No More NO - Being a "Yes Mom"

I read an article in a magazine this summer (Parents? Parenting??? I can't remember...) that was titled, "No More No."  The writer took a challenge to avoid saying "no" to her kids for a week.  Instead, she'd try to communicate, "Yes, but not now..."  The article was a play-by-play journal of different situations where she struggled to find ways to say "yes," without allowing her kids to transform into spoiled brats.

So I've been trying this out.

This week, I heard, "Mom, can I have some Halloween candy?"  At 7:32am. After thinking for a  second, I responded, "Yes, you can have a piece of candy after you finish your dinner tonight."  It's amazing how much better they respond hearing, "yes, but not now," instead of being completely shot down with a "no" answer.

Seriously, you have to test this theory.

Then I came across another, very similar concept in this post.  Yet, the idea was to say "yes" just because, allowing your kids to experience spur-of-the-moment fun, despite the potential detour to plans, inconvenience, mess, etc.

This excerpt struck a cord: 

"I choose to be a 'Yes Mom' in the little things. The moments that will impact them for eternity. Moments that shape who they are. I say 'yes' to the little things that take their breath away, and then even moments that will be solidified in their mind as plain, silly, wholesome fun.

"My desire is that they will always remember me as a 'Yes Mom.' A mom who cares enough to say 'No' in the hard moments, but relish my 'Yes' in the magical ones."

I was reminded of advice I received years ago: when your kids ask you for permission, ask yourself, "why not?"

For instance, several times a day, EVERY day, Jason destroys my beautifully organized pantry.  Not all of it, just the shelves he can reach. The cans are pulled down (some are so dented that I'll never be able to open them) the boxes are thrown all over, the paper towels look like knocked-over bowling pins...but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal.  During Jason's afternoon nap and after the kids are in bed at night, I put everything back.  Sometimes, I even catch Kaylin replacing everything on the shelves for me.  And soon, Jason will probably get into "stacking" and put things back all on his own, I'm sure.

That's the kind of thing I've learned to let go and allow; essentially, saying, "yes."  Here are several other examples:

"Mom, can we walk through the toy aisles (at Target)?" - "Sure, for just a minute...we have a list of things to get through." {Typically, I avoid that corner of the store so I can stay on track.}

"Can we have crepes for breakfast?" - "This morning it's getting too late, but I can make them on Saturday." {Instead of saying, "No - the bus will be here before I'm done making them. You need to eat something quick, like cereal."}

"Can we play in the rain in our bathing suits?" - "Absolutely!" {Often I think, "Ugh - muddy feet tracking in water all over the floor requiring everyone to take a shower...nope...not worth the hassle."}

"Can I put clips in Ryan's hair?" - "Yes, and let's make sure we take them out before he has to go to football practice." {Instead of, "No, Kaylin...boys don't wear clips in their hair."

Do you get the idea?  It doesn't seem hard, but it definitely takes practice.  I think our initial knee-jerk reaction as parents is to say, "no" all. the. time.  Too often, I feel like the No Nazi.

Are you willing to take this challenge?  Try it for a week.  Heck, try it for a day.  An HOUR.  Just give it a try.  And notice how your kids respond.  Less arguing, less tantrums, more peace. Can I get an, "Amen" to more peace???