Questions, Questions, Questions

My kids talk constantly. Ryan, especially. He has to be talking. All. The. Time. Even if he's speaking non-sense or asking questions that he already knows the answers to. As an only child, some days this trait drives me nuts.

I remember when Ryan was two and I used to take him on walks in the stroller. A girlfriend with a daughter the same age would call me from her cell phone across town while she was walking with her stroller. She could talk on the phone uninterrupted, and when we hung up, she listened to her ipod. Not me. I don't think I've gotten away with that since Ryan's first birthday. He's constantly talking and asking about things on our walks as I huff and puff away, pushing the stroller with (now) 70+ pounds of kids in it.

Half of you who read this will think I'm a horrible mother for complaining about such petty things, but I'm sure the other half of you will nod along in sympathy. And for those of you who know me in real life are personally invited to ZIP IT if you're thinking of some cleaver comment like, "I wonder why he talks so much? It's a mystery - I wonder where he gets it from???"

Today was a long day for me, so by the time we got in the car to meet Mike for a last minute dinner date, the constant line of questioning was particularly annoying. I hate to admit it, but before we'd even left the neighborhood, I reinstituted an old rule to keep myself temporarily sane: "You each may ask THREE questions before we get to the restaurant. Choose them wisely." Those next few moments were delightfully silent, but then it began again.

Ryan: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes?"

Ryan: "Are we..."

Me: "Is this going to be one of your questions?"
Ryan: "Oh. Um, no."

(10 seconds later...)

Ryan: "Mommy?"
Me: "Yes?"
Ryan: "The next time we go to the zoo, can I feed the tigers?"

Me: "Do you want this to be one of your questions?"

Ryan: "Yes."
Me: "No, they don't let you feed tigers. They get angry when they eat and would probably bite you."

Ryan: "Oh. Why do they get angry?"

Me: "Is that going to be your second question?"
Ryan: "Well, um...no. I'll save it."

Kaylin: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes?"

Kaylin: "When we go..."

Me: "Is this one of your questions?"

Kaylin: "Um, yes. When we go to the zoo, can I feed the ballerinas?"

Me: "The zoo doesn't have ballerinas, so no, unfortunately not."

Kaylin: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes?"

Kaylin: "Why do all of the people chew all of the gum?"

Me: "Really? You want to use your second question to ask me that?"

Kaylin: (smiling - I think she just wanted to participate) "Yeah."

Me: "I don't really know what you're asking, but people chew gum because that's what you do with gum. You chew it."

Ryan: "Why did you slow down?"
Me: "Do you realize that this is your second question?"

Ryan: "Yes."
Me: "Because the car in front of me slowed down and I didn't want to run into him."

Ryan: "Mommy?"

Me: "Ryan, this is your last question."

Ryan: "When are we going over to Grandma and Grandpa's house?"

Me: "I don't know."

Ryan: "I said, 'when,' Mommy?"

Me: "I heard you, Ryan. I. Don't. Know."

Ryan: "Mommy, tell me. When are we going back?" (He doesn't accept "I don't know" as an answer to anything. He thinks I'm a psychic information genius.)

Me: "I really don't know. We have no plans to go to Grandma and Grandpa's anytime soon. Now, please stop asking me questions. Mommy's getting a headache."
Ryan: (singing) "SommmeWHERE ov-er the toot-toot!"
Me: "Ryan, don't use potty language."
Ryan: "Language?"
Me: "Potty words. Don't use potty words."
Ryan: "What's language?"
Me: "No more questions."
Ryan: "Why did you roll your window down?"

Me: "You've already asked me three questions."

(10 seconds later)

Ryan: "Are we going to see Daddy's car driving on the way to the restaurant?"
Me: "Please stop asking me questions, Ryan."

(Ryan sighed)

Ryan: "Is a restaurant where you rest?"
Me: (silence)
Ryan: "Kaylin, a restaurant is where you rest when you're eating."
Kaylin: "Yeah and Daddy is going to be taking a nap when we get there because he is VERY tired."

That conversation took place over the course of about two miles. And it is very typical of the dialog we have when we drive. This example was just 2 minutes of the 10 minute travel time to get to our destination.

I wish I could remember to institute the 3 question rule every time we get in the car. Not that I want to discourage my kids from asking questions - I know that inquiring about certain things will make them smart - but I just can't handle the interrogation every time we get in the car, every time we sit down to a meal, every time we watch a movie, pretty much every time we are both conscious and in the same room together. It's maddening.

After dinner, the kids wanted to ride home with Mike. Is it wrong that I was elated?