's issue than the arguing, but Ryan and Jason struggle with it, too.)

I'm hoping this will lessen some of the squabbles that happen throughout the day, minimizing the gentle boil of my temper that seems ready to explode without notice. But in the meantime, I have GOT TO work on my attitude. Because seriously, this is not cool and I'm over it.

Maybe I should take up heavy drinking to take the edge off? :) 

Okay, rant over. I'm going to bed where I can't say or do anything negative to anybody. I'm hoping to wake up on the RIGHT side of the bed tomorrow. For once. (*sigh*)