List Lover

Do you ever call someone and feel like they just verbally vomit ALL over you. Yeah, I did that today. Oh no, I wasn't the recipient of the thrashing...someone made the mistake of calling ME. She was very gracious about it, but after the initial, "Hi, how are you?" I just spewed all over my poor friend.
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I'm still working out a new routine that fits Kindergarten into the mix. I'm hoping that now that Kaylin's and my birthdays are over with (I know that sounds bad) I can get into a nice, new rhythm. But so far, not so much.
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I'm finding that Kaylin doesn't know what to do without Ryan around. And it's not even like she needs me to entertain her all the time, she's just so used to HIM taking the lead and initiating play ideas or games. Coloring and puzzles and games just sound so...dull with plain ol' mom.
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Although blowing off all responsibilities and playing yesterday was fun (and much needed), I found myself very disorganized this morning. Wednesdays are my days to cut coupons, make grocery lists, meal plan and prepare for errands; it basically serves as a mid-week catch-up to set me up for the next two days and the weekend ahead. After Ryan drove off in the bus today, I didn't know where to start. And it completely overwhelmed me.
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That's when I decided to make a list and get everything out of my head. I wrote down everything that needed to be done, both at home and away from home. I listed things that need to be returned and which receipts I need to find, I made a grocery list and printed coupons for items I need to buy, I cut the coupons and paper clipped them to the lists for CVS, Super Target and Fry's, I found all of the library books that need to be returned, I gathered the school supplies I need to give to Ryan's teacher, I pulled my receipts that need to be entered into Quicken, I answered a couple of important emails and returned a couple of phone calls, and I found that in just over an hour, my blood pressure was back to normal and my panic attack was gone. Not everything on the list was done, but at least I knew what needed to be done!
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It amazed me how making a list and seeing it all on paper helped to ground me. It gave me direction and allowed me to put one foot in front of the other to accomplish all that was swimming around in my head.
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I think what is going to be most helpful for me is to write out a daily list of to-dos each night before I go to bed. Plan where I'm going to go, a few top priorities I need to get done and wake up with a sense of purpose instead of feeling dazed and confused. When Ryan was home all day, the kids played after breakfast while I gathered my thoughts, but now I have a bored and lonely 3 year old who's looking to me to set the tone for the day as soon as Ryan is gone. And we're both lost without a schedule to follow.
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So that's where I am. Day 4 of Kindergarten and Ryan is doing well. Shockingly full of energy after such a long day, but sleeping like a rock at night. I'm glad I learned this lesson today: from now on, I'll write out my lists and to-dos before bed and have a skeleton plan for the next day. I feel better with this new compass pointing me north!