Calling all home businesses!

Do you have a home business or Etsy shop? A product or service that you'd like to promote? I'm hoping to do a series of giveaways as I near my three year blogging anniversary and my 1000th post. (wow - I knew I had a lot to say, but 1000 posts?!?)

If you would like to participate by donating an item or service to one of my lucky readers, please email me at: ktksu (at) cox (dot) net. We'll discuss details from there. Thanks!

The secret to keeping a "clean" house

Another Friday re-run! This post was originally published on July 25, 2008.

I am often told, "Your house always seems so clean..." but I never really know how to respond to that because I don't spend much time cleaning. Really, I'm not neurotic. I'm not one of THOSE moms. I don't bleach my tubs daily or take a toothbrush to my tile grout or steam clean my drapes. I don't have that kind of time or energy.

But I think the main point of this post is the reason my house appears clean. (To re-cap, it basically suggests that you clean as you go. The whole post is a short read and is worth your time!) Yes, I like a clean tidy house, but I don't like to clean, that's why I do things quickly to get them over with. I like the result, not the process. Believe me, I have piles of junk just like everyone else. Some of my piles just happened to be tucked away in drawers dedicated to piles of junk that need to be put away!

I posted about "the other side" of this issue a few months back (click here to peek at it) and on that day, I remember being furious with myself that I had lived among a pigsty for a week that was easily cleaned up one afternoon when the kids overslept from their nap by 30 minutes. I worked against the clock, knowing they'd wake up any minute, and everything was neat and back where it belonged in less than an hour.

It's all about priorities. For some, fresh flowers from the garden on the counter are a priority. Not for me. For others, finishing touches at dinner like a dollop of whipped cream or a sprinkle of fresh basil leaves make all the difference. That's not me, either. I even know people who iron their pillow cases. Not in a million years. As it is, I don't even iron my cloth napkins for fancy dinner parties.

I'm all about simplicity and efficiency. Lately, I've developed a "touch it once" rule. If I take time to read an email (or snail mail, for that matter), I do my best to "touch it" once. Read it and either file it, respond or delete it immediately. As it is, my emails pile up like crazy, I don't need to be reading and re-reading the same emails repeatedly. And the mail that Mike brings home after work gets sorted within minutes. Coupons are put with coupons (even if they need to sorted and put in proper envelopes later), magazines have a home, junk mail is put in the recycle bin, bills go in a pile to be brought upstairs to the office. Done. Things that make it to the abyss of the junk pile usually aren't seen for a month or two, so if it's important, needs to be paid or is going to expire, it needs to be handled right away.

One tip that I love is that I have baskets for stray toys in a few key places. The play room has open bins that the kids can toss their toys when they're picking up, both kids' rooms have a basket, and there's one in the family room. This is a huge time saver and makes each room FEEL clean because the smaller items are all containerized in a nice(ish) basket. Before I added a few baskets to the house, there were constantly toys sprinkled in the most random places. Now, if I see one lying on the floor, I throw it in a basket.

I hope something I've said will inspire you to simplify and declutter something this weekend. Don't we all need a little simplicity in our lives???

Video of my "15 minutes of FAME"

Tonight, we were on Fox News in a segment about bullying. (more details here) I wonder if I should perfect my autograph for when I'm stopped on the street...?

For those who'd like to see me make a fool of myself on national television, here you go! (If the video doesn't work, click here.)

More Organizing Tips

After writing the post on Spring Cleaning yesterday, I found these helpful blogs on related topics. Enjoy!

Three Uncluttering Activities in 5 minutes or less - Unclutterer

Overcoming Organization Procrastination - Virtually Organized

10 Benefits of Being Organized - Julie Anne Bonner

7 Organizing Myths Debunked - guest post on Simple Mom

Early Spring Cleaning: How to Declutter

I've watched a fair share of organizational shows in my day. It always fascinates me how a team of experts can help a complete stranger transform a room from a dumping ground to a beautiful, functional space all within a 30 minute time slot.

I know it's still frigid across most of the country, but around these parts, we're finally experiencing some spring-like temperatures. And what better time to spring clean than SPRING!

It's been a full year since I've done a clean sweep through my house and I'm ready to do it again. I'm ready to get rid of clutter. Is anyone with me? (...I'm hearing crickets...)

The organization shows that I've seen all have a series of easy steps that they use to declutter a space and purge bags and boxes full of STUFF. I'm not claiming to have created this process, but I think it's important to know how to get started decluttering your home without feeling overwhelmed.

Step 1: Set a Date
Before you even get started, clear your calendar for a couple of hours (realize that it could take all afternoon, depending on how bad it is!) and solicit help from your family. Your spouse can either roll up his sleeves to dig in with you or keep the younger kids occupied so you can focus without distraction. If you have older kids, put them to work. The more people who participate, the more committed everyone will be to keeping the space neat and clean.

If no one else is on board with you, it is absolutely possible to do this alone. When I did my spring cleaning last May, I worked as quickly as possible during the kids' naptime and completed one room per day over a 10 day period, working through my whole house. Now turn on some music and get to work!

Step 2: Empty the Space
Although it might seem counterproductive, emptying the space you're going to declutter helps give you a clean slate. Empty the contents of the cabinet, closet or room and start from scratch. If the space you're decluttering is packed and you're worried that you might get overwhelmed and quit halfway through, start with one specific section and work your way around the room. For example, if you're working with your bedroom closet, focus on the top shelves or one hanging section. If it's your garage, section off an area to begin. Regardless of where you're decluttering, don't let the task overwhelm you.

Step 3: Clean the Empty Area
Sweep, remove dust bunnies and wipe everything down. Whether it's your fridge or your child's toy closet, truly clean the space. Don't obsess about making it perfect; move quickly and do a "good enough" job or you might get stuck here and lose steam.

Step 4: Sort
There are three core categories when it comes to sorting: keep, donate and trash. If I could add some subcategories, my complete list would be: keep in this space, move to a different place, sell, donate, recycle, trash. I added "move to a different place in the house" because you want to create a pile of things to put away later; don't get side tracked moving things to other rooms during your purge. If you stay in one place and keep focused, the task will get done quicker. I added "sell" because you might have enough items to have a garage sale to make some extra money. Then you can put that cash toward something to help the space be more functional, like shelves or bins to containerize like items. I added "recycle" because, well, it's the responsible thing to do.

Grab some boxes and large garbage bags and label them. Then get started! If it takes you more than a split second to make a decision about whether to keep or sell something, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I use it? If you haven't used it, worn it, or appreciated it in six months to a year, get rid of it. Don't save things "just in case." By the time you fit back into that cute outfit, the styles will have changed...trust me!

2. Do I love it? If something has sentimental value, give it a place of honor in your home. Display it on a shelf or frame it for your wall. Everyone should have a box of childhood memorabilia in their garage, but you don't need to keep every little thing. Keep it contained to one box and if it gets too full, sort through and decide what needs to go to fit something new into it.

Step 5: Put it Back
If you're trying to be more organized with this space, think of logical categories when you replace your items. Gather like items in piles and, if necessary, find a container, basket or bin to keep them together. Predetermine what will go where in your mind's eye and don't be afraid to rearrange things a couple of times before you settle on what works best. For a kitchen pantry, you might sort breakfast items on one shelf, cans on another, baking items on another. In a bedroom closet, you could have clothes grouped by either season or size. (for those of us whose weight fluctuates) In a utility closet, spare batteries together, extra ligthbulbs together, etc.

Step 6: Maintain
Be realistic in creating a system to keep this space decluttered. Add a recycle bin in the office, dirty clothes hampers in the kids' rooms, a covered basket in the family room to collect stray toys, a garbage bag for donations at the bottom of your closet...think of ways to catch clutter before it accumulates.

Okay, that's it! I'm motivated. Are you? One room each day is a little agressive for me now that I've added a baby to the mix, so I'm thinking I can handle at least one room per week. And a "room" could even be a closet. Specifically my bedroom closet, which is such a sore subject for me that it's #77 on my list of 101 Goals in 1001 Days. Can't wait to tackle that bad boy!

One thing I like to do is to take before and after pictures. Not only to show on my blog (though that was my original reason for pulling out my camera) but also to see my progress. To see how bad the "before" really was and to remind me of what the "after" should look like if I choose to maintain organization in that space.

My last tip is this: for those who are not naturally organized, don't beat yourself up if once you get organized you don't stay organized for long. Being organized isn't something that you master; it's an ongoing process. Just like cleaning your house. You don't just clean the toilet once and it's good forever. You need to continue cleaning it regularly. HOW regularly is up to you and how clean you like your bathroom looking (and smelling). It's the same with organization. Once you get organized, you need a plan to STAY organized so it doesn't get out of control again. Figure out a maintainance schedule that works for you, just like cleaning your house. Some people clean weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly. Decide to do a quick scan of your organized space every day, week or month to see what can be purged and decluttered. Then your annual spring cleaning tasks won't take long at all!

So what's the place you're inspired to declutter???

Meal Plan - 2/22/10

(It won't be the healthiest week around here, but I'm depriving myself of sugar...I need to splurge somewhere!)

Monday - Pigs in a Blanket, steamed broccoli, salad
Tuesday - Garlic Chicken Farfalle
Wednesday - Lasagna Roll Ups
Thursday - Taco Crescent Bake
Friday - Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup
Saturday - Chili and cornbread
Sunday - Garden Veggie Quiche

Must Have Parenting Tips

It's Friday re-run time again! This list was originally posted on July 7, 2008. WOW my kids have grown in the last year and a half!

Some of these ideas are sprinkled around in other posts, but for simplicity, I wanted everything listed in one place. I decided to combine all of the parenting tips that I've learned from books or borrowed from other mommies that work really well in our house. All for your reading pleasure. Wasn't that nice of me???

* Choices - Usually 2, never more than 3. I'm a big proponent of giving my kids choices. At breakfast, it's "What kind of cereal do you want today?" instead of "What do you want for breakfast?" (which has resulted in an answer of, "Um, brownies!") For snacks, I'll manipulate them into eating fruit by asking, "Would you like grapes or cantaloupe?" At dinner, I'll ask if they want the green plate or the blue plate? The meal stays the same (because I refuse to be a short-order cook) but it gives them a small feeling of control. Before bedtime, Ryan can choose to get his PJs on first or brush his teeth first. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I've come a long way from barking orders and refusing to switch out bowls at breakfast, all because I didn't give the kids any options.

* Pick your battles - I've learned not to die on every hill with my strong willed kids. I might try to convince Ryan to wear a different shirt with his shorts, but I consider that teaching the definition of what matches. That's a lifelong skill! But if he insists on wearing an orange shirt and spiderman pants, so be it. Except on picture day...if we're going somewhere that I know we'll be taking pictures for me to scrapbook, those are the times that I insist on approving his outfit before we leave the house. And since I don't care 360 days out of the year, that works out pretty well. I've sort of adopted Dr. Phil's philosophy of "choose your battles wisely, but if you pick a battle, don't lose." That makes me even more selective in the "battles" I pick!

* Tell, don't ask - I've tried to do this from the beginning. I say, "It's time to go to bed," instead of "Are you ready to go to bed?" Because really...what kid will ever admit to being ready to go to bed???

* "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." I say this at least once a day. It eliminates the "she got more yogurt than I did" and I noticed at school that it nipped the "I wanted the cupcake with the pink frosting!" issue in the bud when celebrating birthdays. This phrase has saved my sanity more than once. And both kids finish the statement when I start saying, "You get what you get..."

* Let it out, but not here - When a tantrum starts or there is excessive crying for anything not related to pain, we send the kids to their play room. I want them to have feelings and let out their negative emotions, but I don't want to have to hear the meltdown, nor do I want to give the issue "an audience." And they're not being punished for being upset, hence surrounding them with toys if they need some time alone to change their attitude. They always emerge from the room with blotchy faces saying, "All done," we hug it out and all's well with the world again.

* "Yes Mommy" - Since I started encouraging the kids to respond to requests with "Yes Mommy," they suddenly seem to respond faster. There's something psychological about that phrase that commits them to doing whatever I've asked them to do. When I ask Kaylin to return a stolen toy to Ryan, she has a tendency to stare at me and smile, but when I leadingly say, "Yes Mommy..." and she repeats it, she hands the toy right over to him.

* "Coming..." - When I call someone's name and they're somewhere else in the house or have wandered down the aisle at the grocery store, I've gotten them in the habit of saying, "Coming, Mom." Same concept as "Yes Mommy" - it commits them to come when they're called.

* Explain the rules beforehand - This might seem excessive, but I explain the rules en route to almost everywhere we go. Especially play dates and public places. I've come to learn that nothing can be assumed with my kids. And what's bizarre is if I tell Kaylin not to take out her rubber bands and hairbow at the gym (they've warned me that smaller kids can find them on the ground and choke on them) she won't do it. 100% of the time, I pick her up and her hair is in tact. But the one time I don't remind her, she pulls out the ensemble and I get scolded. At the summer kiddie movies, every week, we go through the routine of "no talking, just whisper if you have something to say...stay in your seat...once the popcorn is gone, it's gone, I'm not buying any more...we will go potty before the show starts, otherwise, try to hold it..." This really works out well and everyone knows what's expected of them beforehand.

* Taking turns - I read somewhere that until 3 or 4 years old, kids don't get the concept of sharing. So I've tried to use the term, "Remember to take turns" instead of "You need to share." Pre-schoolers seem to understand that better. Then a few weeks ago, my friend Lee taught me the greatest phrase EVER, which I've had my kids repeat again and again. This has saved us from countless battles and kept things from escalating into a war zone. "When you're done, may I have a turn?" Even if child #2 answers "no" to be snotty, I always remind child #1 that the answer has to be "yes" because child #2 isn't going to play with the object for the rest of time. Period.

* Taking turns in the car - Somehow, we got in the habit of bringing small toys and books in the car. We never drive anywhere that far, but my kids love grabbing a toy for the ride and hoarding it. So I've come up with the idea to give the first child the toy on the way there (where ever "there" is) and the other child can have it on the way home. It works wonders for backseat squabbles which are very common in my car!

* Rotate toys - To keep our kids from getting sick of playing with the same toys, I pack up and rotate in (and out) toys every few months. It works really well and when everyone's particularly bored, I'll pull out the bin of old toys and suddenly it's like Christmas morning again!

* Interrupting - If I'm talking to another adult and Ryan wants to say something, instead of saying, "Mommy?" over and over, we have him put his hand on our arm to let us know that he wants to talk. We even take it a step further by putting our hand on his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze to acknowledge that we know he wants to talk. I have him do this when I'm on the phone, too. We've gotten out of the practice (and unfortunately, self-control is not one of Ryan's strong suits) but we're working on it.

* Blood and Safety - There is to be no tattling in our house unless it's a safety issue or unless there's blood. This has caused the kids to have to work things out between them and the loud bickering has decreased dramatically because they know no one is going to come "save" them.

* Helping hands - It's so much easier for me to make dinner by myself, but I usually try to build in extra time for one or both kids to help me in some way. They are so proud to taste what they "made" and to tell Mike about their creation. And I talk about this all the time, but this has to make the list, for sure: I'm a huge believer in the Accountable Kids program. (I really need to start getting some marketing kickbacks from those folks!) It teaches kids to be proactive in doing things around the house instead of being nagged constantly by us as parents. LOVE that system!

Ready for my close up...

Yesterday was the biggest day we've had around here in a long time. In between volunteering in Ryan's class and taking the kids out for their individual annual date nights, we were filmed by our local Fox News station for an upcoming segment on bullying.

Those of you who have been reading for a while may remember last September when Ryan was getting picked on by another kid at school. We enrolled him in a Bully Prevention Class at a Tae Kwon Do studio that was really helpful in helping us guide Ryan in his responses to this little boy. (and others who may try picking on him in the future) Last week, the owner of the Tae Kwon Do school called to ask if we'd be willing to speak to Fox regarding Ryan's experience.

A reporter came with a cameraman and spoke with us casually about the situation. Fortunately and unfortunately, Ryan's memory of the whole thing is pretty foggy, so he wasn't able to answer many questions, but as a mom, I'm glad he's replaced the bad memories with better ones! All he remembers at this point is that the little boy laughed at him once. In fact, when I was recounting the story to the reporter, Ryan interrupted saying, "That's not what happened!" a couple of times, so I'm curious to see (if) how they edit that out!

They wanted some extra footage of us doing something as a family, so since Mike's mom was in the playroom (PS - the only room downstairs that I hadn't picked up!) doing Play Doh with Kaylin, we just relocated in there to hang out for a few minutes. That was the point where I mustered up the guts to explain to the crew that I do this "picture of the day" project, I know it seems silly, but I'm going to have my MIL take a few pictures, blah blah blah. The reporter ended up having a similar camera to ours, so he offered to take some shots for us and they turned out really well!

What's funny is that the cameraman seemed surprised when I mentioned that this POD would be the most exciting of the year. He's obviously desensitized to the fact that this will likely be the only time in my life our family will be on t.v. So yeah - this is a pretty big deal!

They even offered to take a few pictures by their truck with the Fox logo and all. The cameraman gave Ryan a microphone and pretended to film him interviewing Jason - it was too cute.


If you're in Phoenix, we found out that we're going to be aired on Thursday, February 25th on the 9pm news. Set your DVR to watch me make a fool out of myself - laughing at others is fun for the whole family! ;)

Date Nights All Around!

Last night was the annual Daddy Daughter Dinner Dance at our church - the most important night of the year for Kaylin, second only to her birthday. Mike took her last year and she's asked when they're going again at least once a month since then.

After a whirlwind hour interviewing with our local Fox News station, I helped Kaylin get all dolled up and Daddy whisked her away to the ball.

While they had their date, I took my boys out. Apparently, what I decided to do with Ryan last year is our new annual tradition: Chick Fil A, pottery painting and ice cream.

Before we left, Ryan ran upstairs to change his shirt so he could look handsome for me. (I love this kid!) After dinner, I gave him money to get ice cream at Chick Fil A. He went up and paid all by himself like such a little man.

Within 5 minutes, the whole cone fell down is shirt and pants and onto the floor. Such is a date with a five year old! The cashier replaced it for free, which was really nice of her.

He painted a skateboard while I tried to lull Jason to sleep (way past his bedtime!) and then we headed home. As we walked across the parking lot, Ryan informed me that as soon as we got into the van, the date was over. So I gave him a huge hug and a kiss and thanked him for a wonderful evening. He had a grin from ear to ear.

Lent

I'm not Catholic, but I think I've participated in fasting "something" during Lent every year since college. It's always something that's a sacrifice to give up and is sometimes even a habit that I want to break.

I fasted from swearing one year in college. Seriously - it's what finally broke me of my sailor's mouth and I know it honored God in the meantime.

I've fasted from chocolate many times, soda (when I used to drink it), fast food (when I used to eat it), and a miriad of other things. This year, I decided to give up sugar. I am a complete sugar addict and have little faith that I have the willpower to do this right now, but I'm going to try. Last year, I copped out and said I was giving up chocolate, but was hoping I could give up all forms of sugar. On Ash Wednesday, my pregnancy test showed me a little plus sign and I officially decided to only give up chocolate.

This year, I'm going for it. I've caught bad angles of a few pictures of myself and have decided that I need to kick it into gear with losing the baby weight. That girl who used to be one of Hugh Heffner's girlfriends is on the cover of some tabloid this week in a bikini, holding her 2 month old next to the headline, "How I lost 25 pounds in 8 weeks." I know I shouldn't compare myself to a Photoshopped picture of a Playboy Bunny (especially when I heard that she gained 55 lbs...someone's not being honest here), so don't start lecturing me in the comments, I'm just saying. Buying ingredients for my family fondue party (as that magazine cover stared at me) made me feel like a should-be contestent on The Biggest Loser.

Not to mention that it was 75 degrees this weekend (sorry, east coast readers!) and WAY too warm to cover up my jiggly bits with jeans and sweaters. So I'm doing it. As much as it pains me, on Wednesday, I'm going cold turkey.

I'm a little nervous. Not for me, but those around me. When your body is addicted, giving up sugar is the same as giving up caffeine or nicotine or alcohol. There are major withdrawls and I get really, really cranky.

Friends and family: beware. You might want to mysteriously disappear from my life for a week or so!

I'm curious: Do you participate in Lent? If so, what's the hardest thing you've ever fasted from???

Valentine's Fondue Party

Tonight, we started a new Valentine's tradition. FONDUE! Because our anniversary is on the 12th, we have never bothered going out on Valentine's Day evening. Instead, we make a nice dinner at home and avoid the crowds, especially now that we have kids. I had some leftover angel food cake that I contributed to Kaylin's fondue party at pre-school last week, so I decided it would be fun to use it up after dinner and turn the fondue party idea into an annual tradition.

We dipped angel food cake, bananas, kiwi, (bruised) mango, pretzels, graham crackers and marshmallows. I decided against the strawberries, since they were $4.99 for a pint at my nearest store. (can you say, "rip off?") We all had fun gorging and it was...delicious.

Pockets of Time

I feel like all I do lately is complain that I'm behind the 8 ball. Last week, we were out of milk for 2 days before I could make time to go grocery shopping. I finally squeezed in 30 minutes to race to the store before volunteering at Kaylin's school at 8:30 one morning - and that was only because I had to pick up my contribution for the Valentine's Day party. How ridiculous is that?

The problem seems to be that I'm out of the habit of doing certain things in pockets of time. There are certain tasks that should be done while Jason naps while others, like errands, need to be done immediately after he eats, yet they must be completed before he naps again. I've finally figured out that he's outgrown sleeping in his infant carrier, which is a shame. He also seems to have too much trouble staying asleep in loud environments like the nursery at Kaylin's school, the gym daycare and at church. I remember the other kids going through this, too, but it's just really inconvenient. Now that I've accepted these two facts, I guess I can begin to plan my days accordingly.

Being that this is my third Baby Wise baby, I should have this figured out by now, right? I know when Jason is awake and I know how long he sleeps. I can predict how long I'll have to do things or go places based on his schedule and things will go smoothly if I can just get back into the habit of being near a crib during naptimes. If we're at a friend's house for a playdate and I can set up a Pack 'n' Play, no problem, but other than that, I need to plan on being home.

It looks like I'm going to be home a lot until he moves to a four hour schedule. (*sigh*) That's fine, I guess. All the more time to get my act together in keeping up with the house. I just need to remember to be aware of the windows of opportunity to do longer tasks versus shorter tasks. I think I'm out of the habit of taking advantage of a free 10 minutes. Instead of checking my email, I could use that time to unload the dishwasher or do a clean sweep of toys on the floor or clutter on the countertops. Instead of starting a project that I know I won't be able to finish, I could start one that can be done in pieces, like laundry (bring down clothes, start a load, fold, bring upstairs, put away). I've stopped thinking of tasks in chunks of time and I need to mentally get back to that place. With daily chores, my grand to do list, even exercise can be done in short blocks of time.

I feel better already. Sometimes I just need to talk through the process. Time to feed the baby! (and so the cycle continues...)

3652 Days

I have been married for 3652 days. 10 years today - I can hardly believe our wedding was so long ago! I remember it so vividly. I didn't want to get married on Valentine's weekend, but I also didn't want to wait until May, so our church's limited availability set the date. That's what happens when you give yourself three months to plan a wedding with 250 people.

Tonight we went to dinner and a movie while my mom watched the kids. Nothing huge, since we just went on our big cruise to celebrate, but it was a nice little evening out. (And I got to have a fancy schmancy Cosmopolitan - yum!)

I've found myself reflecting back this week. Now I'm no expert or anything, but I think I've learned a thing or two in the last 10 years. I'd guess that 99% of my readers are already married, but I'm still going to throw some of this out there, just in case I can save someone the pain of learning from their own mistakes.

Things I've learned over the last 10 years:
- The first year of marriage isn't always the "honeymoon period" - it's often the hardest year of your relationship. (My mom gifted us with 6 free counseling sessions for our first anniversary. No joke!)
- Pick your battles. There's no reason to constantly put in your two cents...it's just not worth it.
- Only take advice from couples who have relationships that you respect and admire.
- Having babies is a lot of work and will put unnecessary tension on an already strained marriage. Work through some of the kinks before deciding to bring children into your home.
- Divide the household tasks. If everyone knows what's expected of them, there's less chance for miscommunication and feelings of resentment. (I cook, you clean and vice versa...I'll do car maintenance, you do the bills...I'll tend the garden, you do the lawn...etc.)
- Never stop dating...each other, obviously. Laugh. Be spontaneous. Take vacations. Make memories.
- Create family traditions. Not only for Christmas, but other occasions, too. Eat chocolate fondue every Valentine's Day, make shamrock-shaped pancakes each St. Patrick's Day, bring each other breakfast in bed on your birthdays.

Wedding advice I wish I would have received 10 years ago:
- Don't register for fine china and crystal stemware. (it wasn't my thing then and it still isn't...it looks lovely lined up in my downstairs closet, though) Find dishes that are pretty, but practical. $25 wine crystal glasses are not practical.
- Spend money on a good photographer, but remind your guests to email pictures from their cameras. The candid shots are just as memorable.
- Where tennis shoes under your wedding dress. No one will see and you'll be much more comfortable.
- Eat a whole piece of your cake, not just the first bite used for pictures. Because someone might forget to grab the leftovers and they might get eaten by the kitchen staff. Even the top that you're supposed to save for your first anniversary.

- Pick a few things that are non-negotiables and let the rest go. Enjoy a day in your honor...it will be the last time you have this big of a party with all of your loved ones. (until your funeral, that is)
- Wait a few days to go on your honeymoon. Enjoy the company who flew in for your wedding for a day or two, get unpacked into your new house and THEN go on vacation. It will be much more relaxing.

...I wonder what gems of wisdom I'll learn in the next 10 years?

Foot in Mouth Disease

Ready for a confession? I have a tendency to say inappropriate things sometimes. Some might say I'm too blunt. Occasionally, I'll say what's on my mind and realize after the fact that it needed to be softened up a bit. If I try to provide comic relief in an awkward moment and don't think before I speak, it can come out all wrong and I end up back pedaling to save face. I've never been one to sugar coat things well. My best friends know this about me and take certain things I say with a grain of salt, knowing not to take anything personally. And they know that it kills me to I find out when I've hurt someone.

Many of you have emailed and commented over the years that you appreciate that I'm so real in my blog posts. But it seems this level of honesty doesn't always work to my advantage.

I got myself into some hot water yesterday and it was completely unintentional. In fact, I specifically chose to only say a quick few sentences to avoid potential conflict. Let me set up the situation for you: A friend gracefully backed out of a commitment that's been planned for a while. I've only been involved with these plans for a few days, but she and a few other friends had been working out details for this event for weeks now. She sent an upbeat email stating why she wasn't going to attend and asked us all to accept her decision and not try to change her mind. Although I was disappointed and knew the other girls would be too, my reply was void of any pressure or guilt about her decision. I said something at the beginning of the email to lighten the situation up a bit, told her she'd be missed and that the event wouldn't be the same without her and sent it off. Unfortunately, it was not received well and it took the whole morning to clean up the mess I had NO idea I'd created.

I'm still so caught off guard by this situation that I'm having trouble shaking it. I'm quite certain everyone else has moved on, but it's still lingering in my mind. Because of the drama, the whole event has now been canceled and now no one is going. That's a shame in and of itself, but it's left me feeling very unsettled. Like somehow I'm the bad guy in all of this for opening my big mouth. And what began as me trying to "go with the flow" and accepting this friend's decision (although I was initially surprised because she planned the event, I know that she's got a lot going on right now and understood that she needed to draw some boundaries in her schedule), it now appears that I'm selfish, only care about myself, have no compassion, don't take anything seriously and that I didn't care whether she attended or not.

I probably sound vague and don't mean to...sorry. I just need to get this out. On the phone with another friend earlier, I actually burst into tears over the situation. Not that I don't get to go to the event, but that somehow I feel like I'm to blame for it being canceled. Because this friend's reaction caught me so off guard, my confidence is now shaken. I'm suddenly hesitant to respond to any related emails. Yet I clearly have to say SOMEthing or my silence might be misinterpreted. I question everything before it comes out of my mouth. Could this be taken wrong? Would this potentially hurt someones feels or offend them in some way? Could this be taken out of context? It's a horrible feeling of insecurity. I realize I'm not the most sensitive person in the world, but it's exhausting walking on egg shells like this!

After an emotionally exhausting day, I read this post from my friend April. When talking to April last week, I totally DID stick my foot in my mouth. But because she is confident enough in herself and knows that I meant no harm from the statement, she didn't get offended or feel personally attacked. (I don't think...) And what I said to her was SO much worse than what I said to this other friend! She even called me out on it in her post. Which I'm fine with. In fact, reading the way she took it made me feel better about the above situation. About myself personally. That I'm not a monster who's out to hurt everyone within earshot, but an impulsive blonde who has a tendency to use the wrong verbiage every now and then. I mean seriously, we all know that I'm a little WORDY...it seems that when I try to be concise, there's too much empty space to read between the lines.

I hate this feeling...I just feel so insecure right now. It's awful! I can't wait until I can get past this horrible pit in my stomach and move on with my life. I'll probably be pretty gun shy when speaking (and especially when sending emails!) for a while, but that might not be a bad thing. Maybe God's trying to teach me not to be so quick with my tongue. Ugh - lesson learned, God. I get it! No need to bring me through this fire again!!!

Ryanisms and Kaylinisms

Their made up words...
Breakfast = Breh-fixed
Lonely = Alone-ly
Disobey = Dissin' Obey (combining "disobey" with not "listen"ing and obeying)
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Ryan: (singing) "Ryan and Kaylin, sittin' in a tree. K-S-S-S-Y-N-G..."
Me: "Where did you learn that song?"
Ryan: "Daniel at school. When two people love each other, you sing that song. And I love Kaylin, so I guess we're sittin' in a tree, kissing."
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Kaylin: (at lunch) "Jesus in my heart is telling me that he's full. Can I be excused?"
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Ryan: (in the middle of a series of jokes he was making up) "Why do birds have wings?"
Me: "Why?"
Ryan: (looking at me like it's ridiculous that I don't know the answer) "So they don't fall on the ground and die!"
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Kaylin: "Mommy, does Jesus have a heart?"
Me: "He sure does."
Kaylin: "Is Jesus in his own heart???"
Me: (blank stare...that's too deep for me)
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Ryan: "Mom, Kaylin's Mowgli and I'm Baloo. (from The Jungle Book movie) Can I be naked like a bear?"
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Kaylin: (overheard singing to Jason...some of these lines are from songs, some are made up...I was in the next room, writing down what she sang)
"If it's time, I'll know what to do (???)
oh no, you never let go (a Christian song we hear a lot)
and all the children of the world (from "Jesus Loves the Little Children")
and down will come baby (from "Rockabye Baby")
it is true...nothing is afraid about (???)
the lady and the man (I think she meant "the lady and the tramp")
rockin' ("walking") in a winter wonderland."
(then she told Jason suddenly) "I'll be right back."
(when she ran out of the room, she said to me) "I'm looking for something - I need a headband."
Me: "No putting headbands on your baby brother."
Kaylin: "Oh, man!"
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(after I corrected Ryan for something)
Kaylin: "Mom, you forgot to say, 'Lose the bad attitude.'"

Valentine Challenge

In the spirit of LOVE and Valentine's Day, I want to challenge you. Sit down and make a list of all of the things that you admire about your husband. Your can list a few that are Dad-related, but really appeal to his self-image and need to be respected as a man. Make a top ten list...or top 20 if you're feeling sassy! Put it in a card or love note. Just please don't email it to him!!!

Still no P.C.

I'm dyin' here! I am so thankful to have access to my email through Mike's laptop, but seriously, I'm going nuts without my old computer. My calendar is a mystery, I have no idea what my passwords are for anything (I keep a list in Outlook), I can't upload or play with my pictures, I have to rush out and buy Valentine's since I don't have access to the ones I handmade for the kids, I can't print coupons (or anything else for that matter)...this seriously stinks!
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The good news is that a new computer is on its way as we speak and there's a pretty good chance all of the data on our old computer is salvageable. The other good news is that when we found out our computer genius friend was too busy to help us in a timely manner, God plopped another I.T. guy in our laps that is willing to help us for free. That's what I get for venting at Bible study, I guess! I had no idea this particular guy played with computers for a living.
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It is extremely unsettling not knowing what is on my schedule each day. I don't think I've missed any major appointments yet, thanks to random emails and reminders I keep getting, but I feel lost without it.
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It's also driving me nuts that all of my posts are picture-less. I may try and upload my Canon software onto our laptop. If I can just figure out how to get the CD tray unstuck...

Tales from a Yard Sale

Do you say, "yard sale" or "garage sale?" In Kansas, it was a garage sale. Here in Phoenix, it's a yard sale. Yet nothing's on the yard. Most people here don't even HAVE a yard. (because, to me, a bunch of rocks and a cactus desert landscaping is NOT a yard) Regardless, today I had my "Everything's $1" sale. I highly recommend it. Tons of stuff gone, a pocket full of cash, others blessed by ridiculously cheap prices. Everyone wins!
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This all started because of my rebellious computer. I have spent the last month tripping over our old vacuum (we got an awesome new one for Christmas from Mike's parents) and I had finally had it on Sunday, wanting to sell it on Craigslist. But I couldn't take a picture because my computer is on life support. Then my overflowing closet was getting on my nerves. And the bags of kids clothes yet to be listed on Craigslist were crowding my personal space. I was ready to donate it all, until I remembered that I need to earn money for an upcoming girls weekend and that is where the "{mostly} Everything's $1" sale was born.
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I posted an ad on Craigslist on Monday and allowed people to come look through my loot before the sale. I made $70 by doing that and all I had to do was open my garage and sit there for 10 minutes while they looked around! A handful of people took the earlybird advantage and it forced me to get my tables set up and relatively organized pretty early. One gal even offered to buy all of the clothes at a discount, but because I knew the clothes would be a huge draw for people, I told her we'd make a deal with whatever was leftover.
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For the first two hours Friday, the sale was hoppin'. Tons of people, hardly anyone walked away empty handed, it was great. Until a lady tried sneaking away wearing my bracelet. I saw it on her wrist, so when she walked up to me with 6 items, I asked, "Did you want the bracelet, too?" She acted non-challant (probably surprised that I knew it was under her shirt sleeve) and asked how much it was. "A dollar." (I answered this question 1,000 times that day) She took it off and left it behind. Whatever lady, don't try to swipe my stuff.
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Then someone who was interested in my Medela breast pump (I ended up buying a bigger and better one from a girlfriend) returned to purchase it and none of us could find it. SOMEONE TOTALLY STOLE IT! I was so shocked. Some people have such nerve! So my first piece of free advice to you today is this: keep the high priced items close by. I had under 10 items for more than $1 and it didn't occur to me to keep them near me. How naive am I?
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Then there was the family who rifled through box after box of kids clothes, came up to me with an overflowing box of items and offered me $10. Uh, no. They tried again: "50 cents each?" Normally, I might have agreed, but since I know that gal is interested in buying the leftovers, I said no. Also, there were some big dollar brands in that box and I was not in the mood to negotiate. $1 each was already an awesome price! (can you tell I'm a little defensive?) Appauled, they picked through the box, pulled 8 items, gave me $8 and left the rest. There were probably 40-50 items in that box and she wanted to give me $10? Um, no.
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But what really kills me is what I realized late yesterday. I had thrown a bunch of "free" items in my beautiful wicker laundry basket. I remember people grabbing items from it throughout the day, but somewhere along the way, someone took the whole basket. MY BASKET! I don't remember them walking away with it, and can KIND of see how a big "free" sign on a basket full of stuff may have been misinterpretted as the basket itself being free, but still. I am so sad that they took my basket. The pump doesn't need to be replaced. I was annoyed, but I'm over it. But my laundry basket? I use that thing every day! And now I need to take my precious sale profits to go buy a new one. So. Bummed.
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That's my second piece of free advice for the day: if you're going to have a "free" basket, use a cardboard box.
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I'm glad I had the sale. I think I made around $200 when all was said and done (including the buyers through the week) and I got rid of a ton of needless stuff, including the vacuum that started it all. "Everything's $1" yard sales are the way to go. Get rid of it all, I say!

The Importance of Delayed Gratification

It's Friday Rerun time again! This post was originally published on October 18, 2008.

At church, we're going through a series about finances and today was about the bondage of debt. The point that caught my attention was regarding the idea of delayed gratification. Some university (Stanford, maybe?) did a study on the 4 year olds in their staff day care. They put out a bunch of candy and sweets and observed what was each child's favorite.

All of the goodies were then removed, except two of each child's favorite treat. Our pastor used the example of marshmallows. The kids were told that the adults were going to leave the room for a little while and that when they returned, if the child hadn't eaten their marshmallow, they wouldn't get one, but two. If, at any point, the child couldn't handle it and HAD to eat the marshmallow, they could eat one right then, but only one. SO two if they waited, one if they didn't. The adults left for 15-20 minutes, leaving the marshmallows in front of each child. Some ate one, others were patient and were rewarded with two.

These kids were followed for the next 15 years to see if the ones who made the decision to delay gratification would do so consistently through their teen years and if the ones who ate their favorite treat immediately when they were 4 years old would continue to make impulsive decisions and be unable or unwilling to delay gratification.

Sure enough, all of the kids made decisions over the next 15 years that were consistent with their result at age 4.

My pastor's point was this: If parents give in at the grocery store checkout line, have a hard time saying "no" and don't choose to teach the importance of delayed gratification, their children may never learn this skill. It's our job to teach this habit NOW, especially if we expect them to make certain decisions later.

The kids who refused to delay their gratification at a young age became teens who had sex before marriage. They were early drinkers and got into drugs. They were the young married couples who felt entitled to have the big house and all the "stuff" that their parents had after 25 years of marriage. THEY are the people who are in debt up to their eyeballs because they need to have things before they have the money to pay for them.

It's so logical! I found all of that very, very interesting.

And you know I wanted to try this little experiment with my own kids at home!!! But my curiosity will have to wait to be satisfied until tomorrow because we came home too close to bedtime.

I have a feeling I know how it will go, though. We have no problem using the word, "no" in our house! Plus, I've seen evidence of their impulse control over the last couple days. Yesterday I had a bunch of snacks on the counter for a meeting I had at my house. Ryan asked for a section of a cinnamon roll and I told him he could have only one: either right now or after his friends arrived. He chose to have it when his friends were there. Of course, as soon as we welcomed the first guest 20 minutes later, he said, "May I have my cinnamon roll now, please??"

Kaylin chose to have hers "now" before the other kids arrived, but in most cases, when she's given a treat, she always holds onto it. For a long time - like she's saving it or something. To the point that I can attest that the "M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hand" theory is no longer valid. When I gave her M&Ms while potty training, she'd hold those things forever, staining her hand and outfit blue, green, yellow, red or brown.

On a similar note, at a birthday party this afternoon, I was talking to another mom about a great concept I read in a book a few months back. The author was discussing the motivation that drives kids to do what they do, both good and bad. For example, why certain kids choose to study hard and get good grades: some do it for their parent's acceptance or praise, others do it because they're personally driven to succeed, some enjoy being competitive, there are all sorts of reasons.

It was the whole idea of praise vs. encouragement. Praising your kids is tying their behavior to your acceptance. Encouraging them increases their self worth and focuses on the act, not the child. He suggested that in addition to saying, "Great job sharing with your sister, Ryan! I'm so proud of you!" Add on something like, "Doesn't it make you feel good inside to give to others?" Or when he finally finishes a tough puzzle, say, "Good job, Ryan! All of that hard work paid off. Don't you feel proud of yourself for sticking with it?" That internal good feeling the child feels will be the motivation to do something in the future, not the desire to please their parents. Who would imagine that this one extra sentence, connecting their feelings of pride and accomplishment, could develop into a habit of self-motivation?

All of this is a good reminder that the little battles we're not choosing today will affect our child's temperment tomorrow and potentially for the rest of their lives. Lovely - like I wasn't feeling enough pressure as a parent already...!

Buttermilk Pancakes

This has been my go-to recipe for pancakes for the last couple of years. I'm not sure why I've never posted it! I can't even remember where I found it, but it's delicious and makes perfect pancakes every time. I'll post a picture when my main computer is fixed.

2 eggs
2.5 cups buttermilk*
4 T. canola oil
2.5 cups flour
2 T. sugar
3 t. baking powder
1 t. baking soda
1 t. salt

Mix the dry ingredients, then slowly add in the wet ingredients. Don't overbeat or the pancakes will turn out tough - some lumps are fine. Cook on a hot griddle until bubbles form on top, then flip.

*I never have buttermilk, so I use this trick: add 1 T. lemon juice per 1 cup milk and let it sit for 5-10 minutes. The chemical reaction creates the same effect as using buttermilk. Regular milk works fine, too, but the pancakes aren't as fluffy.

My week

My computer is in a coma. My first clue that something was wrong was when the screen went blank at the same time I smelled something burning. And I wasn't cooking at the time. This was me: "Um, Honey? When the computer is burning...do you think there could be a problem?"

I've been promised that our data is unharmed (specifically my pictures, which haven't been backed up since August...Jason's whole life would have been erased) but we're waiting on a new motherboard. The motherboard has a hole in it. A hole. Doesn't that sound scary? We'll be paying $100 for a little piece of plastic that's less than 2 inches square.

So here I am on Mike's laptop, no access to my photos, contacts or calender. Thank goodness Ryan's school called with an automated message telling me that there was no school today...without my calendar, I'm lost! And I really, really miss using a NORMAL mouse.

With all this free time on my hands (without my go-to activity of wasting time on the computer) I have begun to declutter my house. In the process of purging, I've decided to have an "Everything's $1" yard sale on Friday. Whatever doesn't sell will be donated, but I selfishly thought I might be able to make a few extra bucks to put toward a future girl's weekend before making multiple trips to Good Will. (Yes, I realize I could call someone for a pick up, but I really want everything out of here. Hence, my impulsive Friday yard sale.)

I am truly amazed at how much junk I have gathered up from the nooks and crannies of my home. Things I don't use or love. Things taking up precious space. Hanging around for a "what if" moment in time that never seems to come. Things that someone else might be able to use or love. Or resell for a higher price. I really don't care...I just want this stuff gone!

After complaining earlier this week of getting easily distracted, I'm doing much better. But, being the fool that I am, instead of staying status-quo, I added another project onto my plate. "Whew! I'm so relieved that I'm not feeling overwhelmed anymore. I know! I'll tear apart the house, make giant piles all over the place that will get in everyone's way and organize a yard sale that will occur in five days." Do you ever feel like a complete idiot? Maybe I'll change my tune on Friday afternoon when I have a pocket full of cash and empty rooms.

On another note, my sweet blog friend, Emily, linked up to a great tutorial on how to make a free blog header without using Photoshop. Check it out here. Super easy, whether you have a blog or not! You can even make a collage, save it as a .jpg, print it and frame it.

Also, I'm thrilled that so many of you enjoyed my first Friday Rerun the other day. This week's will be a rerun on parenting. Talk about lazy blogging!

I think that's it from me. Nothing else to say for now. This post was pretty random...I must have needed a brain dump!

Easily Distracted. And Overwhelmed. What ADD?

I can't seem to get it together these days. "It" being my ACT, of course. I just feel like I'm not on top of my game anymore. I need a serious routine adjustment because what used to work for me, no longer works.
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I'm so easily distracted. I do something simple before laying down for a nap, like hop on the computer to look up our dinner recipe to see what I need to pull out of the freezer. Then it starts: OOH! New emails. (respond to this one, save that one for later) ...why am I on the computer again? That's right...the recipe. Darn, I don't have any XYZ. Looks like I need to go to the store when Ryan gets home from school. But if I'm going, I may as well buy what's on sale there. I'll look up the best deals on Good Deal Gal. Oh good, coupon links. (print) And what's this new deal? (click attachment) While the coupons print, I'll check my Bloglines. (which recently has a minimum of 100 new posts with 150 saved posts waiting to be read...someday...) Why aren't the coupons printing? (fiddle with printer icon, fiddle with printer, finally reboot) While the computer reboots, I'll run to the bathroom. Why are these toys in here? I'll bring them back to Kaylin's room. Oh yeah, Kaylin had an accident last night. (strip sheets) I may as well start a quick load of laundry. (gather laundry from everyone's room, head downstairs) I should fold this laundry in the dryer so it doesn't wrinkle. But I'm out of hangers. (run upstairs to grab hangers) Oh yeah...I was printing coupons and the computer is rebooted. (sit back down at the computer) OOH! New email from long lost friend. (reply) Wait...why was I on the computer again?
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Before having Jason, I often complained of being bored. Now I lack the spare time FOCUS to put together a simple grocery list! Or, rather, I choose to do more unproductive things (ahem...blog) with my time.
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I had a quick cold last week, which didn't help my feeling of being overwhelmed-and-behind-in-all-areas-of-life. I loath being sick. Talk about inefficient! I don't have time to lie around and regain my strength and my overall health. Believe me, I love nothing better than crawling into my comfy bed, but I want it to be on my terms. In my time. Not because I don't have the energy to keep my stuffy head upright anymore.
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My mom offered to come over on Wednesday morning so I could play catch-up. As soon as she arrived, I went back to bed for two hours. Stupid cold! When I got up, I raced around doing some hanging-over-my-head type of tasks. Like packing up Jason's 0-3 month clothes, pulling out and organizing his 3-6 month clothes, writing my grocery lists and pulling the matching coupons, finding receipts for a few returns, and making a list of errands to run the next day while Kaylin was at school. As soon as that was done, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
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Lately, I've been so overwhelmed by dumb stuff that instead of putting it on a list to cross off and accomplish, I shut down and waste time putzing around the house or dinking around on the computer.
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My solution? A timer. I often rave about the efficiency of setting the oven timer and racing against the clock to do chores, but I'm now using the same strategy with the computer. I put an egg timer by my computer and have decided to get up, no matter what I'm doing, when it goes off. Whether I sit down for 15 minutes or 60, I know that I'll be more prone to do what's most important first (update Quicken, meal plan, write down an address) instead of getting distracted.
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Speaking of, my time's almost up. Gotta go put away laundry...and feed the baby...and restock the diaper basket downstairs...and...well, you get the idea.

Meal Plan - 2/1/10

Snacks
Banana Bread
Granola Bars
Fruit

Dinner
Monday - BBQ with friends
Tuesday - Chicken Quesadillas
Wednesday - Baked Potato Bar w/ leftover chili, cheese and broccoli
Thursday - Chicken Noodle Soup and Bread
Friday - Sloppy Joes
Saturday - eat out
Sunday - Chicken Pot Pie