Q&A Wednesday - The Story of Us

SPKarenO and Chandy both asked, “How did you and Mike meet?"

11 years ago today, Mike asked me out for the first time. Yes, I remember the exact month and day because that's what happens when you're dating. You remember every. single. important. date.

The problem is that Mike's definition of when we started dating and MY definition of when we started dating are very different. Here's why: Mike and I were a part of a 20s/30-something singles group at church when we met. We knew all the same people, went to all the same social events, ran in the same "singles circle," so to speak. To avoid immoral behavior and temptation, many of the people who dated in our group of friends didn't kiss for weeks and weeks, even months. So I can see how he could have gotten the impression that we were dating even though we weren't smooching. When he asked me to go hiking, I thought we were two friends hiking a mountain. I had tons of platonic male friends, so that's what this was. I wasn't in the market to be dating, so this was NOT a date.

We hung out a few more times and talked on the phone a bunch over the next couple of weeks. Then he invited me to a surprise birthday party for a girl I'd never met. (who later became one of my dearest friends) We were going to a swing dance lesson. (this was 1999, after all) When I asked who would be there, he began listing off couples. Lots of them. Panicked, I blurted out, "Is this a date?" I'm sure I caught him off guard, and he said, "Um, what do you want it to be?" I said, "Not a date." We spent the next hour having a "DTR" (defining the relationship) talk, discussing what was a date and what wasn't, etc. I agreed to go to this couples swing dancing surprise birthday party for someone I didn't know IF we can go as just friends. He was cool with that. And friends we were.

Over the next several weeks, we talked every day and became very, very good friends. He was one of my best friends in Phoenix (I was still very new to the area) and we went everywhere together. He was a perfect gentleman, picking me up for parties, opening my door, paying for my meals and movies, all while I was professing boldly that we were just friends.

Then one day, the day before Mother's Day to be exact, we were at a church function where a friend of ours challenged the group with, "What one are of your life have you not given up to God?" As I sat there in prayer, the elephant in my brain seemed to be my relationship with Mike. So I prayed. "Dear God, I'm pretty sure Mike has a thing for me and I know I've been blowing him off. Instead of trying to be in control of our relationship, I'm giving it over to You to handle. I'll stop fighting it if something's supposed to happen. It's all Yours now." You could easily add "blah, blah, blah, whatever" to the end of that prayer because that's the tone in which I was silently praying. I was handing the situation over to God, but not cheerfully.

That night, within hours, my heart changed for Mike. I remember him driving me home with his narcoleptic roommate asleep in the backseat, wishing he could come in and hang out for a little while. Wondering how I would try to hug him before getting out of the car without awkwardly leaning over the stick shift of his manly Mustang GT. I did hug him, and it was awkward, but he didn't know anything was going on.

I couldn't sleep that night, so I thumbed through my journal. In it, I found my list. THE list. I made this list during college in 1997 with some girlfriends. This list contained 64 things I wanted in a husband. As I read through each line, I mentally checked off that Mike met all of my "qualifications" for a husband. Even the ridiculous ones. There were five or seven, I think, that he hadn't had a chance to "be" yet, because technically we weren't dating. I was so used to being treated like dirt by guys that I hadn't seen what a gem I had been hanging out with week after week after week.

I know you're dying to know what's on my list, right? It's okay...everyone asks. Here are a few of my "criteria" for a husband (in no particular order):
- close to his family and friends
- gives occasional, sincere compliments
- notices little changes (haircut, new outfit, etc)
- affectionate
- is interested in my day and is open about his own
- likes sports (especially football)
- willing to learn new things (dance lessons, etc)
- will cook me fun dinners
- likes to go out to eat
- not too competitive and not a sore loser
- doesn't smoke
- puts God before all else
- doesn't hunt
- educated
- considerate
- says please, thank you and "God bless you" after sneezes
- is okay with my picture taking obsession (yes, it's been going on that long)
- cares about, but doesn't obsess over, his appearance
- cares about physical fitness
- nice teeth and fingernails

Like I said, I went down the line thinking, "check...check...yup, check...ooh, he does that too...check..."

The next morning at church, I sat near the end of my row, looking for Mike. When our friend, Lee, sat next to me, I wondered where Mike would sit. When he arrived, he sat on the other side of Lee, leaning around him to hit me on the back of the shoulder to say, "Hi" like the old chummy friend I'd become. I adored Lee like a brother, but I've never wanted someone to get up and move out of the seat next to me in all my life.

After church, we went to Hallmark together to pick out Mother's Day cards for our moms. I truly don't remember this, but Mike says that he caught me staring at him down the aisle of cards and that was the moment he knew that my feels for him had changed.

Within a couple of days, we had a new DTR talk and I outed myself and my new feelings. So we're in May, right? That August, we took a marriage prep class at church, got engaged in November, married February 12th, 2000. 11 months after Mike's "first date" and 9 months after mine.

I guess we both consider when we started "dating" as the time we began having feelings for the other person. Regardless, here we are, 10 years married and 3 kids later, feelings stronger than ever. No huge, sappy ending. But we're happy, we're still going strong and we can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

The End.

(or more technically, I guess it's just the beginning...)