Q&A Wednesday - Becoming a SAHM

My beyond-intelligent working friend, Chandy asked, "Do you ever get bored of being a SAHM? Do you want to pursue a career outside the home when your kids are all older and in school? The main reason I ask is because I was a SAHM for about 3 years, and my experience seemed to be quite different from other moms. (By different, I mean that I actually didn't love it that much, whereas every other SAHM I encounter seems just wild about it.) And I realize that I'm probably the crazy one, but since it is a different lifestyle, I find it interesting..."

Actually, I didn't fall into being a SAHM (stay at home mom) easily. Before answering your question directly, I'm going to talk you through my experience. And I might get long winded. (I know...shocker!)

I never wanted to be a SAHM. This subject was actually a huge issue between Mike and I during our engagement, but because we weren't going to have kids right away, we figured we'd hash it out later. (not a decision that I recommend, by the way)

Here were our points of view: Mike was raised by a SAHM mom and expected that his kids would be, too. I was raised by a single mom who was a successful corporate executive most of my life. My theory was: I was a day care kid and I turned out just fine! Even though I was only 23 when this conversation occurred, I had NO intentions of throwing away my career (albeit short at the time) after having kids.

This (fairly large) point of contention, among several others, caused major strife our first year of marriage. I was quite headstrong during those months; no man was going to tell ME what to do!

Then after going through the book, "The Power of a Praying Wife" with my Bible study girls, my heart started to soften. Not toward staying home, but toward the idea of praying for Mike to change his mind. My prayers began, "Lord, help Mike see things from my point of view" and transformed into, "Lord, either change my heart or change his." After praying that for a couple years, God changed my heart. (go figure!)

What's ironic is that it wasn't like I loved my job or was attached to the staffing industry. (I worked for a temp agency straight out of college.) I really enjoyed finding people jobs, I liked the company I worked for, I loved my upper management team, but I hated the stress the job involved and I was not a fan of my direct supervisor.

While we were trying to get pregnant, things got worse at work. There was conflict with a couple of co-workers, I came home in tears most days, it was awful. I soon began wondering why I fought the idea of retiring to motherhood at the ripe old age of 27???

After Ryan was born, I'll admit, I was bored a lot. I was the first of many of my friends to have kids, so no one else was home for ME to play with. It took a while, but I changed my pace of life. I slowed down. Significantly. I napped when Ryan napped, would go to the store even if I only needed a couple of things, I set up play dates with girlfriends as often as possible, I met my working friends for lunch on their side of town, I completed household projects that had been ignored for years, I discovered hobbies. I also joined the MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group at church, which was awesome. I became a part of the leadership team by the time Ryan was six months old and actively served in the Women's Ministry at church until early last year. That kept me busy and gave me a wonderful sense of purpose and fulfillment. I pulled back from my commitments when I realized it was affecting Mike negatively. (specifically, being away from home too many evenings and spending free time at night preparing for activities and events instead of hanging out with him)

(me and baby Ryan, July 2004)

To answer your question bluntly, yes, I've gone through seasons of boredom. But when that happens, I've always found something to do that doesn't interfere with my primary daytime role: being a mom and raising my kids.

Currently, I do love being a SAHM. Sure, it's hard work and some days I want to pull my hair out or hide in a corner somewhere, but the good days far outweigh the bad days.

Chandy's follow up question was, "What do you envision your daily life looking like in ten years?"

In my mind's eye, I picture my family moving into a different house around that time, probably within the same area/neighborhood to keep the kids in their same schools. I see another little Roose running around. (honestly, maybe even two more...Mike would freak out if he heard me say that)

But as far as how I'll spend my days while all my kids are in school, I'm not quite sure. I am very open to homeschooling some or all of our kids at some point, unless they're doing well in public school. If it turns out that I never homeschool, I will likely get a part time job during the 9-2 hours. If my mom's business picks up again, helping her will probably be my first source of employment. (I worked part-time for her from home for about three years until the economy took a dive last year)

I don't see myself hanging out at home all day while the kids are at school all week long. I would go insane. I have the type of personality that needs projects going on. I need productive things to do. I feel fulfilled when I have a sense of accomplishment. Going to the gym, cleaning the house and running errands wouldn't take more than a few hours each day and, knowing myself, that's not enough to make me feel like a contributing member of society.

Personally, I can't imagine spending hours upon hours away from my babies every day. Missing their smiles, laughter and milestones. They change so, so quickly! During the early years, staying home with them is the right decision for me.

I mentioned several times last year that I was bored, but that was cured when little "I won't do what your dumb book tells me I should do" Jason arrived! In the past, when boredom crept in, I created a project. I would pull apart a closet to organize, print a bunch of pictures to scrapbook or find something in the house that needed painting. Heading up our church's mom's ministry was the perfect creative outlet for me, but that's not going on anymore, so when I get myself settled with Jason, I look forward to volunteering in a new area of ministry.

You didn't ask this, but I've been asked if I feel like my management degree is a waste? Sometimes I do, but I'm glad I got it. I grew up in an area where 98% of high school seniors went to college. NOT finishing my four year degree never occurred to me and I loved my college years, so I am grateful for that experience. So even if I don't work another day in corporate America, I'm fine that I spent four years of my life earning that prestigious piece of paper.

I know this can be a touchy subject, but does anyone else have thoughts on this? Or additional questions to ask me? If you do, please leave a comment!