Month 1

Lots of people have been asking me, "So how is life with three? Is it what you expected?" Friends with two kids who are considering a third, friends who have three and whose worlds were rocked when the third came along, friends who stopped at two and think I'm nuts for having more kids, everyone wants to compare notes to see if it's as bad as other moms make it out to be. I'm suddenly outnumbered when it comes to available hands, parents, etc.

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What I've noticed is that moms who had an easy transition from one to two kids have trouble adding a third and those who were overwhelmed adding a second child have no problem adding any more after that. For me, incorporating Kaylin into our lives wasn't tough, so I was prepared to be stressed out adding Jason to the mix!
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Honestly, I'm barely making it through each day. Mondays and Tuesdays are much better than Thursdays and Fridays, probably because I get recharged on the weekends when Mike's here to help. I've gotten comments about how chipper I am or how well I seem to be doing, but I assure you...that's probably just my optimistic personality showing through. Some days are better than others, but I've been in an exhausted daze for almost every moment of Jason's life. I've been functioning, yes, but barely remember any details from the last month. I'm so tired that I'll often close my eyes "just for a quick minute" and wake up 30-90 minutes later. I'm so glad I've taken lots of pictures and blogged about a few things because I don't remember much about the early days of Ryan and Kaylin's lives and I knew I wouldn't remember much this time around, either!
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I guess my analysis is this: so far, life with three is fine. No baby blues, no signs of post pardum depression. I've only had a couple of meltdowns, which I think is pretty good. They were both directed at Mike, the poor husband whose needs are sometimes forgotten when a newborn enters the house. I truly believe that he subconsciously seems to think that I should be acting perfectly normal so soon after giving birth regardless of my crazy hormones balancing out, being ridiculously sleep deprived, trying to keep up with three times as much laundry as before, having no time or energy to be productive, trying to pay attention to the older kids with love and patience (that I often don't have) so that they don't feel ignored or decide to rebel and act out, all while managing a newborn baby boy who completely relies on me 24 hours a day for every. single. need.
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Did I just say, "life with three is fine" before spewing out all that??? Wow. Bipolar much?
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Really, though, I don't feel the weight of everything I just said on a moment-by-moment basis. I seem to be living each day in blocks of time. What can I do or accomplish (even if it's relaxing, playing with the kids or taking a nap) during this particular wake-time/nap-time of Jason's? What needs to happen before walking Ryan to the bus stop/picking Kaylin up from school/making lunch/putting the kids to bed? Everything is in short chunks of my life...I survive by taking baby steps.
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A new neighbor pulled up to see Jason for the first time last week at the bus stop. As I popped his little head into her van, I realized that he was almost 4 weeks old and he'd never met my neighbor. The one I saw nightly for a week as I took walks to encourage labor. The one who brought an unsolicited meal to my door because she didn't have my phone number to call to arrange a drop off time. The one who has four children herself and didn't bat an eye when my husband walked the thank you note down to her (two doors down, mind you) because I somehow hadn't gotten around to it. Suddenly, Jason was already 4 weeks old and I was shocked that I had never shown him off to this particular neighbor. How had 4 weeks slipped out from under my nose so quickly? Time is in a weird little vortex for me lately.
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One thing I've noticed is that I've been really lazy chill about enforcing a routine with Jason. With both other kids, they were on strict schedules by 2 weeks, already falling asleep on their own 100% of the time. Just like the other two, Jason has also been eating every 3 hours around the clock, unless it's more convenient for me to let him sleep. Like for Mike's birthday when we spent an hour driving the older kids to my mom's so Mike's parents could take us out to dinner. He fell asleep as soon as we left the house and dozed completely through the 2+ hours at the restaurant. I ate a hot meal and didn't have to excuse myself with a fussy baby in a public place or listen to crying in the car. His 4-hour nap was totally worth it. It's also worked out well that he's overslept several times while Kaylin has been in school. It meant that I got a much-needed nap. Again, sometimes the lax attitude is worth it, even it means he's not as sleepy at nighttime.
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So far, I've had several situations where the relaxed attitude worked well for me, but it's time to start enforcing a real schedule. Having my babies on a schedule has always been my sanity. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I need to know what to expect from my days and so do they. I re-read some pages from Baby Wise last night and was surprised at how much more flexible it seems now that I'm on kid #3. I was such a Baby Wise Nazi with Ryan. 90 minutes awake, 90 minutes asleep, racing home to make sure he fell asleep in bed, scooping him out of the baby swing so he didn't doze off...it seemed so rigid the first time I read it and now all I see are the time frames and flexible windows of opportunity to do this or that.
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Regardless, I'm committed to getting serious about sticking to the schedule ASAP. I'm also ready to commit to loosen up on the kids. Especially Kaylin. I can TOTALLY see how the middle child syndrome happens with kids. I caught myself red handed the other day doing exactly what parents should not do with their older kids! I was working on homework with Ryan (which is always a little stressful for me because the homework requires more patience than I have right now) and Kaylin was playing with a flashlight around the house. She decided to go up to Ryan and shine it on the paper he was working on. Then wave it in his face. Then shine it IN his face. (trying to get attention, right?) Frustrated, I said, "Kaylin, what are you doing?! STOP it. Give Ryan some space and he can get his homework done faster so you two can play together that much sooner." She then went over to Jason in his infant seat and put her face an inch from his, causing him to get annoyed and fuss. What did I do? "Kaylin, seriously! Leave the baby alone!!! He was fine and now he's crying. Go play in the backyard or something." The words caught in my throat as I realized what I was doing to my poor little girl. She was obviously displaced. She needed attention and was bored and was trying to keep herself occupied while I tended to her brothers. I hope that memory sticks with me, because I don't want to repeat that situation again. Ever. (you can tell that the mommy-guilt is lingering...)
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However, I have done a good job of labeling Kaylin as "my big helper" and she loves it. I often give her jobs to do that would take me a fraction of the time to do myself, but you can see the pride in her eyes when she helps me. She gets me diapers and wipes, throws away dirty diapers, turns on the fan and gets me water to drink when I'm nursing, tickles the baby's feet when he falls asleep while eating, puts the pacifier in his mouth when he's fussy and I'm preoccupied...all little jobs, but she needs to feel needed. So I'm not a complete failure as a mother with the middle child!
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This post was supposed to be full of first-month milestones for me to look back on and I haven't even gotten to that part yet! Without further delay, here goes:
- Jason's hair is getting a little longer and is starting to show signs of being - are you ready? RED. At first, I was convinced he'd be a white, white blonde, but it's beginning to look red-ish. A stranger even mentioned it the other day when Kaylin wasn't with me, so her opinion couldn't have even been swayed by my current red head! Once it was brought to my attention, it became really noticeable.
- I finally clipped Jason's nails for the first time last week. And they needed it! I've been so scared because I managed to not only make Ryan bleed during his first manicure, but Kaylin, too!!! I was so careful this time and there was NO blood. (whew)
- For the last couple of weeks, we've had issues with baby acne/newborn rash. I was able to Photoshop it out for our Christmas card picture (which is AWESOME by the way...I'll post it next month) but between his little tiny zits and his plugged left tear duct that glues his eyelashes together, my poor boy is a sight!
- I've also been concerned that he seems to have a stuffy nose. It actually sounds like he's snorting like a pig when he's getting ready to cry. I can't decide whether to call the doctor or ride it out.
- Jason has some distinct cues that I've picked up this time around as a "new" mom. He doesn't spit up (praise God!) and I think it's because he completely stops eating when he needs to burp. If he's not sucking, you sit him up and he'll burp within seconds. And if you try to shush him with a pacifier and he's not tired or needing to be comforted, he simply won't take it. It makes it really easy to figure out when he's sleepy. Also, when he starts breathes really, really fast just before crying, his diaper needs to be changed. 100% of the time...he hates having a dirty diaper. It's the coolest little signal ever!
- Speaking of, I think this kid might have my plumbing issues. His tummy makes the most horrible gurgling noises and he seems to get gas pains quite a bit. I'm actually considering going on bouts without dairy and wheat to see if he has an intolerance to something. Until now, I haven't been careful about what I eat, so maybe it's just on days when I eat lots of vegetables or something else high in fiber - ?
- One thing that helps Jason take his pacifier when he's obviously uncomfortable with gas pains is when I place my hand on his abdomen, pressing very slightly. Just after I had Ryan, my autistic cousin did that when Ryan started crying and he immediately calmed down. I wouldn't doubt if my cousin knows that the pressure helps for some reason; kids on the spectrum seem in tune with things that we often aren't.
- This one is still a snuggler, which I love. So much so, that I've taken the controversial advice of several mom friends and put him to sleep on his tummy a couple of times a day. He falls asleep immediately and often wakes up with his head facing the other direction, so I know he's strong enough to lift his head. (an initial concern after all of the warnings about SIDS in recent years) I know it's a huge no-no, but I'm at peace with it and he's so blissfully happy on his tummy.
- On Friday, I laid him down at naptime, completely awake, and changed the sheets on both of Ryan's bunks to see if he'd drift off by himself. Sure enough, after a few minutes of droopy eyes, he fell asleep without a peep. And he didn't even have a pacifier! I forgot how amazing that is...and that it's even possible! He continued to fall asleep on his own for the rest of the day and didn't cry again until bedtime. Halla!!! He kind of napped all over the place this weekend, so I'll be interested to see if this habit continues this week.
- Last week, I decided not to dress Jason. It was so freeing! What's wrong with him staying in his gown for errands and hanging around the house? I only have a few long sleeved shirts and it seems like I'm blowing through them every day. All of Ryan's hand-me-down clothes are summery, so I need to keep the newer baby clothes clean and in good shape for when we DO go somewhere that I want to get him "dressed" for.
- It's so chilly in the mornings taking Ryan to the bus stop that I had to buy a knit newborn hat at the store the other day. It came with little matching thumb-less mittens and is a hilarious combo. He loves it. Can you tell? (actually, he doesn't mind...I wanted to get a picture of him in the hat at an inopportune time and THIS was the result)

I think that's it. I can't believe my baby is already a month old. Seriously, where has this last month gone? Time flies when you're...exhausted and a walking zombie. :)