I'm done yelling. Seriously.

Jason: "Hey Mommy - take a picture of me with my angry face" (notice his bed head that looks like devil horns)

I mentioned that I'm reading through the book "Unglued" with some friends, right? Yesterday's chapter discussed the idea of having an action plan for the moments of crisis that are inevitable to pop up in life.

The author gave the example of an angry passenger on an airplane. The flight crew is trained to deal with these and many other types of situations. They don't take rants personally, they don't become emotional, they stay calm, voices low and firm, giving a warning so everyone knows what to expect if things continue to escalate.

So why don't I do that??? Back when I used to volunteer in the kids classrooms (particularly pre-school), I was a master at handling crazy kids with composure. But admittedly, I'm out of the habit. I decided this morning that I need to start treating my children the way I would treat your children if they were in my home without you. I would outline the rules, explain the consequences of breaking those rules, give appropriate warnings, then follow through without being emotional about it.

Today I challenged myself to do that exact sequence. Hour by hour, I vowed not to raise my voice. I don't care that my hormones are raging, so what if rainy weather makes kids a little crazy, it doesn't matter whether everyone behaves like robots or not...I would never stand for anyone else speaking to my kids the way I have this week! It's unacceptable for others and it is absolutely unacceptable for me. I'm ashamed and embarrassed.

I shared this challenge with my best friend this morning and she offered some additional insight: when we (as parents) don't stay on top of issues of obedience, there's no grace left for the genuine accidents that all {clumsy} kids have.  If I follow through with making sure Jason goes upstairs the first time I ask and I'm not forced to restrain my frustration by attempting to calmly repeat myself 3-4 times, by the time he accidentally knocks into the water cup full of paint brushes and it spills on the table, I'm much more likely to respond with love and grace. If I'm already maxed out, any small incident could be "the final straw." (which is too often the case) 

I overheard Kaylin say to Ryan yesterday, "I spilled a little paint on my skirt," to which I just closed my eyes and shook my head (it was the 3rd paint accident in a very short time) but Ryan quietly responded, "Don't mention it to Mom right now or she might freak out again." He totally had my number! That is not how I want my kids to be talking about me behind my back, that's for sure.

Other things play a vital role, too...like whether I've gotten enough sleep and have been eating well.  Same goes for the kids; if they're tired or hungry, coming down off a sugar high or if they haven't had one-on-one time with me, they have their own short fuses to deal with. I can usually take that into consideration, but not when I have my own issues that cloud my judgement. 

My new plan of attack is this: First and foremost, start each day with prayer, asking God to help me control my emotions hour by hour, if needed. Next, speak to the kids with the same kindness and respect that I would someone else's children. Especially when we homeschool...I need to get back to the mental image of taking off my mom hat and putting on my teacher hat every day. Patience, patience, patience. Last, I need to draw a firm line in the sand about first time obedience. When I'm overtired or distracted or rushing out the door, I'm not good about following through to make sure the kids do what I ask of them. The big kids see this inconsistency and know when they can slack off. No more! Because later, when I realize they didn't hang up their coat when I told them to (or whatever), I'm more likely to raise my voice in shock and disbelief...WAY overreacting and WAY after the instruction was ignored.

I'm no longer going to get louder in order to feel heard in my house. My new goal is to stay calm and unemotional, following through with consequences immediately instead of half-heartedly throwing out requests for the kids to do this or that.

We need a major boot camp up in here. I started a little today and got quite a bit of resistance. Wish me luck...it's going to be loooong weekend!