Encouraging Disobedience

Mike and I have (privately) labeled Ryan as our negotiator. Everything is gray with him, no absolute black or white...he's going to be great in sales someday. It seems like this kid hasn't agreeably taken "no" for an answer his entire life. It's gotten to the point where I now say, "The answer is no. Don't ask again." He thinks by rephrasing or waiting a few minutes, the answer might change. And for those who know me or have been reading my blog for a while, I'm a very consistent parent. Yes means yes, no means no and maybe usually means no. I'm not the mom who says "no" a few times then gives in because I can't handle the whining or complaining. When I say, "no," that should be the end of it, but it never seems to be. Drives. Me. Nuts.
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I intentionally spend time "deprogramming" Ryan at the end of each school day and getting him back on track with the rules of our house. It's mentally exhausting, let me tell you. And by Friday, it's a mess. The sad part is that this morning he was his normal, cheerful, compliant self after a weekend of redirecting him back to the right path again and again. I was so bummed to see him off on the bus, knowing he'll come home as "Kindergarten Ryan" and not the pleasant little boy who ate breakfast with me.
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I got to venting talking about some of my "new Kindergarten Ryan" frustrations with a friend on Saturday and she had some good insight. (I'll share that in a minute.) My complaints mostly centered around the fact that Ryan spent last week testing me. He sees what the other 21 kids in his class get away with and he's gone from following instructions the first time (realistically speaking, about 75% of the time) to doing part of what I ask, but rarely all.
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If I remind him to say, "Yes Mommy" his new thing is to say, "Yes, Mom" or "Yeah, Mom" with a look of defiance on his face - rarely does he repeat me verbatim. At first I ignored it, but after seeing dozens of other examples of partial obedience (which is disobedience, in my eyes...and in God's, more importantly) I started calling him on it. The examples were mostly petty, but they were multiplying and he was very aware of what he was doing.
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One of the things that is classic Ryan is for him to counter a request with something. It began with, "Ryan, it's time for dinner. Come sit down," being responded to with, "Hang on - I need to run up to my room for a second." We've worked diligently to get him to ASK not TELL. We give him permission to say, "Before coming to the table, can I please run up to my room for a second?" and if we say, "no," that's the end of it, but if it's harmless enough and I'm not in a rush, it's fine with me. As long as he ASKS.
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I thought that was working, but it started to feel like the answer was never (okay...rarely) an agreeable, "Coming Mom!" There was always something else he had to do first. And it began to feel argumentative and disagreeable. And my bigger concern is that he does this with his grandparents, friends' parents or his teacher. He needs to learn to obey authority, period. I mean come on...he's 5, not 25.
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What my friend pointed out is that I'm giving him permission to disobey. As she explained herself, I silently disagreed with her in my head, thinking of examples of times Ryan should rightfully be able to ask to do XYZ before responding to a request of mine. But other than needing to go to the bathroom or if there is a safety issue, there's really no GOOD reason for him NOT to do what I tell him to do at the exact moment I tell him to do it. If his teacher asks him to line up for lunch, she expects him to do it immediately. Not when he finishes coloring his picture or building a block tower. I doubt SHE puts up with that from 22 kids! I finally saw that we were giving him permission to disobey. Okay, so what now? What do I do about it?
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Another friend piped in on the conversation and she's gone through a Growing Kids God's Way class that answered this question. It sounds a bit formal, but she's taught her kids to say, "May I appeal?" "Ryan, go put on your PJs," could be met with "May I appeal?" I then need to decide whether to say yes or no. At first, there should be a lot of yes's, so Ryan figures out what is appeal-worthy and what isn't. For instance, if Mike had told him to clean up his toys minutes before I told him to put on his PJs, he would be justified in telling me that he was in the middle of following the instruction from Mike. At that point, I could tell him to finish that first OR decide he could clean up in the morning because it's past bedtime and he needs to start his nighttime routine.
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I started this new plan on Saturday night (explaining, "...this would be a good time to ask if you may appeal," so he gets used to the new drill) and have seen amazing results. There have been a few times that my request needed to be followed immediately and he was NOT allowed to "appeal." He was frustrated at first, but sure enough, I found out later that he wanted something insignificant like a certain toy from the playroom or to change his shirt AGAIN before church. Honestly, I think he's gotten into the habit of pushing back just for the sake of feeling like he has an element of control. As he gets older, this might be acceptable, but for now, it's my responsibility to teach him to follow direction from all authority figures. The first time. Without negotiation.
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I asked this same friend if her 7 year old asks her teacher if she "may appeal." Because people outside my house would think my kid is nuts! Her answer was simple: away from home, her daughter knows that if her teacher asks her (or the class) to do something, she now understands what is worthy of asking ("May I use the restroom, first?") and what is not ("Can I finish my conversation with Jennifer?"). Life has interruptions and as anal as Ryan might be, he needs to learn that not everything he's doing gets to be completed in his timing.
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I'm starting to wonder if I'm explaining this right? It sounds like I'm a dictator or something... I'm not. I don't feel like I have unrealistic expectations of my kids. But I DO expect my children to follow instructions without arguing, whining or complaining. From me or any other adult that is caring for them. Because, like I've said before: if they don't obey me now, they certainly won't obey God later. And it's OUR job as parents to properly train them in this area. I plan to give a lot of grace while they get into this new habit, but I need to be consistent and I can see this new method working for Ryan.
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I feel like I'm badgering my point. Hopefully sharing this will help another reader who also has a miniature negotiator. If nothing else, at the least the grandmas will know what Ryan's talking about when he asks them if he can appeal!

Meal Plan - 8/31/09

(I didn't get around to a couple of the dinners last week, so sorry for the repeats)

Monday - Ham and Pineapple Pizza
Tuesday - Italian Baked Chicken and Penne (Giada DeLaurentiis)
Wednesday - Chicken Pesto Packets on the grill with baked potatoes and salad
Thursday - Beef Enchiladas (with leftover pot roast)
Friday - Healthy Turkey Pot Pie
Saturday - Rachael Ray's Meatloaf Roll Up with baked potatoes
Sunday - Pretzel Crusted Chicken Fingers

An Unsuccessful Family Picture

I think I take more family pictures than the average mom. My kids seem to grow and change so quickly and I like having a current picture displayed in our home.
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I realized recently that the family pictures I have on our walls are all from last summer...very unlike me. Too bad I'm huge and pregnant with a round, chubby face right now. (*sigh*) Then it occurred to me that if I wait a few months to get a NEW family picture with the squishy-faced baby in it, I'll not only still have my post-baby weight, I'll also have huge bags under my eyes. And newborns seem to change every week, so the picture would never really be "current" of him until he's about 6 months old. So I wait until April to get a new family picture? I think not.
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Friday night, Mike and I had a date, which usually creates a good family photo opportunity. I go all out for my man and actually shower and put on make up for our dates (I know...I'm a giver...) plus throw on something other than a tank top. But more importantly, what creates a good family photo opportunity on date nights is that my mom is here to TAKE the picture.
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The pictures didn't go well. Kaylin insisted on the cutsie head tilt in every shot...

Ryan wouldn't be serious...

Then when I finally DID get Ryan to calm down, he was trying out this new cheesy closed-mouth smile. (Thinking back, I went through this phase when I was younger, too)

There was ONE picture that was good of all of us (even though Ryan was doing his new smile) that I accidentally deleted when going through the pictures on my camera. I meant to delete the bad shot after it and hit the wrong button. Needless to say, this whole thing was a lost cause.
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But we did get this beauty. Yes, I am posting a picture of me giving myself a double chin. Who couldn't love this pretty face???

Random Ramblings

I need a good brain dump. I emailed a friend the other day, spewing out all sorts of nonsense, but apparently I have more that I need to get out of my head.
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I went to the doctor yesterday and all is well. This man, however, is a complete liar. He said I'm not that big. HELLO? Nice try buddy, but I'm your patient, not your wife. There's no need to flatter me. Let's get real. He tried convincing me that I've grown as wide and long as my body will allow, so I'll probably only gain a few inches in depth (horizontal to the ground, if that makes sense) and that's it. I've gained 25 lbs so far (again, I think he was rounding down here, but I haven't been paying attention) and he's convinced the baby will be 7.5-8 lbs and come flying out in 3-5 quick pushes. He clearly wants to be in my good graces, for some reason. The best news from the appointment was that he's willing to induce me early, since I'm opposed to having a baby on Halloween. (call me crazy, but you'll agree when you find out this kid's name) For that, I am completely thrilled. And since I delivered Kaylin a week early and this is #3, he seems to think I'll deliver on my own a couple of weeks early without being induced, which would be just lovely. (He's probably blowing smoke there, too, because really...how could he be so sure???)
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Have I mentioned that I feel fat? I'm not sure if you caught that in the last paragraph. I am so sick of strangers asking me if I'm SURE there's only one baby in there. What are people thinking? Here's a little tip: don't ever say that to someone. Ever. I know it doesn't help that I've been wearing more form-fitting shirts this time around. They really do make me look like a whale...if I threw on an XL maternity t-shirt, all would be camouflaged, so I can see how I'm kind of bringing on the conversations myself.
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A couple of friends have separately offered to throw me a shower (or as one called it, a "sprinkle") and I felt really weird about it. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of stuff I don't have, believe it or not (much was borrowed from now-distant friends with the first two kids) and I love me a good party (especially when it's centered around...ahem...ME) but it still felt a little selfish. They talked me into it, have joined forces and a Sprinkle is now being planned. Now my dilemma is who to invite. Because I don't want anyone to feel excluded, but I also don't want people to get an invitation and think, "Really? For her THIRD baby? Did she just invite me for the gift, or what?" So this is a blanket statement to all friends, acquaintances, neighbors and fellow pre-school moms who read my blog: if you DO get invited, please don't role your eyes and feel obligated to spend lots of money on me. If you DON'T get invited, pu-leeeease don't be hurt. I probably felt too weird about asking you to come, wondering if I appeared greedy having a shower for a third baby. Now that I've said all that, watch...NO ONE will show up. :)
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I noticed on my baby countdown yesterday that I had 66 days left until my due date. That suddenly seems so...soon. Especially considering the news that my doctor is willing to knock 10-14 days off of that!
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I pulled out all of our baby boy stuff last weekend and am starting to get really excited about having another boy. I'm in such a "little girl mode" that I think I was a little disappointed under it all, but now I'm officially looking forward to having a new little bubba around.
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Switching gears (I warned you that this is a brain dump...) the floor under my kitchen table has huge chunks of cantaloupe, sandwich and dried pasta that my handy dandy Shark sweeper won't pick up. These are the times where I wish we had a dog. It's just not that easy for me to bend down and grab the big pieces anymore. So the food will have to sit there and taunt me every time I walk by.
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I've been going a little stir crazy being home so much. Yesterday, I took Kaylin to a free story time at the library, which she loved. Then today, we went to an hour of "open gym" at a nearby gymnastics studio for $5. Taking both kids for $10 felt like a stretch, but $5 to get Kaylin out and active in this 110 weather seemed do-able, just this once. Especially considering that I dropped an extra $5 on Tomato Basil Hummus and Rye Crisp Crackers from Trader Joe's for lunch instead of eating the salad I have every day. The hummus was delicious. And a 7 oz package is nearly scraped clean. (I did share with Kaylin, but still...I ate most of it)
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Kaylin is no longer excited about starting pre-school. I think she's starting to enjoy being an only child from 8-3 every day. What's cute is that she sometimes calls it, "Pretty School" and I overheard her tell my mom today on the phone that Ryan was at, "Kid Garden" instead of Kindergarten. A garden for kids. Hilarious.
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She asked to sleep in Ryan's bed today for her nap, which was kind of sweet. She acts aloof, but I know she still misses him all day.
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As much as I seem to complain (about being hot, fat, tired, bored, sick of listening to arguing kids) I had an overwhelming feeling come over me this morning that nothing really BAD has happened to our family in a very, very long time. Sure, Mike's layoff last fall was a shock, but for some reason I was never really worried about him finding a new job. I'm talking BIG stuff. Mike and I were watching Cinderella Man the other day and it helped me to feel very blessed. Seeing the main character give his breakfast bologna to his daughter (because she was still hungry and there wasn't enough to go around) and watching them live in a REAL depression put it all in perspective. The economy is bad, yes, and people are still losing their jobs and homes left and right, yes, but the vast majority of Americans aren't turning to soup kitchens for food or being forced to live on the streets, as they did in the 30s. I'm sure some of you reading this are heavily affected by the economy, so I don't want to stir up raw emotion, I'm just saying that getting a visual picture of what my great-grandparents went through gave me some perspective...and it's much different than how the media plays it out for us every day.
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In other blessings: I haven't had anyone close to me die since I was 11. My family has had one threat of cancer that was quickly treated and we've all moved on. Most everyone I know is in fairly good health. I do know of a couple of shocking infidelities and some heartbreaking stories of divorce, disease, infertility and miscarriage that friends have had to endure, but nothing like that has hit our family yet. Is it strange to think that my time might be coming?
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My daily life doesn't always seem easy, but in the grand scheme of things, I have it SO incredibly easy. And in this moment, I am very, very grateful.

Raising a little lady

Kaylin is into pink. And dresses. And pink dresses. I have to make her alternate between wearing a dress and wearing a shorts outfit every other day, just so all of her clothes get worn. Same with pink - she'd wear pink every day if I let her. "Sorry, honey, you wore pink yesterday. How about wearing your purple shirt and a skirt today? You can wear pink again tomorrow." I do the same with dresses, which she doesn't even have THAT many of, but I do laundry twice a week, so she could technically wear the same 5 dresses all the time. I tried picking out her clothes for the week and putting them in daily cubbies, but every day she seems to walk downstairs wearing a dress. Usually a pink dress.
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No matter what she's wearing, she plays the same...not thinking about what shows when she dances or twirls or climbs up a ladder at the park. You'll often hear me say, "Remember to keep your dress down, like a lady," which works most of the time.
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I buy her dresses a little longer to further encourage modesty. I try to keep them knee-length, but what drives me insane is that the quality of the fabrics out there is such that they shrink UP 2-3 inches after only a couple of washes. And by that time, they barely cover her underwear when she walks, let alone when she sits down, bends over or plays.
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I've been wondering what to do when she starts pre-school in a couple of weeks - the playgrounds are covered in sand and I'd prefer she wear shorts to school, knowing she'll be sitting and digging in the sand throughout the morning.
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So you know I was excited when I saw this tip from my little blogging friend, Sarah Mae. Put shorts on under Kaylin's dresses? It's so simple and it will totally solve my modesty issue! (I can't believe I've never heard this idea before...it seems so obvious now!!!)
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As soon as I read this post this morning, I literally walked into Kaylin's room and pulled out a pair of shorts to put on under her dress. And I was so much more relaxed in the crowded waiting room at the doctor today when she climbed up, down and over the chairs. The dozen dads peeking at her didn't bother me one bit and I wasn't begging her to sit still and keep her dress down. Genius!!! And as an added bonus, I now have a use for all of the cheap shorts that have shrunk into Daisy Dukes that I refuse to let her wear.

Who's in charge?

I'm still trying to get used to the different dynamic of Ryan being gone all day. When he gets home from school, he and Kaylin take a while to get back into their groove and it takes a LOT of patient reminders for them to be normal to each other. She has a weird, "I'm the queen of this castle" mentality and gets all bossy on him and he has an, "I'm older/mature/cooler than you because I'm in Kindergarten" attitude and I have to gently knock them both off of their high horses to get everyone to get along and be respectful. I wonder if my irritation shows through my forced-patient comments? Because it feels like I'm speaking through gritted teeth. It's hard keeping up my non-yelling-mom self promise when they're so nasty to each other!
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My newest mantra is, "Who is in charge?" I'm done with their over-controlling comments to each other. It's like they're trying to establish rank or pecking order or something. "Stop singing"..."Don't talk to me"..."You can't have more pretzels until your sandwich is gone"..."You didn't ask to be excused from the table"..."That's mine...don't touch it"..."I wanted to put the forks on the table...that's my job!" It's ridiculous.
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And it seems never-ending. "You're not the adult - she can sing if she wants to"..."It's rude not to answer someone when they speak to you - please answer his question"..."It's not your job to tell her when she can have more pretzels"..."Who's in charge? It's my job to remind him to ask to be excused"..."We share our toys in our family"..."You put the forks on the table yesterday - how about getting everyone a plate tonight?"
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The "who's in charge?" question seems to be working. They can't argue with the fact that I'm the adult and they're the kids. I don't want them monitoring each other to make sure they're following the rules. That's definitely my job and I've had to revert back to reminding them that they aren't allowed to tattle on each other unless it's a safety issue.
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Ryan came home from school yesterday announcing that there's a phone in his class that only calls Mrs. Bindergarden. If the kids need to tattle, they call Mrs. Bindergarden "because she cares." (I laughed out loud when I heard that, remembering, "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares," from a few years ago.) They've been instructed to whisper their complaint into the phone, "but she never answers...she just listens." Ryan's Kindergarten teacher is a genius. (hey - I just realized that Bindergarden rhymes with Kindergarten...cute!)
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Ryan only had a half day of school today and lunchtime was rough. Then suddenly, out of no where, the kids started getting along and playing like usual. I don't exactly know what happened or who lost their bad attitude first, I'm just glad it happened. Otherwise it would have been a loooooooong afternoon.
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Now everyone's in their rooms, resting, and all is peaceful again. Ryan was just too crabby to argue that he didn't need some down time. And with that, I am going to go relax myself. My brain needs a break - I don't have much mental energy these days!

Pre-school Activities

In establishing a new routine for just me and Kaylin, I was mentally grouping activities into crafts, learning, alone-time play, games, etc. Ideas were popping into my head like crazy (which is rare) so I wrote them all down. When I meal plan, I pull from my list of recipes and online links...why not do the same when helping Kaylin find something to do?
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This is the loose schedule I think I've worked out:
7:00 - breakfast, Bible lesson
7:30 - walk Ryan to the bus stop
7:45 - play at the park after he's picked up
8:00 - clean up breakfast mess, unload dishwasher, do daily housekeeping chores (with Miss "Mommy, what can I do?" Kaylin)
8:30 - run errands, if needed
10:00 - craft or activity for Kaylin to do independently (soon enough, I'll be feeding the baby during this time, so this will work out well)
11:00 - play or bake with Kaylin
11:30 - lunch
12:00 - craft, activity or game with Kaylin
1:00 - nap
3:00 - Ryan home, snack and downtime
3:30 - help Ryan with homework, learning activity for Kaylin
4:30 - kids play together, I make dinner
5:30 - eat dinner
6:30 - baths, stories, bedtime routine
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It also occurred to me that in 10 short weeks, I'll be in an overtired, postpartum slump, feeding a newborn several times a day with a bored 3 year old wondering what to do. It will be nice to have a list of ideas to draw from to keep her entertained. (and if this next kid is anything like Ryan - feedings will last a whopping 45 minutes each - I'm praying for a quick eater) There are some activities I can still help her do while nursing, but I'll also need some quick distractions for crises like blow out diapers, crying fits and things like that.
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So here's my list. Partially for me to refer back to (you'd be surprised how much stuff I blog about with the sole purpose of knowing where to find it later!) and partially to share my ideas with you. I'm committed to keeping the t.v. off except for an occasional movie on weekends, so all of the following ideas are t.v. free. I've also started practicing setting the oven timer and having Kaylin play alone in the playroom each morning for 20-30 minutes. She's doing really well so far and I know that will help once the baby's born.

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CRAFTS/ACTIVITIES (to do with me nearby)
- Stamping
- Cutting and pasting (toy ads, shapes, etc.)
- Glue pasta, cereal, buttons, confetti shapes, etc onto paper
- Painting, finger painting, pudding/Kool-Aid finger painting
- Play Doh
- Popsicle Stick and Pipe Cleaner crafts
- Paper Plate crafts
(the Family Fun website also has a bunch of great age-specific craft ideas)
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CRAFTS/ACTIVITIES (to do independently without me nearby)
- Coloring
- Stickers and foam pieces on paper
- Blowing up a balloon and letting it go, watching it fly all over the house (repeat entertainment for my kids)
- Aqua Doodle
- Puzzles
- Mr. Potato Head
- Magnetic dress up dolls, Princess color forms
- Blocks, Legos, Tinker Toys
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GAMES (to play together)
- Memory
- Connect 4
- High Ho Cherry O
- Tea Party
- Dress Up
- Ring Toss, Bowling
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LEARNING ACTIVITIES
- Letter tracing books, maze books
- Color and shape flashcards
- Sorting colors, doing patterns (using Legos or other colorful toys)
- Opposites
- Sequencing cards
- Lacing (helps fine motor skills to prepare for writing)
- Letters and sounds of the day
(When I was considering homeschooling, I stocked up on flash cards for letters, sounds, numbers, and time, plus tracing books, matching games, sequencing cards, things like that. So I have a huge pool of resources to keep Kaylin busy - and help her learn - while I assist Ryan with homework every afternoon.)
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OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES
- Swimming, Slip 'n' Slide, swing set, park, go on a walk
- Bikes, scooters
- Sidewalk chalk
- Bubbles
- Balls, frisbees, kite, water guns
- Watering can and buckets
- Bucket of water with paintbrushes to "paint" the sidewalk
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I'm pretty excited about this list. It contains most of the stuff my kids enjoy and when I'm having trouble coming up with something, I know I'll refer back to it. Do you have anything else to add or activities we should try?

Meal Plan - 8/24/09

Due to all of the birthdays and several invitations to friends' houses for dinner, I haven't meal planned in a couple of weeks. It was nice to take a break, but the couple of times we DID eat at home, coming up with dinner on the fly stressed me out. A couple of times, I waited to make dinner too late and Ryan needed to be in bed for Kindergarten, so we had smoothies for dinner. Pathetic! Shockingly, the kids didn't wake up as malnourished and starving as I would have thought. I'm very glad to be back in planning mode. For now, I'm just going to plan dinners this week.
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Monday - Crock Pot BBQ sandwiches with green beans
Tuesday - leftovers
Wednesday - Chicken Pesto Packets on the grill with baked potatoes and salad
Thursday -Chicken Noodle Soup with Whole Wheat French Bread Rolls
Friday - Beef Stir Fry with brown rice
Saturday - Breakfast for dinner: Waffles and eggs
Sunday - Italian Baked Chicken and Penne (Giada DeLaurentiis)

List Lover

Do you ever call someone and feel like they just verbally vomit ALL over you. Yeah, I did that today. Oh no, I wasn't the recipient of the thrashing...someone made the mistake of calling ME. She was very gracious about it, but after the initial, "Hi, how are you?" I just spewed all over my poor friend.
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I'm still working out a new routine that fits Kindergarten into the mix. I'm hoping that now that Kaylin's and my birthdays are over with (I know that sounds bad) I can get into a nice, new rhythm. But so far, not so much.
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I'm finding that Kaylin doesn't know what to do without Ryan around. And it's not even like she needs me to entertain her all the time, she's just so used to HIM taking the lead and initiating play ideas or games. Coloring and puzzles and games just sound so...dull with plain ol' mom.
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Although blowing off all responsibilities and playing yesterday was fun (and much needed), I found myself very disorganized this morning. Wednesdays are my days to cut coupons, make grocery lists, meal plan and prepare for errands; it basically serves as a mid-week catch-up to set me up for the next two days and the weekend ahead. After Ryan drove off in the bus today, I didn't know where to start. And it completely overwhelmed me.
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That's when I decided to make a list and get everything out of my head. I wrote down everything that needed to be done, both at home and away from home. I listed things that need to be returned and which receipts I need to find, I made a grocery list and printed coupons for items I need to buy, I cut the coupons and paper clipped them to the lists for CVS, Super Target and Fry's, I found all of the library books that need to be returned, I gathered the school supplies I need to give to Ryan's teacher, I pulled my receipts that need to be entered into Quicken, I answered a couple of important emails and returned a couple of phone calls, and I found that in just over an hour, my blood pressure was back to normal and my panic attack was gone. Not everything on the list was done, but at least I knew what needed to be done!
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It amazed me how making a list and seeing it all on paper helped to ground me. It gave me direction and allowed me to put one foot in front of the other to accomplish all that was swimming around in my head.
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I think what is going to be most helpful for me is to write out a daily list of to-dos each night before I go to bed. Plan where I'm going to go, a few top priorities I need to get done and wake up with a sense of purpose instead of feeling dazed and confused. When Ryan was home all day, the kids played after breakfast while I gathered my thoughts, but now I have a bored and lonely 3 year old who's looking to me to set the tone for the day as soon as Ryan is gone. And we're both lost without a schedule to follow.
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So that's where I am. Day 4 of Kindergarten and Ryan is doing well. Shockingly full of energy after such a long day, but sleeping like a rock at night. I'm glad I learned this lesson today: from now on, I'll write out my lists and to-dos before bed and have a skeleton plan for the next day. I feel better with this new compass pointing me north!

Birthdays are the BEST

I had a nice little birthday today. Mike tried bringing me breakfast in bed, but I was in the shower when he came upstairs, so it was really more like breakfast in the shower...poor guy, after rushing around before work and everything!
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Then once I decided to stop hand-washing dishes with hot water and folding hot laundry and pitting out my shirt before leaving the house at 7:45 to walk to his bus stop Ryan in the hot 100++ Arizona sun, I relaxed and enjoyed my day.
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This is me at 33 years old and 29 weeks pregnant. Can you say, "Holy Fat Face, Batman???" And how do you like my new stripper boobs? They arrived last week. None of my bras fit...back fat spillage is not a good look for me. I'm 90% sure this is what I looked like when I delivered Ryan and I still have 10.5 weeks to go. And I surpassed what I looked like when I delivered Kaylin over a month ago. Either this kid is going to be huge or I'm going to have mega weight to lose postpardum!!!

I prefer this impromptu picture that Kaylin took. I'm just going to pretend that my face looks this thin all the time. I might even replace it as my profile picture since I'm sportin' my new hair color.

Mike's mom watched Kaylin while my mom took me to lunch, shopping for a birthday gift and a couple of fun outfits for the baby, then for pedicures and a polish change for my hot date with Mike tonight.


Then she babysat while Mike and I went to dinner. We missed all of the 7-something movies, so headed home early, just after the kids were in bed. Overall, a wonderful, relaxing day.
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And thanks to Facebook, I think I received more birthday wishes than I ever have in my whole life! Seriously, like over 50!!! Not counting e-cards and emails. I love my friends. And the old classmates on Facebook that I haven't talked to in 15 years. And those of you who are my Facebook friends that read my blog but I've never met. I just feel...loved.

Bus Rider

Well, my duties as personal chauffeur are now complete. Monday on the way home from school, Ryan already started begging me to ride the bus.

He took the bus home yesterday for the first time and did great. Other than just before boarding when he was crying and begging NOT to ride the bus when some of the other kids lied and told him that the bus goes fast like a roller coaster. (Little demon delinquents...how DARE they scare my kid??? But it is kind of funny...) Then he said that as soon as he got ON the bus, the other kids reassured him that it goes slow and he was fine.

Then during breakfast this morning, he begged to ride the bus TO school. I'm not sure why, but I've always had the intention of driving him to school and eventually letting him ride the bus home. But now, he's officially a bus kid. And I have to say, I'm kind of loving it. The Kindergarteners are all assigned seats in the first few rows, so he'll be meeting other kids in our neighborhood that are his age...this is really going to be a sweet deal.

Check out my little sweeties walking to the bus stop this morning. Are they cute or what???

Link Love {Parent Edition}

What to do with toddlers all day long
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Christian Instruction in the Home
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How to Make Sure Your Kids Resent You...
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20 Indoor Activities for Kids
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And look what I found after my school lunch post recently: Healthy Lunch Box Ideas and Tips

Learning from Natural Consequences

This idea was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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Sometimes the best way to help a child is by doing nothing and staying out of the way, allowing a natural consequence to provide the teaching. You’ve probably learned a number of things through natural consequences. Maybe more than you’d like to admit.
- save your sales receipt so you’ll have it if you need to return what you bought
- buy gas when your tank is on “E” even if you’re late for work
- don’t forget to water your plants
- don’t wash your husband’s red sweatshirt with his white underwear
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Natural consequences allow life to provide its own lesson without outside intervention. When a parent intentionally stays out of a problem and makes little or no comment, the child has an opportunity to learn from life.
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In the Bible, Peter was allowed to experience a natural consequence of lack of faith when he stepped out of the boat in Matthew 14. After he began to sink, however, Jesus was there to help him. Jesus also allowed Peter to make the mistake of denying him three times. No lectures or rebukes were needed; just a look from the master’s eyes and Peter was overcome with remorse. Many times in the gospels, Jesus allowed life to be the teacher and he took on the role of counselor or coach.
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Natural consequences often happen if we, as parents, learn to keep quiet. The four-year-old who goes out to play on a hot day wearing a turtleneck learns by experience. The six-year-old who chooses to skip snack because she wants to continue her game may feel the pain later. The ten-year-old who spends all his money on one thing may wish he had not done so. Each of these experiences can be a learning opportunity if the parent responds wisely.
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The question then is how are we going to respond? These may be tempting opportunities for parents to condemn, lecture, or put down a child. When you identify these situations in life, they are excellent opportunities to come alongside, express empathy, and help a child learn problem-solving skills.

Ryan's 1st Day

I officially have a Kindergartener. I'm a little beside myself, but I'll get over it. Every other mother on the planet has.
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Last night was completely chaotic: racing home from Kaylin's final birthday celebration with Mike's family at Chuck E. Cheese, baths, brushing teeth, reading stories, saying prayers, bedtime, packing lunches, I was so tense I actually felt nauseous...thank goodness this morning was more calm. Kaylin slept a little late, which gave Ryan and I time to enjoy our eggs and donuts (yes, I sugared him up on his first day of grade school) and before I knew it, it was time to head out the door at 7:45.

Here's our annual first and last day of school photo spot.

I was surprised to get a quick picture of Ryan and his new teacher.

This is a picture of Ryan at his "desk" at Meet the Teacher Night last week.

Once home, Kaylin played with all of her new birthday loot while I finished putting the house back together after our whirlwind weekend. Here she is having a tea party with a robot, a ballerina bear, a parrot, Elmo, a pig and a pink frog. I was eventually invited to attend, but it broke my heart when she said, "I wish Ryan could join my tea party..." We had a nice morning alone together, but I could tell she missed her brother.

Picking Ryan up was a madhouse. Thank goodness (did I just say that?) he begged me to ride the bus home tomorrow and every day after. When asked if he missed me during the day, he looked confused and said, "Um, no." I was surprised, but not at ALL offended. I'm thrilled that he had fun and stayed busy. He met a little friend on the playground but couldn't remember his name. That warmed my heart!
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We got to bed later than expected AGAIN tonight (I can't wait to get into an appropriate routine) and you could tell Ryan was melting. He wasn't as tired after school as I expected, but we'll definitely have to bump up bedtime since he'll get virtually no downtime all day long.
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It feels like I spent all day on the phone with people calling to check in on me and to follow up on how day 1 went. I am proud to announce that I didn't shed a single tear. Not today, anyway. Last night I was fighting them back before putting Ryan to bed. But today...I was brave! All in all, a successful first day for my big boy and this hyper-emotional mother.

Kaylin is THREE

Wow. Yesterday was a long day. It was kind of fun having both kids' birthdays on a Saturday this year, but the next time they fall on a weekend, I'll plan their parties for a different day.
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Kaylin was awoken yesterday morning by Mike, Ryan and I singing "Happy Birthday." We also filled some pink and white balloons and brought them in with us. (for some reason, she was sleeping on the floor...)

She opened her presents from us, wearing a tiara of course. She got LOTS of Disney Princess gifts, specifically Ariel, since she just discovered that she has red hair, "...just like me!!!" I bought her The Little Mermaid movie, which kept the kids occupied while we cleaned up wrapping paper, breakfast dishes and made the final preparations for the party at 11:00.

I spent Thursday night and Friday decorating the front room, turning it into a grand ballroom. I borrowed wall coverings from a friend and they looked so great along both of the main walls.

Kaylin was most excited for her Princess cake. Even after the party, she told me this was her favorite part of her birthday.

Because I'm a complete sucker, I made crowns to transform Mike and I into King Daddy and Queen Mommy. Kaylin decorated mine, I spared Mike and decorated his. I watched this video for a tutorial. They didn't stay on our heads for very long.

Once the kids were all dressed and ready to go, the party began!

As everyone arrived, the girls painted wooden treasure boxes that I bought at Michael's for $1 each. (FYI: they're $2.99 at JoAnn's) I found a package of wooden letters at the dollar store so each girl had the wooden initial of her name to paint and add to the top. The boxes were filled with a candy bracelet, a sparkling glitter bracelet, a big clunky ring, "jewels" and some gem stickers to adorn the outside. If I would have let her, Kaylin would have spent the whole party painting.

We had a nail polishing station set up for the kids to beautify themselves while their treasure boxes dried.

For lunch, I made spinach quiche and a green salad for the moms. The little girls had PB&J sandwiches cut into stars with candy sticks stuck in them to make them look like wands. I also had apples (think Snow White) with a pink fruit dip, mini banana muffins and white chocolate covered pretzels with pink sprinkles. The girls drank pink lemonade and the moms drank iced tea.
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After lunch, the girls played "Pin the Crown on the Princess."

After gifts, we sang and ate cake...I always do cake last so the kids can go home and have their sugar coma during naptime.

Even though it doesn't seem like Kaylin has many "friends," I invited the nine little 1-3 year old girls that she knows and plays with. I was shocked that ALL were able to come (one called the morning of with a fever) but it was a perfect first "official" birthday party for her. She is a bit more mature than Ryan was at this age and she handled all of the excitement and attention like a champ.
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Here we all are...the royal family. Exausted after a successful party for the Princess! Kaylin and I crashed for a solid 2 hours after the house was put back together and today, my lower back is still killing me from all that standing. But it was so worth it to see my pretty girl's face lit up for hours. Happy Birthday, Kaylin!

Princess Cake

I know this isn't a new idea, but attempting a Princess/Barbie Cake was very new to me. Kaylin was BEYOND excited for her Princess cake and I didn't want to screw it up.
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Even though I've heard, "All you do is make a couple of round cakes and another cake in an oven-proof bowl," I needed more instruction than that. I found this great video that really helped simplify the process. The only information it didn't have was how long to cook the cake in the bowl. (I found that on line...after about 50-60 minutes, insert a cake tester and remove cake when it comes out clean)
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I used 2 small cake pans and the Pampered Chef small batter bowl to bake the cakes. I made and chilled them on Thursday, frosted and decorated the cake on Friday and left it uncovered in the fridge until the party Saturday. I was nervous that the frosting would be crusty, but it was perfect. Since I used 2 cake mixes and had leftover batter, I also made a dozen cupcakes to hand out to the 2 and 3 year old guests. That was VERY easy and most didn't care that they weren't eating directly from the Princess cake. Those who did care also got a small piece of the larger cake. (Load 'em up with sugar, that's what I say.)

I found Kaylin's first Barbie at Big Lots for $5. Her wild blonde hair was pulled back with some pink tulle and I protected her from the cake elements by wrapping her body securely in plastic wrap.

I even used a piping bag with star tips...I was so proud!

(thanks, Mom, for doing the little candy flowers on the skirt...they turned out so cute!)

I cut the cake in 1/2 pieces, like a wedding cake, so the slices wouldn't be too tall.

Some cupcakes were eaten nontraditionally...that's what you get when one of your party guests is under two!!!