The Man of the House

This morning, I needed to keep everyone occupied while I cleaned the kitchen, so I asked Ryan to assist Jason with his favorite new dinosaur puzzle.

Jason loves this puzzle and I love that he's learning to appreciate a quiet, non-physical activity. For once! Jason worked diligently to find pieces that matched and Ryan seemed to be helping, until I heard him say, "Jason - drop the puzzle pieces on my head like RAIN!!!" (this huge puzzle only has 24 pieces...so each one is big and heavy) Jason was suddenly in the mood to be wild instead of playing calmly. Awesome. 

Before I could speak up, I heard Ryan yelp, "OW!!!" I pulled him aside and tried to help him understand the sequence of events that occurred up until he got hurt.

1. Jason is an extremely rough and tumble kid.

2. Everyone in the house hates how he destroys things and that he defaults to aggression while playing.

3. Knowing #1 and #2, I've intentionally been trying to redirect Jason to more peaceful activities, like puzzles.

4. Jason is finally engaged in an age-appropriate puzzle but can't complete it on his own yet. I sent Ryan over to assist and he encourages the lion-who's-playing-like-a-lamb to turn from his new ways and revert back to the old.

Is it shocking that Ryan ended up getting hurt? Not really. 

I didn't know how to get through to him that he needs to start acting more mature and responsible. The younger kids look to him to be more of an example and when he acts crazy, they see that as a green light to follow suit. Then the following words came out of my mouth:

"When Dad's at work, you're the man of the house. I need you to start acting like it."

Immediately, Ryan perked up. He sat up a little straighter. His head was a little higher. He heard me loud and clear. "I'm the man of the house?" 

"Yup."

For the next hour, Ryan meditated on this concept, both personally and aloud.  "As the man of the house...when Daddy's gone, of course...can I have more grown up responsibilities?"

"Hmm, like what?"

"Like staying home alone? And riding my bike to the grocery store to get food? Oh wait...how would I get it home on my bike...? Never mind about that last one.  Can I stay home alone?"

"When you start proving yourself to be responsible when I AM around, I will begin to trust that you are old enough to stay home alone. I'm not talking about behaving for just for an hour or a day...I'm talking about most of the time."

That thought took a minute to sink in.

We work on self-control a lot around her.  Our "We Choose Virtues" card explains it this way, "I make myself do the right thing. I am not wild, rowdy or disorderly and I don't expect others to control me."

Someday this will describe my boys. Someday I will look back on this post and breathe a sigh of relief that the rough and tumble days are over. In the meantime, I will consistently encourage my little guys to be more civil. Not to de-masculanize them, but to help them grow into the respectful young men God intends them to be.

(Lord, help me.)